View Full Version : classic homer....
he never fails to crack me up.....
marge : homer , we can't afford to buy a pony...
homer: marge , with today's gasoline prices , we can't afford NOT to buy a pony...
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homer : first you don't want me to get a pony , now you want me to get to get rid of it...make up your mind marge...
choc_a_holic
27 Oct 2004, 18:57
Yup, he's classic.
'Im not easily amazed'
'Wow a blue car!'
Rodan18
27 Oct 2004, 20:50
"Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what seperates us from the animals....except the weasel."
"EGGHEAD LIKES HIS BOOKY WOOK!"
"In every man there is a fight between good and evil, that cannot be resolved"
"I am Evil Homer, I am Evil Homer"(dancing with marracas around good homers grave)
Homer: He looks like you poindexter! (Nudges Milhouse)
*Not long after*
Homer: Come on, stand up for yourself poindexter (Nudging Milhouse again)
UpsideOut
27 Oct 2004, 22:03
Treehouse of Horror II: "I'll make a wish that can't backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... I don't want any zombie turkies, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)... mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry... THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!!!"
There's a classic Homer quote for everything. :)
Ah, there's so many.
I can't remember *exactly* what he said but it was that episode when they stayed at Flanders beach house and Homer went to buy some fireworks for the 4th of July.
Trying to disguise the fact that he was looking at buying something 'wrong' he asked for..
"A box of tampons, a porno mag, condoms, some beer, laxatives..and a box of illegal fireworks"*.
He saw nothing wrong with buying the rest of the crazy stuff and totally embarrassing himself.
The classic bit was where Marge unpacks the bag and says "Homer, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight but you can count me out!"
marge:"sounds like some bad eggs up to no good"
homer: "mmmmmmmm....bad eggs...aghrrrllll
Oh yeah, another that springs to mind. That one where Bart makes some quip about Homers half-arsed parenting and he says "But I'm using my whole a$$"
"Apu, if it makes you feel any better, I've heard that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."
More...
* Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!
* Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
* Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.
* [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
* When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
* Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
* What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as "The process of removing weeds from one's garden."
* I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold ...... and eaten.
* Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
* Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whats-his-name?
* Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr.X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't "Homer J. Simpson."
* You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.
* Stupid sexy Flanders
* Homer : Here's your giraffe little girl.
Ralph : I'm a boy.
Homer : That's the spirit. Never give up.
"That dog's got a puffy tail"
(chases it)
"Here puff, here puff"
Disgustipated
28 Oct 2004, 10:24
No beer and no TV make Homer something something
Mattlowry
28 Oct 2004, 16:38
Marge: I am sensing something wrong with bart
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: It is begining to worry me
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses
Marge: We could take more interestest in his activities but then i would be afraid of smothering him
Homer: Yeah, then we'd get the chair.
Marge: Thats not what i meant
Homer: It was marge, admit it.
Baby on board,
Something, something, Burt Ward...
Homer:
Dad, that will never work. If you want to make your
move, you got to play it...cool.
[jazz bass and cymbals start playing]
Now what you gotta do
If you wanna get a kiss
Is act real smooth
And make your move like this:
[stands up, stretches and yawns, and sits down again, arm still outstretched so it lands around Abe's shoulder]
Abe:
Oh, I see!
So if I take your advice
And make your patented move,
Then my chances for love
Will slightly improve?
[does the Homer move]
Homer:
[giggles] Now what's that rule?
Abe:
Play it cool.
Boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-cha-boom-chi-boom
I'm Mr. Plow, and I'm here to say,
I'm the plowin'est guy in the USA.
I got a big plow and I'll move a lot of things,
Like your cow if you have one...
Poochie/Homer: The name's Poochie D
And I rock the telly,
I'm half Joe Camel
And a third Fonzarelli.
I'm the kung fu hippie
From gangsta city,
I'm a rappin' surfer,
You the fool I pity.
Homer: You put da beer in da coconut and drink it all up
You put da beer in da coconut and throw da can away ...
[throws a beer can at Ned]
Ned: Homer!
Homer: You throw da can away ...
[throws another beer can]
Ned: I said, Homer!
Homer: You throw da can away.
[he runs out of beer cans]
The End of the World as we Know it (Homer's version):
Leonoid whatsis name, Herman Munster Motorcade;
Birthday party cheetos, pogo sticks and lemonade;
You symbiotic stupid jerk,
That's right Flanders, I am talking about you!
:D
choc_a_holic
28 Oct 2004, 18:37
One of my favourite episodes are the Triology of Error. WHat about yours?
Marge: Homer, we need to talk to a financial planner.
Homer: Financial panther, eh?
[imagines himself standing in a bank lobby with an
officious banker]
Banker: Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn.
Homer: Get him, Sheba!
[a panther leaps onscreen and mauls the banker]
[back to reality]
I'm on board.
Scientist: We could remove the crayon for you!
It could vastly increase your brain power! Or it could possibly kill you.
Homer: Hmm... increase my killing power eh?
NICK THE PIE MAN
28 Oct 2004, 19:22
I've cracked up about three times just reading through this thread. :D
"Trying is the first step towards failure."
Broker: "Mr Simpson, before I sell you these shares, I have to ask you. You are aware of the risks of stock ownership, right?
*Home envisions singing "We're in the money" with a bunch of women while dancing in unison. Whilst a gorilla with a dollar sign on his hat is chained up and yelling*
Homer: You heard the monkey, make the transaction.
"Hello, work? This is Homer Simpson. I wont be in tomorrow. Religious holiday....um, the feast of....maximum occupancy."
NICK THE PIE MAN
28 Oct 2004, 21:18
One of my favourite episodes are the Triology of Error. WHat about yours?
Homer the Beer Baron.
Hands down...
silky-smooth
28 Oct 2004, 22:22
This one involves Homer, but is chiefly Scoprio:
Scorpio: Homer, I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards and I’ll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?
Homer: Right
Scorpio: Three, two (phone rings), One sec.
Homer falls on floor
Scorpio: Hello…
Homer: D'oh. (as he hits the floor)
Scorpio to Homer: Oh my God the guy's on the floor. Ah, that was a phone call… don't chalk that up to mistrust now.
Scoprio on the phone again: Yeah? What happened? When did that happen? How much of it? Oh my goodness, I will be right up.
Scorpio to Homer: Homer, I gotta go upstairs there is a problem, somebody ate part of my lunch.
Classic!!!
silky-smooth
28 Oct 2004, 22:25
Phoney: Hi, I'm Phoney McRingRing, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of one area code in [splice] your town [end splice] has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
[cut to the audience]
Homer: Uh, I have a question, Phoney.
Lisa: It's a movie, Dad.
Homer: Quiet, honey, Daddy's asking the man a question.
silky-smooth
28 Oct 2004, 22:28
And from the same episode... when Bart and Lisa and standing around Santa's Little Helper's doghouse, wondering why he is so aggressive.
[Homer comes and sits down in front of the doghouse]
Homer: Television broken?
Bart: No. There's a badger in there. [indicates the doghouse]
Homer: Badger, my ass -- it's probably Milhouse. [crawls into the doghouse] Milhouse ... Milhouse! [the badger attacks. Homer screams and beats a hasty retreat] It's a badger, all right. Possibly a griffin. Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?
Bart: Tons.
Homer: Get it.
Lisa: No, Dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control.
Homer: Great idea. Then we should probably call the doctor about this. [lifts his shirt, revealing a gaping hole in his chest that exposes his internal organs]
Lisa: How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt? [Sounding severely suprised]
Homer: What am I, a tailor?
Ricketts
28 Oct 2004, 23:15
"EGGHEAD LIKES HIS BOOKY WOOK!"
haha!
yes i can hear it now!
:D
Ricketts
28 Oct 2004, 23:17
* What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as "The process of removing weeds from one's garden."
yep.
this is one of my favourites.
Nightwolf
28 Oct 2004, 23:22
Homer: "Hello, im Mr Burns"
P.O Guy: "Ok Mr Burns, Whats your first name?"
Homer: "I dont know..."
:D
Ricketts
28 Oct 2004, 23:23
Homer: And i owe it all to this trusty feline.
Lisa: Dad, feline means cat.
Homer: Elephant honey, he's an elephant!
silky-smooth
28 Oct 2004, 23:32
[Whilst the family is watching a news report on TV about people rushing to the post office to pay their tax]
Homer: Would you look at those morons... I paid my taxes over a year ago!
Lisa: Dad...
Homer: Yes sweetie?
Lisa: That was last year's tax forms, you have to do it every year
Homer: You see, I did mine last, but I got it, well, um, I, DOH!!!!
Marge: I put them on your "to-do" pile over 4 months ago
Homer: I have a to-do pile? [Homer looks over and sees it with his beer resting on it.] Ahhh!!!
[Homer then goes about filing out the tax forms]
Homer: Marge! How many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count, I'll just estimate! Uh... nine!
Marge: Homer, you know we don't h--
Homer: Shut up, shut up! If I don't hear you it's not illegal! OK, I need some deductions, deductions... ah!! Business gifts!
[Homer grabs the boat painting from above the couch and hands it to Marge.]
Homer: Here you go, keep using nuclear power!
Marge: Homer! I painted that for you!
Homer: OK, Marge, if anyone asks, you require twenty four hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in Vietnam!
Bart: Cool!
[Homer shoves in some quick gifts and tapes the envelope up in a ball and manages to get it to the post office with a split second remaining.]
Karbassiyoon
28 Oct 2004, 23:34
Homer: "Hello, im Mr Burns"
P.O Guy: "Ok Mr Burns, Whats your first name?"
Homer: "I dont know..."
:D
at least quote it correctly jackass
silky-smooth
28 Oct 2004, 23:38
at least quote it correctly jackass
Off memory...
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns. I believe you have a package for me [attempting to speak in a different voice]
P.O Guy: OK Mr Burns, ah... whats your first name?
Homer: I dont know...
Marge: I am sensing something wrong with bart
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: It is begining to worry me
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses
Marge: We could take more interestest in his activities but then i would be afraid of smothering him
Homer: Yeah, then we'd get the chair.
Marge: Thats not what i meant
Homer: It was marge, admit it.
:D :D :D
silky-smooth
28 Oct 2004, 23:41
Homer: Common kids, lets go home
Bart: We're already home
Homer: That was fast
Ricketts
28 Oct 2004, 23:46
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns. I believe you have a package for me
"letter"??
Maggie did you eat all those cookies????
Newsflash:We interrupt this cartoon for a special report.
Homer: (gasps) Someone found my keys
Kent Brockman:A tanker has tipped over, spilling millions of gallons of oil in baby seal beach.
Lisa: Oh no!
Homer: Don't worry honey, there is plenty more oil where that came from.
Lisa: (looks @ homer angrily)
Kent: Early reports said that the captain was drunk at the helm. Those reports were later comfirmed.
Captain McCallister(I think): Arghhh, Im in alot of trouble now. Hey! I'll give you 100 bucks to take the blame!
"Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what seperates us from the animals....except the weasel."
:D :D :D
That line cracks me up everytime.
Homer: "Kids, you tried your best, and failed miserably, the lesson is never try! he heh, right in the butt" :D
milhouse "it smells funny in here"
homer "no it doesnt"
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:11
"letter"??
close enough :p
Bart: We're already home
was that bart or lisa? I think its lisa. but not sure
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:14
Has nothing to do with Homer... but couldn't resist. :D
Kent Brockman: And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of yarn...all through the night.
And on a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered...
When i started watching Frasier, i found this hilarious.
Bart:Guess who?
Cecil (David Hyde Pierce, Niles, frasier and bobs brother): Meris? :D
I know its lame, but it makes alot of sense when you watch frasier.
ayecarumba bring back barts slingshot
When i started watching Frasier, i found this hilarious.
Bart:Guess who?
Cecil (David Hyde Pierce, Niles, frasier and bobs brother): Meris? :D
I know its lame, but it makes alot of sense when you watch frasier.
Wasn't it Bob on Cecil?
I had a chuckle at the in-joke.
Bob and Cecil fighting (girlie manner).
Bob: Im the oldest, i get the top bunk!
Cecil: So, when do they bring the menu's :p
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:36
was that bart or lisa? I think its lisa. but not sure
It doesn't really matter.
"Ooo I'm Making people happy, in a magical land, with gumdrop homes on lollypop laneeeeeeeeee!"
"Yes Lisa, pork ham and bacon come from the same animal, the same magical animal"
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:54
Homer: All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.
smithers?: I like the way snrub thinks
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:55
Homer: America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:56
Homer: And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:57
Homer: Marge, you know me. I like my beer cold... my TV loud... and my homosexuals flaming.
20 dollars can buy many peanuts, money can be exchanged for goods and services
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 00:58
smithers?: I like the way snrub thinks
ahh, yes. that one :D
Burns: Hello my name is... Mr. Snrub, and I come from some place far away. Yes, that will do. Anyway I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks!
Your gonna do chores for that lady, until you worked off the damaged you did. Its called responsiblity! (runs over letter box)(speeds away).
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 01:06
Marge: Thanks for not killing me, Homie. Here's an extra pork chop
Homer: Well, I'm gonna not kill you every week!
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 01:06
Marge: Why is Bart so tall... and shaggy?
Homer: Just one of life's mysteries. Like why is my nose jammed full of army men.
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 01:08
Homer: Marge, I don't know what this is but sometimes you've just gotta go with your gut.
Marge: You always go with your gut. This time why don't you listen to your brain.
Homer: Alright I will! [brain cloud appears, with a small mouse playing a funny tune with a ukelale] That's why I don't listen to my brain. And away we go!
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 01:11
Lisa: I'll get us out of this. Say dad, wanna go see my project for the school science fair?
Homer: No Lisa... but I sure don't want to eat this crappy breakfast!
Homer: Okay pie, im gonna chomp my mouth like this (makes chomping motion) and if you get eaten, its your own fault! (Chomp, Chomp, Chomp) Arghhhhh dammit!!! meh, screw it! (eats the pie).
I'm not usually a praying man, but if your up there (he is now) please save me superman!
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 01:18
Lisa: Wait, dad, I've got something for you! *kiss*
Homer: aww, I was hoping it would be money!
Homer: Hey, turn it down! I can't even hear myself think
Homer's Brain: I want some peanuts
Homer: That's better
Cult member: Can I interest you in our free weekend session?
Homer: When is this weekend?
Cult member: It's this weekend
Homer: Oh, I see... and how much is this free weekend?
Cult member: Er... it's free
Homer: Uh huh, and when is this weekend?
Cult member: It's this weekend
Homer: And how much are you charging for this free weekend [gets dragged away by
Bart], it's free right?
Homer: I see bear partol is doing its job!
Lisa: Thats a little absurd(can't remember) dad.
Homer: What do ya mean honey?
Lisa: Its like me saying this rock keeps lions away
Homer: I don't get it (something like that)
Lisa: Do you see any lions around?
Homer: Lisa, i would like to buy that rock off you.
Lisa: No dad you don' (shrugs shoulders).
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 01:29
Man: (chanting) nananananananana leader nananananananana leader
Everyone: nananananananana leader nananananananana leader, leader, leader
Homer: BATMAN! I mean, LEADER!
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 01:31
Homer: Wait, I'm confused about the movie... so the cops knew internal affairs were setting them up?
Man: What are you talking about theres nothing like that in there
Homer: Well y'see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span
Lady: But our point is very simple, y'see when...
Homer: Oh look! A bird! Hihihihihee
Homer:You know those little balls they have on car aerials so you can spot your car in a park. I think all cars should have them!
"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."
-------
"Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman."
--------
"Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"
-----
"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."
------
"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"
----
"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."
-------
"I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!"
-----
Where's my Burrito? Where's my Burrito?
Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!
The bears can pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.
andrew coombs
29 Oct 2004, 20:35
HOMER:"Marge, can we get a duck?"
MARGE:"You already have a monkey!"
HOMER:"Can he get a duck?".
or
( To Arpu in the kwiky mart ) "I'm looking for something in an "after dinner"buritto".
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 22:45
Marge: England is so classy. Every cab has it's own butler!
Englishman: Actually I'm not a butler, I had already hired this cab when you got in, but, the more the merrier and all that!
Homer: Make with the tea, Jeeves.
Englishman: Yes, very good, sir.
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 22:49
[Homer talking to Lisa]
Homer: I think the Government has better things to do than read my mail.
[At the White House, with Goverment officials going through the Simpsons' mail]
Goverment official: Most people write letters to movie stars. This Simpson guy writes to movies. "Dear Die Hard: You rock. Especially when that guy was on the roof. PS. Do you know Mad Max?"
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 22:53
Scorpio: Homer, have you ever seen anyone throw their sneakers out the window? [throws seakers out the window]
Homer: Yes....... [giggles] once
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 22:55
Lisa: What about you and mom?
Homer: Oh we'll be upstairs in the bedroom making love...ly rope ladders, in case there's a fire.
Bart: Oh, okay.
Homer: Children. So naive.
Bart: What?
Lisa: Who's naive?
Homer: I didn't say anything..... so naive.
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 23:02
Homer: I'd kill for a beer..
Moe: Right away, sir, I don't want no trouble.
Homer: Hmmm.. I'd stab somebody for a pickle.
[Moe gives him a pickle]
Homer: Give me some peanuts.
Moe: Uh uh uh, you didn't say you'd kill me.
Homer: [sigh] I'll kill you if you don't give me some peanuts.
Nightwolf
29 Oct 2004, 23:04
Homer- "Hello, Dean? You are a stupid head!"
Dean-"Homer, is that you?"
Homer- "AAAH!"
silky-smooth
29 Oct 2004, 23:04
Bart: Look at those looters, breaking things, setting fires. They're living my dream and you wont let me join them. Please can I throw one little-
Homer: No!
Bart: What if I just burn down a-
Homer: No!
Bart: Can I at least-
Homer: No! I've caused enough trouble already by plugging in that Santa Claus. No more irresponsible behaviour.
Bart: Can I have a beer.
Homer: Alright, but not the imported.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: You've got to set limits, Marge!
Rodan18
30 Oct 2004, 15:13
Hey, he's not happy at all. He lied to us through song! I HATE when people do that!
beckybiglands
30 Oct 2004, 16:20
We're missing the chilli....
juddy03
30 Oct 2004, 17:49
Homer: The Internet! Is that thing still around?
juddy03
30 Oct 2004, 17:50
Homer: I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, the Bus That couldn't Slow Down.
juddy03
30 Oct 2004, 17:52
Homer:No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.
juddy03
30 Oct 2004, 17:55
Homer: The lesson is : Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!
Homer Humor on Beer, Food and TV
The strong must protect the Sweet.
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
Homer no function beer well without.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Homer on Family
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Homer on Religion
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Homer on Life and his 'Wisdom'
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
Homer on Work
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
Classic D'Oh! Homerisms
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
http://www.humorsphere.com/simpsons/homer-simpson-quotes.htm
juddy03
30 Oct 2004, 18:11
Homer:Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs
juddy03
30 Oct 2004, 18:16
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!
I love the episode where they take the ******** out of australia.
On the postage stamp: celebrating 25 years of electricity.
Bart: Check you neighbours drainage, ill hold.
Kid comes back hours later!
"I'm gonna tell my member of parliment" (guy feeding pigs)
Pig guy: "Thats a bloody outrage that is" "I'm gonna take this all the way to the Prime Minister"(Naked guy in inner tube, in a lake, holding a fosters can)
Pig guy: Oi, Prime Minister!! ANDY!
PM: Whats the good word boys?
Bart:"What r u gonna do? Ur all the way in australia. Hey, i think i hear a dingo eating your baby"
Marge: We have them in america, we call em bull frogs.
Shop Guy: Thats a funny name, i woulda called em shozwazzas.
Marge:I'll Have a Coffee
Bartender: Beer it is
Marge: No, Cof-fee
Bartender: Be-er.
Marge: C-O
Bartender: B-E.
beckybiglands
30 Oct 2004, 21:24
"We're getting drive-thru and doing it twice"
"Simpson, Homer Simpson
He's the greatest guy in history
From the town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree...
AAhhhhh!"
TheColeTrain
1 Nov 2004, 07:47
The land of chocolate
MightyFighting
1 Nov 2004, 07:55
Hate world; revenge soon.
Must kill Moe. Weeeeeeeeee... Must kill Moe.
I don't have the memory for some of the quotes like you guys, but here is the gist of some of my favorites,
Marge: "dont you start work today?"
Homer: "eh.. someone will cover for me"
After sweeping Marge Literally of her feet
Guy from work: "Homer where are you going?"
Homer: " I'm going to back seat of my car with my wife, and I wont be back for 5 minutes"
From my favorite episode;
Peppi: "Oh Homer you are so learned"
Homer: "The words learnd Peppi"
Barts big Brother: "So you're the Gambling... (I cant the other remember the other derogatory coments) Good for nothing father?"
Homer: "Yes, and who might you be"
Also fom the same episode, when bart comes home from seeing his big brother, and Homer is waiting for him, can ayone tell me what he says? it ends with "...... didn't you, didn't you?"
favorite simpson moment.
3rd Grade Maggy
1 Nov 2004, 11:30
"Hello, Mr. Thompson. Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson. Hello, Mr. Thompson." -witness protection guy
HOMER: nudges other guy "I thiiink he's talking to youuuu"
Marge: You know Homer, its funny, both your father and my mother seems pretty lonely.
Homer: Hehehe, that is funny!
Valkyrie
1 Nov 2004, 12:54
Probably not an exact quote, but the one from the Boy Band episode.
Lisa: Yvan Eht Nioj ... What does it mean?
Homer: Oh honey, it doesn't mean anything. It's like Ram-A-Lam-A-Ding-Dong or Give-Peace-A-Chance.
One of my favourite episodes are the Triology of Error. WHat about yours?
Definitely the one where they go to Flander's beach house.
So many funny bits.
1. The bit I related on page one about Homer buying all that crazy stuff and Marge saying "I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, but you can count me out".
2. Flander's post-it notes everywhere. Particularly the ones over the ice cube tray saying "Fill me". Marge- "With what Ned?", lifts up first post-it note, second note says "With water".
Marge- "Well duh"
3. Marge, Homer, Milhouse and Bart playing that Guess who's coming to dinner game, where Homer makes remarks about Bart having to date the geek and then pointing to Milhouse and saying "He looks like you poindexter".
4. Bart trying to impress Lisa's cool friends. Them saying Bart's a try-hard. Bart walks back to where Milhouse is hiding in the bushes. Milhouse says "How did it go?" to which Bart replies "They must have seen you"
5. Milhouse saying to Lisa "I signed your yearbook too". Lisa reads it and it says "See you in the car"
6. Where those kids decorate Homer's car and he comes out screaming "MY CAAAR!".
Then where they are travelling home and all these birds are following them, trying to eat the sea creatures stuck to the car.
(It's especially funny how there's starfish over the mirrors so Homer can't see)