Greatest Cricket Sledges

[Briedis]

I thought it might be fun for everyone to post their favorite cricket sledges.

Mine is Ian Healy against Sri Lanka a few years ago...

During a WSC final at the SCG where the game had
been shortened due to
rain and the atmosphere was running at about 95%
humidity a very exhausted
Arjuna Ranatunga appealed that he had "sprained"
something.

He duly asked the umpire for a runner. As clear as a bell
through the effects mic you heard Healy's legendary reply
"you don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c#$%".
:D :D :p

[The Hippie]

Got a couple, one I've already posted here somewhere, from a bloke (aussie, of course)in the crowd to Bob Willis in a Test in Sydney, "Oi, Willis, I didn't know they could stack sh1t that high!!!'

The other, and best I've read about, was by David Hookes to that tall streak of crap, Tony Grieg in the Centenary Test. Grieg was sledging from in close to unsettle Hooksey and after a bit when Hookes wasn't responding Grieg came out with 'Come on, you baby faced bastard, you're too young to be out here playing with men.'
Hookesy's comeback: 'At least I am an Australian, representing my own country in a Test match!!' Conversation over. :D

[stoisle]

1999 World Cup Super 6 match, Australia V South Africa, after Gibbs had dropped Steve Waugh.

Waugh to Gibbs "You have just dropped the World Cup" :p

[Santos L Helper]

I heard Ian Chappell relate a good story one day.

Apparently on a Pakistani tour to Australia when Brad Williams was supposed to be our next 'great white hope' of fast bowling, he was playing in a tour match against the Paki's. Anyway Inzamam is batting and Williams is tearing in bowling bouncers and breathing fire while Inzy is just nonchalantly putting him to all points of the park. Williams let's one go that Inzy put's over slips for four and Williams let's him have it as he's walking down the pitch when Inzy turns and says, 'I thought you'd turn the ball more at that pace'. All of Williams team mates apparently cracked up at hearing this.
The interesting thing about that story is that I believe Inzy doesn't speak a word of English................but it was a good story Chappelli.

[Booze Hound]

Michael Atherton, on his first Tour to Australia was adjudged not out on a caught behind appeal.

At the end of the over Ian Healey walked by and announced "You're a f*@$%#* cheat".

Athers replied very politely "When in Rome dear boy.......".

A very good one I heard in the last (English) summer involved a person who used to open the bowling at my Club but now plays elsewhere.

He was bowling at an opening bat who was about 18 (he himself is 31). The third ball of the match comes down and the youth smacks it to the boundary followed by the comment "Is that the best you can do ...... Grandad!"

A couple of yards go on the run up and he steams in. First ball past the nose, next one makes an unholy mess of the wicket. He eyeballs the batsman, points to the pavilion and announces "It's over there, and don't use all the hot water."

[Dipper]

I've heard one about Beefy Botham facing that seething little mass of testosterone fuelled anger called Rodney Hogg.

Well Hoggy's bowling to Both & I think Beefy's playing pretty well & one delivery Hoggy gives it everything & as he was sometimes prone to do he overbalanced after he'd delivered the ball & eneded up on his knees in front of the great man, so Beefy said'I know you think I'm great Hoggy but no need to get down on your knees'-well as anyone who's ever seen Rodney bowl can imagine the little bloke wasn't best pleased to put it mildly.:D


I seem to remember that Norman Cowans got a bit upset when Beefy kept inviting Rod Masrh into the changing room for a few beers after play as Rod kept asking him all summer who was 'looking after his chick back in England whilst Norman was away'

[Briedis]

Nice stuff guys!:p

stoisle, I think that was the actual world cup, not the sixes.;)

[The Hippie]

Fred Trueman was always good for quotes in cricket books. One story goes he was bowling to Greg Chappell in a County game and was finding the edge of GC's bat, but the ball wasn't going to hand. After one edge, Fred stormed down the wicket saying "Bloody hell-fire...you've got more edges than a broken pisspot!!"
3 balls later after another edge "Bloody hell-fire, now I know where you learnt your cricket....EDGBASTON!!!!"
Finally, Chappell middled one and the ball raced to the boundary and Fred boomed "Bloooody hell, it's like bowlin' fookin' doughnuts on a fookin' $h1t-heap!"

[walshy1993]

this happened off the field, but i thought it was appropriate

on the 89 ashes tour XXXX were the major sponsors and the players were told to advertise the beer whenever possible

one night merv and dean jones were in a pub and both were drinking XXXX, after every drink merv would say "this XXXX is the best beer in the world" or words to that affect
he repeated this time and time again for quite a while

merv then got up and went to visit the gents, during which deano and the barman filled up an empty XXXX can with the local product and put it infront of mervs seat

merv came back, sat down, picked up the beer and had a gulp and then stated "this XXXX is the best bloody beer in the world"


and stoisle that steve waugh comment was during the 99 world cup
and i think the exact words to gibbs were "how does it feel to have just dropped the world cup"
something which waugh denies saying

[NICK THE PIE MAN]

It was a sledge, but this is the sledge that came back to bite you in arse! :D

Australia vs Pakistan. '1999 in Hobart
Australia chasing 369 i think, we are in deep crap, 5-90 i think, Adam Gilchrist and Justin Langer at the crease. With Langer on 1, one of the Pakistanis said to JL, 'You wouldn't even make our 2nd 11.'

Well, the rest is history!
Langer went on the score 123 in a 238-run partnership with Gilly to win the test!

LOL! as Sammy would say; "You idiot!"
:D

[bunsen burner]

Botham v Richards.

Apparently Botham had beaten Viv outside off stump a couple of balls in row. The Poms thought they had Viv on the ropes, and after one of the deliveries, Botham grabbed the ball, walked down the pitch, held the ball up, and said, "here, have a good look at it, that's what it looks like, see if you can hit it". The next ball, Viv smashes him for six, and says, "Well, you know what it looks like, go and f&#king get it"

[Dipper]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Fred Trueman was always good for quotes in cricket books. One story goes he was bowling to Greg Chappell in a County game and was finding the edge of GC's bat, but the ball wasn't going to hand. After one edge, Fred stormed down the wicket saying "Bloody hell-fire...you've got more edges than a broken pisspot!!"
3 balls later after another edge "Bloody hell-fire, now I know where you learnt your cricket....EDGBASTON!!!!"
Finally, Chappell middled one and the ball raced to the boundary and Fred boomed "Bloooody hell, it's like bowlin' fookin' doughnuts on a fookin' $h1t-heap!"

That reminds me of another Freddie Trueman one.

Apparently in a county match Yorkshire were playing Northants who had Frank 'Typhoon' Tyson bowling for them, & this guy was even more scary than Mike tyson.He was the quickest of his day & perhaps the only bowler to rival Thommo as quickest ever.

Anyway one of the Yorkshire semi allrounders went out to bat & he wasn't know for his bravery against the quick stuff & on facing his first ball he backed away to leg & was bowled so when he gets back in the dressing room he gets a serve from Freddy along the lines of being a bit gutless so Fred goes out to bat & is dismissed in an ungainly fashion.When Fred re-enters the dressing room the other bloke is waiting for him & says something like what happened to you then trying to stir Freddy up so Fred replies 'I'll you what blooody happened I slipped on that pile of sh*t that you left in t'blooody crease'

[The Hippie]

Walshy and Briedis, stoiles is right, he's talking about the game in the Super 6 round of the World Cup when Steve Waugh scored 120 not out to keep Australia in the competition. The Aussies had to win that game to qualify for the Semis.

[The Hippie]

Ok, Dipper, so it's a joke off ye'll be wantin' ;)

Richard Hutton, on his first experience of the WACA pitch, prodded it with his bat and was heard to say "Fookin' hellfire, do this at Bratfort, and bat will stick in t' wicket. Do it here, and t' wicket is so fookin' hard, it sounds like some fooker's tappin' back!!"

One for the Dougie Walters fans: On a tour to Sth Africa, Ashley Mallett was bowling to Mike Proctor. Rowdy had seen Proctor dropped 3 times off his bowling on the way to 50, so Ashley decided to employ the words of wisdom of Barry Jarman, 'The only way to combat a batsman taking the long handle, is to bowl higher and shorter to him, give him enough rope to hang himself with.'
Proctor lifted Mallett's first higher and shorter delivery out of the ground. It landed in a brewery next door, and Captain Bill Lawry wasn't risking sending any of his players to look for it. So another ball was thrown out.
Still working on the Jarman theory, Mallett tossed the ball up and Keith Stackpole got a finger to it on it's way to another six.
Proctor hit the third ball into the railway yards outside the ground, and the ball lobbed into a wagon as the train pulled out of the station. So another ball was tossed out.
The fourth went sailing into the stand and returned to the middle.
But Ashley was no quitter and he threw the last ball higher and shorter again and again Proctor hit it into the railway yards.
That ball didn't come back, so another ball was tossed from the pavilion. It was picked up (unfortunatley for Mallett) by Dougie Walters who handed the ball to him and said "Well, that takes care of the reds - now we start on the colours."

[GoEagles]

Shane Warne to Zimbabwe batsman - "Fuc.... Ars.. Cun.." heard by all of Australia through effects microphone :D

[WCE2000]

This isnt a sledging incident, but a great call of the field by Colin Ingleby-MacKenzie.

He was the captain of EW Swantons XI in Trinidad, and Swanton was telling them team that they must all be in bed by 11.00.
To which I-MacKenzie replied "I dont see how we can be in bed at 11.00 when were due out on the field at 11.30":D:D:p

[ant]

Can't remember the exact words or who it was directed at(might have been Inzamam, help me out here) but a batsman was blocking and staying in his crease to Warnie. Then either Boonie or Heals said something along the lines of, "Maybe if we put a Mars bar on a good length we can lure him out of his crease." :)

[The Doctor]

Originally posted by ant
Can't remember the exact words or who it was directed at(might have been Inzamam, help me out here) but a batsman was blocking and staying in his crease to Warnie. Then either Boonie or Heals said something along the lines of, "Maybe if we put a Mars bar on a good length we can lure him out of his crease." :)

That was against a South African provincial side on the 94 tour. I can't remember the batsmans name but it was a long dutch name and apparantly he was quite a burly fellow.

I like the one when Merv Hughes, after being hit for 6 by Hansie Cronje, stood mid pitch and squatting slightly and let go a massive fart and said to Cronje "try hitting that for six".

[Booze Hound]

Heard a good one yesterday.

Glen McGrath playing the Zimmies and bowling at their portly former pace man Eddo 'Chicken' Brandes.

Brandes smears a couple of boundaries and McGrath shouts at him

"Why are you so f***#### fat?"

Eddo looks up and replies "Every time I f*** your wife she gives me a biscuit."

A favourite (and true) Fred Trueman story is told by the former Essex offie David Acfield. It's one of Acfield's first 1st class games and he walks out at no.11 (he was a total rabbit), passing Trueman on the way and receiving a malevolent glare for his trouble. By the time he gets to the crease he's a nervous wreck. At short leg stands Brian Close, hard as nails outdoing Fred's glare.

He takes guard and prepares to face when suddenly Trueman calls out "Eh, Closey, we've got a right one hear, he's holding his bat the wrong way round."

Acfield reports "And like a fool I looked!"

Best retort was from Eric Hollies the Warwickshire leggie (he who did Bradman in his last Test innings) when touring Australia. He was fielding in front of the Hill when some wag cres out "Hey Hollies, don't they bury their dead in Birmngham?" Eric replies "Naw, they stuff them and send 'em out here."

[walshy1993]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Walshy and Briedis, stoiles is right, he's talking about the game in the Super 6 round of the World Cup when Steve Waugh scored 120 not out to keep Australia in the competition. The Aussies had to win that game to qualify for the Semis.

yeah sorry, i just clicked on to what he meant
when i read super 6 i somehow thought of that silly game that martin crowe made up, which was actually super 8
but anyway

and yeah, i knew the innings and the situation, it was just the super 6 that threw me off

[Joe Mama]

The best sledge i've ever heard was from Basketball and it was said by Chicago Bulls forward, Scottie Pippen to Karl Malone when he was going for a free throw in the 7th game of the NBA championship.

He said "The mailman (Karl Malone's nickname) doesn't deliver on sundays (the day of the game)", this threw Malone off and he missed that vital point and the Bulls won the championship.

[Briedis]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Walshy and Briedis, stoiles is right, he's talking about the game in the Super 6 round of the World Cup when Steve Waugh scored 120 not out to keep Australia in the competition. The Aussies had to win that game to qualify for the Semis.

Oh OK, yeah. I thought he was talking about the Hong Kong super sixes!! :confused: ;)

[Dipper]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Ok, Dipper, so it's a joke off ye'll be wantin' ;)



Right I've delved into the memory bank & am bringing out the big guns.:)

This one I think I read in Merv Hughes Autobiography.

He's bowling to Viv Richards in a Test in the Windies & I think it must have been Antiga.Well he's giving Vivy a load of verbals & Vivy is getting the hump with it, so Vivy starts saying'you can't talk to me like that here man this is my island my people & my culture'.
So the inevitable happens & Hughes gets the great man out & runs down the wicket giving him the big send off & shouts after Vivy 'In my culture mate we say....PISS OFF'

Another big Merv one my mate told me & I'ma bit dubious of it as it sounds a bit odd, see what you think-

Merv is bowling to Miandad in Pakistan & obviously mouthing off to him so Miandad gets a bit irritable & starts calling Merv of all things a bus conductor!I asked my mate & he reckons this is a big insult in Pakistan:confused: , now I'm not sure about this but as the story goes Merv gets Miandad out & runs down the wicket shouting 'Ding ding tickets please'-whether it's true or not it made me laugh.

[The Hippie]

LOL Hadn't heard the Miandad one before, Dipp. I hope to Christ it's true, though.

I'll think of one again shortly.

[The Hippie]

One from the World Series cricket days, just after David Hookes had his jaw broken by a bouncer and and more than a few players started to get concerned about their future health and looked into getting helmets to bat in. The first (or one of the first) was Tony Grieg and when the Aussie bowlers (well one DK Lillee saw it) it was like a red rag to a bull, so he tested it out with a few short ones, with gratifying results and a few dents later Grieg was out.

Later in the game, The Rest of The World side was in trouble and one of the batsmen needed a runner and out walked Tony Grieg. Ian Chappell wouldn't have a bar of it and protested that as captain, Grieg would pass on instructions and tactics to the batsmen. He was overruled by the umpires, but he had a plan B. He pointed out that the injured batsman was wearing a helmet and Grieg wasn't, and couldn't act as a runner because he wasn't dressed in the same way as the batsman.

Rodney Marsh piped up and said 'Don't be stupid, there's no way he can run for him. Everyone knows his helmet's at the panel beaters getting the dents taken out of it!!'

[Shane K]

check out:
theartofsledging.com

There's anew book -The Art of Sledging- The first unofficial sledging bible. It has all the classics and stacks more. You can even buy it online. Great laugh. Good to see the great cricketers and their comebacks immortalised in a book.

[Santana]

1999 World Cup Super 6 match, Australia V South Africa, after Gibbs had dropped Steve Waugh.

Waugh to Gibbs "You have just dropped the World Cup" :p

He said "you just dropped the match".

Not as good, but still up there. :p

[roostersgal4eva]

One perler from Healy was when Qld was playing a tour match with the poms and he asked one of the fielders to move under Hussain's nose... he came in a few steps away from the boundary and heals pipes up 'Right That'll do'

:D

[pluga_4]

an aussie tour of england (i think it was 97)

james ormond comes out to bat and mark waugh from second slip says to him...how the f*&^ you get a game for england, you are a no name.....
james ormond responds with...well at least i'm the best player in my family !

[coke_zero]

an aussie tour of england (i think it was 97)

james ormond comes out to bat and mark waugh from second slip says to him...how the f*&^ you get a game for england, you are a no name.....
james ormond responds with...well at least i'm the best player in my family !
shut down!

[Wallaby]

I love all these old stories (they have all been attributed to every cricketer since WG Grace, and many are repeated in Baseball, soccer etc).

Who cares? Keep 'em coming and update them to today's players.

One of my favorites - Trevor Barsby was leading Queensland and took off one of his bowlers - the disappointed player said 'There's no 'I' in 'Team'.

Barsby replied "There's three in "Im the F&#%king Captain!"

[rdhopkins2]

'Joe the Cameraman' (apparently Warney) to Scotty Muller:-
"Can't bat, can't bowl, can't field!"

[beez]

bm6bpAlgDL0

[rangermcdee]

Two of my favourites.

Steve Waugh in one of his rare appearances for Bankstown was bowling. The guy he was bowling to played and missed three times. On the third Waugh said "I can't believe you are a first XI player."

The batsman promptly deposited Mr Waugh over the boundary for six next ball. His reply to the future Australian Captain.
"I can't believe you are a test player."

The other one involves Rod Marsh and Ian Botham as Botham is approaching the wicket after an England Dismissal.

Marsh - Hey Beefy. Hows your wife and my kids?
Botham - The wife is fine, the kids are retarded.

The Australian slip cordon were either laughing or aplauding depending on who tells the story.

[Cleavy]

from the Matthew Hayden interview in todays paper:

Best sledge: "I remember once batting just after I released a cookbook and being in a pretty dark mood after I got out. Someone yelled out 'hey Hayden, you're overrated . . . and your chicken casserole tastes like s - - t'. You just had to laugh really."

[Belnakor]

the one about mark waugh's wife always has me chuckling

[wirra44]

Heard a good one yesterday.

Glen McGrath playing the Zimmies and bowling at their portly former pace man Eddo 'Chicken' Brandes.

Brandes smears a couple of boundaries and McGrath shouts at him

"Why are you so f***#### fat?"

Eddo looks up and replies "Every time I f*** your wife she gives me a biscuit."



i remember hearing about that apparently even the Aussie slip fielders were laughing:D

[UpForGrabs]

There's a good one involving David Steele, former England player notable for his silver hair.

http://content-aus.cricinfo.com/inline/content/image/293743.html?alt=1

Comes out to play the Aussies in England in 1975. Test debut, aged 34... walks to the wicket where Rod Marsh says something to the effect of;

"Hey DK, you tell me your grandfather was playing"

Steele turns around to Marsh and says "see this ass? You'll be seeing a lot of it this summer."

Steele scored 50 & 45 on debut and scored 365 runs in three tests at an average of 60.

[STC]

'Joe the Cameraman' (apparently Warney) to Scotty Muller:-
"Can't bat, can't bowl, can't field!"
It was Joe the cameraman, just a sensationalist blowup to make Warne responsible for every bad thing that happened.

[rocker_oz33]

I've all ways liked the one with big mev l can't remember all of it some thing about the batsmen called big mev a bus/train driver and after mev got the guy out he yelled tickets please tickets please (I'm sure some one will remember the batsman name)

[NSWCROW]

DEAN WAUGH plays a misses 3 balls in a row to which the bowler cries - " Are you ****ING ADOPTED ???? "

[Belnakor]

the one about mark waugh's wife always has me chuckling

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes
to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark "Ohh, I remember you
from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're f**king
useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there
you were going out with that old, ugly **** and now I hear you've married
her. You dumb c**t".

[royboy2]

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.



Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't F***ing bat."
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't F***ing bat & you can't ****ing bowl."



Glenn McGrath & Ramnaresh Sarwan
McGrath to Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F***ing mention my wife again, I'll F***ing rip your F***ing throat out!"




Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who)
Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single. This guy gets the ball in and says, "If you leave the crease I'll break your F***ing head."
Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the F***ing 12th man."



Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred. "So should your mother," he replied.




Trueman and Aussie batsman
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."

[Hoggy]

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes
to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark "Ohh, I remember you
from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're f**king
useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there
you were going out with that old, ugly **** and now I hear you've married
her. You dumb c**t".

Blair Pocock it was.

[King Elvis]

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.


That was great by Cullinan - but didn't Warney on another Tour, after it came out Cullinan had been seeing a physciatrist to try and help him get over Warney owning him, say to him the first time he came to bat something like, "Hi Darryl, let's see if we can get you back on the physciatrists couch."

Those Boucher ones are funny.

I loved Warney in the last Ashes Series giving it to Collingwood - including non-stop bagging Collingwood because St Kilda beat them in an AFL Grand Final in the 60s. I think he also heaped shit on Collingwood for his MBE - and even better; when Warney made a stack of runs in one game, and he was actually sledging everyone - the slips cordon, to bowler, the keeper, everyone within ear shot.

He said afterwards that they'd started sleding him, then their Captain had told them to shut up because it only fired Warney up - Warney said the Captain was right; so he started abusing the Poms to fire himself up.

[Hoggy]

Yeah Warnie was getting stuck into him "You score 7 and you get given an MBE?"

[NSWCROW]

Not so much a sledge , BUT , an old mate used to pad up his ( ex ) missus in his kit , stick her in the nets and say " Just ****ing STAND THERE !!! " , so he could practice his leggies !
:D

[footyfreak]

an aussie tour of england (i think it was 97)

james ormond comes out to bat and mark waugh from second slip says to him...how the f*&^ you get a game for england, you are a no name.....
james ormond responds with...well at least i'm the best player in my family !

Every time i hear that i PMSL. MW has been on the wrong end of probably 2 of the best sledges ever

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball.

Mark "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're f**king useless now".

Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there
you were going out with that old, ugly **** and now I hear you've married her. You dumb c**t".

[DIG]

Not so much a sledge , BUT , an old mate used to pad up his ( ex ) missus in his kit , stick her in the nets and say " Just ****ing STAND THERE !!! " , so he could practice his leggies !
:D
Gold!

[footyfreak]

Not so much a sledge , BUT , an old mate used to pad up his ( ex ) missus in his kit , stick her in the nets and say " Just ****ing STAND THERE !!! " , so he could practice his leggies !
:D

My nanna used to come and stay with us from QLD every summer for 8 weeks. When i was about 11 i got a new DF magnum and i would make my nanna throw a cricket ball so i could practise.

She throws this one and i play it froward and hits the sweat spot and goes like a rocket about 6 inches off the ground and cannons into nanna's shin. She starts hoping around on one leg screaming oh oh oh. I tried so hard not to laugh but **** it was funny. In between screaming she says "We are not using that hard ball any more".

The next day we were back to a tennis ball :(

I blame her for my inability to reach test level

[Belnakor]

I also loved it when Warnie dubbed Bell? The "Sherminator"

[saj_21]

Steve Waugh "sledging" Curtly Ambrose by saying "you just bowl" on the 1995 windies tour.

Warney sledging collingwood in the 06/07 Sydney test whilst batting and making 70 in his final test.

Dennis Lille on the footy show a few years back telling a story about bowling to a English batsmen who played and missed 5 times and after the last play and miss Lillee asked the batsment to hold his bat still and he will aim for it.

[King Elvis]

It was pretty basic and blunt, but how did the Ambrose v S Waugh one go?

Curtley bounced him or whatever, Tugga just stared at him.

"What're you looking at man?"

"**** off."

"Don't cuss me!"

"Go **** yourself!"

[trossa]

Ah if I remember right, it was Waugh who first said, "What the **** are you looking at?", then Curtly said "Don't cuss me", then Waugh told him where to go. Scary man Curtly was.

[ManWithNoName]

Not exactly a sledge but anyway.

Was sitting right on the fence for a warm up game between Victoria and the All Stars. The Vics got the second wicket (Tendulkar or someone) and the next man in was Brian Lara. Shane Harwood, who was fielding at fine leg right near where we were sitting, turns to the crowd and says "Into the tail now".

[courtjester]

Lillee apparently used to say to a batsman who was playing and missing "Oh, I see why your batting so badly, you've got a bit of shit on the end of your bat"

When the batsman looked at the toe of the bat, Lillee would say, "Not that end, the other end!"

[Simon_Nesbit]

heh....used both of those before.

Not exactly a sledge but anyway.

Was sitting right on the fence for a warm up game between Victoria and the All Stars. The Vics got the second wicket (Tendulkar or someone) and the next man in was Brian Lara. Shane Harwood, who was fielding at fine leg right near where we were sitting, turns to the crowd and says "Into the tail now".

An ex-team-mate batting #3 for the opposition coming in

Lillee apparently used to say to a batsman who was playing and missing "Oh, I see why your batting so badly, you've got a bit of shit on the end of your bat"

When the batsman looked at the toe of the bat, Lillee would say, "Not that end, the other end!"

don't recall. Also used lillee's "you hold it still, I'll hit it" line. I'm obviously not very original.

[courtjester]

I'd sledge more if I could play better!

[HSVKing]

Botham v Richards.

Apparently Botham had beaten Viv outside off stump a couple of balls in row. The Poms thought they had Viv on the ropes, and after one of the deliveries, Botham grabbed the ball, walked down the pitch, held the ball up, and said, "here, have a good look at it, that's what it looks like, see if you can hit it". The next ball, Viv smashes him for six, and says, "Well, you know what it looks like, go and f&#king get it"

The bowler in question here was actually Greg Thomas, in a county match between Glamorgan and Somerset.

Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten Richards' bat a couple of times and informed him: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."

The very next ball Sir Issac Vivian Andrews Richards gave him the royal treament and smashed the ball out of the ground, into a nearby river - at which point he piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and f#^$ing fetch it."

[ManWithNoName]

Dean Jones was fielding at short leg to Viv Richards and was obviously looking quite scared. Viv consoled him "Don't worry man, I'm not going to hurt you". He pointed to a guy in the crowd. "I'm going to hurt him". Next few balls all landed within 5 metres of that guy.

[HSVKing]

Others I have heard of...

Atherton Vs McGrath in the ashes.
Atherton had played and missed about 2 or 3 overs solidly against McGrath. After a while Glenn gets sick and shouts out 'Athers it would help if you got rid of the shit at the end of your bat.' Athers promtley looks down at the bottom of his bat confused only for Glenn to reply with 'No, No, the other end.'

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
Botham retort was "Wife is fine, kids are retarded"

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*** off."

James Ormond & Mark Waugh
Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.
MW: "F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England."
JO: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan.
Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!"

Bill Lawry & Richie Benaud
While commentating during a match in which Pakistan was faring badly in all departments of the game, Bill Lawry, offering a solution said "I think Pakistan's problem is they've got to relax", to which Benaud replies nonchalantly, "I don't agree. I think Pakistan have got to learn how to bat, bowl and field. It's a simple game."

Merv Hughes Vs Hansie Cronje
Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.
After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.

Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons:
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre. Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out. "For christ sake, it's not a 'f*ckin test match."
Waugh replies: " Of course it isn't … You're here. "

[Prestigerrycomo]

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/cricket/3197954/20-Ashes-sledges-to-get-you-chucklin.html

"I'll get you a piano instead - see if you can play that."

Mustachioed Aussie fast bowler Merv Hughes after Graham Gooch played and missed at several deliveries

"When in Rome, dear boy... "

Mike Atherton's reaction to Aussie wicketkeeper Ian Healy when told he was a 'f***ing cheat' for failing to walk

"Oi, Tufnell, can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot."

A spectator to England spinner Phil Tufnell

"The wife's fine but the kids are retarded."

Ian Botham after Aussie wicketkeeper Rod Marsh asked him: 'So, how's your wife and my kids?'

"Don't bother shutting the gate, you'll be back soon."

Legendary fast bowler 'Fiery' Fred Trueman to an unnamed Aussie batsman as he walked down the pavilion steps at Lord's

"It's no good hitting me there, mate, there's nothing to damage."

Eccentric England batsman Derek Randall after being hit on the head by a Dennis Lillee bouncer

"You got an MBE, right? For scoring seven at The Oval? That's embarrassing."

Shane Warne to Paul Collingwood, who was awarded a gong after the 2005 series. He scored seven and 10 in his only match

"That's anywhere inside a three-mile radius."

Aussie Ian Healy after Steve Waugh told Ricky Ponting to field at silly point 'right under Nasser Hussain's nose'

"If it had been a cheese roll, it wouldn't have got past him."

Graham Gooch on Shane Warne's Ball of the Century to Mike Gatting

"Which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?"

Aussie skipper Bill Woodfull to his side during the 1932-33 Bodyline series, when England captain Douglas Jardine said he was sworn at

"You've got to bat on this soon, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?"

Fast bowler Craig McDermott warning batting rabbit Phil Tufnell about the fast Perth pitch

"But at least I'm the best player in my family."

Seam bowler Jimmy Ormond to Mark Waugh (twin of Steve) after being told: 'You're not good enough to play for England.'

"Wooooooooh. Don't worry, Shane, you can sleep in my bed tonight."

Darren Gough to Shane Watson after the Aussie all-rounder slept on Brett Lee's floor because he thought the team hotel was haunted

"Look, I don't mind the others chirping at me but you're just the bus driver of this team."

Nasser Hussain to Aussie 12th man Justin Langer, when he tried to join in with his team's sledging

"I know why you're batting so badly - you've got some s*** at the end of your bat."

Lillee to a young England batsman, who then inspects the toe of his bat only to be told by Lillee: 'Wrong end, mate.'

"Count them yourself, you Pommie bastard."

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Umpire Peter McConnell's response after being asked by Phil Tufnell how many balls remained in the over

"The only fellow I've met who fell in love with himself at a young age and has remained faithful ever since."

Dennis Lillee on Geoff Boycott

"Leave our flies alone, Jardine, they're the only friends you've got."

A spectator to despised England captain Douglas Jardine as he swished away a troublesome insect on the 1932-33 Bodyline tour

"You're s***, Hayden, and so is your chicken casserole."

An England fan during the 2005 Ashes series to Matthew Hayden, who had just written a cookery book

"Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see instructions on the back."

Merv Hughes to Graeme Hick after he failed to hit the ball.


Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/cricket/3197954/20-Ashes-sledges-to-get-you-chucklin.html#ixzz13aslzz2N

[Gough]

Adelaide Oval in 1990, Merv Hughes took 13 wickets in the Perth test and had taken one in the next couple; some drunk yells at him "Merv how many wickets have you taken since Perth?", to which our current test selector responds with a reverse peace gesture. The drunk then yells, "And you can't f*ckin' count either".

[ManWithNoName]

Dutch wicketkeeper to Haydos at the 2007 World Cup

"Get a single and get Gilly on strike, we didn't fly halfway around the world to watch you. You're crap"

[Dagger5]

I heard Ian Chappell relate a good story one day.

Apparently on a Pakistani tour to Australia when Brad Williams was supposed to be our next 'great white hope' of fast bowling, he was playing in a tour match against the Paki's. Anyway Inzamam is batting and Williams is tearing in bowling bouncers and breathing fire while Inzy is just nonchalantly putting him to all points of the park. Williams let's one go that Inzy put's over slips for four and Williams let's him have it as he's walking down the pitch when Inzy turns and says, 'I thought you'd turn the ball more at that pace'. All of Williams team mates apparently cracked up at hearing this.
The interesting thing about that story is that I believe Inzy doesn't speak a word of English................but it was a good story Chappelli.
Serious lulz.:D

[djrossie]

Dutch wicketkeeper to Haydos at the 2007 World Cup

"Get a single and get Gilly on strike, we didn't fly halfway around the world to watch you. You're crap"

That is Gold :thumbsu:

[krisholio14]

One I've heard that didn't quite work out for the sledger was on an Aussie tour to NZ in the mid 70's.

A few of the tourists were checking the team selections for a provincial game and one of the local lads who had been picked was called Hira Unka. Keith Stackpole was well known for his love of a good sledge, and on seeing said selection announced to his teammates 'Unka ay? I'll give him Unka, just you watch me give him an Unka my bat.'

Stacky was also known as a player who could not resist the hook/pull shot. Early in his innings he's duly received a short one, pinned the ears back and had a big swipe at it. Unfortunately for him, he's got a top edge, the balls gone staight up in the air and he's been caught. The bowler? Hira Unka. That was his only wicket of the match too :D

[BONG RIPS MKII]

was there any truth to the alleged choo choo incident?

[royboy2]

was there any truth to the alleged choo choo incident?

Wouldn't surprise me...as Malcolm Marshall said to Steve Waugh "you Convicts are all the same"

[WheatsWorshipper]

Jamie Siddons: Let's get this kashmir willow bat (Steve Waugh's MRF) out early
Steve Waugh: The contract for this kashmir willow bat could buy your house

[sherb]

One I've heard that didn't quite work out for the sledger was on an Aussie tour to NZ in the mid 70's.

A few of the tourists were checking the team selections for a provincial game and one of the local lads who had been picked was called Hira Unka. Keith Stackpole was well known for his love of a good sledge, and on seeing said selection announced to his teammates 'Unka ay? I'll give him Unka, just you watch me give him an Unka my bat.'

Stacky was also known as a player who could not resist the hook/pull shot. Early in his innings he's duly received a short one, pinned the ears back and had a big swipe at it. Unfortunately for him, he's got a top edge, the balls gone staight up in the air and he's been caught. The bowler? Hira Unka. That was his only wicket of the match too :D
Probably not the wisest move from Stacky. He couldn't buy a run on that tour, which was the end of both his test and first-class career (he retired before the start of the 74-75 season).

As for sledges which backfired, you can't go past this one:
http://www.cricinfo.com/ci/content/story/134960.html

[Donstuie]

Not cricket, but some corkers here (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2178440.ece).

Some of my faves.

"I would like to thank the press from the heart of my bottom."
Nick Faldo thought he was being funny after winning the 1992 Open, but he just looked like a pillock in Pringle.

"[American] Football combines the two worst features of American life: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings."
George Will, the American journalist, sums up their national game.

If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you."
A backhanded compliment, rather than an insult, from Muhammad Ali to a young boxer.

"Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home."
Arsene Wenger's reply to Sir Alex Ferguson in 2002 when the United manager claims his side had been the best team in the Premiership.

"Like an octopus falling out of a tree."
David Feherty, the former Irish golfer, passes comment on Jim Furyk's swing.

"Eighty per cent of the top 100 women are fat pigs who don't deserve equal pay."
Richard Krajicek, the 1996 Wimbledon champion, on why there should not be equal pay. Later, he clarified his comments, saying,
"What I meant to say was that only 75 per cent are fat pigs." Charming.

"If David Seaman’s dad had worn a condom, we’d still be in the World Cup."
A harsh but possibly fair assessment of England's defeat to Brazil in the 2002 World Cup by the comedian Nick Hancock.

"Only if there's an outbreak of bubonic plague."
Giovanni Trapattoni gives a blunt answer when asked if he will select Paolo Di Canio for his Italy World Cup squad in 2004.

"I’m not the next [Anna] Kournikova — I want to win matches."
Maria Sharapova, the Russian tennis player, brushes aside an attempted compliment.

"You were a crap player, you are a crap manager. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are manager of my country and you're not even Irish, you English ****. You can stick it up your bollocks."
What Roy Keane allegedly said to Mick McCarthy, the Ireland manager, that got him sent home from the 2002 World Cup. Keane is now a responsible Premier League manager.

Whatever Marco Materazzi said about Zinedine Zidane’s sister
Or his mother or terrorism. No one is quite sure what the Italy defender actually said during the 2006 World Cup final, but Materazzi's insult riled Zidane so much that he headbutted him in the chest and was sent off.

But all of these pale in significance to this :eek:

gVscCNZsYSY

[Bombertastic]

Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."



I heard a continuation of that. Arjuna responded "Don't bother, Boonie (who was fielding at short leg) will beat me to it."

[TheGreatBambino]

Kumar to Pollock

K6KLq-3lzx0

[TheGreatBambino]

X1NFbVx0uN8


Cheers for the help fellas

[krisholio14]

X1NFbVx0uN8

you only need to put the video code in, not the whole link :)

[Tyberious Funk]

Not a sledge, but a funny story nonetheless...

England were playing India and Fred Trueman, was making his debut. He was all of 21 years old, but already had a reputation for being very, very fast. When Bedser knocked over one of the openers, Polly Umrigar came out to bat.

Polly was a decent player in his prime, but he'd never played against someone as fast as Trueman. The first ball flew past his nose before he even saw it. So he called out to the sightscreen attendant to move the sightscreen. Next ball was even faster, and again Polly barely saw it. So again, he called to adjust the sightscreen. Third ball, and Polly misses again.

As he goes to signal the sightscreen attendent, the umpire decides he's had enough and steps in. "Please Mr Umrigar," he says "tell me exactly where you want the sightscreen"

To which Polly replies "Somewhere between me and that mad bastard Fred Trueman!!"

[SCARD]

Tasmania v New South Wales circa 1980. Len Pascoe beats Roger Woolley three balls in a row but can't hit the stumps or find the edge. In frustration Pascoe screams: "I know how you get a game in Tasmania. Three Kelloggs Coupons and you're in."

[Bomber Bears]

8lsKCd0L9RA

[Wallaby]

Not an opposition sledge, but Freddie Trueman used to tell the story of being in the West Indies. He was bowling at Basil Butcher and Gary Sobers on a road of a pitch with the score at 1-for-Plenty.

He had a conference with the skipper, the skip agreed to put a 2nd slip back in (they had been boundary-riding for the last 2 hours), and Fred would give it one more big effort.

First ball - Butcher goes the cut - snick straight to 2nd slip - knee height - Fred leaps in joy - ball goes straight through Raman Subba Row to the boundary for 4. 1-for-Even More.

At the end of the over, Subba row walks past Fred and mutters 'Sorry. Should have kept my knees together'. Fred: 'It's a pity your mother didn't'.

[PrideOf]

We had a keeper who looked like Chopper Read. Every time we'd get some kid come to the crease, Chopper would start with 'this one's pretty' and blow the kid kisses. Then we'd have a mid-pitch conference and Chopper would say loud enough for the kid to hear 'let's keep this one in - I want to have a look at him. Wide outside off and don't get him out'. Then he'd go back behind the stumps saying how 'pretty' this kid was.

First ball - way outside off. Chopper starts chatting the kid up.

Second ball - way outside off. Chopper keeps chatting the kid up, by which time he's crapping himself.

Third ball - way outside off. Chopper by now is blowing kisses.

Fourth ball - angled in. Edge taken at 2nd or 3rd slip usually.

Staggered at how many times that worked. :)

[NAUGHT5]

Playing years back in under 12's or 13's..
The opposition had a girl on the team
Anyway we got our 2nd wicket and they sent out their number 4.
Out comes some kid and our wicket keeper said "oh they sent the girl in pretty early". It wasn't the girl but us being a bunch of 12 year olds loved it.

[sammy 2]

sir viv use to call mike whitney the hare becouse he came in after the bunny.

[footyfreak]

We had a keeper who looked like Chopper Read. Every time we'd get some kid come to the crease, Chopper would start with 'this one's pretty' and blow the kid kisses. Then we'd have a mid-pitch conference and Chopper would say loud enough for the kid to hear 'let's keep this one in - I want to have a look at him. Wide outside off and don't get him out'. Then he'd go back behind the stumps saying how 'pretty' this kid was.

First ball - way outside off. Chopper starts chatting the kid up.

Second ball - way outside off. Chopper keeps chatting the kid up, by which time he's crapping himself.

Third ball - way outside off. Chopper by now is blowing kisses.

Fourth ball - angled in. Edge taken at 2nd or 3rd slip usually.

Staggered at how many times that worked.

Awesome!!!!:D:D:thumbsu: Sounds exactly like the kind of shit we used to pull in sport or other situations just to freak the shit out of people!

'let's keep this one in - I want to have a look at him. Wide outside off and don't get him out'.

I lost my shit at this!!:D

Just to see the look on these young crews faces would have been priceless!!!

I'm sure a few would have thought it was a G up but 3 or 4 balls wide outside off as instructed by Uncle chop chop would make you wonder if this guy really was prepared to sacrifice a wicket to fulfil his pedo desires of looking at ya arse for a few overs!!!!

[PrideOf]

Awesome!!!!:D:D:thumbsu: Sounds exactly like the kind of shit we used to pull in sport or other situations just to freak the shit out of people!



I lost my shit at this!!:D

Just to see the look on these young crews faces would have been priceless!!!

I'm sure a few would have thought it was a G up but 3 or 4 balls wide outside off as instructed by Uncle chop chop would make you wonder if this guy really was prepared to sacrifice a wicket to fulfil his pedo desires of looking at ya arse for a few overs!!!!

Yeah it was hilarious when the kid got out. They never knew why we were literally crying on the field while they were heading back to the sheds.

We had another version where the bowler would bowl ball 3 or 4 at the stumps inside of wide outside off and Chopper would go ape shit at him.

Then the next one was well outside off.

The next one at the stumps.

Worked like clockwork. :thumbsu: