Time for a Limerick or two...

[Zeke]

I'll start us off.

There once was a gold jacket wearer
Who was also a filthy mouthed swearer
He preached from a soapbox
After visiting de-tox
And now he's an unemployed carer

[ripitup27]

There once was a coach from Geelong
Who seemed to get everything wrong
His coaching was poor
So we showed him the door
And that is the end of this song!

[ripitup27]

There once was a forward named Kent
Who we were told was worth every cent
He couldn't take a big mark
Or get on the park
So it was off the the ressies he went!

[Zeke]

There once was a player called Taz
Who threw the fists more than big Baz
He's quite the enigma
Whilst collecting a stigma
For being a disinterested spaz

[Shell]

There once was a forward named Kent
Who we were told was worth every cent
He couldn't take a big mark
Or get on the park
So it was off the the ressies he went!

LOVE IT!! :D :thumbsu:

Or the last line could be "And off to be de-listed he went"

[Zeke]

There was a young Magpie called Daisy
Who's attack on the ball was quite crazy
He jumped in the ruck
And ran out of luck
Then got stretchered off, still quite hazy

[ripitup27]

There once was a Bomber named Dean
He was the tubbiest player you've seen
He huffed and he puffed
As he tried to get buffed
But now he's a footy has-been!

[mary jane polak]

Whats wrong with recreational drugs?
They don't turn us into violent thugs
A few hits of the bong
Helped compose our club song
WADA are just out of touch mugs

[Lightning_Rod]

there once was a man of cape horn,
who wished he had never been born,
nor would he have been if his father had seen that the tip of the condom was torn.

[Zeke]

There once was some trade-bait called Gardy
Who was partial to a drop of Bacardi
He was quick on the pedal
But missed out on a medal
Cause he's buzzed like a bitch drinking chardy

[Corpuscles]

There once wuz a Pres called gobblet Elliot
Told lies and cheated ya wouldn't credit
had a bl00dy big nose
all , even pinocchio knows
but the Carrlton fans still don't get it

[Jean Claude Vas Deferens]

My limerick is dedicated to the "alleged incident"... is that enough of a disclaimer Big Footy lawyers... involving Brodie Holland being nabbed whilst enjoying a spot of hand to gland combat in his car. Collingwood supporters, please feel free to change the name to Jon Dorotich.

"I hope these limericks cease rather quick,"
said Brodie, his voice sounding thick.
"No time for jokes
on the vinegar strokes.
Angry Anderson's about to be sick!"

[Howard Littlejohn]

*Two limericks for the price of one*

There once was a backman named Hay
Recruiters thought he could play
For two good draft picks
If it makes us all sick
That trade was a truly sad day


Why did we take in this stray?
We wish he would quit, go away
He no longer thinks
But has pre-game drinks
And still gets a huge wad each pay

[Corpuscles]

My limerick is dedicated to the "alleged incident"... is that enough of a disclaimer Big Footy lawyers... involving Brodie Holland being nabbed whilst enjoying a spot of hand to gland combat in his car. Collingwood supporters, please feel free to change the name to Jon Dorotich.

"I hope these limericks cease rather quick,"
said Brodie, his voice sounding thick.
"No time for jokes
on the vinegar strokes.
Angry Anderson's about to be sick!"

Medal count update :thumbsu:

[Adrian Shelton]

Tried this on another limericks thread once

There once was a Pie name McGough
Who Micky told to shog off
Not many games for the saints
A run at Casey awaits
A Magaery medal cant be far off

[Scroater]

There once was a Coaster called Chick
He was known as a boaster of his .......

I'll be back

[Scroater]

There is a player called Shane Tuck

Hang on I'll get the hang of this soon.

[Scroater]

There is a player called Josh Hunt,

Look sorry, I'm gonna have to pass on this.

[plough]

There was a supporter named Zeke
for the Pies - their "curfew" unique
But with big Rocca's form
and no Dawson to pawn
No paddle and stuck up sh** creek

[Tormented Tiger]

There was a team called Fremantle,
who's fans were driven quite mental,
but with some propping up from the umps,
they stop looking like chumps,
and now won't have to dismantle.

[Lance Uppercut]

There once was a player called Taz
Who threw the fists more than big Baz
He's quite the enigma
Whilst collecting a stigma
For being a disinterested spaz

Very good Zeke :D

Last time I did a limerick on BF it was about Chad Cornes, his dad and his team-mates, and some dubious sexual practices; and earned me an extended holiday :p I'll have another go.


There once was a ruckman called Hen,
Who most pundits rate none out of ten.
But he's stayed on the list,
Surely Sheedy he's kissed?
Let's hope he doesn't go round again

[Loco_Pie]

There once was a team from Punt Road,
Who's simple supporters are easy to goad,
They can hardly remember, making september,
Gives me pleasure to type in this ode.:p

[Loco_Pie]

Ive been to Moorabbin, let's say it's not quaint,
In fact it's a Sh_thole, the home of the Saint,
Terraces flowing with boofheads and fools,
And out on the turf 18 red, white and black tools.

[Loco_Pie]

Oh why in the hell would you choose,
To be a supporter of The Navy Blues,
Their players are lame, they can't win a game,
Sure recipe to turn to booze.

[GN80]

There is a player called Josh Hunt,

Look sorry, I'm gonna have to pass on this.

Ill try to finish it

There is a player called Josh Hunt,
Who's attack on the ball was quite blunt (the only thing i could think of)
When he went near packs
he would **** his dacks
Then Thommo said delist the ****

thats the best i could do sorry

[Tyger]

If one day the yellow and black
Could win the odd games back to back
A final they'd play
Maybe make the big day
Instead of giving us Jack

[yulong]

A forward I'm sure you all know
In a bar did get blotto
He pulled out his schlong
amongst a great throng
And smugly he did let go

A patron standing nearby
A warm trickle ran down her thigh
She screamed in alarm
At his big babies arm
Sexual Assault she did decry!

[Tormented Tiger]

Is Collingwoods future still in peril,
with breeders like Shazza and Beryle,
it's quite a strange crew,
who's dads should've blew,
to pass on a gene that is quite feral.

[Boyler_Room]

There once was a Bomber named Dean
He was the tubbiest player you've seen
He huffed and he puffed
As he tried to get buffed
But now he's a footy has-been!

You talk about that Bomber Dean
Whatever is it that you mean
There are games to be won
Sheeds wants father and son
He'll carried to 100 it seems.

[Tyger]

When Collingwood take to the park
At any ground when it is dark
They can't get a kick
Coz their minds on their ****
And they basically don't give a ****

[yulong]

The umpires whistle did blow
confusing those in the know
For though Matty did strive
to perfect his dive
No-one was within stones throw

He gave the umpire a nod
To show he'll suck on his rod
for paying a free
that just shouldn't be
Will this be removed by a mod?

Every time he picks up some grass
He's really showing his arse
for the ump to recall
why he gave him the ball
He's already flying half mast

[Corpuscles]

There is a player called Shane Tuck

Hang on I'll get the hang of this soon.

Scroater :D Funny... may I have a try?

There is a player called Shane Tuck
Didn't play for Dad's team cause they suck
Simply exchanged the brown for Black
Discoverd later their flag chances are jack
seems cause no-one there gives a ****

[Loco_Pie]

Great time of the season,the finals draw near,
When you're either playin', or crackin' a beer,
The Magpies will be there, we could be a hit,
Sadly the tigers won't be, 'cause they're plainly sh_t.

[Tyger]

Whilst watching the footy one day
I wondered how many were gay
A push in the back
Gets them close to the crack
Like a quickie with no need to pay

[Loco_Pie]

Whilst watching the footy one day
I wondered how many were gay
A push in the back
Gets them close to the crack
Like a quickie with no need to pay
LMAO :thumbsu: :thumbsu: :thumbsu:

[Corpuscles]

We have a lazy **ick called Davis
Is such girl shoulda been called mavis
Last seen ordering a tub of KFC
and lookin at himself on TV
but hoping again he can saveus

[Skeppersap]

A forward I'm sure you all know
In a bar did get blotto
He pulled out his schlong
amongst a great throng
And smugly he did let go

A patron standing nearby
A warm trickle ran down her thigh
She screamed in alarm
At his big babies arm
Sexual Assault she did decry!

Does not quite have the rhythm down pat, but has the potential to be genius. Very good effort.

[Skeppersap]

There once was a team from Punt Road,
Who's simple supporters are easy to goad,
They can hardly remember, making september,
Gives me pleasure to type in this ode.:p

The best so far.

Brilliant work.

[yulong]

A toothless old crone at the dome
at her mouth did she start to foam
screaming "f*ck of you prick,
Don't you have a d*ck"
I said, "Nan, can you leave it at home."

[crudbucket]

The Tiges have been down for a bit ...
Said Terry, "next year we'll be a big hit ...
We should make the eight,
but if we don't, then my fate ...
will be to end up all covered in spit !

[crudbucket]

The tales from Geelong are quite scary,
they're lurid and the name always vary,
and although there's no proof,
the mods said "don't be so uncouth",
you'd think they'd recruited Wayne Carey !

[crudbucket]

Said Kouta "life now is such a big drag",
and that Smorgon is just an old nag,
I miss those good old days,
coz I always got a raise,
and it came in a brown paper bag !"

[Sir_Adrian84]

My limerick is dedicated to the "alleged incident"... is that enough of a disclaimer Big Footy lawyers... involving Brodie Holland being nabbed whilst enjoying a spot of hand to gland combat in his car. Collingwood supporters, please feel free to change the name to Jon Dorotich.

"I hope these limericks cease rather quick,"
said Brodie, his voice sounding thick.
"No time for jokes
on the vinegar strokes.
Angry Anderson's about to be sick!"

Classic

[Corpuscles]

In SA there a journo or painter
such a loser he awt be a Sainter
on his high horse he rose
only to pong on the nose
and the 'tiser should say seeyalater!

[crudbucket]

The Doggies were all feeling grouse,
"we've got a coach who uses his nouse",
But Rocket was livid soon after,
coz while he up at Marrara,
the cheer squad was robbing his house!

[Tyger]

The Swannies won last years thanks Leo
And Brissie have now got a trio
Crows, Eagles a pair
Port Power got there
But sadly no trophies for Freo

[Scroater]

On a cigarette, a chinese guy did drag
contemplating about which team to brag
figured the spoon for the dons
so he settled for the swans
because they've got a better chance at the frag.

[moistie]

There once was a man called Ben
Who drove home one night when
He saw flashing lights
So bailed and took flight
And forgot his mates and girlfriend

[Scroater]

There is a player in Brisbane called Lappin
Whose girlfriend I wouldn't mind Tappin
I'd first have her kneeling
then clawing the ceiling
I'm dreaming that'll never happen.

[Bee]

There was a young man called Tarrant
Whose habits were becoming quite apparent,
Mad Mick yelled "Chris,
keep off the pi$$",
Because the media I can no longer warrant!

[Bring-Back-Powell]

There was a young man called Tarrant
Whose habits were becoming quite apparent,
Mad Mick yelled "Chris, keep off
the pi$$",
Because the media I can no longer warrant!
Are you any relation to the great Bee Dee ??

[Zeke]

There once was a fella called Mick
Who was rumored to be very sick
His players were naughty
And his president haughty
The poor sod just can't take a trick

[Bee]

Are you any relation to the great Bee Dee ??

Nope! He's a Johnny come lately. I've been here since Bigfooty began.

[Captain Sensible]

Are you any relation to the great Bee Dee ??



Bee>>>>>>beedee.


Morning Bee, it's been a while.

[Zeke]

There was a big bloke called Rocca
Who's best game in a while was a shocker
With his confidence down
And wearing a frown
He opened a Willimastown locker

[Warwick]

There is a player in Brisbane called Lappin
Whose girlfriend I wouldn't mind Tappin
I'd first have her kneeling
then clawing the ceiling
I'm dreaming that'll never happen.

She was my chemistry teacher in grade 10! I'll send this off to her.

[yulong]

A bloke called rick james with a mo
liked to party and was into blow
jobs he would sing
of funk he was king
D*ck's more a name apropos

[plough]

There was an old chap from the Dees
Who thought culture was how you made cheese
He'll leave 'fore its over
Skulk off in his range rover
Wishing they merged with the poos and the wees

Justin Charles was ahead of his time
cries Brownie, the roids are no crime
They'll fix up me bone
Put me back on the throne
Like Landis, back to my prime

[yulong]

With my quilt, thermos and book
To the footy I go for a look
No. 9 was great
but the usual fate
Its off to the snow for a sook

[manmountain]

I went to the G Friday night,
And I saw the most wonderful sight,
Jimmy Clement down back,
Made Hird look like a hack,
Shame the rest of the team showed no fight.

[Jason Voorhees]

We once cheered our man Liberatore
Who's roving had won Brownlow Glory
But as he slowed down
A new tactic he found
And opponents were scratched and turned gory

[Scroater]

We all know the umpire McLaren
There's only one worse and that's Darren
As for McBurney and Schmidt
They are both just as Sh*t
Ummm...My wife's name is Karen:o

[SAYNTS.A1]

There is a bloke down at the Bombers called Sheeds,
Who lost his marbles and swallowed a packet of seeds,
In less than an hour,
His face was a flower
And his hair was all covered in weeds. :eek:

[Bee]

Never try to understand
The breed they call the Collingwood fan
Crude, uncouth
and bare of tooth
Surely God's little joke on man!

[Jason Voorhees]

Licuria was shedding his tears
When Mick came and hugged the poor dear
It seemed really suss
I dont want to but must ..
Infer they're a couple of queers

[Bring-Back-Powell]

Never try to understand
The breed they call the Collingwood fan
Crude, uncouth
and bare of tooth
Surely God's little joke on man!
Are you sure you have nothing to do with Bee Dee.

Great poems :thumbsu:

[Corpuscles]

Re run in the right bay

Said Buddy I wana be like Jesus
might not be until Hell freezes
for with the dorks i do play
they say were gotta b gay
Lord, make sure I dont bend over when I sneezes


The boss his name is kennett
kicked out the social club as tenants
said if ya wana go to the pub
I recommend the Geebung Polo Club
take it over and then we will sell it

[jj1978]

Yoohoo where are you Buckley my sire,
called out Mr Eddie McGuire.
Please come back to bed,
So I can give you h##d
To the tune "cmon baby light my fire"

[Scroater]

The Dogs have had their highs and lows
Today at the "G" played the crows
In the finals we'll play
And the Dogs on their day
Only need to win the big one by a nose.

[Matt_TY]

There were some Port Adelaide fans,
whose Friday did not go as planned
Their team may have lost
But over that they glossed
"It's the umpires", they said, to a man.

[Tormented Tiger]

We all know the team called Freo
who's structure was built with no reo
when the cracks start to appear
their fans disappear
about the time we move to virgo from leo.

[jj1978]

Oh hear these words from Eddie Mcguire
Nathan Buckley will be our Messiah
He had hoped it would be Mick Malthouse,
but we now all know he'll be locked in the nuthouse
It aint lookin good for the Collingwood Empire

[Bee]

Not a limerick in the true sense. But nevertheless!

I'll tell you a tale of a September day
when two giants came out to play.
The Bombers came all set for the kill
baying for Blue blood to spill.
But the Blues too had come for the battle
aiming for the Bombers dreams to rattle.

With seconds remaining the Blues held tight
But then for the Bombers came a wonderful sight
Up the field Wallis did fly,
"Oh no, not that prick" the Blues fans did cry!
He swooped on the ball laughing with glee
Kick this goal and a hero I'll be.
But in two seconds flat he was kissing the ground
Stopped in his tracks by that dog - Fraser Brown.

The commotion was deafening it shook the whole joint
The Blues had won by a solitary point!
They'd chopped the Bombers down from the knees
For the mother of all bloody victories!

[Milkman]

Players come in all different classes
You may argue that your bloke surpasses
It's a fruitless pursuit
As you cannot dispute
That Judd owns all of your arses

[manmountain]

The Dons held a function for Jim,
A chance for the club to toast him,
On results it would seem,
That the rest of the team,
Thought the occasion was not worth a win.

[sawf]

there once was a man from nantucket
whose kick was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
wiping Derm from his chin
"if my ear was a punt I could ruck it"

[Scroater]

An Essendon player called Lovett
Went for the ball couldn't glove it
He took to the grog
Cause he was playing like a dog
Sheeds said if you can't play sober you can shove it.

[Corpuscles]

Well Jenny Craig is coach of the Crows
A mad scientist suppose everyone knows
Reckons the team ourt'a taper
looked good on paper
flag chances getting slimer, teh longer it goes!

Wet Toast they have pharmacist Woosha
he's coach and apparently head pusher
to get a team on the park
has banned em from driving after dark
E_vils are shuned with a big .....shoosha!!!!

The Swans they have a champ called Paul Roos
Unflapable, his style is to cruise
has the team on the right track
heading for premiers back to back
stay tuned not long till ya hear the news!!!!

Well the wobbles they have M Malthouse
has some players due for dump'in inta out-house
track record is perpetually bad
no, its predicable so not a bit sad
watchin them lose another final will be grouse!!!!

[Chewy]

There was a young man from Bris-bane
Whose teammates all thought him a pain
His coach laid down the law
And showed him the door
But their loss was some other club's gain



There was an old Bull named Richardson
Who said let me paint you the picture, son
If you quit the nose picking
And practise your kicking
The Tiges will be premiers in the future, son

[Chewy]

A West Aussie half forward flanker
Whose parents were both from Sri Lanka
Was not getting the crumbs
So he punched Mitch in the plums
An act lower than Fremantle's anchor

[goDees22]

A West Aussie half forward flanker
Whose parents were both from Sri Lanka
Was not getting the crumbs
So he punched Mitch in the plums
An act lower than Fremantle's anchor
haha, that is comedy gold right there

[Chewy]

There was a grumpy, old sourpuss named Malthouse
Who stamped his feet and screamed loudly, "That's shithouse!"
He threw down his head-set
Brad Gotch said, "Mick, don't fret -
"There'll be plenty of time for the nuthouse"

[Jason Voorhees]

At Freo they love Jeffrey Farmer
But the rest say he's no *****ing charmer
He an arrogant ****er
And i really do hanker
for when the Gods pay him back with some karma

[Macpie]

There was an old eedjit called Sheedy
Who thought that his skipper was needy
They passed round the hat
So that footy's "fat cat"
Could continue his life-style so greedy

[Bee]

The Pie fans all gifts they do proffer
at the altar of the God they call Joffa,
They are forever lifting him higher
But you know he's not the messiah
Just another Collingwood tosser!

[Loco_Pie]

Jack said I've got a plan and it's grand,
We'll build up a big legends stand,
But Jack left your club broke, the joint is a joke,
and you're left with your **** in your hand.

[TheGeneral]

There was a man called Whitnall
Who ended up looking like a big red fitball
This was due to having too manys parmas
But he became a boon for all the fat farmers

[Corpuscles]

Well the Dees they have a yokel called Danners
A master of all rollercoaster planners
Tanked for an exciting young list
A final win would be bliss
But to fix the injuries can he find the right spanners?

Freo have got a chappy nic'd Cuddles
took over a club with a history of troubles
He's tried to rid them of the canker
but most consider him a w_anker
Cause most often he just gets the muddles!

St Kilda have an exec known as Cornflakes
always apologising for his mistakes
ya gotta feel sorry for the poor 'Aints
with a team of potential greats
But under pressure they just get the shakes!

The doggies they got ROCKET Eade
Not surprising they are known for their speed
A club facing permanent adversity
But younguns been to game plan university
2007 get on em! and beat the stampede!

[Scroater]

Freo's finals have been few in the past
They've snuck up this year pretty fast
They've started with the mouth
Their dreams are heading south
Get off em it aint gonna last