View Full Version : Cricket Jokes - gotta love the Poms!!
SeinDude
26 Feb 2002, 13:57
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.
Q. What does Alan Mullally put in his hands to make sure the next ball
almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.
Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An allrounder.
Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What was the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English
batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the English team?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What advantage do Nasser Hussain, Mark Ramprakash, Dean Headley,
Alex Tudor, Alan Mullally, the Hollioakes, Mark Alleyne and Graeme Hick have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler in England?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
Q. Who spent the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
SeinDude :cool:
Briedis
26 Feb 2002, 15:23
LOL! Excellent work Seindude!:D :D :cool:
NICK THE PIE MAN
26 Feb 2002, 16:20
That email went around before the begining of the Ashes series last year but it still cracks me up!
SeinDude
26 Feb 2002, 16:29
Nick,
Yeah, I have had that in my "jokes files" for a while... I wasn't sure if it had been done but it's always good to laugh at the Poms expense!! :D:D
SeinDude
eagleskickass
26 Feb 2002, 16:54
LOL
Classic, I actually haven't heard any of them, a real good laugh.
I haven't heard them either Seiny so cheers, good stuff.
Mmmmm....well you've gotta laugh I suppose.:(
The English cricket team had a fancy dress party, with all players, coaching and management staff invited.
Mark Ramprakash went dressed as a batsman.
Briedis
27 Feb 2002, 08:07
I don't mind Rampers actually....good strokemaker. Unfortunately he never lasts long enough to get a big score. I doubt he will ever play for England again....
Originally posted by Briedis
I don't mind Rampers actually....good strokemaker. Unfortunately he never lasts long enough to get a big score. I doubt he will ever play for England again....
Errr he's actually pretty much a first choice for the Test side at the moment & I would expect him to play in all the tests in NZ.
HHe started off as a good stroke maker his problem has been rather than play with this natural freedom he becomes too defensive hangs about without scoring & it's only a matter of time before he gets out.
Bomber Spirit
27 Feb 2002, 19:54
An oldie, and not really a goodie:
A kid's parents were getting divorced and a social worker was asking him about his wishes. The social worker asked him "Do you want to live with your mother?"
"No way" replied the boy. "My mother beats me"
He was then asked "Do you want to live with your father then?" and replied "No way. My father beats me."
"Who do you want to live with then?" was the final question.
To which the boy answered "The England cricket team. They can't beat anyone."
Briedis
28 Feb 2002, 07:40
Originally posted by DIPPER
Errr he's actually pretty much a first choice for the Test side at the moment & I would expect him to play in all the tests in NZ.
HHe started off as a good stroke maker his problem has been rather than play with this natural freedom he becomes too defensive hangs about without scoring & it's only a matter of time before he gets out.
He had a resonable series in India...I'd actually like to see him get picked because I think he's quite a good player....you're right though he looks a bit tentative or something and is not playing his natural game.
What is the test squad for the NZ series?
If I was a selector for the first test I would pick:
Trescothick
Butcher
Hussain
Vaughan
Thorpe
Ramprakash
Foster
Giles
Caddick
Gough
Hoggard
12th - Flintoff
I think Ramps needs to perform as I'm sure the ECB would love a new Botham and would be keen to get either Flintoff or White into his spot. The top five looks solid though....
red+black
28 Feb 2002, 07:49
not a joke, but worth a laugh at the kiwi's expense:
<http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2002/02/27/1014704967117.html>
Those jokes aren't in the least bit funny. :mad:
wagstaff
2 Mar 2002, 11:56
Here's another English cricketing joke, the side's performance against the New Zealand local side Otago.
http://www-nz.cricket.org/link_to_database/NEW/LIVE/frames/ENG_OTAGO_02-04MAR2002.html
It's been quite amazing the praise Nasser Hussain's side has got on their efforts in India and New Zealand so far. Admittedly they are young and undermanned, but with the way the English press carry on you wouldn't realise that they lost the Test series against India, drew the one-day series against India and lost the one-day series against New Zealand.