Lach72
13 Dec 2006, 11:32
Who Knows? Sounds like Warney... :p
>Day 5 of the second test. We're 1 nil up and If I was playing for
>England today I would be thinking... slow and steady lads, slow and
>steady. But I'm not thank god and his son Jesus Christ, I'm Australian,
>and I've woken up with a horn that a dog couldn't chew, and I'm not
>sure if it's because I can't wait to get that cherry in my hand and get
>stuck into the soap dodgers... or if it hasn't gone down since phone
>sex with Rianna Ponting last night. Anyway, no one in my room to stick
>it in, no time to get on the text messages, so I best jump in the David
>Gower and work up a nice lather and give the cleaner some work to do on
>the tiles. Hot breakfast this morning, quite by accident. Put the lit
>end of the ciggie into my gob while changing hands to down an Iced
>Coffee. Pup Clarke thought it was a hell of a joke until I told him I
>used his p00fy white skivvy to mop up after a phone conversation with
>his sister last night. All the boys are full of beans this morning
>though at breaky. Pigeon was telling everyone the odds he'd got for us
>to win this morning, and how he's whacked all the money he won on
>McGilla not being selected, straight on us.
>Prick could have shared his bookie with me, I happen to think we'll get
>up today too. Particularly with the team they've got on the park. Giles
>couldn't turn a steak into $hit. Jones couldn't keep a ********ing secret,
>or buy a run. " Bell end" wouldn't know what I was chucking at him, in
>fact Kay Pee and that bloke with the stupid name that doesn't usually
>get a game
>are their only hope.
>Arrive at the ground and while the rest of them are keen to get into
the
>nets for a warm up, I've got plans to test out the Adelaide sewage
>system by sending one of the biggest t.rds Adelaide has ever seen into
>it. I'm only 15 minutes into this fine little session, not even up the
>centrefold spread yet, when I hear a muffled voice talking about the
>history of test cricket and how if you look back, the chances of
>Australia getting a win are so remote it's not worth considering, and
>how England just need to go steady, nothing silly needs to be done, a
>draw here will do just fine with
>3 tests still to go, maybe we can wear down an ageing aussie side...
>then, along with that monster t.rd I was talking about, the penny has
>dropped...
>I'm in the wrong ********ing change room, and I'm listening to Freddy
>Flinstone give his pre match "inspiring" speech.... note to self, NEVER
>complain about punters speeches again.
>So with the knowledge that we now had the game in the bag, out we trot
>to the centre. I've grabbed the new ball and told punter I'll sort this
>lot out.. punters told me to pull my stupid head in and wait till I'm
>told....
>this is what happens when you give a short man from Tasmania a bit of
>authority, he tries to make you pay for all the inbreeding jokes ever
>created. Still, I'll bide my time, we've got all day. 10 minutes into
>session 1 and punter can't even look at me when he throws me the
rock...
>of course I let him know he's made the first good call for the game,
and
>I've asked him to trot down to fine leg please.. even he laughed at
that
>one while jogging to first slip. An hour or so later and I'm well on
the
>way to completely stripping any sense of pride the unwashed have built
>in the past
>4 days. Strauss was easy, nice catch by Mr. Cricket by the way, this
>bloke is so good to me, and the team for that matter, I almost feel
>guilty about pegging his new girlfriend. Bell "end" run out by me, even
>when getting run out this poor ba$tard has my name next to his in the
>wicket column.... Kay Pee, I enjoyed this one, certainly wiped the
>stupid smile from his south african dial.....Giles, from one spinner to
>one that isn't, this was a forgettable one..... and then Hoggard, felt
>sorry for this poor p.ick, I've never seen anyone this ugly before, I
>can see why he grows that hair.
>So that's that... we had 168 to knock off in the final session, which
>was always going to happen. 2-0 to us, punter named man of the match,
>but we all know I deserved it.
>Beers will flow in our rooms, tears will flow in theirs. The Ashes are
>back, and thank god they didn't have them for long enough for anyone to
>realise!
>Love to your missus
>SK Warne.
>Day 5 of the second test. We're 1 nil up and If I was playing for
>England today I would be thinking... slow and steady lads, slow and
>steady. But I'm not thank god and his son Jesus Christ, I'm Australian,
>and I've woken up with a horn that a dog couldn't chew, and I'm not
>sure if it's because I can't wait to get that cherry in my hand and get
>stuck into the soap dodgers... or if it hasn't gone down since phone
>sex with Rianna Ponting last night. Anyway, no one in my room to stick
>it in, no time to get on the text messages, so I best jump in the David
>Gower and work up a nice lather and give the cleaner some work to do on
>the tiles. Hot breakfast this morning, quite by accident. Put the lit
>end of the ciggie into my gob while changing hands to down an Iced
>Coffee. Pup Clarke thought it was a hell of a joke until I told him I
>used his p00fy white skivvy to mop up after a phone conversation with
>his sister last night. All the boys are full of beans this morning
>though at breaky. Pigeon was telling everyone the odds he'd got for us
>to win this morning, and how he's whacked all the money he won on
>McGilla not being selected, straight on us.
>Prick could have shared his bookie with me, I happen to think we'll get
>up today too. Particularly with the team they've got on the park. Giles
>couldn't turn a steak into $hit. Jones couldn't keep a ********ing secret,
>or buy a run. " Bell end" wouldn't know what I was chucking at him, in
>fact Kay Pee and that bloke with the stupid name that doesn't usually
>get a game
>are their only hope.
>Arrive at the ground and while the rest of them are keen to get into
the
>nets for a warm up, I've got plans to test out the Adelaide sewage
>system by sending one of the biggest t.rds Adelaide has ever seen into
>it. I'm only 15 minutes into this fine little session, not even up the
>centrefold spread yet, when I hear a muffled voice talking about the
>history of test cricket and how if you look back, the chances of
>Australia getting a win are so remote it's not worth considering, and
>how England just need to go steady, nothing silly needs to be done, a
>draw here will do just fine with
>3 tests still to go, maybe we can wear down an ageing aussie side...
>then, along with that monster t.rd I was talking about, the penny has
>dropped...
>I'm in the wrong ********ing change room, and I'm listening to Freddy
>Flinstone give his pre match "inspiring" speech.... note to self, NEVER
>complain about punters speeches again.
>So with the knowledge that we now had the game in the bag, out we trot
>to the centre. I've grabbed the new ball and told punter I'll sort this
>lot out.. punters told me to pull my stupid head in and wait till I'm
>told....
>this is what happens when you give a short man from Tasmania a bit of
>authority, he tries to make you pay for all the inbreeding jokes ever
>created. Still, I'll bide my time, we've got all day. 10 minutes into
>session 1 and punter can't even look at me when he throws me the
rock...
>of course I let him know he's made the first good call for the game,
and
>I've asked him to trot down to fine leg please.. even he laughed at
that
>one while jogging to first slip. An hour or so later and I'm well on
the
>way to completely stripping any sense of pride the unwashed have built
>in the past
>4 days. Strauss was easy, nice catch by Mr. Cricket by the way, this
>bloke is so good to me, and the team for that matter, I almost feel
>guilty about pegging his new girlfriend. Bell "end" run out by me, even
>when getting run out this poor ba$tard has my name next to his in the
>wicket column.... Kay Pee, I enjoyed this one, certainly wiped the
>stupid smile from his south african dial.....Giles, from one spinner to
>one that isn't, this was a forgettable one..... and then Hoggard, felt
>sorry for this poor p.ick, I've never seen anyone this ugly before, I
>can see why he grows that hair.
>So that's that... we had 168 to knock off in the final session, which
>was always going to happen. 2-0 to us, punter named man of the match,
>but we all know I deserved it.
>Beers will flow in our rooms, tears will flow in theirs. The Ashes are
>back, and thank god they didn't have them for long enough for anyone to
>realise!
>Love to your missus
>SK Warne.