View Full Version : Rate a Character: Lionel Hutz
This character is a gun. Anything that comes out of his mouth is gold.
10/10 the perfect occasionally appearing character. RIP Hartman.
wally funk
17 Feb 2008, 15:42
great thread! hartman is a legend - if it weren't for his perfect voice and comic delivery, the character simply wouldnt have been the same, but as it happened hutz was a terrific character, mercifully used sparingly. god knows what we might think of hutz if he was in it every second week.
"Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement."
"Why don't I just give you this pen with my phone number on it. It looks just like a cigar. Isn't that something!"
"Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!"
"Judge: Case dismissed!
Hutz: Your Honor... Do I still get paid?"
"Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!"
"Hutz: Mr. Burns, we've got witnesses, precedent and a paper trail a mile long.
Burns: Yes. But I have ten high-priced lawyers.
Hutz: Ya, ya, yaaa!!! [runs out of office]
Homer: He left his briefcase. Hey, it's full of shredded newspaper."
"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story". "
"Lionel Hutz, executor of Ms. Bouvier's estate. She left a video-will so I earn my fee simply by pressing the "play" button. Pretty sweet, eh?"
"Late Ms. Bouvier [video-will]: Now let's get down to business...
Hutz [voice dubbed in]: To my executor, Lionel Hutz, I leave $50,000.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!!!
Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works, you really would."
"Hutz: Don't worry, Homer. I have a foolproof strategy to get you out of here. Surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. The judge won't know what hit him.
*pans out to reveal Hutz is actually in a cell beside Homer*
Guard: Pipe down in there Hutz!"
"Hutz: Now Marge, you've come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey.
[sniff] Better cut down there, Smokey! [laughs]
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Hutz: [excited] Look - he's taking another puff!
Marge: Mr. Hutz! This was all a misunderstanding; I didn't mean to take anything. [Lionel disappointedly drops the smoking monkey in a drawer full of identical critters]
Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidently' with `repeatedly', and replace `dog' with `son'."
"Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive. Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Prosecutor: Your Honor, I'm so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt, that I can waste the court's time rating the superhunks.
Hutz: Ooohh. He's gonna' win.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!"
"Now Apu, Mrs. Simpsons claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of... delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. What's that? You want me to drink you? I'm in the middle of a trial."
"Hutz: Kids, I have a crazy feeling your mother's not going to prison.
Bart & Lisa: Yay!
Lisa: You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow!
Hutz: Uh...wasn't he the black guy on The Mod Squad?
Bart: Mr. Hutz when I grow up I want to be a lawyer just like you.
Hutz: Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
[Hutz imagines a scene of people of all nationalities (plus Elvis) holding hands and dancing around in a circle under a rainbow]
Hutz: Argh."
"Bailiff: Next case, The National Council of Churches v. Lionel Hutz.
Hutz: Oh yeah, that thing."
"Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.
Judge: Hmmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know that you're not wearing any pants?
Hutz: DAAAA!! I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.
Judge: You mean the lawyer?
Hutz: Right."
"Judge: The foreman will pass the verdict to the bailiff.
[Hutz hands him something]
Judge: This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says guilty. And guilty is spelled wrong.
Hutz: Eep. "
"Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him! He's wearing a belt. [wistfully] That's Hollywood for ya."
"Don't touch my stuff! Hey, this isn't the YMCA..."
"Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all of your personal papers?
Hutz: As of now, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!"
"Hutz: Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it."
"Hutz: First some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
Evil Flanders: Agreed. Number two, the jury will be chosen by me.
Hutz: Agreed. [realizing] No, wait --
Evil Flanders: Silence!"
*Hutz advertises "case won or your pizza free"*
" Hutz: I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
! Marge: But we did win.
! Hutz: That's okay. The box is empty."
"Hutz: Well, you good folks can rest easy now because you've come to the very best in legal representation.
Skinner: Uh, excuse me, is there an Orange Julius stand on this floor?
Hutz: I'll sell you this one, it's almost full.
Skinner: Well, why don't I drink out of a toilet bowl.
Hutz: He'll be back. And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in this state -- often as a lawyer. [drinks his Orange Julius]"
"Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
Judge: You rest your case?
Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. CASE CLOSED."
"Hutz: Mr. Mayor, is it true you rigged the election?
Sideshow Bob: No, I did not.
Hutz: [pause] Kids, help.
[the judge shrugs]"
"I'll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private! You stick your nose in, you'll be violating attorney-dumpster confidentiality."
"Milhouse baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, unauthorized biographer and drug dealer..., er keeper awayer."
"Judge: Mr. Hutz w've been in here for four hours. Do you have any evidence at all?
Hutz: Well, Your Honor. We've plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence."
"Bart: Keep the trial open. I'll be right back.
Hutz: Your Honor, I'd like to call all of my surpise witnesses again. [crowd groaning]
The Surprise Witnesses:
* Man with a dummy
* Santa Claus with a broken leg on crutches
* John Swartzwelder (Simpsons Andre-like animator)
* Ralph Wiggum
* the McCrary twins, on their motorcycles "
Call me a pathetic, soulless creation of the tv generation but when I heard the tragic news of Hartman's death, my overriding concern was that Lionel Hutz was no more.
God I'm petty....
ManWithNoName
17 Feb 2008, 16:35
Characters like Lionel Hutz, Troy McLure and to a lesser extent Zapp Brannigan make you realise just what a loss to the world Phil Hartman was :(
GAS PANIC
17 Feb 2008, 16:58
Characters like Lionel Hutz, Troy McLure and to a lesser extent Zapp Brannigan make you realise just what a loss to the world Phil Hartman was :(
That isn't Hartman
krisholio14
17 Feb 2008, 17:01
"Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement."
"Why don't I just give you this pen with my phone number on it. It looks just like a cigar. Isn't that something!"
"Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!"
"Judge: Case dismissed!
Hutz: Your Honor... Do I still get paid?"
"Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!"
"Hutz: Mr. Burns, we've got witnesses, precedent and a paper trail a mile long.
Burns: Yes. But I have ten high-priced lawyers.
Hutz: Ya, ya, yaaa!!! [runs out of office]
Homer: He left his briefcase. Hey, it's full of shredded newspaper."
"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story". "
"Lionel Hutz, executor of Ms. Bouvier's estate. She left a video-will so I earn my fee simply by pressing the "play" button. Pretty sweet, eh?"
"Late Ms. Bouvier [video-will]: Now let's get down to business...
Hutz [voice dubbed in]: To my executor, Lionel Hutz, I leave $50,000.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!!!
Hutz: You'd be surprised how often that works, you really would."
"Hutz: Don't worry, Homer. I have a foolproof strategy to get you out of here. Surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. The judge won't know what hit him.
*pans out to reveal Hutz is actually in a cell beside Homer*
Guard: Pipe down in there Hutz!"
"Hutz: Now Marge, you've come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey.
[sniff] Better cut down there, Smokey! [laughs]
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Hutz: [excited] Look - he's taking another puff!
Marge: Mr. Hutz! This was all a misunderstanding; I didn't mean to take anything. [Lionel disappointedly drops the smoking monkey in a drawer full of identical critters]
Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidently' with `repeatedly', and replace `dog' with `son'."
"Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive. Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Prosecutor: Your Honor, I'm so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt, that I can waste the court's time rating the superhunks.
Hutz: Ooohh. He's gonna' win.
Marge: Mr. Hutz!"
"Now Apu, Mrs. Simpsons claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of... delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. What's that? You want me to drink you? I'm in the middle of a trial."
"Hutz: Kids, I have a crazy feeling your mother's not going to prison.
Bart & Lisa: Yay!
Lisa: You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow!
Hutz: Uh...wasn't he the black guy on The Mod Squad?
Bart: Mr. Hutz when I grow up I want to be a lawyer just like you.
Hutz: Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
[Hutz imagines a scene of people of all nationalities (plus Elvis) holding hands and dancing around in a circle under a rainbow]
Hutz: Argh."
"Bailiff: Next case, The National Council of Churches v. Lionel Hutz.
Hutz: Oh yeah, that thing."
"Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.
Judge: Hmmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know that you're not wearing any pants?
Hutz: DAAAA!! I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.
Judge: You mean the lawyer?
Hutz: Right."
"Judge: The foreman will pass the verdict to the bailiff.
[Hutz hands him something]
Judge: This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says guilty. And guilty is spelled wrong.
Hutz: Eep. "
"Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him! He's wearing a belt. [wistfully] That's Hollywood for ya."
"Don't touch my stuff! Hey, this isn't the YMCA..."
"Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all of your personal papers?
Hutz: As of now, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!"
"Hutz: Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it."
"Hutz: First some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
Evil Flanders: Agreed. Number two, the jury will be chosen by me.
Hutz: Agreed. [realizing] No, wait --
Evil Flanders: Silence!"
*Hutz advertises "case won or your pizza free"*
" Hutz: I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
! Marge: But we did win.
! Hutz: That's okay. The box is empty."
"Hutz: Well, you good folks can rest easy now because you've come to the very best in legal representation.
Skinner: Uh, excuse me, is there an Orange Julius stand on this floor?
Hutz: I'll sell you this one, it's almost full.
Skinner: Well, why don't I drink out of a toilet bowl.
Hutz: He'll be back. And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in this state -- often as a lawyer. [drinks his Orange Julius]"
"Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
Judge: You rest your case?
Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. CASE CLOSED."
"Hutz: Mr. Mayor, is it true you rigged the election?
Sideshow Bob: No, I did not.
Hutz: [pause] Kids, help.
[the judge shrugs]"
"I'll have you know the contents of that dumpster are private! You stick your nose in, you'll be violating attorney-dumpster confidentiality."
"Milhouse baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, unauthorized biographer and drug dealer..., er keeper awayer."
"Judge: Mr. Hutz w've been in here for four hours. Do you have any evidence at all?
Hutz: Well, Your Honor. We've plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence."
"Bart: Keep the trial open. I'll be right back.
Hutz: Your Honor, I'd like to call all of my surpise witnesses again. [crowd groaning]
The Surprise Witnesses:
* Man with a dummy
* Santa Claus with a broken leg on crutches
* John Swartzwelder (Simpsons Andre-like animator)
* Ralph Wiggum
* the McCrary twins, on their motorcycles "
Anyone care to join me in a belt of scotch? :D
"Look at him! He's taking another puff!"
Great character, due in no small part to the vocal efforts of Hartman.
bringbackschwarter5
17 Feb 2008, 17:06
Aka Miguel Sanchez
Bourky23
17 Feb 2008, 17:17
lionel hutz... my favourite character of them all
Freo Big Fella
17 Feb 2008, 17:56
Hutz: Mrs Simpson, your sexual harrasment case is just what I need to rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge: But it's 9:30 in the morning!
Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days.
campbell023
17 Feb 2008, 17:57
That isn't Hartman
Hartman was ment to be him, but insted Billy West did it.
Homer: So, you think I have a case?
Hutz: Homer, I don't use the word "hero" very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woo hoo!
http://www.vectisdirect.co.uk/images/super/TV229.jpg
ManWithNoName
17 Feb 2008, 18:29
That isn't Hartman
The role was originally written for him. Billy West changed his performance a bit so that it'd better match Hartmans original portrayal.
Bourky23
17 Feb 2008, 18:35
links people! links!:D
Admiral Afterworld
17 Feb 2008, 19:03
Lionel Hutz is awesome :thumbsu:
There is no positive that can be taken out of the murder of Phil Hartman, but if there is it would be that Lionel Hutz (and Troy McClure) never appeared in any many, many shit post-season 10 episodes. The character ended with a perfect record :thumbsu:
ExTasDeeMan
17 Feb 2008, 19:35
Aka Miguel Sanchez
Aka Nguyen Van Phoc
Many characters that you see on the simpsons are based on movie characters or real people, however Hutz was a complete character in his own right.
Sensational body of work.
Characters like Lionel Hutz, Troy McLure and to a lesser extent Zapp Brannigan make you realise just what a loss to the world Phil Hartman was :(
And in such brutal circumstances as well. A great loss indeed.
wce4premiership
19 Feb 2008, 12:16
Sad that the characters are gone. I miss hutz and mclure.
metallichris
19 Feb 2008, 15:16
Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.
Hutz: Three.
Homer: Two.
Hutz: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage.
Homer: Done!
Hutz: [proudly] Still got it.
Art Vandelay
19 Feb 2008, 17:23
Easily my favorite Simpson's character. So many memorable quotes, but you can't go past this gem.
Hutz: No don't you worry Mrs. Simpson, I-Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Hutz: Well, replace the word “kinda” with the word “repeatedly,” and the word “dog” with “son.”
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
Marge: We pretty much went straight home.
Hutz: Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
Marge: We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Hutz: And when you couldn't find any?
Marge: (crying) We went fishing!
Peninsula Boy
19 Feb 2008, 17:28
5 stars for this great character.
Mr Sensitive
20 Feb 2008, 09:37
The role was originally written for him. Billy West changed his performance a bit so that it'd better match Hartmans original portrayal.
Fair enough... though Billy West's portrayal is still bloody fantastic:thumbsu:
peternorth
20 Feb 2008, 09:46
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.
Marge: We pretty much went straight home.
Hutz: Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.
Marge: We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Hutz: And when you couldn't find any?
Marge: (crying) We went fishing!
...and
Lionel Hutz (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0367005/): Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?
wce4premiership
20 Feb 2008, 09:51
Fair enough... though Billy West's portrayal is still bloody fantastic:thumbsu:Definitely agree. Zap brannigan is a brilliant character. It is often these lesser characters that make a show.
dascman03
20 Feb 2008, 16:46
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to prove to you not only that Freddy Quimby is guilty, but that he is also innocent of not being guilty."
One of, if not, the best character in The Simpsons.
ManWithNoName
20 Feb 2008, 17:38
...and
Lionel Hutz (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0367005/): Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?
Fat Guy: That could've been me!
I agree with the comments above regarding Hartman, Hutz and McLure.
Here is some classic Troy McLure:
Hi I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from.....
....such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly," and "Here Comes the Metric System!"
....such fishing films as 'Cast Out' or 'The Reel Deal.'
....such films as "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" and "Dial 'M' for Murderousness".
....such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!"
....such celebrity funerals as "Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye" and "Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn A Stooge".
....such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot".
....such instructional videos as "Mothballing Your Battleship" and "Dig Your Own Grave and Save".
....such public service videos as "Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds" and "Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness".
....such medical films as "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore" and "Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?".
....such Do-It-Yourself home videos such as "The half-assed approach to foundation repair"
Peninsula Boy
20 Feb 2008, 18:35
Call me a pathetic, soulless creation of the tv generation but when I heard the tragic news of Hartman's death, my overriding concern was that Lionel Hutz was no more.
God I'm petty....
... and Troy McLure.
I think the character reamins so untarnished is because Hutz didn't appear in any of the later, crappier episodes.
wce4premiership
20 Feb 2008, 19:49
I think the character reamins so untarnished is because Hutz didn't appear in any of the later, crappier episodes.Maybe the episodes would be better if these characters were still around. Perhaps they have had to throw out hundreds of their ideas and start again.
Hutz: Mrs Simpson, your sexual harrasment case is just what I need to rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge: But it's 9:30 in the morning!
Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days.
Probably his best lines :D
can someone just explain to me how Hartman was killed?
if that's at all possible
i'm a little confused
ManWithNoName
21 Feb 2008, 19:58
can someone just explain to me how Hartman was killed?
if that's at all possible
i'm a little confused
His wife and he fought. Phil went to bed. His wife shot him while he was asleep before killing herself.
:(
legitimatic
22 Feb 2008, 04:31
*Hutz advertises "case won or your pizza free"*
" Hutz: I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
! Marge: But we did win.
! Hutz: That's okay. The box is empty."
This in particular always cracks me up when I watch it, just the way he opens the box, the tone in his voice and his smile is brilliant.
A great, great character.
johnnyhoward
22 Feb 2008, 21:55
Maybe the episodes would be better if these characters were still around. Perhaps they have had to throw out hundreds of their ideas and start again.
If Hutz was a main character and he was the basis of the show, that might be true. But his brilliant cameos added even more to already brilliant episodes back in the day. Hartman's vocal antics and delivery were just sensational.
Now Apu, Mrs. Simpsons claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of... delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. What's that? You want me to drink you? I'm in the middle of a trial.
Bender571
23 Feb 2008, 00:08
My favourite Hutz moment has to be the whole business ad thing.
Hutz: All right gentleman. I will take your case. But I will require a thousand dollar retainer.
Bart: A thousand dollars. But your ad says "no money down".
[unedited ad :
Works on contingency.
No money down]
Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up. [corrects ad with felt-marker]
[edited ad:
Works on contingency?
No, Money Down!]
Bart: So you don't work on a contingency basis?
Hutz: No, money down. Oops, I shouldn't have the Bar Association logo here either. [Hutz eats ad]
It loses a bit without the animation but its still gold:D
http://www.snpp.com/guides/hutz.file.html
afl genius
23 Feb 2008, 10:42
Best quote he did was this
Hutz: Now Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name.
Have you ever forgotten anything?
Apu: No. In fact I can recite pi to 40,000 places.
And the last digit is 1.
Homer: Mmm... pie.
Hutz: Well if you never forget anything. Tell me this. What color tie am I wearing? [turns around]
Apu: You are wearing a red and white club tie in a half-windsor knot.
Hutz: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that's what you think, I have something to tell you [ugh]. Something which may shock and discredit you [ugh]. And that thing is as follows [as he finally undoes the whole tie]. I'm not wearing a tie at all. [jury gasps]
Apu: If I am wrong about that. Maybe I am wrong about Mrs. Simpson.
Hutz: No further questions. [Hutz raises his arm and the tie is sticking out of his sleeve]
wally funk
23 Feb 2008, 12:03
that's an absolute masterpiece of a scene.
Lionel Hutz: [Hutz is tempted by the bottle of Bourbon during Marge's trial and excuses himself, running to a payphone] Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
David Crosby: Just take it one day at a time and know that I love you.
Lionel Hutz: I love you too, man.