fishmonger
19 May 2008, 17:58
Andrew Demetriou today officially welcomed the "Gold Coast Sandheads", the 17th club to enter the AFL competition as he showed off the new strip, a sand covered business suit and shovel at Jupiters casino.
Demetriou said that the nickname Sandheads was chosen because "it reflected the culture of the AFL when it comes to expansion", the casino was chosen as a launch venue, "because basically we're taking a bloody huge gamble. But that's ok, it is only our stakeholders who we are risking, I've already stitched up my mansion at Toorak."
In his speech at the launch, Demetriou explained, "We've had some fantastic response to the new team." he said, "This weekend we got a crowds of just under 7,000. Sure we counted empty seats and free tickets, but even when you subtract them it equates to a healthy 200. When you average our last 3 games, we're only 1,000 down on our crowds in New Zealand which we all know has a huge AFL following. It is even more encouraging given that the Gold Coast has a population only marginally bigger than Tasmania. These figures show that the Gold Coast truly is AFL heartland ripe for the picking".
"A lot of people thought we were just joking, but we actually put in a lot of effort making this club a reality.", said Demietriou, "we put at least an hour alone into the business case and we commissioned the expertise of a lot of interstate locals like Michael Voss and Richard Champion. We've seen at least 3,000 participants in our Grampskick program run in conjunction with the local RSLs, and we've counted all of them in our senior participation statistics.".
"We have the support of the Queensland government to build a new stadium right next to the beach. It will be built out of sand at a cost of $400, includes an open sea pool and will be used as a training facility for the new club that will play all of its matches 100 kilometres away at the Gabba in Brisbane. The Brisbane Bears didn't go so well, so we figured we'd try the reverse. The coach will be Gold Coast mayorall candidate and former Brisbane Bear Warwick Capper. And the Gold Coast city council has generouslly provided us with unlimited use of their excellent toilets to be used as change facilities." Demitrou explains, "The whole thing is a no-brainer. Channel 7 has promised us a blank cheque of over a billion for television rights with an expected audience of 300. The local fish and chip shop will take out 90% of the available corporate boxes and an international corporate sponsor, Subprime has already jumped on board. It is a win win situation all round".
"While we probably could have launched a successful team back in 2004 when the iron was hot, like a blind date, we just didn't know whether we'd hit it off at the time. So we decided that pushing a washed up Melbourne club with no supporters was the better option, just to put a bit of fizz in the glass so to speak. We figured the only way to win over the Gold Coast supporters was to drug them with large does of sedative and to be honest, we couldn't have done it without them. It is just amazing the number of loyal AFL people who cheered for the North Melbourne boys at Carrara this weekend. It is thanks to them that we have the Gold Coast Sandheads and without them it wouldn't be possible. Thank you North Melbourne from the bottom of our hearts."
"To ensure that the new team is competitive, we're going to give the new team every draft pick for the next 10 years and give away over 15,000 tickets a game. We're just going to reuse the expensive Kangaroos TV ads, because we figure the Gold Coasters won't know the difference. What's more, we're going to funnel all of the money from the struggling Melbourne clubs up there so that the AFL commission can retire to waterfront McMansions. We figure that with all but a couple of Melbourne clubs surviving, the new Gold Coast team will give them something to barrack for when they get there."
http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-18048947.jpg?size=572&uid={466c23f7-fb15-4b3b-aa8a-1ed9339d3c4c}
Newly appointed captain of the Sandheads, John Doe, shows off the club's new strip.
:p
Demetriou said that the nickname Sandheads was chosen because "it reflected the culture of the AFL when it comes to expansion", the casino was chosen as a launch venue, "because basically we're taking a bloody huge gamble. But that's ok, it is only our stakeholders who we are risking, I've already stitched up my mansion at Toorak."
In his speech at the launch, Demetriou explained, "We've had some fantastic response to the new team." he said, "This weekend we got a crowds of just under 7,000. Sure we counted empty seats and free tickets, but even when you subtract them it equates to a healthy 200. When you average our last 3 games, we're only 1,000 down on our crowds in New Zealand which we all know has a huge AFL following. It is even more encouraging given that the Gold Coast has a population only marginally bigger than Tasmania. These figures show that the Gold Coast truly is AFL heartland ripe for the picking".
"A lot of people thought we were just joking, but we actually put in a lot of effort making this club a reality.", said Demietriou, "we put at least an hour alone into the business case and we commissioned the expertise of a lot of interstate locals like Michael Voss and Richard Champion. We've seen at least 3,000 participants in our Grampskick program run in conjunction with the local RSLs, and we've counted all of them in our senior participation statistics.".
"We have the support of the Queensland government to build a new stadium right next to the beach. It will be built out of sand at a cost of $400, includes an open sea pool and will be used as a training facility for the new club that will play all of its matches 100 kilometres away at the Gabba in Brisbane. The Brisbane Bears didn't go so well, so we figured we'd try the reverse. The coach will be Gold Coast mayorall candidate and former Brisbane Bear Warwick Capper. And the Gold Coast city council has generouslly provided us with unlimited use of their excellent toilets to be used as change facilities." Demitrou explains, "The whole thing is a no-brainer. Channel 7 has promised us a blank cheque of over a billion for television rights with an expected audience of 300. The local fish and chip shop will take out 90% of the available corporate boxes and an international corporate sponsor, Subprime has already jumped on board. It is a win win situation all round".
"While we probably could have launched a successful team back in 2004 when the iron was hot, like a blind date, we just didn't know whether we'd hit it off at the time. So we decided that pushing a washed up Melbourne club with no supporters was the better option, just to put a bit of fizz in the glass so to speak. We figured the only way to win over the Gold Coast supporters was to drug them with large does of sedative and to be honest, we couldn't have done it without them. It is just amazing the number of loyal AFL people who cheered for the North Melbourne boys at Carrara this weekend. It is thanks to them that we have the Gold Coast Sandheads and without them it wouldn't be possible. Thank you North Melbourne from the bottom of our hearts."
"To ensure that the new team is competitive, we're going to give the new team every draft pick for the next 10 years and give away over 15,000 tickets a game. We're just going to reuse the expensive Kangaroos TV ads, because we figure the Gold Coasters won't know the difference. What's more, we're going to funnel all of the money from the struggling Melbourne clubs up there so that the AFL commission can retire to waterfront McMansions. We figure that with all but a couple of Melbourne clubs surviving, the new Gold Coast team will give them something to barrack for when they get there."
http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-18048947.jpg?size=572&uid={466c23f7-fb15-4b3b-aa8a-1ed9339d3c4c}
Newly appointed captain of the Sandheads, John Doe, shows off the club's new strip.
:p