NakedDeadGuy
3 Oct 2003, 18:23
In the vein of Dennis Cometti, this bloke has come up with some pearlers as a cricket commentator. Got these in an email, thought I'd post it here for anyone who hasn't seen it.
Navjot Sidhu classic commentary:-
"You cannot squeeze the tooth paste back into the tube"
“Everything gets better with age - except bananas”
"Wickets are like wives, you can never say which way they will turn"
“You got chose between tightening you belt or to lose your pants”
“Indians are going to beat the kiwis. Let me tell you my friend that Kiwi is the only bird that doesnt have a wing"
“He is using his bat to make the fielders run all over the place just like my wife uses her broom to make me run all over Punjab”
"The Indians have to be on their toes like midgets at a urinal"
"To catch a trout you have to lose a fly"
“A bold heart is half the battle”
“Even a turtle makes no progress until he sticks his neck out”
“Keep still and have thy will”
“Penny & Penny will make many”
“He who wants a full farm must have old ****s with the young bulls”
“The world is a large fruit cake you will always find some nuts in it”
“An omlette is not made without breaking eggs”
“Mcmillan has to face the music even if he doesnt like the tune”
“What cannot be cured must be endured”
“The old world is not cleaned with soft soap it takes grit”
“Liqour talks mighty loud when loose from the jug”
“Character is not made in a crisis it is exhibited”
“In times of prosperity it pays to remember the fattest pig goes to the butcher”
“The darker the berry the sweeter the juice”
"Mountain of doubt can be blown away by winds of confidence"
“Slow & steady surely loses the race”
“Keep feeding you faith until your doubt starves to death”
“Its the blood of the soldiers, that brings the glory to the general”
“Calamity is the touchstone of the brave mind”
“If if's and and's were pots and pans there would be no tinkers”
“That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it”
“There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run
them over”
“Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.”
“ Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
“Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.”
“Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.”
“Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn”
“He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30”
“As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.”
“The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.”
“The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.”
“The pitch is as dead as a dodo.”
“Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar”
“The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala...one falls and everything else falls”
“Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.”
“You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.”
“He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.”
“One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.”
This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
“Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.”
“Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.”
“The cat with gloves catches no mice.”
“Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.”
“You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.”
“He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.”
“The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason”
"You don't kill a man who is hell-bent on committing suicide"
“In the orchard of opportunity, you can't wait for the fruit to drop”
"Money is like manure. Its no good unless you spread it!"
"They are so timid, they wouldn't say boo to a goose!"
“Good intentions die unless utilized”
"Statistics are like bikinis… what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential!"
“I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination”
“He has a backlift like an octopus falling out of a tree, all over the place”
“There is always free cheese in a mousetrap”
“Come to my parlour said the spider to the fly”
“A dog kennel is no place to hide a sausage”
“You can never unscramble eggs”
“Call the bear uncle until you are safely across the bridge”
"He's wallowing in foolishness like a rhino in an African pool."
“Gamblers they are like toilets broke one day flush the next”
“The only thing you get in life without trying is dandruff”
Cheers
NDG
Navjot Sidhu classic commentary:-
"You cannot squeeze the tooth paste back into the tube"
“Everything gets better with age - except bananas”
"Wickets are like wives, you can never say which way they will turn"
“You got chose between tightening you belt or to lose your pants”
“Indians are going to beat the kiwis. Let me tell you my friend that Kiwi is the only bird that doesnt have a wing"
“He is using his bat to make the fielders run all over the place just like my wife uses her broom to make me run all over Punjab”
"The Indians have to be on their toes like midgets at a urinal"
"To catch a trout you have to lose a fly"
“A bold heart is half the battle”
“Even a turtle makes no progress until he sticks his neck out”
“Keep still and have thy will”
“Penny & Penny will make many”
“He who wants a full farm must have old ****s with the young bulls”
“The world is a large fruit cake you will always find some nuts in it”
“An omlette is not made without breaking eggs”
“Mcmillan has to face the music even if he doesnt like the tune”
“What cannot be cured must be endured”
“The old world is not cleaned with soft soap it takes grit”
“Liqour talks mighty loud when loose from the jug”
“Character is not made in a crisis it is exhibited”
“In times of prosperity it pays to remember the fattest pig goes to the butcher”
“The darker the berry the sweeter the juice”
"Mountain of doubt can be blown away by winds of confidence"
“Slow & steady surely loses the race”
“Keep feeding you faith until your doubt starves to death”
“Its the blood of the soldiers, that brings the glory to the general”
“Calamity is the touchstone of the brave mind”
“If if's and and's were pots and pans there would be no tinkers”
“That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it”
“There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run
them over”
“Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.”
“ Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
“Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.”
“Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.”
“Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn”
“He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30”
“As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.”
“The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.”
“The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.”
“The pitch is as dead as a dodo.”
“Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar”
“The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala...one falls and everything else falls”
“Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.”
“You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.”
“He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.”
“One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.”
This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
“Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.”
“Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.”
“The cat with gloves catches no mice.”
“Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.”
“You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.”
“He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.”
“The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason”
"You don't kill a man who is hell-bent on committing suicide"
“In the orchard of opportunity, you can't wait for the fruit to drop”
"Money is like manure. Its no good unless you spread it!"
"They are so timid, they wouldn't say boo to a goose!"
“Good intentions die unless utilized”
"Statistics are like bikinis… what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential!"
“I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination”
“He has a backlift like an octopus falling out of a tree, all over the place”
“There is always free cheese in a mousetrap”
“Come to my parlour said the spider to the fly”
“A dog kennel is no place to hide a sausage”
“You can never unscramble eggs”
“Call the bear uncle until you are safely across the bridge”
"He's wallowing in foolishness like a rhino in an African pool."
“Gamblers they are like toilets broke one day flush the next”
“The only thing you get in life without trying is dandruff”
Cheers
NDG