- Sep 22, 2000
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One of my favourite scenes from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Just Kitten
- Thread starter Teriyakicat
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- Mar 6, 2014
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- #77
"Pop that little zit"? Lol. That'd be good! Heh heh
- Mar 6, 2014
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- #78
"Pop that little zit"? Lol. That'd be good! Heh heh
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
NO!!! It's priceless!
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
Isn't it funny that when you hear of a new word, name, person etc. then all of a sudden they pop up unexpectedly again! I blame 'cookies' lol
I hadn't heard of David Strassman until winty posted his videos + now, while Google searching, look who appeared? David Strassman, Chuck Wood + Australia's own, Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale, who spat the dummy at Chuck's comments about Ipswich -
"IPSWICH has long been the butt of derogatory jokes and now US ventriloquist David Strassman and his puppet offsider Chuck Wood have got in on the act.
Mayor Paul Pisasale has had enough of people knocking the city, so he has invited Strassman and his puppet to Ipswich so they can learn about the giant strides the city has taken in the economic and cultural spheres.
Radio 4BC announcer Loretta Ryan was at Strassman's recent show at Twelfth Night Theatre when she heard Chuck's digs at Ipswich.
She said the jokes made Ipswich appear "low class" and played to the stereotypical image of the city as a low socio-economic area, so she had Cr Pisasale on her morning show to talk about the portrayal of Ipswich in this way.
Cr Pisasale told the QT "it is high time Dave educated his puppet".
"I suspect Chuck is a good bloke. He gets told what to say. He just needs to get a new master," the mayor said.
When Chuck found out Cr Pisasale was upset about his comments he put this post on Facebook: "I too am tired of doing these cheap jokes, but Dave won't let me use any of my new material. Sucks really."
http://www.qt.com.au/news/mayor-spits-overdummys-comments-mayor-challenges-p/2203132/?ref=hs
I hadn't heard of David Strassman until winty posted his videos + now, while Google searching, look who appeared? David Strassman, Chuck Wood + Australia's own, Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale, who spat the dummy at Chuck's comments about Ipswich -
"IPSWICH has long been the butt of derogatory jokes and now US ventriloquist David Strassman and his puppet offsider Chuck Wood have got in on the act.
Mayor Paul Pisasale has had enough of people knocking the city, so he has invited Strassman and his puppet to Ipswich so they can learn about the giant strides the city has taken in the economic and cultural spheres.
Radio 4BC announcer Loretta Ryan was at Strassman's recent show at Twelfth Night Theatre when she heard Chuck's digs at Ipswich.
She said the jokes made Ipswich appear "low class" and played to the stereotypical image of the city as a low socio-economic area, so she had Cr Pisasale on her morning show to talk about the portrayal of Ipswich in this way.
Cr Pisasale told the QT "it is high time Dave educated his puppet".
"I suspect Chuck is a good bloke. He gets told what to say. He just needs to get a new master," the mayor said.
When Chuck found out Cr Pisasale was upset about his comments he put this post on Facebook: "I too am tired of doing these cheap jokes, but Dave won't let me use any of my new material. Sucks really."
http://www.qt.com.au/news/mayor-spits-overdummys-comments-mayor-challenges-p/2203132/?ref=hs
- Mar 6, 2014
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- #81
Hahahaha! Another dummy spitter chucking a tanty!!! Lol
- Mar 6, 2014
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A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST!!
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on the crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your rear end and go as a toffee apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.
The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST!!
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on the crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your rear end and go as a toffee apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
Hahahaha! Oh Teri, love it! I'll never eat another toffee apple ever again now! Eeeuuuggghhh!
- Mar 6, 2014
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- #84
Hahahaha! Don't take these jokes personally, kitty! 
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
It's hard not to, with that vision embossed on my brain lolHahahaha! Don't take these jokes personally, kitty!
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
Found some more of that episode!
Literally LMAO
Drew: "Colin? Why the sparkle?"
Colin: "Why not?"
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
This thread is not only funny, it's also educational! Now I know what Tinder 'really' IS! + I thought it was something to help start a fire
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
They were both very funny. The first two made me laugh because one kept making the same sound + the second, the woman with dark hair said nothing lol But the women in the second video were fantastic, gotta love people who'll give anything a go. Very good thanks Jub.
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
Winty, I've been laughing at your reply ^^^ all day, just priceless!Nah, that was the dinosaurs!
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
They were all fabulous. Love the way Strassman has the Aussie personalities down so well, + the 'Esplanade Hotel' etc. They were all so much fun. Thanks winty.
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
Teriyakicat what are you doing up at 2am WCTime?
Hello Kitty
Miss Kitty
Time for some Collingwood jokes, although you might know them, but anyway, here goes -
Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
Centrelink was on the other side
What do u say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
I'll have fries with that thanks
Two Collingwood Supporters in a car without any music, who is driving?
The Policeman
What do you call a 30 yr old woman in a Collingwood jumper?
Nanna
You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Collingwood fan - Twice
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
What do Collingwood supporters use as protection during sex?
The bus shelter.
What do Collingwood supporters use as contraception?
Their personalities.
Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships.
The first says, "My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our sex life is like one premiership after another."
The second says, "My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98."
They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing.
"What's wrong," they say as their friend starts sobbing. "Well," she says hesitantly, "my husband supports Collingwood, and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be."
A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits.
"How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked.
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?"
"Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied.
"They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."
A truck driver is driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitch-hiking. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride as usually when the driver sees a Collingwood supporter on the road he runs them over. But with a priest in the truck, he wouldn't be able to carry out his favorite pastime.
But being a good bloke, the truck driver decides to pick up the priest and forgo his fun for this one trip.
Just after the priest jumps into the cab they come across a Collingwood supporter hitchhiking.
The diver decides to swerve to avoid the Collingwood supporter but hears a huge "BOOM!"
The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry - I got him with the door."
What's the difference between a cactus and the Lexus Centre?
A cactus has pricks on the outside.
Why did Cinderella run away from the ball?
Because she played for Collingwood.
What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?
Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.
Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
Centrelink was on the other side
What do u say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
I'll have fries with that thanks
Two Collingwood Supporters in a car without any music, who is driving?
The Policeman
What do you call a 30 yr old woman in a Collingwood jumper?
Nanna
You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Collingwood fan - Twice
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
What do Collingwood supporters use as protection during sex?
The bus shelter.
What do Collingwood supporters use as contraception?
Their personalities.
Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships.
The first says, "My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our sex life is like one premiership after another."
The second says, "My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98."
They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing.
"What's wrong," they say as their friend starts sobbing. "Well," she says hesitantly, "my husband supports Collingwood, and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be."
A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits.
"How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked.
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?"
"Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied.
"They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."
A truck driver is driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitch-hiking. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride as usually when the driver sees a Collingwood supporter on the road he runs them over. But with a priest in the truck, he wouldn't be able to carry out his favorite pastime.
But being a good bloke, the truck driver decides to pick up the priest and forgo his fun for this one trip.
Just after the priest jumps into the cab they come across a Collingwood supporter hitchhiking.
The diver decides to swerve to avoid the Collingwood supporter but hears a huge "BOOM!"
The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry - I got him with the door."
What's the difference between a cactus and the Lexus Centre?
A cactus has pricks on the outside.
Why did Cinderella run away from the ball?
Because she played for Collingwood.
What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?
Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.
Laughing big time you naughty Kitty! You did take note in the Human Dummies skit that the guy said "Get a dog up ya" closely followed by "Carn the Pies", thought he had the supporter bit down pat but then he said something about Swans not long after so perhaps he can't tell 1 bird from another..
Edit - Just adding a joke.. (saving paper
)Camouflage Training
During camouflage training in Louisiana a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general
"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping & yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice & I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches."
"But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard one say,
"Let's eat one now and save the other until winter" that did it."
Last edited:
- Sep 22, 2000
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- Mar 6, 2014
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- #96
Lol! YOU can talk!! And isn't it WST?Teriyakicat what are you doing up at 2am WCTime?
(It's my normal bedtime
)(Were you just getting up for the day, early, or still up from the night before??
)
- Mar 6, 2014
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- #97
SquishyKitty Thanks for the Pies jokes! Absolutely hilarious! They make me laugh no matter how many times I hear them- and there were some I hadn't heard, so it was great
Such a good way to start the day
Such a good way to start the day
- Mar 6, 2014
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- #98
Awww ... Cute!!
I haven't seen that in ages. Good find
