Health Depression

red+black

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neng, why wouldn't you confront her in front of everyone? Point out her behaviour in front of others, tell her that you deserve to be shown respect, "stop trying to act cool in front of your friends". If you need to go there, call her a **** in front of everyone and let them know what she did. Don't get angry or emotional, be cold and clinical, just state facts. That's probably what I would do cos that's the kind of guy I am. Rather than hide or avoid, thrust your chest out, speak your mind, don't be afraid to offend.
 

neng

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neng, why wouldn't you confront her in front of everyone? Point out her behaviour in front of others, tell her that you deserve to be shown respect, "stop trying to act cool in front of your friends". If you need to go there, call her a **** in front of everyone and let them know what she did. Don't get angry or emotional, be cold and clinical, just state facts. That's probably what I would do cos that's the kind of guy I am. Rather than hide or avoid, thrust your chest out, speak your mind, don't be afraid to offend.

Because at the end of the day, I just don't feel it's worth it with her. If I thought there was a genuine chance of her recognising what she was doing and fixing it, then I probably might do it. But unfortunately as I have come to learn, she's possibly the most self-indulgent and stubborn person I know. Nothing she does is ever wrong in her own eyes. So doing that won't achieve anything but angst between our friends.
 

red+black

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All I'm saying is that I would not let myself be publicly disrespected or humiliated by anyone, I would speak up for myself and let everyone know that I will not accept being treated that way in public. This is not high school FFS. If it's a female, I'll have words. If it's a male, I might take his teeth out.
 

red+black

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My comments were more about how the group (excluding her) view you. You said you were taking an indefinite break, thus there is a chance that you will find yourself back in that group situation, feeling the same way you have before. Just don't let yourself be treated poorly, especially in a group situation. Stand up to bullies and those that derive pleasure in negatively affecting your mental health.

But you have articulated yourself well here so I can only assume you know what the best course of action is for yourself. Warmer weather is coming mate, life is good, there are a s**t load of good people and gorgeous women out there.
 

neng

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My comments were more about how the group (excluding her) view you. You said you were taking an indefinite break, thus there is a chance that you will find yourself back in that group situation, feeling the same way you have before. Just don't let yourself be treated poorly, especially in a group situation. Stand up to bullies and those that derive pleasure in negatively affecting your mental health.

But you have articulated yourself well here so I can only assume you know what the best course of action is for yourself. Warmer weather is coming mate, life is good, there are a s**t load of good people and gorgeous women out there.

I probably should have explained better, but the friendship group are all well aware of what she has been doing and so therefore they are sided with me. They understand why I need to remove myself; as I said previously, I have a good support network, they are all very good people. Thanks mate, I look forward to what's ahead!
 

haden1999

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I get what you're saying mate. But as I said, I don't see any worth in it. Especially now I'm avoiding her altogether.

I understand where you're coming from. I know a girl like that - she's narcassistic and gets on the vicious attack if you suggest any type of criticism. Those people are not worth dealing with.
 
Interesting times. Went to a doctor opened up etc etc. Ended up being shat on and copped a lecture. Really put me off. To spite the media hype no one really takes depression seriously. In fact doctors I reckon don't even really believe it. Went back a few weeks later and got a prescription. That has worked to a point yet a couple of times at work I've been high as a kite off it with my eyeballs popping out of my skull and have flown off the handle when on the booze as my usually thin filter is completely warn down. Starting to wear off now as well.

Problem now is I'm stuck in a funnel. Too stuffed to work hard to get out of a spiral yet the days and nights just get harder to get through. Eventually I suppose something will give a new something will open. Just tired and trying to focus on tallying up the days.
That sucks mate, best to head to a new GP.

When I first went to get "diagnosed", the idiot GP said I didn't have depression. Ended up asking for a referral to a psychologist anyway, which was the best decision I made because she was great. I was then referred to a psychiatrist afterwards, only because my condition was getting serious, and that bloke was the worst of the lot. I swear he was resting his eyes at one point during a session. Dropped him quick smart after that.
 
I understand where you're coming from. I know a girl like that - she's narcassistic and gets on the vicious attack if you suggest any type of criticism. Those people are not worth dealing with.
Definitely not! If that's how they are now, they most likely won't change as it's just how they have been brought up. I got rid of someone like that a couple months back now and I'm much happier and stress less.

Cheers
 

neng

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I understand where you're coming from. I know a girl like that - she's narcassistic and gets on the vicious attack if you suggest any type of criticism. Those people are not worth dealing with.

Exactly. It's either an attack or a 'poor me' whinge about why people think that way about her.

Two weeks into not seeing or speaking to her has done wonders for my head space. I know it's the right track for me.
 

Engimal

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I've been in a post year 12 phase where I'm starting to realise that I don't really have a lot in common with a lot of my friends and we were probably just friends out of convenience over the last couple of years. On top of that, my best mate of the last 6 years pulled an absolute campaigner of a move on me and we're no longer friends. This may just sound like some kid whining, and to some extent I'm sure I am, but it's really got me down.
 
I've been in a post year 12 phase where I'm starting to realise that I don't really have a lot in common with a lot of my friends and we were probably just friends out of convenience over the last couple of years. On top of that, my best mate of the last 6 years pulled an absolute campaigner of a move on me and we're no longer friends. This may just sound like some kid whining, and to some extent I'm sure I am, but it's really got me down.
Honestly, most friendships are down to convenience.

And I don't think that's a bad thing.

I reckon the best thing to do is to just meet as many new people as you can, and find common interests. You don't have to ******* be like twins or have bromances. For example, I have friends I talk about footy with, friends I play video games with, talk about TV with, go to movies with friends, high school friends, uni friends etc.

And not knowing your situation with your best mate, depending on what it actually is, and you don't have to share it, but it might just come down to them not knowing they hurt you.
 
I've been in a post year 12 phase where I'm starting to realise that I don't really have a lot in common with a lot of my friends and we were probably just friends out of convenience over the last couple of years. On top of that, my best mate of the last 6 years pulled an absolute campaigner of a move on me and we're no longer friends. This may just sound like some kid whining, and to some extent I'm sure I am, but it's really got me down.
It's not some kid whining, and I'm not just saying that to try to make you feel better. It happens to 95% of people; I know all too well what that's like. Apart from my bandmates, who I don't talk to much outside of band, I lost contact with all of my "friends" from high school within 2 months out of graduating. My best friend also pulled a dick move on me; I was dating a girl, and three months in she started cheating on me with him. So I broke down. But I decided to distract myself. I threw myself into remedial work, got 5 shifts a week, by the time I got home I was too tired to think of socialising. I also started coming onto BF and posting a lot more, and it was a pseudo-socialising that I needed. I also put myself in 3 different bands to take up my time.

What I'd suggest is to do more of what you love. For me it was playing music. For you, if it's writing, write a novel. If it's painting, then paint something. If it's coding, then create an app. If it's exercising, go to the gym every day. And try to strike up conversations with people, even just saying "Hi, how's it going" to someone on the street might lead to some interesting discussions with them. Or just a stupid comment to that guy who's working out next to you at the gym, or even messaging someone online and asking them how they're going.

I know it doesn't help now, but my best friend now is my ex's cousin. Now I can't imagine life without her, and it happened when I least expected it. There'll be people out there that will love you and new people, and a true best friend, and it will come probably when you least expect it. Just try not to say no to everything, and try some things you normally wouldn't.
 
I'm also someone who found myself in a pretty s**t position post high school for reasons or another, and definitely still finding my way through it.

I reckon the best way is to just keep meeting new people, and to keep putting yourself out there.

It could be as simple as sending someone a facebook message to organising something for the weekend.
 
I've been in a post year 12 phase where I'm starting to realise that I don't really have a lot in common with a lot of my friends and we were probably just friends out of convenience over the last couple of years. On top of that, my best mate of the last 6 years pulled an absolute campaigner of a move on me and we're no longer friends. This may just sound like some kid whining, and to some extent I'm sure I am, but it's really got me down.

I think it is very natural to feel down (depressed) occasionally. Do you notice cycles or is this the first time?
 

Engimal

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Cheers guys. It feels good to talk about stuff like this sometimes in threads like these. I'm from a rural town in Tassie so there's too much expectation in being a 'man's man' to ever talk to one of your mates about depression.

I think it is very natural to feel down (depressed) occasionally. Do you notice cycles or is this the first time?

It happens a fair bit. Over the last year, I've been pretty good. It usually gets worse when I'm not busy so I'm looking for casual work to keep me busy.

What I'd suggest is to do more of what you love. For me it was playing music. For you, if it's writing, write a novel. If it's painting, then paint something. If it's coding, then create an app. If it's exercising, go to the gym every day. And try to strike up conversations with people, even just saying "Hi, how's it going" to someone on the street might lead to some interesting discussions with them. Or just a stupid comment to that guy who's working out next to you at the gym, or even messaging someone online and asking them how they're going.

Yeah, I've been trying my hand at electronic music. I've been writing rock music for years now so it's taken me a bit out of my comfort zone and kept me entertained. It's definitely helped. :)
 
It happens a fair bit. Over the last year, I've been pretty good. It usually gets worse when I'm not busy so I'm looking for casual work to keep me busy.


:)

I was just talking to a FIFO mate over the weekend and he made a simple but true comment being "blokes and idle time is not healthy"
 
Yeah, I've been trying my hand at electronic music. I've been writing rock music for years now so it's taken me a bit out of my comfort zone and kept me entertained. It's definitely helped. :)
One weird thing I've noticed is that a lot of people that get more down than is supposedly "normal" is that they're musicians so I can usually suggest that and get a good response :p

You play in a band? I'd seriously suggest going to melband.com.au and try to find a band, it got me some awesome new friends and a new band that I love and I think we can get to be fairly successful in the Australian market, but either way I enjoy it.
 
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Cheers guys. It feels good to talk about stuff like this sometimes in threads like these. I'm from a rural town in Tassie so there's too much expectation in being a 'man's man' to ever talk to one of your mates about depression.

Its not much easier in a big city to find people you can talk to about that stuff. I've done both the tiny Tassie town and Melbourne things, and while its easier to get help in a larger place its still usually going to at least start outside your friend group.
Then again I had depression for 35 years before it was diagnosed, and I don't seem to be making any progress, so I'm not the best person to be listening to.
 

CatMarie

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I reckon the best way is to just keep meeting new people, and to keep putting yourself out there.

It could be as simple as sending someone a facebook message to organising something for the weekend.
This is good There are so many people out there to meet, if one can do it. It takes your mind from yourself, and onto others And often a word of encouragement from you is just what is needed. even like you say,, a FB message can do wonders. I think it is all about , often, building others up
 

CatMarie

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One weird thing I've noticed is that a lot of people that get more down than is supposedly "normal" is that they're musicians so I can usually suggest that and get a good response :p

You play in a band? I'd seriously suggest going to melband.com.au and try to find a band, it got me some awesome new friends and a new band that I love and I think we can get to be fairly successful in the Australian market, but either way I enjoy it.
Creative people are more often inclined to have mood swings . It must be needed to allow the creativity to develop
 
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I fuc*&* hate this time of year. Always have for some reason. Why is everyone so jumped up all the time? Christ and if you ever want time to yourself for a minute, to switch off etc it seems impossible. More to do with me but things get to me at this point of the year.
 
I fuc*&* hate this time of year. Always have for some reason. Why is everyone so jumped up all the time? Christ and if you ever want time to yourself for a minute, to switch off etc it seems impossible. More to do with me but things get to me at this point of the year.
Not just you.

I don't get it. Every New Year everybody thinks it's going to be the best time ever, and every year it's always a disappointment. Maybe I'm not going to the right places, and it probably doesn't help that my idea of fun doesn't involve getting so drunk that I can't remember what I did the night before.

And then for those of us that are a bit more sensitive to relationships, the whole tradition of getting someone to kiss at New Year's, well that's just so much fun too.
 
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Not just you.

I don't get it. Every New Year everybody thinks it's going to be the best time ever, and every year it's always a disappointment. Maybe I'm not going to the right places, and it probably doesn't help that my idea of fun doesn't involve getting so drunk that I can't remember what I did the night before.

And then for those of us that are a bit more sensitive to relationships, the whole tradition of getting someone to kiss at New Year's, well that's just so much fun too.

Mine does just don't see why it always revolves around these set points in time where you need to get yourself up for......it is something to look forward to and it always stuffs up. Hard to explain. It's not like I'm an AFL footballer who has to perform a set 2 hours every week, why do you have to be on all the time at someone else's convenience? I'm rarely in the mood to do anything and on the rare time I am it just never corresponds.

As for getting a kiss at New Year's I feel I'm about as much chance of that as playing in the 2015 GF. Maybe loneliness comes into play I don't know, given that you just want to avoid all the drama and bullshit isolation becomes a problem. To be honest I've never even been a big one for the New Year etc, it is just a change of calendar but why the fu%& can't this year just be over?
 
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