Just Kitten

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I decided to have takeaway for lunch yesterday,, so i pulled into mcdonalds and was
greeted by a young girl wearing a burqua.
It was dirty and tattered. Kind of put me off.
So i decided to go across the road to hungry jacks.
There i was greeted by a young woman wearing a burqua. Hers was clean and tidy
and well kept.
Thats when i realised that :----
The burqua’s are better at Hungry Jacks.........
 
Funny-rotten-ecard-Whenever-I-check-my-weight.jpg
 
CatMarie said:
I decided to have takeaway for lunch yesterday,, so i pulled into mcdonalds and was
greeted by a young girl wearing a burqua.
It was dirty and tattered. Kind of put me off.
So i decided to go across the road to hungry jacks.
There i was greeted by a young woman wearing a burqua. Hers was clean and tidy
and well kept.
Thats when i realised that :----
The burqua’s are better at Hungry Jacks.........
Click to expand...
Oh groan!!! :p :D Love it CM!
 
CatMarie said:
I decided to have takeaway for lunch yesterday,, so i pulled into mcdonalds and was
greeted by a young girl wearing a burqua.
It was dirty and tattered. Kind of put me off.
So i decided to go across the road to hungry jacks.
There i was greeted by a young woman wearing a burqua. Hers was clean and tidy
and well kept.
Thats when i realised that :----
The burqua’s are better at Hungry Jacks.........
Click to expand...
I was going to tag you this morning, CatMarie- haven't seen you for a while and was worried you'd gone walkabout!! :D Glad you're still here.
 
SquishyKitty said:
YES!!! You are brilliant! THANK YOU!!! I just knew you'd know!
Click to expand...
lol- I was scratching my head, wondering who'd posted a pic of a horse riding a person, then remembered there was someone doing something to someone on NSFB's avatar and, as soon as I tagged him, I remembered that was the pic I'd thought of but wasn't sure if it was the same one you were thinking of.
 
Actual quotes from cover letters and resumes for job applications (quoted as typed).

- You will want me to be head honcho in no time.
- I kick ass. See resume for proof.
- I noticed a typo on your website and I can tell you that would NOT happen if I worked for you. I'll tell you what it is if you invite me in for an interview.
- I am writing to apply to be the new director of the national railway museum. I am only 6 but I think I can do this job. I have an electric train track. I am good on my train track. I can control two trains at once. Hopefully I can come and meet you for an interview.
- Hello im qualified english teacher with particulier interest in creative writting.
- Hire me, I have great hair.
- Although I am seeking a nursing job, the fact that I have no actual medical experience may seem discouraging.
- Let's meet so you can 'Ooh' and 'Aah' over my experience.
- Please accept my application for the role of customer service director, which I appreciate may come as a surprise to you given that I was fired from this position last month.
- Please find the attached resume, which lists all of my kills.
- Please find attached my son's CV and a letter of recommendation from me. He is a good lad and you should definitely hire him.
- I want to be an astronaut, but I think working in a call centre will help me gain confidence for talking to mission control from space.
- I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.
- I have a great deal of integrity and will not steal office supplies for home use.
- (under personal attributes) Strong work ethic, attention to detail, team player, self-motivated, attention to detail.
- (under personal attributes) Excellent memory, strong math aptitude, excellent memory, effective management skills and very good at math.
- I am a perfectionist with a keen I for details.
- I have not yet been abducted by aliens.
- I offer mediocrity at its best.
- I would like to assure you I'm a hardly working person.
- I am a loyal and dedicated worker. Please feel free to contact me on my office direct line.
- Previous job: Plumber. Reason for leaving: Couldn't plumb.
- Previous job: Owned small business. Reason for leaving: Got fired.
- Previous experience: 2001-2002: Prisoner. Duties included lashing out hysterically, tossing prisoners' salads, throwing flaming toilet paper and occasionally working in the kitchen.
- Previous experience: 1998-1999: UFO abductee. Duties included being snatched from my home in the middle of the night, taken to an alien laboratory and forced to eat cold cuts.
- Duties: Washing dishes until somebody told me it was time to wash the floor. Washing floors.
- Duties: Pretending to be on the phone. Trying to work out what it was the company did and what part of it I was supposed to be doing. Hiding.
- Four years' experience in accounting (twenty-eight in dog years).
- Duties: Made coffee (early Java experience).
- Responsibilities included checking customers out.
- (under achievements) I trained my cat to use and flush a human toilet.
- I am a natural winner. Even before I was born I won a competition against a few million other spermatozoids.
- Special skills: Thyping.
- I am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
- (under special skills) Not a child molester.
- Skills: Yeah, I got 'em.
- Reason for leaving: Fired for stealing.
- Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.
- (under special skills) Getting stuck items out of vending machines.
- I am a very capapable proofreader.
- (under hobbies) Avoiding my wife.
- My three biggest hobbies are cars, racquetball, golf and reading.
- (under hobbies) Charitable work: I temporarily married a man from Romania so he could get his Green Card and begin a new life in the United States.
- My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people.
 

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Teriyakicat said:
Sorry to disturb you- Kitty was after the pic in your avatar, so I thought that, if I tagged you, you could tell her where to find it. How are your studies going, NSFB? Almost ready for your exams next month?
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Been and gone. Each one I was less confident on, more worried. Then once seeing the questions had a bigger grin as each exam went by.
 
Teriyakicat said:
Hahaha!! I read these out at dinner tonight, winty. Had a really good laugh!
How's your new job going?
Click to expand...

Absolutely loving it! Great place to work at and great people to work with (having an awesome view over the Geelong foreshore from the tearoom helps too ;))

We have people helping out who work at other centres who will be leaving us in November, and none of them want to leave.

Getting slightly back on topic, I spoke with a customer yesterday whose name was Wayne Kerr. :D How I stopped myself from cracking up laughing when he told me I'd never know.
 
winty said:
Absolutely loving it! Great place to work at and great people to work with (having an awesome view over the Geelong foreshore from the tearoom helps too ;))

We have people helping out who work at other centres who will be leaving us in November, and none of them want to leave.

Getting slightly back on topic, I spoke with a customer yesterday whose name was Wayne Kerr. :D How I stopped myself from cracking up laughing when he told me I'd never know.
Click to expand...
It's great to hear you love your new job, winty. Sounds like you've settled in quickly. Things will be quieter once your "helpers" move on next month. Look out- you might be the one who gets moved out if they don't want to leave ;)


Wayne Kerr? :D Poor bugger! That's what I call Wayne Carey- but I always say Kerr-y.
The only name worse would be Mike Hunt- which reminds me of a bartender joke but it's perhaps not for here....
 
Teriyakicat said:
It's great to hear you love your new job, winty. Sounds like you've settled in quickly. Things will be quieter once your "helpers" move on next month. Look out- you might be the one who gets moved out if they don't want to leave ;)


Wayne Kerr? :D Poor bugger! That's what I call Wayne Carey- but I always say Kerr-y.
The only name worse would be Mike Hunt- which reminds me of a bartender joke but it's perhaps not for here....
Click to expand...

Things will actually be getting busier. They're moving 1.2 million accounts from an old database to our current database and that will be completed at the end of November. However they're ensuring we're fully trained up and competent by then. I feel sorry for those who are either still in training or yet to be trained who will be coming out onto the floor when we get mega busy in a few weeks. I was lucky I was in one of the first training groups and will have had enough time to get settled in and prepare for it.

Felt sorry for that guy though. Unlike his name suggests, he was actually a nice guy - a far cry from the "lady" who told me to **** off in my 2nd week on the phones!
 
winty said:
Things will actually be getting busier. They're moving 1.2 million accounts from an old database to our current database and that will be completed at the end of November. However they're ensuring we're fully trained up and competent by then. I feel sorry for those who are either still in training or yet to be trained who will be coming out onto the floor when we get mega busy in a few weeks. I was lucky I was in one of the first training groups and will have had enough time to get settled in and prepare for it.

Felt sorry for that guy though. Unlike his name suggests, he was actually a nice guy - a far cry from the "lady" who told me to **** off in my 2nd week on the phones!
Click to expand...
Is that tax stuff?

I really feel sorry for people who deal with customers all day. It'd give me a headache if I had to smile at nasty people all day- smiling at nice, polite people is never a problem.

Face to face is bad enough but over the phone would be worse because the customer could feel anonymous and therefore say things- ie abuse- that they possibly wouldn't say face to face.
Just like the Internet :)

You'll be a pro by November when the rush hits. :) 1.2 million more accounts? "Pffft!" you'll say, "bring it on!"
 
How children perceive their Grandparents......

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?''
"You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colours yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said... "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck..."
A third child brought the argument to a close. They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
 
ISIS – A SIMPLE EXPLANATION!
This nails it, or does it?

Like me, are you confused by what is going on in the Middle East?

I asked the question- and got this explanation:

We support the Iraqi government in the fight against ISIS.

We don’t like ISIS, but ISIS is supported by Saudi Arabia whom we do like.

We don’t like Assad in Syria. We support the fight against him, but ISIS is also fighting against him.

We don’t like Iran, but Iran supports the Iraqi government in its fight against ISIS.

So some of our friends support our enemies, some enemies are now our friends....

....and some of our enemies are fighting against our other enemies, who we want to lose, but we don’t want our enemies who are fighting our enemies to win.

If the people we want to defeat are defeated, they could be replaced by people we like even less.

It's quite simple, really.

Do you understand now? No? Nor do I. Perhaps we should add CR to the front of the very first word in the title of this "explanation".
 
winty said:
Absolutely loving it! Great place to work at and great people to work with (having an awesome view over the Geelong foreshore from the tearoom helps too ;))

We have people helping out who work at other centres who will be leaving us in November, and none of them want to leave.

Getting slightly back on topic, I spoke with a customer yesterday whose name was Wayne Kerr. :D How I stopped myself from cracking up laughing when he told me I'd never know.
Click to expand...
I'm so pleased you love your new job. What are you doing, winty, may I ask?

Seriously? Wayne Kerr! Does he pronounce it Ker or Kar? I'd have changed name!
 
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