Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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Silent Alarm

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Sounds like you want each other, ask her out for drinks.
Yep, always something awkward if you like someone. You can feel it if you can't be normal around each other, I didn't think it happened much post-high school but I like that it did. Ask her out and she'll be texting her mates "oh my god!"s for a long time
 

katana

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Unfortunately of all the accents, the female Aussie is about the least attractive. Should've pretended to be Lorde's cousin
rly? the cultivated aussie accent is nice. when they hit their consonants and speak from the back of the throat, the NZ accent can be absolutely grating, like almost offensively bad
 
Only reason we don't like aussie accents is coz we are aussie. I couple of months ago on misc there was a thread where female posters recorded their voice and the one everyone swooned over most was the aussie chick

Not really.

Not one ocker accent ive ever heard has turned me on.

And i wouldnt use douchbags from misc as a basis of any kind of evidence of anything ever.
 
Mar 7, 2012
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We talk at work, it's just very stilted and awkward in comparison to the other girls at work, who I can actually hold a conversation with without sounding like an idiot lol.
Can I ask how old you are..... I was a late bloomer. Could talk to any girl in the "friend zone" even if she was 20/10.

If I liked her, even if she was a solid 4 and I liked her for her personality. ... awkward......... but as I matured I realised... just f'en talk to the girls and roll with the punches. I had a purple patch before meeting my Mrs and it was a revelation.


Deep breath.... Hi. .... Oh hey would you like to come for a drink Fri after work.

NOTHING.TO.LOSE
 
Hi all, this thread has been an amazing read and has provided plenty of laughs ( out loud, at work)

Time for me to delve into the archives and bring forth my shame and share
Year 12 breakup party, many moons ago now. Yep, we all remember the time, drunk as **** and the chance to finally seal the deal with whoever was "the one" throughout the years at school.
Well for me, I happened to only start my new school at the time at the begiining of year 11, so my long time dream girl was left in the distance but upon beginning in year 11 I did pretty well and had a girl friend for quite a while who was a year younger, but looking back of course she turned out to be not the love of my life as I thought at the time
So a string of casuals followed during year 12 and although still carrying the big V plates, I did ok
But year 12 party night came around and I was on the grog big time, the first time I had really let loose.
Suffice to say I didnt stomach it well!!
So the party is in full swing, inhibitions have been long lost and I find myself in a room with 3, yes 3, of the hottest chicks ( according to my limited chick experience back then ) on the planet, 3 of the real popular girls who although I was mates with, never considered for 1 minute in my league at all...still wouldnt:)
So any way, they are probably more smashed than me, and at this point I was sitting propped up on the floor because standing was past difficult, I remember 1 was dressed as a cat for some reason, and the others were leaning on me, their hands casually draped over my legs
We were on the flirt train and the conversation, slurred as it was, got around to sex and I blurted out I was still a virgin
They had a bit of a giggle between themselves of course, these women of the world, at the little boy before them, before coming to the grand plan of how we should lock the door and fix the problem( the loud party out in the back yard so no problem with a bit of privacy)
So of course Im all for it, as I take another swig of my stones ( the cheapest s**t i could get my hands on at the time) and calmly watch as the the girls begin to get undressed and kiss each other...So you can guess where we are headed here folks, 17 years old, the big v, ready to lose it in a grand 4some with already hot chicks becoming hoter by the second, an absolute skin full of cheap piss and gulping it out of the bottle as the seconds tick by....,

So my last memory of that night is of boobs, glorious boobs and one very hot shaven....yep my last memory as nervous young Glacier gulps and gulps and gulps and............passes out


I woke about 10 the next day, late for the last day muck up and the year 12 lunch, draped in a gstring and a catsuit


So I went to the school and to the lunch but was very very very quiet, my mates could not get a word in
I spied one of the girls who gave me a wink, a shrug and a smile as if to say " you snooze, you lose"

My mates found out a while later and my year 12 exams were horrible to say the least


I am a dad of 3 now, with a beautiful partner
I also drink very rarely...

computer-smash-other-guys-Mark-Wahlberg-angry.gif
 

Catsmaninamerica

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So does a story where 2 others were flirting and I felt awkward count?

No, well I'll take that as a yes. (Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom reference for parents out there)

So I'm doing the shopping and turn down the dairy aisle. It's wide with the freezers in the middle. So I head down the side where I need to go to get the cream for the yummy spaghetti marinara I'm planning to make. As you can see I'm on a mission. In front of me is some woman. Nothing to take note of slim, tall early 40's and a solid 5. Only she's walking slowly and I'm on a mission. Eventually she catches up to her partner. He's walking slowly too. He's like 5'4", 5'5" tops, he is balding and tubby. Think Frank from American pickers. He's leaning his elbows on the trolley pushing it slowly.

So she walks up next to him....... I think awesome, I can get my stuff finally and GTFO of here..... She reaches out her arm.....ok, I'm ok with minor PDA's, but I am in a hurry now....... and she touches his arse..... They do realise I'm behind them right?.... and slides her hand to the seam of his short shorts...

Ok there is a break in the bench freezers with the glass tops.... ok walk fast, I'll take the long way around. I walk over to the cheese side of the aisle, weave back around the bench freezers back to the original side..... crap they must have sped up and are still infront of me. No matter now, I'll grab the cream and try to wipe that image from my memory.

Ok got the cream. Ready to go. Can't move forward as the have the end of the aisle blocked and are walking slowly. Again her hand reached out, completely by passes the touch on the bum cheek... right to his crack... again.... They know I'm there, I think to myself. Surely they know.... and her fingers stroke up and down his crack...... Can you not do that infront of me? I should have yelled it out, but I was stunned. Frozen from a nasty mix of repulsion and disbelief.... I think I taste a little vomit in my mouth....

Finally. .. I see my chance and swiftly walk past..... Geez I hope never to see that again.


Now, I know that is not the intent of this thread. But there is no way I can suffer that torturous mental image alone. And technically since I felt awkward and there was flirting (be it of a hideous nature) I'm standing by this post.
Just so I get it- she touched his ass a couple of times? *. Toughen up soldier. I was honestly expecting u to tell us she put frozen peas in her underwear and simultaneously gave him a wristy.
 
Mar 7, 2012
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Just so I get it- she touched his ass a couple of times? ****. Toughen up soldier. I was honestly expecting u to tell us she put frozen peas in her underwear and simultaneously gave him a wristy.
Dude it's a light hearted use of hyperbole. However, I was grossed out by being stuck behind two people where one was getting her fingers right into his groove.

If you enjoy seeing a short balding overweight forty something guy getting his date date rubbed in public I'm happy for you.....
 

Catsmaninamerica

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Ok, it's not often I have a story that would qualify for this thread. (Will let you know tho if I mistake sunscreen or any other household products for.... well certain other products)

But I do remember this one from my favourite place I can never stop banging on about The United States of America... actually, no was Canada, we had just travelled across the border from Michigan for the weekend to Windsor, so our younger friends under 21 could drink n s**t.

After a few cocktails we found ourselves (a group of ladies, ranging in ages from 19-22) outside a night club. Now the best asset anyone can possess in another country, is your own accent. In the queue outside the club, I found myself chatting to a very hot latino sexy babe, who seemed quite taken with me (and the accent I guess). I remember him looking something like this:

d7880a92bb52b11a0b7faf6ced756d2d.jpg


(Cept with much more clothes on)

All this continued as we made our way inside the club, got talking some more, etc... started dancing, dancing got closer and closer, and as we bumped and grinded to the strains of "Phenomenon" by LL Cool J and "The Thong Song".... I felt thing were going to progress even closer until....

I felt the vice like grip of my (very drunk) friend grab me around my arm. With the force and strength like the jaws of ****ing life, she winched me away from sexy Latino babe, mid Thong song, and yelled in my ear "I'VE FOUND A BETTER GUY FOR YOU!!!!" and literally shoved me in the arms of another guy on the other side of the dance floor.

I remember him looking something like this:

images


After thinking to myself "I will murder my friend later", I tried to be polite as I could to this point dexter, as we awkwardly shuffled to the music no less than 30cm apart from each other. I think I finally mumbled something about needing to get a drink and left. Never saw sexy Latino babe again. :(
This isn't an awkward flirting story. It's a "your friend is a campaigner" story.
 
Nov 28, 2011
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Still to this day it was the drunkest I have ever been and from memory I reckon I swigged almost a complete bottle of the s**t in the couple of minutes of " show time"
I cant look at a bottle of stones now without feeling ill

This is the greatest shame of the whole story - Stones Ginger Wine is an amazing drink. Cheap, keeps you warm on the harshest of winter nights, and goes with anything...


How dare you sully the good name of Stones Green Ginger Wine.

Indeed, indeed --
 
Nov 28, 2011
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While everyone is reminiscing their younger years of awkwardness, and in particular Silent Alarm 's reference to 1994 a couple of pages earlier, I remembered a potentially super awkward scenario that thankfully never fully eventuated because of a simple, yet wise question from my Mum.

So context. It's 1994 and I'm in year 5- So obviously this isn't going to be a juicy story at all, but it still makes me laugh -

I happened to be sitting on the same table with a cute girl in class. She sat right across from me - After a couple of weeks of sitting across from each other, I started to notice weird feelings that I had, and eventually realised that I probably liked her, maybe even one of those 'crush' things that I had heard other kids talk about before... Sweet, this feels kinda weird, strange, yet exciting...

However, there was a problem - for some reason I thought that the simple fact that I had this new found crush on this girl meant that she automatically became my girlfriend...... despite the lack of communication with her about it, or any indication the crush had been requited -

Not to be perturbed by such details, I continued on...

So what do people with girlfriends do? I think they buy them presents? But what kind of presents? Who do I ask to find this stuff out? Oh, I know, Mum was a girl.. she might have some ideas...

So I was at home talking to Mum trying to think of a way to ask this very important question about what to buy for my new girlfriend. Despite best efforts to keep the line of questioning subtle, I blurted out with "I have a girlfriend...."

Mum, bless her, calmly looked at me with a smile that suggested 'that's nice, dear', and only offered one simple question, which was 'Does she like you, too?'

MIND-BLOWN

I still remember the instant realisation that something like having a girlfriend probably does indeed require the girl in question to atleast know about it, and a conversation between the two of us would probably need to have occured to ascertain whether we were both willing to enter such an agreement -

Went to school the next day with the intention of asking her to be my girlfriend... took one look at her across the table and froze, and then was suddenly unable to talk to her again for the rest of the year...
 
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