Okay, let's get this out of the way from the beginning. Firstly, yes Hawthorn are obviously a very good team who can deservedly be placed among the very best of all time. I'm not calling their talent or their achievements into question. Secondly, this is not about petty jealousy. Of course, as a melbourne supporter, I can only dream of the success that the hawks have had recently, but that's not what this post is about. Other teams have had success and it's never motivated me to make a post like this. Nor is it about my hatred for Hawthorn; in fact, the complete absence of strong feelings I have for the team is part of the problem. This thread is solely motivated by the fact that Hawthorn are one of the most appallingly boring and unwatchable teams from a neutral perspective that I have ever seen.
Why do I say this? Let me run through some reasons.
Anyway, I could go on but I'll spare you. Yesterday was the first grand final I haven't watched live since I started following football because I knew exactly how it would play out. 50 point win? Check. Game dead by half time? Check. Mitchell 30 odds disposals? Gunston 4.0? Loads of uncontested possessions? Check, check, check. Congrats on the three-peat Hawks, but the game will be far more interesting to watch when someone else starts winning instead.
Why do I say this? Let me run through some reasons.
- They have a boring style. It's based on uncontested possession along the wing and blanket zoning, neither of which are remotely attractive. They had about 12% more uncontested possessions than any other team this year, and if there was a stat for uncontested marks taken in opposition 50 from sideways kicks then the Hawks would have the records tumbling.
When Geelong were at their peak, they were worth watching even when the result was predictable; there was something captivating about watching them just cream other teams. Sydney used to have a boring style, but at least that produced close games. Hawthorn games don't really have either quality They'll do what they need to to win by 50-60 points and kill off the game as a contest by half time, but they play without flair or doing the kind of things that blow you away as a neutral. They do exactly what they need to do to get the result and that's it. The last three grand finals have been amongst the most forgettable in history.
- They don't have any interesting players. There are no flawed geniuses, no unique talents, no hard luck stories, nothing. There are only soulless robots who seem to play the exact same game, with the exact same statistics, with the exact same blank look on their faces every week.
Sam Mitchell typifies this perfectly. One of the best midfielders of all time. Never makes a mistake. Routinely amasses 30 possessions. His highlight real over his career would fill all of 12 seconds. I can't remember any career-defining game like I can with most other champions. He just exists and wins. Gunston is the same. Uncontested mark, set shot, 3.0-4.0 every week. Just doesn't miss. But who wants to watch that?
- They have a team full of ring-ins. It shouldn't matter so much, but they had 7 players on their team yesterday who were brought into the club as already established players from other, less successful teams. It feels like a bought dynasty. Compare that to Geelong (and all other premiers, really) who developed their own players and kept them together for a decade or more. It was much easier to grow to love or hate them. What possible attitude can I take to a mail-order success story like Ben McAvoy? Oh boy, here comes David Hale, that'll be sure to stir a strong emotional reaction in me. And isn't there something distasteful about the fact that James Frawley is now and forever a premiership player? Isn't there?
- They haven't got any real rivalries, or been involved in man memorable games. There was the Geelong rivalry, but that was mostly just Geelong beating up on Hawthorn until they went into decline. I can 't think of a single hawthorn game I was pumped to watch as a neutral over the past 3 years. They don't have many historical rivalries, and they haven't had many teams challenging them for top spot overthe past three years either. With due respect to west coast, they wouldn't have made it to the grand final most other years. Hawthorn peaked at just the right time; they don't have a credible challenger at the moment.
Anyway, I could go on but I'll spare you. Yesterday was the first grand final I haven't watched live since I started following football because I knew exactly how it would play out. 50 point win? Check. Game dead by half time? Check. Mitchell 30 odds disposals? Gunston 4.0? Loads of uncontested possessions? Check, check, check. Congrats on the three-peat Hawks, but the game will be far more interesting to watch when someone else starts winning instead.
