The Official Bay 13 Carlton Information Kiosk

[Biffinator]

Comrades - firstly let me say that I am deeply annoyed whenever some clown - and I mean clown - labels the following painting: "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves."







Ok, there have been many Private Messages flying around - quite a number of them penned by Bay 13 Carlton supporters - asking us to kick-start this thread.

So here is it. Everything you wanted to know about the Carlton Football Club but were afraid to ask (for legal reasons).

To answer those tough-love questions about Carlton in a fair and objective manner I have assembled a team of experts.

Their doyen, of course, is Professor Super_Phaser, whose doctoral dissertation was called "Into the Abyss - Carlton and its Group Certificates in the 1990s."

Super_Phaser, as we all know, is highly admired by the Carlton Bay 13 Community. He is also the world's leading authority on Luke Livingston, the Legends Stand, Big Jack, the meteoric career of David Teague, the familial travails of Big Red and the exploits of Warren Ralph.

There are many other experts who have much to say objectively on the phenomena that is Carlton: Associate Professors Corpuscles, Big Easy, Whelan=Legen, Flawed Genius, TWITA, Paradox, JColeman, Bushie, Stronzo, Anthony, GuzzLG, Poidacat and many others. I am not quite sure where Emeritus Professor H2F is at the moment - but I know he has thought long and deeply about the Blues and would be happy to share his wisdom.

I hereby invite them - and anybody else who wants to join - onto the Board.

Since the concept of this thread was first floated, I have been flooded by an array of PMs from Bay 13 Carlton Supporters: they want answers.

Make no mistake, I am going to keep on bouncing this thread as new questions come through.

Professor Super_Phaser - we cannot keep the Carlton Bay 13 Community waiting any longer. Here is your question:

Jordan Russell was the 9th pick in the 2004 draft. He was last seen cutting up oranges down at Optus Oval.

Is he another Luke Livingston or Lawrence Angwin, or can you see a future for him in the VFL Ranks?

Biffinator.

[Karl Pilkington]

Biff, quick question for the Brains trust.

Which is the greatest Carlton FC family of all time? Silvagni or Moran?

[jonoman89]

Why have Carlton won more premierships than Melbourne, and why have we beat you in more games than you have beaten us? I am eagerly waiting a response which is of undeniable truth.

Thanks Biffinator,
jonoman89

[Flawed Genius]

Firstly, Biff - may I say thank you for indoctrinating me into Associate Professorship at the University of Bay 13.
Secondly - KP - or rJ as you may go by - the families Silvagni & Moran are equal, as they're both responsible for the same amount of ecstasy coming out of Carlton.

I realise I've stolen a caption from a motivational poster, but I feel it applies well in this situation.

[Geelong_Sicko]

Fushen cool (hic) an inflammashun kios... <unzips and pisses all over the back of it>

!!

[Karl Pilkington]

Originally Posted by jonoman89

Why have Carlton won more premierships than Melbourne, and why have we beat you in more games than you have beaten us? I am eagerly waiting a response which is of undeniable truth.

Thanks Biffinator,
jonoman89

This is actually a lie, jonoman my man, as Carlton have been caught cheating to win premierships. Stemming right back to when they paid Barassi to jump ship. And probably before then, after all, its fair to assume that shifty deals are an ingrained part of Carlton culture.

They haven't won a single premiership without cheating. Therefore they are on par with Freo (but with more spoons).

[Biffinator]

Originally Posted by Karl Pilkington

This is actually a lie, jonoman my man, as Carlton have been caught cheating to win premierships. Stemming right back to when they paid Barassi to jump ship. And probably before then, after all, its fair to assume that shifty deals are an ingrained part of Carlton culture.

They haven't won a single premiership without cheating. Therefore they are on par with Freo (but with more spoons).

KP - that is a bit unfair. What about the 1906 Premiership?

In Big Jack's words, "it was as legit as they come!"

Biffinator

[JeffDunne]

Pfft, you're all amateurs.

[Bay Pie]

Biff,

In the photo of Ali baba and the 40 thieves, just beside the whiteboard on the left hand side, partly hidden in true fashion, looks like the infamous "brown paper bag". Can you confirm that this legendary artifact is indeed present in this photo?

[Mofra]

Biff, since Carlton have been caught cheating and the AFL are now monitoring their actions, Carlton have been nothing more than an embarrassing blight on the game. Is this pure coincidence or do Carlton have a history devoid of actually having the ability to compete on a level playing field?

[Corpuscles]

Originally Posted by Biffinator

.

Captn K: Doormat it's your turn!!

Doormat: I just blew a load into my boot!!

Captn Sticks: OK!I it my turn at pumping up on the table?????

Southby: ****!!!! I wish I could play with the Swans!!!!

Parko: Race 3 at the trots the mob says ...get on it!!

Diesel: I think they gave me shares in that?

Big Nick: Nah sorry lads the blokes in gaol have rigged that one too!!

Wallsy: Please polish my boots...and lick my toejam..shit I am good!!!!

too be continued....



WHAT a ferking tragedy of australian sport so much talent yet so many wanker money hungry cheats!!!!

[Biffinator]

Originally Posted by JeffDunne

Pfft, you're all amateurs.

JD - half of the problems in your life would be no more if you took my advice and stopped eating those no name pizza-subs.

bad stuff.

Bay Pie - thanks for bringing this to my attention. As I look more closely at the "Ali Baba" painting - and what a masterpiece it is - I can see at least a dozen or so "activities" that warrant closer scrutiny.

Much like the real-life fate of the 1972 Premiership Cup - which was stolen from what I gather - I suspect that the Cups on top of the lockers are replicas from the Reject Shop. Under the circumstances, therefore, it is best not to ask as to the whereabouts of the genuine cups.

But that's Carlton for you.

Biffinator

[PoidaCat]

The non photoshopped ORIGINAL Photo.

[Geelong_Sicko]

Dear Biff,

Why does this kiosk reek of stale piss?

cheers,

GS

[kreuze_missile]

hodgepodge please teach biffinator how to troll carlton better. at least your threads are funny.