Drugs Are Bad Mackay?
Moderator
- May 24, 2006
- 77,376
- 152,065
- AFL Club
- Adelaide
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- Redbacks, Sturt, Liverpool, Arizona
- Moderator
- #1
Peter Jonas: Tough weekend mate?
Neil Craig: Nightmare. Did you see the paper today? (scanning newspaper) Indecisive… pathetic… spineless… insipid… and listen to this bit: Craig seemed frozen in the coaches’ box, powerless to stop the fourth quarter onslaught in an all-too-familiar capitulation. Ouch. He had even fewer answers in his post match interviews… and it goes on like this, mostly about me. What does vacillating mean anyway?
Peter Jonas: Don’t read that garbage mate. Try to get your mind off footy for a while. How are those FirePower shares you bought going?
Neil Craig: …they’ve been solid.
Peter Jonas: That’s good. Who are we waiting on anyway?
Neil Craig: Just Bicks, Todd and David. The brainstrust. Actually this meeting was their idea. They said they had a few issues they wanted to raise with you and I.
Peter Jonas: Hart and Clarkey aren’t coming?
Neil Craig: Uh-uh.
Peter Jonas: I saw them out on Max Basheer Reserve with a watering can. What’s that all about?
Neil Craig: (chuckles) I told them the surface is too hard and we’re getting too many injuries. They’re giving it a water.
Peter Jonas: Should keep them busy for a while!
Neil Craig: They’ve been out there all day. They’ll probably still f___ it up though. Did you see Benny’s defensive match ups on Saturday? Dogga on Robbie Gray for 9 scoring shots… Benny should have got the medal, not Gray. And Matty? Christ… we haven’t had a hit out to advantage all season and Jonathan Griffin is going backwards at pace. We might as well bring back Lucas Herbert.
Peter Jonas: Yeah Griffo’s struggling big time. Is that Freo trade still on the table?
Neil Craig: Only if we’re interested in Kepler Bradley.
Peter Jonas: Jesus.
Neil Craig: (sighs) Thank god we’ve got Richmond this week.
<Todd Viney, David Noble and Mark Bickley enter>
Neil Craig: Ahh, here we are. Grab a seat boys, thanks again for organising this. Actually I really enjoy these get-togethers. Gives me a chance to workshop some of my material. Can I try some out before we get started?
Todd Viney: Actually, we really just-
Neil Craig: Just a quick one. You’ll love this. Hang on… (sniffs the air, puzzled expression on his face)
Todd Viney: What is it?
Neil Craig: Oh, it’s just… (sniffs again, wrinkles nose)… it smells kinda like updog in here.
Todd Viney: What’s updog?
Neil Craig: Not much. What’s up with you, dawg?
<Neil Craig and Mark Bickley burst out laughing and exchange a high five>
Todd Viney: (exchanges glance with David Noble) Very good… well done. Are you finished?
Neil Craig: Yeah, sorry Todd. Couldn’t resist. What have you got for me guys?
Todd Viney: There’s a couple of things we want to get out in the open. Firstly, we – that’s David, Bicks and I – have been chatting. We really think we have to be realistic and accept that 2010 is gone. Finals are out of the equation and the preseason for 2011 starts now.
<There is a long silence. Neil gets up, walks over to the white board and writes “16” in big letters, then resumes his seat>
Neil Craig: I saw a great man do this once. Can anyone tell me what it means?
Todd Viney: The position we’re going to finish?
Neil Craig: Wha?-… no… no Todd. Sixteen games to go is what it means. You’re talking about giving the season away and we are less than a third of the way through.
David Noble: Neil, can we finish? This might be a bit sensitive but I’d like you to hear us out.
Neil Craig: Alright.
David Noble: We know that mathematically we can still make the eight but we just aren’t playing the sort of football that can get us there. We’re carrying injuries, we’re still relying on too many older players, the game plan isn’t working, we’re not kicking enough goals, we’re leaking like a sieve at the back, our ruck stocks are wafer thin, the younger players haven’t developed, our skills are at an all-time low, we’ve got players playing out of position, there’s no depth in our midfield rotations, the zone is getting broken down, we’re getting smashed in the clearances, we can’t stick any tackles, we have no physical presence out on the ground and we lack leadership.
Neil Craig: … otherwise ok?
David Noble: I don’t think we should be flippant about this. We’re in deep trouble.
Neil Craig: Sorry. But I just cannot believe what I’m hearing. We’ve been improving every week – slowly I admit – but I don’t think we’re far away from recapturing the sort of form we showed against Melbourne.
Todd Viney: Neil, c’mon! We kicked one goal after half time in that game. Only six for the match. Against last year’s wooden spooners!
Neil Craig: But the intensity and the style of footy… you guys all saw it? The fans loved it. Jonah, Bicks… you guys will back me up here?
Peter Jonas: With all due respect Neil, I thought that was our worst game. We were a joke after half time.
Neil Craig: Actually funny you should mention jokes, I just remembered another one from the routine I’ve been working on. It’s a beauty too.
Todd Viney: Neil, shouldn’t we be concentrat-
Neil Craig: One thing at a time, Todd. Priorities. Bicks, you can join in here. Knock knock.
Mark Bickley: Who’s there?
Neil Craig: Oh.
Mark Bickley: Oh who?
Neil Craig: Oh and… hang on… I buggered it up. I was supposed to say Owen. Then you’d say Owen who? I’d reply oh and six… Dammit! (pounds fist on table) I nailed that punch line five times in a row this morning in rehearsal. Can this season get any worse?
Todd Viney: Can we get back to… ?
Neil Craig: Oh, yeah sure.
Todd Viney: We think it’s time for some of the older guys to be moved on.
Neil Craig: Which guys?
Todd Viney: At least three out Goodwin, McLeod, Edwards, Burton and Doughty now and all five of them at the end of the season… probably Hentschel too.
Neil Craig: Now hold on a minute. You’re talking about off-loading some of the absolute champions of our club with hundreds of games behind them. You can’t put a value on that sort of experience.
Todd Viney: Sure you can… Zero wins at 61%, that’s the value.
Neil Craig: I think that’s a very narrow-minded view, Todd.
Todd Viney: Neil, they’ve had 300 games to pass on their experience… surely that’s enough time. What we’re seeing is that their experience isn’t worth a pile of beans and the young players aren’t learning anything off them. They’re old. They’re still playing ok but they’re battling just to keep their own standards up, they don’t have time to help out any of the younger players.
Neil Craig: I don’t like this attitude that’s creeping in… “blame the older players.” They’re easy targets and it gets us nowhere. The players have got it pretty tough at the moment. It’s not just us coaches under scrutiny. I think we’ve got to recognise that they are under a fair bit of pressure too. A few of the players even got spat on after the game.
Todd Viney: Yeah sorry about that Neil, I just got a bit fired up.
Neil Craig: Not good enough Todd. That was really uncalled for.
Peter Jonas: So how many?
Neil Craig: How many what?
Peter Jonas: How many losses will it take before we play the kids? How much worse does it need to get?
Neil Craig: Well… it can’t get any worse than 0-22, can it? That’s one positive!
Peter Jonas: Neil, please. Some of these kids are ready to go. I’ve seen them up close. They just need a chance.
Neil Craig: Look, I know we’re all hurting. I know the public wants to see changes and we’re all under pressure. I’m feeling it as much as anyone. I am the Head Coach after all… well, officially I’m Head Coach / Comedian now… I’m actually getting admin to print me up some new business cards. But I just can’t believe how pessimistic you guys are being. I think some aspects of our ball movement are just about to click.
Todd Viney: (under breath) Watch out Richmond.
Neil Craig: So we’re agreed? There will be absolutely no backing away from our finals goal. We will be unrelenting in our pursuit of 8th spot. (looks around table, no one says anything) Excellent. Now, what was the other issue you wanted to bring up?
David Noble: Um… Taylor Walker… I think there’s a real issue brewing here.
Neil Craig: You’re right. Glad you mentioned it actually, we can solve that one now. Let’s see… we’ve used defensive pressure… lack of pace… contested ball… not enough flexibility… team balance… can’t fit him, Burton and Tippett in the same forward line… what have we got left for this week? We need something…
David Noble: No, Neil-
Neil Craig: Can we go back to defensive pressure? People might have forgotten that one. Actually we can probably just cycle through them all again. The football public are just like goldfish you know, 3 minute-
David Noble: Neil! Stop! You’re not listening. We think Walker should play this week.
Neil Craig: What… for Norwood?
David Noble: No, no. For us. The Crows.
Neil Craig: (brief pause) When you guys called this meeting I was thinking maybe you had an idea for a 17 man zone variation or an extra exercise bike for the interchange bench… but this… (shakes head). Well… ok, let’s just… I mean… well Todd, it’s really your call in the end. Do you think you can squeeze him in to your rotations?
Todd Viney: What? He’s not a midfielder.
David Noble: No, we want to use him at full forward.
Neil Craig: David! There’s no room up there.
David Noble: We can make room for him. This is what we wanted to talk to you about. We think Burton needs a week off.
Neil Craig: Drop Burton? Have you seen his latest 3km time trial results? And his skin folds don’t even register. I must have spent at least an hour yesterday prodding away with the calipers trying to pinch something. Nothing! Not even a tweezer-full.
David Noble: Neil, that stuff doesn’t actually matter. It’s performance that-
Neil Craig: Look – I’ll stop you there. I’ve always said that players will be measured on their performances. You must have heard me say that a hundred times. Performance at training makes up a portion of that. A big portion. In fact the whole portion. You play how you train and no one trains better than Brett.
And I just don’t get this infatuation everyone has with Walker. Every bloody interview I do it’s what have you got against Walker and why is he at Norwood and why did you describe him as a 10 year player if you had no intention of playing him…
He’s a one trick pony. He can kick goals and that’s it. When have goals ever won a game? Football is built around pressure and structures and team work and consistency. I don’t like goals, never have. Goals are over-rated. They are too individualistic. All that showmanship, posing for the crowd and the fist pumps. Disgraceful… there’s no place for individual glory in a team game. Give me a disciplined spoil to the boundary line any day of the week.
Nope, Burton’s not going anywhere. If you want Walker to play it’s either as a midfielder or else Bass can have him, I don’t care. Anything else guys?
<everyone shakes their heads, no one says anything>
Neil Craig: Well, thanks again fellas for your efforts and bringing this stuff to the table. I think it’s one of the real strengths of our structure that we can have these sorts of robust discussions and reach consensus on these issues. We’ve made some real progress today.
Todd Viney: That’s the funniest thing you’ve said all day.
Neil Craig: Nightmare. Did you see the paper today? (scanning newspaper) Indecisive… pathetic… spineless… insipid… and listen to this bit: Craig seemed frozen in the coaches’ box, powerless to stop the fourth quarter onslaught in an all-too-familiar capitulation. Ouch. He had even fewer answers in his post match interviews… and it goes on like this, mostly about me. What does vacillating mean anyway?
Peter Jonas: Don’t read that garbage mate. Try to get your mind off footy for a while. How are those FirePower shares you bought going?
Neil Craig: …they’ve been solid.
Peter Jonas: That’s good. Who are we waiting on anyway?
Neil Craig: Just Bicks, Todd and David. The brainstrust. Actually this meeting was their idea. They said they had a few issues they wanted to raise with you and I.
Peter Jonas: Hart and Clarkey aren’t coming?
Neil Craig: Uh-uh.
Peter Jonas: I saw them out on Max Basheer Reserve with a watering can. What’s that all about?
Neil Craig: (chuckles) I told them the surface is too hard and we’re getting too many injuries. They’re giving it a water.
Peter Jonas: Should keep them busy for a while!
Neil Craig: They’ve been out there all day. They’ll probably still f___ it up though. Did you see Benny’s defensive match ups on Saturday? Dogga on Robbie Gray for 9 scoring shots… Benny should have got the medal, not Gray. And Matty? Christ… we haven’t had a hit out to advantage all season and Jonathan Griffin is going backwards at pace. We might as well bring back Lucas Herbert.
Peter Jonas: Yeah Griffo’s struggling big time. Is that Freo trade still on the table?
Neil Craig: Only if we’re interested in Kepler Bradley.
Peter Jonas: Jesus.
Neil Craig: (sighs) Thank god we’ve got Richmond this week.
<Todd Viney, David Noble and Mark Bickley enter>
Neil Craig: Ahh, here we are. Grab a seat boys, thanks again for organising this. Actually I really enjoy these get-togethers. Gives me a chance to workshop some of my material. Can I try some out before we get started?
Todd Viney: Actually, we really just-
Neil Craig: Just a quick one. You’ll love this. Hang on… (sniffs the air, puzzled expression on his face)
Todd Viney: What is it?
Neil Craig: Oh, it’s just… (sniffs again, wrinkles nose)… it smells kinda like updog in here.
Todd Viney: What’s updog?
Neil Craig: Not much. What’s up with you, dawg?
<Neil Craig and Mark Bickley burst out laughing and exchange a high five>
Todd Viney: (exchanges glance with David Noble) Very good… well done. Are you finished?
Neil Craig: Yeah, sorry Todd. Couldn’t resist. What have you got for me guys?
Todd Viney: There’s a couple of things we want to get out in the open. Firstly, we – that’s David, Bicks and I – have been chatting. We really think we have to be realistic and accept that 2010 is gone. Finals are out of the equation and the preseason for 2011 starts now.
<There is a long silence. Neil gets up, walks over to the white board and writes “16” in big letters, then resumes his seat>
Neil Craig: I saw a great man do this once. Can anyone tell me what it means?
Todd Viney: The position we’re going to finish?
Neil Craig: Wha?-… no… no Todd. Sixteen games to go is what it means. You’re talking about giving the season away and we are less than a third of the way through.
David Noble: Neil, can we finish? This might be a bit sensitive but I’d like you to hear us out.
Neil Craig: Alright.
David Noble: We know that mathematically we can still make the eight but we just aren’t playing the sort of football that can get us there. We’re carrying injuries, we’re still relying on too many older players, the game plan isn’t working, we’re not kicking enough goals, we’re leaking like a sieve at the back, our ruck stocks are wafer thin, the younger players haven’t developed, our skills are at an all-time low, we’ve got players playing out of position, there’s no depth in our midfield rotations, the zone is getting broken down, we’re getting smashed in the clearances, we can’t stick any tackles, we have no physical presence out on the ground and we lack leadership.
Neil Craig: … otherwise ok?
David Noble: I don’t think we should be flippant about this. We’re in deep trouble.
Neil Craig: Sorry. But I just cannot believe what I’m hearing. We’ve been improving every week – slowly I admit – but I don’t think we’re far away from recapturing the sort of form we showed against Melbourne.
Todd Viney: Neil, c’mon! We kicked one goal after half time in that game. Only six for the match. Against last year’s wooden spooners!
Neil Craig: But the intensity and the style of footy… you guys all saw it? The fans loved it. Jonah, Bicks… you guys will back me up here?
Peter Jonas: With all due respect Neil, I thought that was our worst game. We were a joke after half time.
Neil Craig: Actually funny you should mention jokes, I just remembered another one from the routine I’ve been working on. It’s a beauty too.
Todd Viney: Neil, shouldn’t we be concentrat-
Neil Craig: One thing at a time, Todd. Priorities. Bicks, you can join in here. Knock knock.
Mark Bickley: Who’s there?
Neil Craig: Oh.
Mark Bickley: Oh who?
Neil Craig: Oh and… hang on… I buggered it up. I was supposed to say Owen. Then you’d say Owen who? I’d reply oh and six… Dammit! (pounds fist on table) I nailed that punch line five times in a row this morning in rehearsal. Can this season get any worse?
Todd Viney: Can we get back to… ?
Neil Craig: Oh, yeah sure.
Todd Viney: We think it’s time for some of the older guys to be moved on.
Neil Craig: Which guys?
Todd Viney: At least three out Goodwin, McLeod, Edwards, Burton and Doughty now and all five of them at the end of the season… probably Hentschel too.
Neil Craig: Now hold on a minute. You’re talking about off-loading some of the absolute champions of our club with hundreds of games behind them. You can’t put a value on that sort of experience.
Todd Viney: Sure you can… Zero wins at 61%, that’s the value.
Neil Craig: I think that’s a very narrow-minded view, Todd.
Todd Viney: Neil, they’ve had 300 games to pass on their experience… surely that’s enough time. What we’re seeing is that their experience isn’t worth a pile of beans and the young players aren’t learning anything off them. They’re old. They’re still playing ok but they’re battling just to keep their own standards up, they don’t have time to help out any of the younger players.
Neil Craig: I don’t like this attitude that’s creeping in… “blame the older players.” They’re easy targets and it gets us nowhere. The players have got it pretty tough at the moment. It’s not just us coaches under scrutiny. I think we’ve got to recognise that they are under a fair bit of pressure too. A few of the players even got spat on after the game.
Todd Viney: Yeah sorry about that Neil, I just got a bit fired up.
Neil Craig: Not good enough Todd. That was really uncalled for.
Peter Jonas: So how many?
Neil Craig: How many what?
Peter Jonas: How many losses will it take before we play the kids? How much worse does it need to get?
Neil Craig: Well… it can’t get any worse than 0-22, can it? That’s one positive!
Peter Jonas: Neil, please. Some of these kids are ready to go. I’ve seen them up close. They just need a chance.
Neil Craig: Look, I know we’re all hurting. I know the public wants to see changes and we’re all under pressure. I’m feeling it as much as anyone. I am the Head Coach after all… well, officially I’m Head Coach / Comedian now… I’m actually getting admin to print me up some new business cards. But I just can’t believe how pessimistic you guys are being. I think some aspects of our ball movement are just about to click.
Todd Viney: (under breath) Watch out Richmond.
Neil Craig: So we’re agreed? There will be absolutely no backing away from our finals goal. We will be unrelenting in our pursuit of 8th spot. (looks around table, no one says anything) Excellent. Now, what was the other issue you wanted to bring up?
David Noble: Um… Taylor Walker… I think there’s a real issue brewing here.
Neil Craig: You’re right. Glad you mentioned it actually, we can solve that one now. Let’s see… we’ve used defensive pressure… lack of pace… contested ball… not enough flexibility… team balance… can’t fit him, Burton and Tippett in the same forward line… what have we got left for this week? We need something…
David Noble: No, Neil-
Neil Craig: Can we go back to defensive pressure? People might have forgotten that one. Actually we can probably just cycle through them all again. The football public are just like goldfish you know, 3 minute-
David Noble: Neil! Stop! You’re not listening. We think Walker should play this week.
Neil Craig: What… for Norwood?
David Noble: No, no. For us. The Crows.
Neil Craig: (brief pause) When you guys called this meeting I was thinking maybe you had an idea for a 17 man zone variation or an extra exercise bike for the interchange bench… but this… (shakes head). Well… ok, let’s just… I mean… well Todd, it’s really your call in the end. Do you think you can squeeze him in to your rotations?
Todd Viney: What? He’s not a midfielder.
David Noble: No, we want to use him at full forward.
Neil Craig: David! There’s no room up there.
David Noble: We can make room for him. This is what we wanted to talk to you about. We think Burton needs a week off.
Neil Craig: Drop Burton? Have you seen his latest 3km time trial results? And his skin folds don’t even register. I must have spent at least an hour yesterday prodding away with the calipers trying to pinch something. Nothing! Not even a tweezer-full.
David Noble: Neil, that stuff doesn’t actually matter. It’s performance that-
Neil Craig: Look – I’ll stop you there. I’ve always said that players will be measured on their performances. You must have heard me say that a hundred times. Performance at training makes up a portion of that. A big portion. In fact the whole portion. You play how you train and no one trains better than Brett.
And I just don’t get this infatuation everyone has with Walker. Every bloody interview I do it’s what have you got against Walker and why is he at Norwood and why did you describe him as a 10 year player if you had no intention of playing him…
He’s a one trick pony. He can kick goals and that’s it. When have goals ever won a game? Football is built around pressure and structures and team work and consistency. I don’t like goals, never have. Goals are over-rated. They are too individualistic. All that showmanship, posing for the crowd and the fist pumps. Disgraceful… there’s no place for individual glory in a team game. Give me a disciplined spoil to the boundary line any day of the week.
Nope, Burton’s not going anywhere. If you want Walker to play it’s either as a midfielder or else Bass can have him, I don’t care. Anything else guys?
<everyone shakes their heads, no one says anything>
Neil Craig: Well, thanks again fellas for your efforts and bringing this stuff to the table. I think it’s one of the real strengths of our structure that we can have these sorts of robust discussions and reach consensus on these issues. We’ve made some real progress today.
Todd Viney: That’s the funniest thing you’ve said all day.
