Drugs Are Bad Mackay?
Moderator
- May 24, 2006
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- Moderator
- #1
Present: Neil Craig (senior coach), Nathan Bock, Jason Porplyzia, Taylor Walker and Matthew Jaensch (players)
<players are seated around a table, Neil is standing>
Taylor Walker: What are we doing? Making paper aeroplanes?
Neil Craig: No, the pens and paper on the desk in front of you are for some team building and self analysis activities we’re going to do.
Jason Porplyzia: Team building? I thought this was our weekly review meeting?
Taylor Walker: Yeah, you usually just yell at us and tell us all the things we’re doing wrong.
Neil Craig: Firstly, I don’t yell at you Taylor… it’s usually where you receive some open and honest feedback that will help make you better footballers. But anyway… today we’re going to change things up a bit. I want you to turn the page in front of you over. There should be a players’ name on it – someone in this room. Don’t let anyone see who you’ve got. What I’d like you to do is to write a word on the page that you think best describes that person. It doesn’t have to be about football necessarily, it can be about their personality, their attitude… whatever first leaps into your mind when you think of them.
<the players think for a while and then start writing>
Neil Craig: Everyone done? Ok, fold them in half and then hand them in to me. (Neil collects the papers) Ok, what I’m going to do is to read them out loud to the group. So you’re going to hear how other people view you.
Nathan Bock: Can I have mine back again?
Neil Craig: No, no… these are meant to be a bit of fun and maybe a little confronting. With all the activities I want you to be brutally open and honest with each other. There might be a few laughs and perhaps some home truths too.
Neil Craig: Ok. (enthusiastically) It’s always interesting to hear what other people think of you. Can be a little uncomfortable too! Right, first one… (reading) Taylor Walker… scapegoat.
Taylor Walker: (under breath) Spot on…
Neil Craig: Hmmm… I was sort of hoping for something a bit more illuminating about the person… I wasn’t after an editorial. Maybe I should have explained myself better... oh well. Hopefully they improve from here. Ok, who have we got next? (reading) Nathan Bock… Gold Coast.
<Some stifled laughter around the room>
Neil Craig: C’mon fellas. Nathan isn’t going to the Gold Coast. Are you Nathan?
Nathan Bock: … um… not…
Neil Craig: Who wrote that one anyway?
Matthew Jaensch: I thought it was supposed to be anonymous?
Neil Craig: Very silly, Matty. You know there are a heap of rumours around. We don’t want to fan the flames. Right, the next one… (reading) Jason Porplyzia… fat.
Jason Porplyzia: Who wrote that?
<no one says anything>
Jason Porplyzia: Bloody hell... I’ve had injuries you know. My hip was playing up in the preseason and my shoulder still gives me trouble… I‘ve been working my ass off in that gym, and you guys know it.
Taylor Walker: C’mon Porps, we all love you but you’re favourite machine in the gym is the vending machine.
All: Cheese & Onion Smiths and a Pepsi.
Jason Porplyzia: This is bullcrap. And I’m changing what I wrote about you, Tails. How do you spell prima donna?
Neil Craig: Settle down guys… (flustered) this is not quite going how I thought it would. I was hoping we’d have more… you know… words like ‘confident’ that can be taken two ways. Stuff that might create a bit of thought, a bit of introspection… something for the player to take away and think about. Anyway, we’ll keep moving. Last one thank goodness… (reading) Matthew Jaensch… (pause) Well I’m not reading that out.
Matthew Jaensch: Why, what does it say?
Neil Craig: Nothing Matthew, it doesn’t matter.
Nathan Bock: It was only a joke.
Matthew Jaensch: What did you write?
Nathan Bock: …Alcoholic.
Matthew Jaensch: Some gag. That’s about as funny as one of Neil’s jokes.
Neil Craig: What do you mean one of my jokes? You guys always laugh at my jokes.
Matthew Jaensch: That’s because we want to get picked.
Neil Craig: (speechless) You mean you’ve just been humoring me?
<awkward silence>
Jason Porplyzia: Is this more the sort of honesty and home truths you were after?
Neil Craig: No, not exactly.
<Players glance at each other hurriedly>
Nathan Bock: …Errr… We were only kidding Neil…
Jason Porplyzia: Yeah… Gotcha! We love your jokes. Really.
Neil Craig: Well, that’s a relief…
Nathan Bock: And I’m sorry Matty, that was in poor taste. I didn’t mean to offend you.
Neil Craig: Well, I’m glad we did that activity… apart from it being a complete disaster.
Taylor Walker: (under breath) File it with ‘Edwards Retirement Announcement.’
Neil Craig: Let’s move on… quickly. (Neil hands out the sheets of paper again) Activity 2. This time I’d like you to write down some strengths and weaknesses for the person. Same routine, I’ll read them out at the end. Make sure you get a different person to last time and obviously I don’t want you to get yourself.
Try to think a bit harder this time. No sledges, jokes or cheap shots. Hearing what your team mates think of you can really create opportunities for learning and self evaluation. I want you to be constructive and just to show how much I believe in the process, there’s a sheet for me too. Has everyone got a page? We’ll spend a couple of minutes on it this time.
<everyone spends five or so minutes thinking and writing>
Neil Craig: Why am I hearing so much s******ing? You’re supposed to take this seriously guys, not just make jokes about each other. Everyone done?
<Neil collects up all the pages again>
Neil Craig: Ok… good. Looks like there’s plenty of writing there. Hopefully this is a little more productive than the last activity. First one… (reading) Taylor Walker... strengths… hearing.
<Players burst out laughing>
Taylor Walker: You guys are w***ers.
Neil Craig: (reading) Weaknesses… celebrates goals as though it’s a grand final win even when we’re 60 points down.
Taylor Walker: (exasperated) I did that one time and the goal was a corker-
Neil Craig: C’mon Taylor, we can’t be too sensitive. It’s a real sign of maturity if you can accept criticism and learn from this sort of feedback, rather than take it to heart and be all defensive about it. Ok… (picks up another sheet) looks like I’m the next one! This will be interesting.
Neil Craig: (reading) Neil Craig… strengths... trigonometry… calculating vectors… quadratic equations... Pythagorus’s Theorem…
<Players try to stifle laughter>
Neil Craig: Ha ha ha. We’re a bunch of comedians, aren’t we? Are you guys sure you were taking this seriously? Not exactly constructive so far. Weaknesses… reaching things on the high shelf… and telling jokes… WHAT THE?! Ok, who’s the dead man who wrote that?
Taylor Walker: Neil, what about accepting criticism and learn-
Neil Craig: Stuff that! Who was it?!
Taylor Walker: This is all anonymous, right?
Neil Craig: Yes… it’s all anonymous… but I still want to know who said it.
Taylor Walker: That isn’t fair.
Neil Craig: Ok, we’ll make a deal. You can either tell me who wrote it, or, you can all be delisted. Your choice.
Nathan Bock: Neil, c’mon-
Neil Craig: (Neil puts up his hand, quieting everyone and gathers his thoughts) You guys weren’t joking before were you? You really don’t think my jokes are funny? I can’t believe it… ask Mark Bickley how funny I am…
<Neil slumps back in his chair, crushed, deflated>
Jason Porplyzia: (gently) Neil? You’ve made some funny jokes.
Taylor Walker: Yeah, like when you said Goody and Brent Reilly had been our best two players this season.
Nathan Bock: Or when you said you expected improvement from the 33 year olds.
Jason Porplyzia: And what about when you said Burton had been solid? That was a beauty.
Neil Craig: Guys… they weren’t jokes. I was serious about that stuff.
<prolonged silence>
Jason Porplyzia: Neil, how about you tell a joke and we’ll give you feedback?
Neil Craig: (perking up) …that sounds good. (thinks for a while) Ok, I’ve got one. Tell me this isn’t funny. What do you call a sheep with no legs? (triumphantly) A cloud!
<stony silence>
Nathan Bock: Neil, that’s terrible.
Jason Porplyzia: It’s just weak. There’s no edge to it.
Neil Craig: Ok, ok… it can’t all be A material. Maybe that wasn’t one of my better efforts.
Taylor Walker: Actually it was.
Neil Craig: You want edge? How about this one then: A man gets taken down to the police station on a domestic violence charge. The policeman says to him, “Why do you keep beating your wife?” He replies, “Better reach, superior footwork, stronger…”
<stony silence>
Neil Craig: What… too edgy?
<Jason Porplyzia catches Neil’s eye and nods slightly in Nathan Bock’s direction>
Neil Craig: (catching on) Oh! Sorry Nathan – that was a bit insensitive of me. Domestic violence jokes are never as funny as you think they’re going to be… Look, it’s not my fault! I don’t know what’s been wrong with me lately. I’m just running low on material… a month ago I was on fire.
Jason Porplyzia: Shall we keep going with the strengths and weaknesses?
Neil Craig: I don’t think we’ll bother. This has been a total waste of time. Guys, you could have really got something out of today. No one has taken it seriously though. You know what I think? I think you’re scared of hearing some honest replies. So instead you just make jokes or sledge each other. That way you don’t have to face up to any realities.
Nathan Bock: Neil, we just don’t think that these little games make any difference about what happens on the field.
Jason Porplyzia: How do they help us kick or mark the ball better?
Nathan Bock: Yeah, we have heaps of these meetings. They’re just talk.
Neil Craig: (leaning forward eagerly) Ok, ok… this is fantastic. Now we’re getting somewhere. I’m finally hearing some honesty. What other things are we doing that you think are a waste of time?
Jason Porplyzia: Well the Crushers group and Backboners group… it’s like we’re back at primary school.
Nathan Bock: Yeah, at school we had the Echidnas, the Wombats and the Kangaroos as our spelling groups. But everyone knew that the Echidnas were the smart kids and the Kangaroos were the dumb kids. They weren’t fooling anyone.
Neil Craig: Is that right, Skippy!
<Neil bursts out laughing>
Neil Craig: Sorry, Nathan! But let’s keep going with this, boys. This is exactly the type of feedback we need to be hearing if we’re going to turn things around. Crushers… Backboners… they’re gone. What else? Give me more.
Taylor Walker: How about all the fitness stuff at training? Heaps of guys are sore or injured but you keeping ramping up the training workload week after week.
Neil Craig: Good… good. So maybe lighten the workload? Schedule a few more breaks? That’s b-r-e-a-k-s, Nathan! (stifles a s******) Sorry! I don’t mean to denigrate you just because you can’t do goodly at spelling! (Neil starts giggling) Sorry again… just couldn’t help myself… ‘Denigrate’ means ‘to put down’ by the way!
<Neil wets himself laughing>
Neil Craig: (finally regains his breath) Oh boy… news just in: I’m back, baby! Somebody hose me down! C’mon Tails… don’t leave me hanging.
<Taylor Walker reluctantly gives Neil a high five>
Neil Craig: (wiping away tear) I know that the usual policy is that everything discussed in these meetings stays within these walls… but I’ll make an exception today. If you want to tell the other players about my jokes, go ahead! Might lift their spirits a bit. Maybe not the wife beating one, but the others… Sometimes you have to bend the rules a little, that’s what I say!
Taylor Walker: I’ve never heard you say that.
Neil Craig: C’mon… I’ve said it lots of times.
Taylor Walker: Like when?
Neil Craig: Well… remember when we finished training 10 minutes earlier than usual last week?
Jason Porplyzia: Yeah but we started an hour early.
Nathan Bock: And then you scheduled an extra training for the Saturday of the bye weekend.
Neil Craig: Well… no matter. The important thing is that I’m back on song with the jokes!
Taylor Walker: I wouldn’t say that.
Neil Craig: What do you mean? Just now… the spelling… that was all gold, wasn’t it?
<no response>
Neil Craig: You guys were laughing too, right?
<no response>
Neil Craig: (angrily) Bloody hell… you guys wouldn’t know funny if it slapped you in the face. Forget it. Let’s just finish off the strengths and weakness, then we can get out of here. (picks up the next page) Ok, Matthew Jaensch. Gee… there’s a lot of strengths here. (reading) Strengths… strongly built… skillful… fast… great kick… leader… good looking… sounds like someone’s a fan of yours. Ok, (reading) weaknesses… too well-endowed to fit in playing shorts… Hang on a minute… Matty! You were supposed to tell me if you got yourself! This is exactly the sort of immaturity I’ve been talking about with you. I expected more from a kid on his last chance. Maybe I’ll have to wait another week before picking you, just to make sure the message sinks in.
Matthew Jaensch: (under breath) As if you’d pick me anyway…
Neil Craig: What was that? You just bought yourself another weeks’ suspension, mister!
Matthew Jaensch: Oh Christ…
Neil Craig: You just bought one more right there! Suspension. No SANFL footy either, you can sit in the coaches box with me.
Matthew Jaensch: I’m free the week after that too if you want. After that I’ll have to check my calendar.
Neil Craig: Good! ‘Cause it’s gonna be filled, we’ll keep going! You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of running out on AAMI, you’ll be sitting in the stands. Are you through?
Matthew Jaensch: No!
Neil Craig: I’m doing the team a favour here.
Matthew Jaensch: So?
Neil Craig: That’s another one, right now. I’ve got you for the rest of the year if you don’t watch your step. You want another one?
Matthew Jaensch: …Yes!
Neil Craig: You got it! You got another one, right there. That’s another one pal!
Taylor Walker: Cut it out.
Neil Craig: You through?
Matthew Jaensch: Not even close, bud!
Neil Craig: Good! You got one more, right there!
Matthew Jaensch: Do you really think I give a shit?
Neil Craig: Another one… you through now?
Matthew Jaensch: How many is that?
Jason Porplyzia: That’s seven including one for last night when you were out drinking and missed curfew again and told me not to tell Neil about it… oops, sorry Matty... I forgot.
Neil Craig: Now it’s eight…
Jason Porplyzia: Excuse me, Neil, it’s seven!
Neil Craig: (to Jason) Shut up, fatso. (to Matthew) You’re mine Jaensch… for two months. I gotcha!
Matthew Jaensch: What can I say? I’m thrilled.
<players are seated around a table, Neil is standing>
Taylor Walker: What are we doing? Making paper aeroplanes?
Neil Craig: No, the pens and paper on the desk in front of you are for some team building and self analysis activities we’re going to do.
Jason Porplyzia: Team building? I thought this was our weekly review meeting?
Taylor Walker: Yeah, you usually just yell at us and tell us all the things we’re doing wrong.
Neil Craig: Firstly, I don’t yell at you Taylor… it’s usually where you receive some open and honest feedback that will help make you better footballers. But anyway… today we’re going to change things up a bit. I want you to turn the page in front of you over. There should be a players’ name on it – someone in this room. Don’t let anyone see who you’ve got. What I’d like you to do is to write a word on the page that you think best describes that person. It doesn’t have to be about football necessarily, it can be about their personality, their attitude… whatever first leaps into your mind when you think of them.
<the players think for a while and then start writing>
Neil Craig: Everyone done? Ok, fold them in half and then hand them in to me. (Neil collects the papers) Ok, what I’m going to do is to read them out loud to the group. So you’re going to hear how other people view you.
Nathan Bock: Can I have mine back again?
Neil Craig: No, no… these are meant to be a bit of fun and maybe a little confronting. With all the activities I want you to be brutally open and honest with each other. There might be a few laughs and perhaps some home truths too.
Neil Craig: Ok. (enthusiastically) It’s always interesting to hear what other people think of you. Can be a little uncomfortable too! Right, first one… (reading) Taylor Walker… scapegoat.
Taylor Walker: (under breath) Spot on…
Neil Craig: Hmmm… I was sort of hoping for something a bit more illuminating about the person… I wasn’t after an editorial. Maybe I should have explained myself better... oh well. Hopefully they improve from here. Ok, who have we got next? (reading) Nathan Bock… Gold Coast.
<Some stifled laughter around the room>
Neil Craig: C’mon fellas. Nathan isn’t going to the Gold Coast. Are you Nathan?
Nathan Bock: … um… not…
Neil Craig: Who wrote that one anyway?
Matthew Jaensch: I thought it was supposed to be anonymous?
Neil Craig: Very silly, Matty. You know there are a heap of rumours around. We don’t want to fan the flames. Right, the next one… (reading) Jason Porplyzia… fat.
Jason Porplyzia: Who wrote that?
<no one says anything>
Jason Porplyzia: Bloody hell... I’ve had injuries you know. My hip was playing up in the preseason and my shoulder still gives me trouble… I‘ve been working my ass off in that gym, and you guys know it.
Taylor Walker: C’mon Porps, we all love you but you’re favourite machine in the gym is the vending machine.
All: Cheese & Onion Smiths and a Pepsi.
Jason Porplyzia: This is bullcrap. And I’m changing what I wrote about you, Tails. How do you spell prima donna?
Neil Craig: Settle down guys… (flustered) this is not quite going how I thought it would. I was hoping we’d have more… you know… words like ‘confident’ that can be taken two ways. Stuff that might create a bit of thought, a bit of introspection… something for the player to take away and think about. Anyway, we’ll keep moving. Last one thank goodness… (reading) Matthew Jaensch… (pause) Well I’m not reading that out.
Matthew Jaensch: Why, what does it say?
Neil Craig: Nothing Matthew, it doesn’t matter.
Nathan Bock: It was only a joke.
Matthew Jaensch: What did you write?
Nathan Bock: …Alcoholic.
Matthew Jaensch: Some gag. That’s about as funny as one of Neil’s jokes.
Neil Craig: What do you mean one of my jokes? You guys always laugh at my jokes.
Matthew Jaensch: That’s because we want to get picked.
Neil Craig: (speechless) You mean you’ve just been humoring me?
<awkward silence>
Jason Porplyzia: Is this more the sort of honesty and home truths you were after?
Neil Craig: No, not exactly.
<Players glance at each other hurriedly>
Nathan Bock: …Errr… We were only kidding Neil…
Jason Porplyzia: Yeah… Gotcha! We love your jokes. Really.
Neil Craig: Well, that’s a relief…
Nathan Bock: And I’m sorry Matty, that was in poor taste. I didn’t mean to offend you.
Neil Craig: Well, I’m glad we did that activity… apart from it being a complete disaster.
Taylor Walker: (under breath) File it with ‘Edwards Retirement Announcement.’
Neil Craig: Let’s move on… quickly. (Neil hands out the sheets of paper again) Activity 2. This time I’d like you to write down some strengths and weaknesses for the person. Same routine, I’ll read them out at the end. Make sure you get a different person to last time and obviously I don’t want you to get yourself.
Try to think a bit harder this time. No sledges, jokes or cheap shots. Hearing what your team mates think of you can really create opportunities for learning and self evaluation. I want you to be constructive and just to show how much I believe in the process, there’s a sheet for me too. Has everyone got a page? We’ll spend a couple of minutes on it this time.
<everyone spends five or so minutes thinking and writing>
Neil Craig: Why am I hearing so much s******ing? You’re supposed to take this seriously guys, not just make jokes about each other. Everyone done?
<Neil collects up all the pages again>
Neil Craig: Ok… good. Looks like there’s plenty of writing there. Hopefully this is a little more productive than the last activity. First one… (reading) Taylor Walker... strengths… hearing.
<Players burst out laughing>
Taylor Walker: You guys are w***ers.
Neil Craig: (reading) Weaknesses… celebrates goals as though it’s a grand final win even when we’re 60 points down.
Taylor Walker: (exasperated) I did that one time and the goal was a corker-
Neil Craig: C’mon Taylor, we can’t be too sensitive. It’s a real sign of maturity if you can accept criticism and learn from this sort of feedback, rather than take it to heart and be all defensive about it. Ok… (picks up another sheet) looks like I’m the next one! This will be interesting.
Neil Craig: (reading) Neil Craig… strengths... trigonometry… calculating vectors… quadratic equations... Pythagorus’s Theorem…
<Players try to stifle laughter>
Neil Craig: Ha ha ha. We’re a bunch of comedians, aren’t we? Are you guys sure you were taking this seriously? Not exactly constructive so far. Weaknesses… reaching things on the high shelf… and telling jokes… WHAT THE?! Ok, who’s the dead man who wrote that?
Taylor Walker: Neil, what about accepting criticism and learn-
Neil Craig: Stuff that! Who was it?!
Taylor Walker: This is all anonymous, right?
Neil Craig: Yes… it’s all anonymous… but I still want to know who said it.
Taylor Walker: That isn’t fair.
Neil Craig: Ok, we’ll make a deal. You can either tell me who wrote it, or, you can all be delisted. Your choice.
Nathan Bock: Neil, c’mon-
Neil Craig: (Neil puts up his hand, quieting everyone and gathers his thoughts) You guys weren’t joking before were you? You really don’t think my jokes are funny? I can’t believe it… ask Mark Bickley how funny I am…
<Neil slumps back in his chair, crushed, deflated>
Jason Porplyzia: (gently) Neil? You’ve made some funny jokes.
Taylor Walker: Yeah, like when you said Goody and Brent Reilly had been our best two players this season.
Nathan Bock: Or when you said you expected improvement from the 33 year olds.
Jason Porplyzia: And what about when you said Burton had been solid? That was a beauty.
Neil Craig: Guys… they weren’t jokes. I was serious about that stuff.
<prolonged silence>
Jason Porplyzia: Neil, how about you tell a joke and we’ll give you feedback?
Neil Craig: (perking up) …that sounds good. (thinks for a while) Ok, I’ve got one. Tell me this isn’t funny. What do you call a sheep with no legs? (triumphantly) A cloud!
<stony silence>
Nathan Bock: Neil, that’s terrible.
Jason Porplyzia: It’s just weak. There’s no edge to it.
Neil Craig: Ok, ok… it can’t all be A material. Maybe that wasn’t one of my better efforts.
Taylor Walker: Actually it was.
Neil Craig: You want edge? How about this one then: A man gets taken down to the police station on a domestic violence charge. The policeman says to him, “Why do you keep beating your wife?” He replies, “Better reach, superior footwork, stronger…”
<stony silence>
Neil Craig: What… too edgy?
<Jason Porplyzia catches Neil’s eye and nods slightly in Nathan Bock’s direction>
Neil Craig: (catching on) Oh! Sorry Nathan – that was a bit insensitive of me. Domestic violence jokes are never as funny as you think they’re going to be… Look, it’s not my fault! I don’t know what’s been wrong with me lately. I’m just running low on material… a month ago I was on fire.
Jason Porplyzia: Shall we keep going with the strengths and weaknesses?
Neil Craig: I don’t think we’ll bother. This has been a total waste of time. Guys, you could have really got something out of today. No one has taken it seriously though. You know what I think? I think you’re scared of hearing some honest replies. So instead you just make jokes or sledge each other. That way you don’t have to face up to any realities.
Nathan Bock: Neil, we just don’t think that these little games make any difference about what happens on the field.
Jason Porplyzia: How do they help us kick or mark the ball better?
Nathan Bock: Yeah, we have heaps of these meetings. They’re just talk.
Neil Craig: (leaning forward eagerly) Ok, ok… this is fantastic. Now we’re getting somewhere. I’m finally hearing some honesty. What other things are we doing that you think are a waste of time?
Jason Porplyzia: Well the Crushers group and Backboners group… it’s like we’re back at primary school.
Nathan Bock: Yeah, at school we had the Echidnas, the Wombats and the Kangaroos as our spelling groups. But everyone knew that the Echidnas were the smart kids and the Kangaroos were the dumb kids. They weren’t fooling anyone.
Neil Craig: Is that right, Skippy!
<Neil bursts out laughing>
Neil Craig: Sorry, Nathan! But let’s keep going with this, boys. This is exactly the type of feedback we need to be hearing if we’re going to turn things around. Crushers… Backboners… they’re gone. What else? Give me more.
Taylor Walker: How about all the fitness stuff at training? Heaps of guys are sore or injured but you keeping ramping up the training workload week after week.
Neil Craig: Good… good. So maybe lighten the workload? Schedule a few more breaks? That’s b-r-e-a-k-s, Nathan! (stifles a s******) Sorry! I don’t mean to denigrate you just because you can’t do goodly at spelling! (Neil starts giggling) Sorry again… just couldn’t help myself… ‘Denigrate’ means ‘to put down’ by the way!
<Neil wets himself laughing>
Neil Craig: (finally regains his breath) Oh boy… news just in: I’m back, baby! Somebody hose me down! C’mon Tails… don’t leave me hanging.
<Taylor Walker reluctantly gives Neil a high five>
Neil Craig: (wiping away tear) I know that the usual policy is that everything discussed in these meetings stays within these walls… but I’ll make an exception today. If you want to tell the other players about my jokes, go ahead! Might lift their spirits a bit. Maybe not the wife beating one, but the others… Sometimes you have to bend the rules a little, that’s what I say!
Taylor Walker: I’ve never heard you say that.
Neil Craig: C’mon… I’ve said it lots of times.
Taylor Walker: Like when?
Neil Craig: Well… remember when we finished training 10 minutes earlier than usual last week?
Jason Porplyzia: Yeah but we started an hour early.
Nathan Bock: And then you scheduled an extra training for the Saturday of the bye weekend.
Neil Craig: Well… no matter. The important thing is that I’m back on song with the jokes!
Taylor Walker: I wouldn’t say that.
Neil Craig: What do you mean? Just now… the spelling… that was all gold, wasn’t it?
<no response>
Neil Craig: You guys were laughing too, right?
<no response>
Neil Craig: (angrily) Bloody hell… you guys wouldn’t know funny if it slapped you in the face. Forget it. Let’s just finish off the strengths and weakness, then we can get out of here. (picks up the next page) Ok, Matthew Jaensch. Gee… there’s a lot of strengths here. (reading) Strengths… strongly built… skillful… fast… great kick… leader… good looking… sounds like someone’s a fan of yours. Ok, (reading) weaknesses… too well-endowed to fit in playing shorts… Hang on a minute… Matty! You were supposed to tell me if you got yourself! This is exactly the sort of immaturity I’ve been talking about with you. I expected more from a kid on his last chance. Maybe I’ll have to wait another week before picking you, just to make sure the message sinks in.
Matthew Jaensch: (under breath) As if you’d pick me anyway…
Neil Craig: What was that? You just bought yourself another weeks’ suspension, mister!
Matthew Jaensch: Oh Christ…
Neil Craig: You just bought one more right there! Suspension. No SANFL footy either, you can sit in the coaches box with me.
Matthew Jaensch: I’m free the week after that too if you want. After that I’ll have to check my calendar.
Neil Craig: Good! ‘Cause it’s gonna be filled, we’ll keep going! You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of running out on AAMI, you’ll be sitting in the stands. Are you through?
Matthew Jaensch: No!
Neil Craig: I’m doing the team a favour here.
Matthew Jaensch: So?
Neil Craig: That’s another one, right now. I’ve got you for the rest of the year if you don’t watch your step. You want another one?
Matthew Jaensch: …Yes!
Neil Craig: You got it! You got another one, right there. That’s another one pal!
Taylor Walker: Cut it out.
Neil Craig: You through?
Matthew Jaensch: Not even close, bud!
Neil Craig: Good! You got one more, right there!
Matthew Jaensch: Do you really think I give a shit?
Neil Craig: Another one… you through now?
Matthew Jaensch: How many is that?
Jason Porplyzia: That’s seven including one for last night when you were out drinking and missed curfew again and told me not to tell Neil about it… oops, sorry Matty... I forgot.
Neil Craig: Now it’s eight…
Jason Porplyzia: Excuse me, Neil, it’s seven!
Neil Craig: (to Jason) Shut up, fatso. (to Matthew) You’re mine Jaensch… for two months. I gotcha!
Matthew Jaensch: What can I say? I’m thrilled.
