BF Awards 2015 UPOTY - The winner is...

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Feb 15, 2015
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So do we vote on this thread?

If yes I have two. There was one done by YouDontKnowJack for the Queens b'day that was tops, but there was another that made me laugh hard which was the Darwin game against West Coast. And a bunch of others.

How does the vote thing work?
 
So do we vote on this thread?

If yes I have two. There was one done by YouDontKnowJack for the Queens b'day that was tops, but there was another that made me laugh hard which was the Darwin game against West Coast. And a bunch of others.

How does the vote thing work?

So far it has been a mod affair and will be this year but I'm happy for it being open to the board in future years if the other mods and posters prefer that.
 
Feb 15, 2015
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So far it has been a mod affair and will be this year but I'm happy for it being open to the board in future years if the other mods and posters prefer that.
Now I don't know and I'm all confused. Actually I like the idea of making it the mods problem. It's like umpires. Random hierarchy selected on principles I don't understand, but don't mind so long as I can grumble
 
This year has been the hardest to date for the four of us to come up with a final 5 in the UPOTY for voting such was the competition but we did our best. :$

The Final 5 are:

Round 7 v Hawthorn: Little Clarkson & the Ministry of (Un)sociable Football - Benwah83

Round 10 v Collingwood: It's Not Always Cool To Be Conscious - YouDontKnowJack

Round 11 v St.Kilda: AFL History, Dees and a massive fat chicken - Proper Gander

Round 12 v Geelong: Exorcising Our Demons - YouDontKnowJack

Round 14 v WCE: The West Coast Melbourne Demon-Eagles™ - d33my


I welcome you all to voice your praise for our worthy finalists or rant about how the mods got it wrong (again!) :)

Votes announced as of tomorrow. No clues but suffice to say there was no clear voting trend between the four of us - so its anyone's...
 
Feb 15, 2015
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Round 7!
Surprised the Geelong preview made the final 5 TBH.
If that was the one where you buried symbolic things and then drove away without a word, it was a stunning example of social realism that touched everyone with a true soul
 
Yep, YouDontKnowJack for me as well. Hate them handbaggers.

We had no right to win that game with the side we put out on the park that week, Jack performed a miracle, with the help of Balmey and Mr. Machette
 
Yep, YouDontKnowJack for me as well. Hate them handbaggers.

We had no right to win that game with the side we put out on the park that week, Jack performed a miracle, with the help of Balmey and Mr. Machette

This one would have my vote too. Any unofficial preview that had the power to break the Geelong curse deserves to win :D
 
Each of the mods voted 5,4,3,2,1 (best to least) and then the votes were naturally tallied, hence a total of 60 votes have been awarded.
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In 5th place with a total of 7 votes was a debut effort from our recent rising star winner.

I don't know if it was over-cooked but it was certainly educational, had all the right flavours and just enough beer for the average Dees supporter on game day.

:footy: Round 11 v St.Kilda: AFL History, Dees and a massive fat chicken - Proper Gander :footy:

Less commonly known (or no-one cares) is that the original club captain, Les "Lovely Legs" Leggso Larson, has recently been credited with establishing the first breeding stock of the original Australian Domestic Chicken, which he created in 1595 by means of an early gene-splice experiment using a magpie, an emu and a small collection of slow-footed bilbys.

giphy.gif


However, the disastrous 19th century coaching strategy to replace the chicken with Kangaroo, the invention of AFL rules and a decision to compete against other teams has seen the end of the Dees most successful era.

Well that's a downer...

Proper Gander in 2015 you came in like a wrecking ball - keep up the good work and we look forward to your next delicious installment in 2016...

142133_71b604fc80db5ec35b1d484686fd9ed0.jpg
 
In 4th place with a total of 10 votes was an epic piece from a poster who has two entries in this year's final five. He's a solid performer, no paleo for this guy.

I don't use the word "epic" lightly either. Everything about this round was epic and it all started with a UP that simply wanted to turn history on its head. Sure, it took an exorcism to do it but hey, nothing comes easy when the MFC is involved...

It's...

Round 12 v Geelong: Exorcising Our Demons - YouDontKnowJack

Of note, this was not an AFL appointed exorcism, which only made it all the more triumphant and it all featured the forgotten one...

"And why is LJ here?" I queried, pointing towards the back seat.
Balme explained "We need an Aboriginal elder to carry out the ceremony and he wanted to help, as he was a witness to the massacre of 2011."

Given the fact that we are completely jinxed with respect to player sponsorship it is fair to say this board has some sort of supernatural aura about it. We shouldn't be surprised in the end that something bordering on voodoo would deliver us our first win at the cattery since ... *, when did we last win at the cattery?

But, where once there was darkness...

To arrest our current slide and exorcise the demons of the past, we had to go to the scene of our spiritual depantsing 4 years earlier.

upload_2015-12-5_18-12-32.jpeg



Now, thanks to some piss, pubes and Liam Jurrah, there is light...

"The ceremony is ready", LJ cried out and pulled a machete out of the bag. I wasn't game enough to point out the small fragments of blood, bone and hair still on the end of the blade. He struck the ground repeatedly, until there was a hole big enough to place the items in. Afterwards, I covered it back up, hoping nobody at the ground would notice.

IT BLOODY WORKED!

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Great effort YouDontKnowJack on yet another fine effort. If you feel like doing a similar UP next year for those pricks Hawthorn nobody will stop you!
 
I don't know what it is about our next poster's ability to give a chuckle.

Perhaps its their simplicity and smooth, effortless style of writing or perhaps its their ability to tap into the different tangents of this world and bring to life the personalities and situations that just seem so hilariously believable. Perhaps it's just their brand of humour and finer detail which catches us off guard every year.

This poster also does self deprecation subtly but masterfully to make every Dees supporter proud.

They took out UPOTY 2014 with a barnstorming piece of BF prose so it's no surprise that they appear again in 2015 with a great follow up.

In 3rd place with a total of 12 votes is...

Round 14 v WCE: The West Coast Melbourne Demon-Eagles™ - d33my

Last year it was Dwayne's world, this year it's the corporate world...

‘Our club has a strong corporate history. The Messages on Hold strategy netted over $16 million per goal last year, and the cheersquad’s ‘S-G-I-O GO EAGLES GO’ chant is a hit with both kids and insurance bankers alike.’

With illustrative masterpieces...

melbourne_eagles_zpsv1rymzl5.png


...and lyrical manifiestations

Hey Demons! Hey Demons!

Flag flying hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Flag flying hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

[drum solo]

It’s an old flag, the grandest old flag, and we’re here, to see it fly

It’s an old flag, the grandest of old flags,

We’re the Demons, flag flying high

...it's a complete work, and who wouldn't want to listen to a group by the name 'The Jakovich Singers'?

d33my you are at the top of your game. Keep up the great posting and especially those UPs mate, we can't get enough of 'em!
 
Feb 15, 2015
31,552
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South Yarra
AFL Club
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Mt Buller Demons
I don't know what it is about our next poster's ability to give a chuckle.

Perhaps its their simplicity and smooth, effortless style of writing or perhaps its their ability to tap into the different tangents of this world and bring to life the personalities and situations that just seem so hilariously believable. Perhaps it's just their brand of humour and finer detail which catches us off guard every year.

This poster also does self deprecation subtly but masterfully to make every Dees supporter proud.

They took out UPOTY 2014 with a barnstorming piece of BF prose so it's no surprise that they appear again in 2015 with a great follow up.

In 3rd place with a total of 12 votes is...

Round 14 v WCE: The West Coast Melbourne Demon-Eagles™ - d33my

Last year it was Dwayne's world, this year it's the corporate world...



With illustrative masterpieces...

melbourne_eagles_zpsv1rymzl5.png


...and lyrical manifiestations



...it's a complete work, and who wouldn't want to listen to a group by the name 'The Jakovich Singers'?

d33my you are at the top of your game. Keep up the great posting and especially those UPs mate, we can't get enough of 'em!
I loved this preview. The last line was gold.

Tip hat also to the random WC poster who wrote the original merger proposal, which had me in stitches.

Congratulations d33my
 
The first runner up this year is a pretty talented funny bugger across multiple BF boards what with his BAY13 POTY award for 2015 and all.

His UP was a favourite with many and told of a story of one Dee supporter's journey of coming to terms with the pecking order of footy life.

We all love a good UP which features the angry midget too.

In 2nd place with a total of 13 votes is...

Round 7 v Hawthorn: Little Clarkson & the Ministry of (Un)sociable Football - Benwah83

Bound to a chair, with my eyes pinned open, I didn't know what to expect.

“What is in Room 186” started Clarkson “is the worst thing in the world. This varies from individual to individual. In your case, this is…..”.

Clarkson pressed a button. A picture appeared in front of my eyes of a person in a Melbourne jumper.

Cale Morton.

I screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

“There is only one way to make this end, Benwah”, said Clarkson. “You know what you have to do”.

“I won’t!”, I sobbed. “I can’t… I can’t give him up.”

The picture moved closer to my face. I was pinned down and couldn’t look away. The pain was excruciating.

“You know what you have to do”, repeated Clarkson.

I screamed. I cried. I thrashed in the chair. Blood seeped from my skin where the binds around my wrists cut into me. Finally, I caved.

“Do it to Jesse! Do it to Jesse! Not me! Jesse! I don’t care what you do to him. Staple the picture of Cale to his face! Not me! Jesse! Not me!”

The picture vanished. My re-education was complete.

Clockwork%2771.jpg


Two gin scented tears trickled down the sides of my nose. But it was all right, everything was all right. The struggle was finished. I had won the victory over myself. I loved Little Clarkson.

Some times you have to let go in order to restart. One day we'll beat that mob Benwah83 , one day...

Well done on finishing 2nd in the UPs this year mate. I know you are a busy man on the Bay but please keep them coming in 2016!
 
They say a true artist suffers for their work...

In 2013 this poster finished in 2nd place.

In 2014 this poster finished in equal 2nd place with Supermercado .

It was looking like this dedicated UP stalwart could be confined to being a perpetual UP bridesmaid.

But then in 2015 he unleashed a princely tale that would rise to the top by drawing on its inner spiritual side and produce lols aplenty.

In 1st place and the winner of the 2015 UPOTY award with a mammoth 18 votes is...

Round 10 v Collingwood: It's Not Always Cool To Be Conscious - YouDontKnowJack

Heritier Lumumba was inside. As soon as he spotted me, he panicked, threw a blazing object on the ground and stamped on it.
"I wasn't smoking it! It belongs to a friend!" Apart from H and myself, there was nobody in the room. I'm from the Latrobe Valley, so I was familiar with the smell of a doobie.
"It's all good" I reassured him. "I'm here for this weeks Bigfooty Demons Unofficial Preview"
Heritier apologised "Sorry Jack, I thought you were another one of those bloody AFL drug testers!"
He directed me toward two chairs. I went to sit in the one that somewhat resembled a throne.
"Not that one" he said "that's my thinking chair. The conversation chair is the one opposite that"
I averted my gaze toward a mouldy moth-ridden folding chair.

The path to enlightenment...

images


"I'm able to guide the young players. I've been working a lot with Jack Watts, trying to restore his confidence. I'm trying to get him to look at the bigger picture. For example, 500000 people in Australia saw him drop that mark against Adelaide, but 7 billion people around the world didn't see it. Whereas I can handle the pressure, because I was once held up at gunpoint

images


Heritier has been quite the hit this year on the Dees board but this UP particularly struck a chord and this was one of the most funny and fitting notes to end a UP on...

His tirade was interrupted by the sound of his mobile ringtone blaring out 'I have a dream....'
Heritier answered "Hello? Yes. That's great news, Mr Abbott. Thankyou. Peace Mon."
He hung up and I asked "Who was that, Heritier?"
"Me don't go by dat handle no more. Me name now Marley Rasta Onepeople. Me respeck me Jamaican heritage."

YouDontKnowJack thanks for churning out great efforts every year and being a great ambassador for the UPs on the board. When there are luls on the board we need lols and you certainly always produce.

EVERYONE GET UP STAND UP FOR YouDontKnowJack , 2015 UPOTY WINNER!

I always believed in you mate!

 
After 2 years of being the bridesmaid, I'm finally the bride......wait.......wut?!
I'd like to thank every Melbourne supporter on this board, the mods - particularly RandB the other UP contributors, the Collingwood ferals who gave some great banter - Morganashlee in particular for being my test audience and adding some much needed awkward flirting with A11dAtP0w3R in between the banter, Heritier and he didn't get a mention in the previous post but I couldn't have done it without Daweshy either and finally thank you to the power of #positivity There may or may not be a sequel in the works featuring Jeremy Howe. :)
 
After 2 years of being the bridesmaid, I'm finally the bride......wait.......wut?!
I'd like to thank every Melbourne supporter on this board, the mods - particularly RandB the other UP contributors, the Collingwood ferals who gave some great banter - Morganashlee in particular for being my test audience and adding some much needed awkward flirting with A11dAtP0w3R in between the banter, Heritier and he didn't get a mention in the previous post but I couldn't have done it without Daweshy either and finally thank you to the power of #positivity There may or may not be a sequel in the works featuring Jeremy Howe. :)

Congrats on the award Jack and you know im always happy to help out, brother. :thumbsu:











i miss you Morganashlee :cry::cry:
 
Feb 15, 2015
31,552
70,823
South Yarra
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Mt Buller Demons
They say a true artist suffers for their work...

In 2013 this poster finished in 2nd place.

In 2014 this poster finished in equal 2nd place with Supermercado .

It was looking like this dedicated UP stalwart could be confined to being a perpetual UP bridesmaid.

But then in 2015 he unleashed a princely tale that would rise to the top by drawing on its inner spiritual side and produce lols aplenty.

In 1st place and the winner of the 2015 UPOTY award with a mammoth 18 votes is...

Round 10 v Collingwood: It's Not Always Cool To Be Conscious - YouDontKnowJack



The path to enlightenment...

images




images


Heritier has been quite the hit this year on the Dees board but this UP particularly struck a chord and this was one of the most funny and fitting notes to end a UP on...



YouDontKnowJack thanks for churning out great efforts every year and being a great ambassador for the UPs on the board. When there are luls on the board we need lols and you certainly always produce.

EVERYONE GET UP STAND UP FOR YouDontKnowJack , 2015 UPOTY WINNER!

I always believed in you mate!


Congrats Jack, Benny and dee33. Tough job to separate that kind of talent. Waiting in anticipation to see what the Booker prize panel have to say - it will be an exciting year for new literary discoveries.
 
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