Awkward/embarrassing stories

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Hooked up with some chick at an 18th one time and turns out she was an animal (not excactly in appearence, although she wasn't great in that department either..probably a 5, 6 if we're being generous). It was more the way she was munching my face off instead of going for the lips.

Anyway, got up the next morning and to my absolute horror i saw a massively dark hickey on my cheek (who the * gets hickies on their cheek?!). I spent all day trying every method possible in which to get rid of it or at least make it less noticable before school the next day. Nothing seemed to work however, and fair to say it was one of the more embarrasing weeks of my schooling life that i proceeded to endure. Countless people gasping in horror and violently pointing at my cheek asking "Wtf is that man?!" Laughter then ensured. Pitty there were guards for the drains inside school, because i needed a fairly deep hole to crawl into. :oops:
 
porksy said:
Maaan, that reminds me. I once cleared out a concert.

I went to this youth group experience thing for a while in high school, it was pretty relaxed for your typical worship group.

So we're at the front of the moshpit jumping around to some amateur Christian rock band, everyone's sweaty, the room's hot and there are bright fluoro lights burning into our skulls. I had just had a hotdog and stacked it with tomato sauce, and the jumping and sweating was really getting to me. I stopped jumping, clutched my stomach, crawled onto the stage with my head on the floor and arse in the air and proceeded to let off a ripper cropdust onto all the people behind me. Fair to say they cleared the place out quicker than Jars could clean out a 6 pack of donuts
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Do you ever get the feeling that Lucifer was working through you that day to scourge the area of Christian influence?
 

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Couple of short ones to share:

Staying at a mate's house, probably 14 ish, decide after a couple of beers to go rent a movie (note cpl beers=largely smashed). After half hour of being idiots in store, giggling like knobs and s**t, we decide to rent out an adult movie. I have to sign up thereby prolonging the experience yet this is no concern in our current state (despite being a busy Friday night). As we're leaving guy says 'have a good night' to which I reply 'oh don't worry, we will now'. We thought this was a comeback to applaud at the time and again broke out giggling. When it sunk it the following morning what we had done and I had said, I begged my mate to return it with me but with no obligation as it was under my name, he left me hanging.

Hid it under my top, ninjared it in the return chute without lifting my head and hightailed it outa there in shame. FWIW, vid had some weird supernatural erotic vibe that didnt make any sense and yes the logistical problems of jerking off within close proximatey to a mate did become a deterrent.

Another time I'm home alone, on comp dowstairs looking at pr0n, usually can hear front door open however to my horror I suddenly hear footsteps coming down the stairs. Trousers around bottom of my legs, dick in hand, panick sets in, there's nothing to do but accept a family member is going to see this visual. I brace for the horror about to unfold and just stare at the bottom of the stairs (dick still in hand for some reason). The dog then emerges. Still scares me thinking about the alternatives...

One last one, I'm maybe 11, find a porno at dad's, sneek in when he's asleep, watch 5 mins get scared and turn it off but too scared to return it for fear of getting caught. Panick, put it in my bag, next day it's not in my bag. Fast forward several years, I'm staying over at the old man's, notice a porno in video cabinet and chuck it on as I'm home alone. Reminds me of the previous occurrence and I have a laugh over the immaturity of it. Next thing I hear door open, lunge to stop video, rush to pull up trousers and the old man walks in at me staring at a blue screen with the lounge pushed right up close. Awkward.
 
Oh I remember another one now. Jeeze this thread is dredging up some repressed memories.

At a mate's 18th birthday party, playing pool in a room that is right beside the living area (one of those open-plan arrangements, no door). Sunk the black and without thinking let out an extremely loud "f***ing c**t!". Then I realised his entire WASPy extended family - grandparents, great aunts and uncles and all - were all sitting less than ten metres away. I turned around and they were all silent, just looking at me.

Was utterly mortified. I mumbled an apology and spent the rest of the night hiding out in the back yard with all the other 'young' guests.
 
Our clubbing one night with some friends and my little sister and her friends are there. One of her friends is giving me the eye and we get to chatting, she wants to hook up but doesnt want my sister to find out. I tell her to meet me out front in 30 minutes, she does.

We go back to mine (still living with the parents) and she climbs in the window to my room, and we start doing the deed.

Clearly we were making a bit of noise and hte old man just waltzes in to check out whats going on, and I've got this chick o all fours, head pointing directly at the doorway. I'm so drunk that it takes a few seconds ot register what is happening, and for some reason, I don't stop. Just pump away while the old man has the funniest ******* look on his face, he rushes to shut the door and kind of yells/cries "Oh s**t! Jesus!".

The girl is mortified at this development as she obviously knows my parents, agian, this doesn't deter me and I keep going. I finish, she leaves via the window and I never saw her again.

Breakfast conversation with the folks was interesting though.
 
Was in a club in Geelong (Escalations for the oldies) one night with my best mate, we were rather shitfaced.

We were sitting in the down stairs area on a 2 seater couch opposite a pair of chicks that we knew who were in another 2 seater couch. My mate had the serious hots for one and was trying some of his best material. The music was that loud that we couldn't hear each other properly. My mate said something to this chick and she leaned forward saying she didn't hear him properly. He leaned forward to repeat what it was that he'd said. He opened his mouth to shout it at her and spewed up straight in her face.

Needless to say he never got anywhere with her then or in the future.
 
LouisCK said:
Clearly we were making a bit of noise and hte old man just waltzes in to check out whats going on, and I've got this chick o all fours, head pointing directly at the doorway. I'm so drunk that it takes a few seconds ot register what is happening, and for some reason, I don't stop. Just pump away while the old man has the funniest ******* look on his face, he rushes to shut the door and kind of yells/cries "Oh s**t! Jesus!".
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made me laugh so much well done :D
 
As a kid I used to fancy myself as a bit of a leg spinner. Bowled a few overs with friends in the nets, played a bit during PE lessons in school. I remember having to constantly remind myself to grip the ball loosely.

I was also in the Air Force Cadets as a kid. We were on an end of year "recreational" camp - a chance to unwind after the end of the year. I was a section commander, in charge of several other people. At the rec camp we were divided into teams to play cricket. I was on an opposing team to one of the people in my section. That person was playing extremely well at the time, quickly made double figures in a few overs. I decided to have a crack, walked past him and said "you're going down" before heading to the other end to bowl. I did my run up, and bowled. Ball slipped out of my hand. I was looking down the pitch to see where it went. Teammate at silly mid on caught it on the full. Batsman waved his arms in the air and said to me, "I'm over here!".

I promptly took myself out of the attack, and have never ever played cricket since.
 
Attended Southbound. Was being pretty cool and checking out the band Millions, when they got down to there two last songs they asked the crowds for a request, my immediate thought was to yell out "GURU" .... except I yelled out "Millions!!" as everyone looked at me.

Bi-winning.
 
the first night my now wife was staying over with me at my parents place, we decide to have a good morning session, which was going gloriously until fast approaching the vinegar stroke, my door swings open and my old man walks in and says breakfast is ready

in the 1.82 seconds it took for the door to open and for him to say breakfast is ready, i fall off the bed and jizz accidentally on my built in wardrobe mirror

what seems like 2 hours was probably only a second or two. we all just stared at smoothies creamy goodness gently trickling down the mirror and i scream for the old man to get the * out!!

that afternoon, i went to bunnings and purchased a lock for my door
 
I was out last night to dinner with my folks, a family friend, and a family of 3 that was friends of the family friend (so my family don't know them).
One of the family, a girl, was sitting at the table, and went off to the toilet. When she came back, she was missing a tooth.
Now I'm sure it's something like a false tooth that probably needed to be removed for eating, but bugger me, it was extremely awkward for me at that point onwards.
 
wce4premiership said:
Attended Southbound. Was being pretty cool and checking out the band Millions, when they got down to there two last songs they asked the crowds for a request, my immediate thought was to yell out "GURU" .... except I yelled out "Millions!!" as everyone looked at me.

Bi-winning.
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ah that was you i heard that and was like whos this d*** ahaha
 

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Mr_Smooth said:
the first night my now wife was staying over with me at my parents place, we decide to have a good morning session, which was going gloriously until fast approaching the vinegar stroke, my door swings open and my old man walks in and says breakfast is ready

in the 1.82 seconds it took for the door to open and for him to say breakfast is ready, i fall off the bed and jizz accidentally on my built in wardrobe mirror

what seems like 2 hours was probably only a second or two. we all just stared at smoothies creamy goodness gently trickling down the mirror and i scream for the old man to get the **** out!!

that afternoon, i went to bunnings and purchased a lock for my door
Click to expand...

Oh my ******* god hahaha!


Any awkwardness still remain with the missus and your folks?
 
Mr Smooth reminds me of a time when I had to jump in to save my brother from a similar situation. I think he was working out bush at the time and was back in town for a short time so was staying at my folks place.

He was in his room with his missus one morning and as I came out of my room the old man was at the far end of the hallway calling out something (can't remember what, similar to the breakfast is ready call), then starts coming down the hallway clearly to check that my brother had heard him. Seeing what was about to happen and being closer, I burst into my brothers room to tell him whatever it was. Of course they were at it (she was on top) but I figured that having me burst in on them was a better option than having the old man open the door instead.
 
Was at Uni orientation a couple of years ago before my first year of Uni. Went with a mate. After showing us round and doing all this other boring s**t that we had to do separetely (different faculties) there was this BBQ on the main lawn where all these different groups had set up tents and were trying to get all the newbies to join up. Every group you can think of was available. I reckon there would be 100+ although I have never joined any personally. Anyways my mate and I were still by ourself at this point and when I finally find him he tells me that he was approached to join the "Gay and Lesbian club". He seemed like he found it half amusing and half traumatising that someone actually thought he was gay. He said after the person came up and told him about it, there was the most awkward silence ever for about 3 seconds before my mate just goes "nah man, I like girls". When I went home with him, he told his mum and all 3 of us were laughing for a good 5 min. I still occasionally rip into him about it to this day. Talk about a bad job though. Would recieve a few punches in the mouth you'd think
 
I Have an embarrasing story that happened to my mate. A couple of years back we both worked in the same office and for some reason the toilets had extremely shiny / reflective tiles. Anyway my mate was in cubicle happily playing on his iphone letting nature take its course when someone starts using the urinal right next to the cubicle. Then mid crap and with the guy mid stream they both looked at the ground and there eyes met in the reflection....lol
 
Just last week I attempted to jump on the end of the platform at prahran station to catch my train that had already pulled in, had too much stuff in my hands (a book in one and a bag in the other) and the momentum didn't quite get me up.

Hit the ground, stumbled a few steps back and then fell backwards hitting my head on the concrete.

Moments later the boom gates go up and all the pedestrian traffic starts crossing with me just lying there. Peak hour too. One girl offered to help me but was laughing at the same time. Another bloke just stood over me and scoffed.

Embarrassing.
 
So glad I found this thread again

Anyone ever done this? Hella awks

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I was at a art gellery opening years ago and my friend who owned the gallery approached me with a couple and said "Gough, do you remember Nick Chigwidden*?" to which I responded somewhere along the lines of "yeah, he was a sniping c***". Cue awkward silence, and my mate opened her mouth and said "these are his parents". Awkward, but to be fair to me Nick Chigwidden was a fair sniper.

*Small blonde Glenelg footballer from the 90s, who regularly toweled up Sturt, but everyone did back then :hearts: Phil Carmen.
 
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