Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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swiftdog said:
Surely there are some quality tinder stories going around? I'll be sure to post some if I have any.

Anyway, I have a story that is all win until the very end, I'll give you the short version as nobody actually wants to hear a winning story. I went out with a mate and his mate's to a houseparty which was acting as predrinks for an o-week party in Melbourne. I didn't really know many people so just went around and introduced myself to randoms and whatnot. I end up meeting a Belgian backpacker who has decent looking, nothing super special but she gets bonus points for the accent. It's important to note that her English was only OK, couldn't really talk in slang to her and one or two things would get lost in translation so to speak. End up spending and chatting most of the time with her and things were clearly going well as my mate publicly pointed out. It turns out her friends are picking her up and a couple of others from the houseparty to kick on to the club and she said I'll be able to jump in with them. So awkward moment number 1... well not so much awkward but anyway. Me and Belgian were somewhat intoxicated at this point and as it turns out there were 1 too many people for the car. Naturally, I just followed Belgian into the car as she said it was cool and Belgian introduced me to the the driver (male) and other person in the front seat (female). Now is when it became apparent that one of the friends from the party couldn't fit in the car and the driver turns around and points at me and says "who the **** is this silly?" To this day I still don't understand his aggression but my guess is that he was after the Belgian backpacker (she'd been in town for a couple of weeks) but had got nowhere and he cracked the sads seeing me with her and knowing where it was going. The next 2 minutes were a haze of one friend cracking the shits and getting out of the car and then me saying it's fine, I'll get out (so dickwad driver can pick up the people he intended to) but then Belgian saying "no, it's fine... friend xxx is out now so we can leave" and driver saying "no! you **** off (to me) and get xxx back (to Belgian)". Eventually me and the Belgian decided just to stay at the houseparty a little longer (the driver said to the Belgian "no you can stay, it's fine but you need to leave (to me)"...... yeah, nice try mothergoose, hope you had a solid wank when you got home:thumbsu:!) and the car drove off with one spare seat.

Anyway, shortly after this situation occurred one of the guys I met said he was driving some people to the club and there was room for 2 more. Nothing super special happened between then and the club. At the club 2 of her aforementioned friends were there (the driver had mysteriously disappeared) and I had previously got along well with them but now they were cold. Me and Belgian kept on chatting eventually broke away from everyone else. Started hooking up and decided to leave and went back to mine. Now we were both drunk enough at this point and as most of you know, sometimes the machinery fails to fire under these conditions. So we start and the machine was in position but as mentioned, just wouldn't fire. In my defence it became apparent that Belgian had definitely enjoyed herself on this Australian trip... if you catch my drift. Basically what this meant is that we ended up going for a while. It was a hot night and I had fresh sheets and a new bed that I didn't want covered in our sweat so after a while I suggested we shower. I didn't necessarily want a root in the shower I just didn't want to be covered in sweat in 30+ degree weather with another sweaty body with me. For whatever reason we didn't end up in the shower. We took a break instead and got back into it shortly after. Eventually fatigue set in and we had to stop.

Now I promised that this way an AFS and you're about to find out why. As we were laying there we had a bit of a tired chat. I mentioned before that some things got lost in translation between but I don't think that this was one of those times. She very bluntly and out of nowhere in her Belgian-European accent asked............... "why wasn't your penis working?"

Admittedly this post was much longer than expected, the irony doesn't escape me.
Click to expand...


did you finish though?





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swiftdog said:
Surely there are some quality tinder stories going around? I'll be sure to post some if I have any.

Anyway, I have a story that is all win until the very end, I'll give you the short version as nobody actually wants to hear a winning story. I went out with a mate and his mate's to a houseparty which was acting as predrinks for an o-week party in Melbourne. I didn't really know many people so just went around and introduced myself to randoms and whatnot. I end up meeting a Belgian backpacker who has decent looking, nothing super special but she gets bonus points for the accent. It's important to note that her English was only OK, couldn't really talk in slang to her and one or two things would get lost in translation so to speak. End up spending and chatting most of the time with her and things were clearly going well as my mate publicly pointed out. It turns out her friends are picking her up and a couple of others from the houseparty to kick on to the club and she said I'll be able to jump in with them. So awkward moment number 1... well not so much awkward but anyway. Me and Belgian were somewhat intoxicated at this point and as it turns out there were 1 too many people for the car. Naturally, I just followed Belgian into the car as she said it was cool and Belgian introduced me to the the driver (male) and other person in the front seat (female). Now is when it became apparent that one of the friends from the party couldn't fit in the car and the driver turns around and points at me and says "who the **** is this silly?" To this day I still don't understand his aggression but my guess is that he was after the Belgian backpacker (she'd been in town for a couple of weeks) but had got nowhere and he cracked the sads seeing me with her and knowing where it was going. The next 2 minutes were a haze of one friend cracking the shits and getting out of the car and then me saying it's fine, I'll get out (so dickwad driver can pick up the people he intended to) but then Belgian saying "no, it's fine... friend xxx is out now so we can leave" and driver saying "no! you **** off (to me) and get xxx back (to Belgian)". Eventually me and the Belgian decided just to stay at the houseparty a little longer (the driver said to the Belgian "no you can stay, it's fine but you need to leave (to me)"...... yeah, nice try mothergoose, hope you had a solid wank when you got home:thumbsu:!) and the car drove off with one spare seat.

Anyway, shortly after this situation occurred one of the guys I met said he was driving some people to the club and there was room for 2 more. Nothing super special happened between then and the club. At the club 2 of her aforementioned friends were there (the driver had mysteriously disappeared) and I had previously got along well with them but now they were cold. Me and Belgian kept on chatting eventually broke away from everyone else. Started hooking up and decided to leave and went back to mine. Now we were both drunk enough at this point and as most of you know, sometimes the machinery fails to fire under these conditions. So we start and the machine was in position but as mentioned, just wouldn't fire. In my defence it became apparent that Belgian had definitely enjoyed herself on this Australian trip... if you catch my drift. Basically what this meant is that we ended up going for a while. It was a hot night and I had fresh sheets and a new bed that I didn't want covered in our sweat so after a while I suggested we shower. I didn't necessarily want a root in the shower I just didn't want to be covered in sweat in 30+ degree weather with another sweaty body with me. For whatever reason we didn't end up in the shower. We took a break instead and got back into it shortly after. Eventually fatigue set in and we had to stop.

Now I promised that this way an AFS and you're about to find out why. As we were laying there we had a bit of a tired chat. I mentioned before that some things got lost in translation between but I don't think that this was one of those times. She very bluntly and out of nowhere in her Belgian-European accent asked............... "why wasn't your penis working?"

Admittedly this post was much longer than expected, the irony doesn't escape me.
Click to expand...

Wrong thread, this is more suited to http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/viagra.1048998/
 
AtomicBlonde said:
Close.

When I was 18 and still living at home, my step-dad rang one day (he is a builder) and said his apprentice would be around to pick up some keys for a job they had to start the next day. It was summer and about 35 degrees so I just had boxers on and was hanging around waiting for this dude to show up. Door bell rings and I open the door to this absolute spunk and being the hospitable chap that I am, offered him a cold drink.

After he takes a few sips, he says "I bet you just put the shorts on because someone was coming around."
I lied, "yeah, I don't like wearing anything on days like this."
So, he goes "take 'em off then dude."

So I did and not another word was spoken, we just went into my room and had at it for about 45 minutes. The awkward thing was a few weeks later when I came home from work and he was there having a beer with my step-dad and he had brought his girlfriend along, so I had to sit there making stupid small talk whilst trying not to blush at the virtual replay that was running through my mind.
Click to expand...

Somewhat off topic, but does this happen regularly with people who identify as hetero?
 
From fifteen until my early twenties I had a mates with benefits thing with a dude who now has three kids and a wife. We still run into each other, as it were, on occasions, I'm still good mates with his younger brother. I always get the feeling it's far more awkward for him than it is for me. He also looks fat and middle aged now.
 
Gough said:
From fifteen until my early twenties I had a mates with benefits thing with a dude who now has three kids and a wife. We still run into each other, as it were, on occasions, I'm still good mates with his younger brother. I always get the feeling it's far more awkward for him than it is for me. He also looks fat and middle aged now.
Click to expand...

Surely were all enlightened enough in this day and age to not judge someone for having an open sexuality.
 
Don Draper said:
Had a tinder bird come over one night. No meet up or anything just thought it be adventurous to come to some random blokes house. Lucky I am a mod of BF, think it won it for me. Anyway bit of chit chat, I had a single mattress due to a house move but this didnt faze her. Had a great time and again in the morning...
Click to expand...
Better start soon I think. I'll give myself before the end of the year - solid timeframe.
 
AtomicBlonde said:
Close.

When I was 18 and still living at home, my step-dad rang one day (he is a builder) and said his apprentice would be around to pick up some keys for a job they had to start the next day. It was summer and about 35 degrees so I just had boxers on and was hanging around waiting for this dude to show up. Door bell rings and I open the door to this absolute spunk and being the hospitable chap that I am, offered him a cold drink.

After he takes a few sips, he says "I bet you just put the shorts on because someone was coming around."
I lied, "yeah, I don't like wearing anything on days like this."
So, he goes "take 'em off then dude."

So I did and not another word was spoken, we just went into my room and had at it for about 45 minutes. The awkward thing was a few weeks later when I came home from work and he was there having a beer with my step-dad and he had brought his girlfriend along, so I had to sit there making stupid small talk whilst trying not to blush at the virtual replay that was running through my mind.
Click to expand...

Did you both lie there post-coitus and discuss footy, or is that just a sweet myth?
 
pekay-norwest said:
Did you both lie there post-coitus and discuss footy, or is that just a sweet myth?
Click to expand...

Nah, not with him. It was that random and unexpected, neither one of us knew what to say. I just gave him the keys that he had come for and he said we should hook up again but we never did. Having said that, me ex-bf was an Eagles supporter and so we spent many an hour "post-coitus" discussing footy and trying to work the best/funniest footy analogies into the sessions was always fun.
 

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Alright.

So me and my band had finished playing a gig at one of the venues in Perth, and we had decided to kick on to a place called Amplifier, which basically is a pretty dingy dancefloor with some very over priced drinks.

I was with two other bandmates, I'll call them Jack and John.

We were all getting pretty drunk, and I was doing a bit of dancing, when a girl came up to me on the dance floor and was basically all over me, kissing my neck, biting my ear, stuff like that. I know I had known this girl from somewhere before, but I couldn't pick it so I went along with it for about 5 or so minutes. Until Jack comes over and says to me, "Man, you know who that is right?" and I say no.. Well turns out this girl is a groupie of sorts, and had actually been poleaxed by John the night before, and the other band mate that wasn't at the club, a week or so before that. That's where I had seen her before.

So I was stuck in a rut.. She was pretty damn attractive, but she had been through half of the band already and although I was drunk, I still wasn't drunk enough to just dive straight in. I told Jack about my predicament.

"Jack there's no way I want to sleep with this girl, but she just won't leave me alone."

"That's cool man, I'll ******* do it, just bring her back to my place and we'll sort it out there".

So us three, Jack, the girl, and me (John had already left) jumped into a taxi and went back to Jack's place. I pull Jack aside as soon as we get into the house and ask him "how the hell are we going to do this, she has been down my throat the whole taxi ride home!".

"Let's just say we should all watch a movie, and then you just make some excuse to leave and then don't come back"

This seemed like a great plan. We're all in the living room watching ******* 500 Days of Summer, I've got this girls hands all over me, when I say that I have to get up and use the bathroom. So I sneak away and then get into bed and go to sleep :D

The next morning she has already left, and I ask Jack how it went. Apparently she didn't want a bar of him, so they just basically watched the rest of the movie in silence and then she fell asleep. The poor girl must have thought WTF was going on.
 
lewigie said:
Alright.

So me and my band had finished playing a gig at one of the venues in Perth, and we had decided to kick on to a place called Amplifier, which basically is a pretty dingy dancefloor with some very over priced drinks.

I was with two other bandmates, I'll call them Jack and John.

We were all getting pretty drunk, and I was doing a bit of dancing, when a girl came up to me on the dance floor and was basically all over me, kissing my neck, biting my ear, stuff like that. I know I had known this girl from somewhere before, but I couldn't pick it so I went along with it for about 5 or so minutes. Until Jack comes over and says to me, "Man, you know who that is right?" and I say no.. Well turns out this girl is a groupie of sorts, and had actually been poleaxed by John the night before, and the other band mate that wasn't at the club, a week or so before that. That's where I had seen her before.

So I was stuck in a rut.. She was pretty damn attractive, but she had been through half of the band already and although I was drunk, I still wasn't drunk enough to just dive straight in. I told Jack about my predicament.

"Jack there's no way I want to sleep with this girl, but she just won't leave me alone."

"That's cool man, I'll ******* do it, just bring her back to my place and we'll sort it out there".

So us three, Jack, the girl, and me (John had already left) jumped into a taxi and went back to Jack's place. I pull Jack aside as soon as we get into the house and ask him "how the hell are we going to do this, she has been down my throat the whole taxi ride home!".

"Let's just say we should all watch a movie, and then you just make some excuse to leave and then don't come back"

This seemed like a great plan. We're all in the living room watching ******* 500 Days of Summer, I've got this girls hands all over me, when I say that I have to get up and use the bathroom. So I sneak away and then get into bed and go to sleep :D

The next morning she has already left, and I ask Jack how it went. Apparently she didn't want a bar of him, so they just basically watched the rest of the movie in silence and then she fell asleep. The poor girl must have thought WTF was going on.
Click to expand...

Slepth with John and other bandmate. Wants to sleep with you. Doesn't want a bar of Jack... Does he play bass?
 
I had a band that lasted 8 years that started in high school. There are quite a few women who have slept with different combinations of two or three of us, but thankfully there is noone that went through all four :thumbsu:
 
radiojake said:
I had a band that lasted 8 years that started in high school. There are quite a few women who have slept with different combinations of two or three of us, but thankfully there is noone that went through all four :thumbsu:
Click to expand...
thankfully? that should have been a goal i would've thought.
 
Illinois Nazi said:
Jack is on key-tar.
Click to expand...

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