Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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Alright, time for me to quit reading this entire thread and actually contribute.

Talking to and getting girls has never been a big problem of mine, I often surprise a lot of my mates and others about how well I do in terms of quality (not-so-subtle brag). My strength is and always has been my ground work on Facebook/Text etc. I'm a bit of a Gary Groundwork, just wear 'em down.

Anyway this story is from when I was a horny little 17 year old.

This girl that was pretty well known around town for being a very talented netballer and the sister of an AFL player, (oh she was also an absolute stunner) had just arrived at our local footy/netball club as a new recruit, lets call her A.

So of course all the lads are very excited, she was 17 also so the whole under 18 team is having a crack, probably even some senior boys. But of course, as usual I stay quiet, mix some cement for the ground work and start wearing her down via MSN and all that bullshit. None of the other boys know about this and they're being usual meatheads and coming on far too strong. Getting to training and bragging about who's the best chance to jag her etc. Whilst Chunky is sitting in the corner of the change rooms with a cheeky smirk on his face, no one suspected a thing.

After laying the tag on her for a few weeks she is super keen. We catch up for lunch and hang out at my place and we end up making out. Cool, stage 1 complete - lets keep this cool and calm though. By the way she is an awesome chick and we get along famously. Things progress and we catch up a few more times, by the time this is going on we're pretty much together without a label, and word has gotten out. All the boys are mighty pissed but funnily enough still having a crack. I'd be making out with her and she'd be getting texts from my mates trying to crack in (to be fair they didn't know how into each other we were).

So one night just on the texties she says "to be honest I'm sick of being a virgin, I'm ready to have sex", and I'm all like "woah woah woah Miss Lippy". Couldn't believe my luck, not only this absolute stunner is into me and has chosen me over practically any guy she wants, she wants me to be her first. ******* sweet (I was not a virgin btw).

So we organise to stay at her house the next weekend, I get a little too excited and tell alll the boys whats been said, how long we've been seeing each other for, build it up big time. The boys razzle me a bit and are pissed off but wish me the best.

So the night arrives, we watch the seniors, we go back to her house, her Dads really cool, we have a good chat (always good with the parents). He knicks off to the pub and we've got a free house. Perfect.

Things get going and she says yep let's do it. I go to put it in but of course she wants me to wrap up. Yeah no worries, put the dinger on. I get ontop and she says "It's soft", I look down and say "yeah, yeah it is, I think the condom is making me lose feeling". She lies there awkwardly as she doesnt know what to do as she's never done this before. I'm like "mind helping me out". So she gives me a wristy for a bit, she gets the latex and lube all over her hands, she's not real happy about it. But the ******* thing wouldn't go hard. She's like "ok well take it off, and we can start over, do you have another one?". Of course I did so we start over but by this time I'm ******* nervous and can't stop thinking about it. Same thing, just couldn't get hard.

She sighs and says something like "look let's just go watch a movie or "something and get back to this later"
"Yeah, alright. Sorry".

Like I said she was a good chick so she was cool about it all.

I flush my two unused dingers down the toilet and it never happens. Absolutely disastrous.

But wait there's more.

The next day we're messaging after I leave and she says something like
"Well that didn't work out as well as I'd hoped"
Me: "Ha, yeah sorry, dunno what happened! I'm a sexual disaster"
A: "Nah that's ok, although something more disastrous happened when you left"
Me: "s**t really? What happened?
A: "Dad went to the toilet and your condoms didn't flush"
Me: "Oh.. s**t"

And that was it really, we saw each other a few times after that but never got the job done. Absolute ball drop of Chris Dawes proportions.

You can imagine how much s**t I copped after word got out (and still do)
 
This thread makes me sad sometimes :(
 
chunkylover53 said:
But wait there's more.
The next day we're messaging after I leave and she says something like
"Well that didn't work out as well as I'd hoped"
Me: "Ha, yeah sorry, dunno what happened! I'm a sexual disaster"
A: "Nah that's ok, although something more disastrous happened when you left"
Me: "s**t really? What happened?
A: "Dad went to the toilet and your condoms didn't flush"
Me: "Oh.. s**t"
Click to expand...
31d.gif
 
why the hell did you think it would be a good idea to try to flush them?

hell, i remember years ago seeing this one girl at her friend's house and not being able to find a bin anywhere afterwards, and then just awkwardly wrapping it up in toilet paper and putting it my pocket waiting to find an appropriate place to dispose..

ended up pulling over on the side of the road on the drive home when I finally spotted a bin..

i guess i already somehow knew that flushing it wouldn't be very successful
 
radiojake said:
why the hell did you think it would be a good idea to try to flush them?

hell, i remember years ago seeing this one girl at her friend's house and not being able to find a bin anywhere afterwards, and then just awkwardly wrapping it up in toilet paper and putting it my pocket waiting to find an appropriate place to dispose..

ended up pulling over on the side of the road on the drive home when I finally spotted a bin..

i guess i already somehow knew that flushing it wouldn't be very successful
Click to expand...
Give us a spell mate I was a fresh 17 year old who couldn't get a hard on! As if I was thinking clearly.

Lesson learnt though thats for sure.

Good times.
 

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chunkylover53 said:
Alright, time for me to quit reading this entire thread and actually contribute.

Talking to and getting girls has never been a big problem of mine, I often surprise a lot of my mates and others about how well I do in terms of quality (not-so-subtle brag). My strength is and always has been my ground work on Facebook/Text etc. I'm a bit of a Gary Groundwork, just wear 'em down.

Anyway this story is from when I was a horny little 17 year old.

This girl that was pretty well known around town for being a very talented netballer and the sister of an AFL player, (oh she was also an absolute stunner) had just arrived at our local footy/netball club as a new recruit, lets call her A.

So of course all the lads are very excited, she was 17 also so the whole under 18 team is having a crack, probably even some senior boys. But of course, as usual I stay quiet, mix some cement for the ground work and start wearing her down via MSN and all that bullshit. None of the other boys know about this and they're being usual meatheads and coming on far too strong. Getting to training and bragging about who's the best chance to jag her etc. Whilst Chunky is sitting in the corner of the change rooms with a cheeky smirk on his face, no one suspected a thing.

After laying the tag on her for a few weeks she is super keen. We catch up for lunch and hang out at my place and we end up making out. Cool, stage 1 complete - lets keep this cool and calm though. By the way she is an awesome chick and we get along famously. Things progress and we catch up a few more times, by the time this is going on we're pretty much together without a label, and word has gotten out. All the boys are mighty pissed but funnily enough still having a crack. I'd be making out with her and she'd be getting texts from my mates trying to crack in (to be fair they didn't know how into each other we were).

So one night just on the texties she says "to be honest I'm sick of being a virgin, I'm ready to have sex", and I'm all like "woah woah woah Miss Lippy". Couldn't believe my luck, not only this absolute stunner is into me and has chosen me over practically any guy she wants, she wants me to be her first. ******* sweet (I was not a virgin btw).

So we organise to stay at her house the next weekend, I get a little too excited and tell alll the boys whats been said, how long we've been seeing each other for, build it up big time. The boys razzle me a bit and are pissed off but wish me the best.

So the night arrives, we watch the seniors, we go back to her house, her Dads really cool, we have a good chat (always good with the parents). He knicks off to the pub and we've got a free house. Perfect.

Things get going and she says yep let's do it. I go to put it in but of course she wants me to wrap up. Yeah no worries, put the dinger on. I get ontop and she says "It's soft", I look down and say "yeah, yeah it is, I think the condom is making me lose feeling". She lies there awkwardly as she doesnt know what to do as she's never done this before. I'm like "mind helping me out". So she gives me a wristy for a bit, she gets the latex and lube all over her hands, she's not real happy about it. But the ******* thing wouldn't go hard. She's like "ok well take it off, and we can start over, do you have another one?". Of course I did so we start over but by this time I'm ******* nervous and can't stop thinking about it. Same thing, just couldn't get hard.

She sighs and says something like "look let's just go watch a movie or "something and get back to this later"
"Yeah, alright. Sorry".

Like I said she was a good chick so she was cool about it all.

I flush my two unused dingers down the toilet and it never happens. Absolutely disastrous.

But wait there's more.

The next day we're messaging after I leave and she says something like
"Well that didn't work out as well as I'd hoped"
Me: "Ha, yeah sorry, dunno what happened! I'm a sexual disaster"
A: "Nah that's ok, although something more disastrous happened when you left"
Me: "s**t really? What happened?
A: "Dad went to the toilet and your condoms didn't flush"
Me: "Oh.. s**t"

And that was it really, we saw each other a few times after that but never got the job done. Absolute ball drop of Chris Dawes proportions.

You can imagine how much s**t I copped after word got out (and still do)
Click to expand...

Here's a tip for ALL of you. If using a condom. Take it off. Tie a knot in the end. and take it with you to dispose in a trash can away from her house. Chicks will do CRAZY things and that sperm can get you into trouble for 18+ years if not safely disposed of.
 
Catsmaninamerica said:
Here's a tip for ALL of you. If using a condom. Take it off. Tie a knot in the end. and take it with you to dispose in a trash can away from her house. Chicks will do CRAZY things and that sperm can get you into trouble for 18+ years if not safely disposed of.
Click to expand...

I feel like theres a story behind this.......
 
James_Blues said:
I feel like theres a story behind this.......
Click to expand...
So i met a chick. She was cool, but a little crazy. Certainly not someone i could see a future with. We did sex a few times. but i could see her getting attached. It was always on the table that it was purely a physical thing. So years earlier, Id read a story about Boris Becker. Boris was out to dinner with his wife, and he goes to the bathroom. a smoking hot chick follows him in and gives him a BJ. he is thinking "how good is my life. A random chick has blown me in a toilet in between the prawn cocktail and the surf and turf" Little does he know that she didnt swallow. She spits. Into a test tube. Boris then loses the court case and is on the hook for child support for the next 18 years. So that story haunts my brain as i go to meet this girl for what ends up being the final meeting. We finish. I tie condom and take it with me, dumping it in a bin behind a supermarket. But it had been a while between sessions and that condom weighed more than Andrew mackie bench presses. A week later i get a sms telling me "Im late, and i think im pregnant and it must be yours" I smile, remember my heavy condom and reply "happy to have a test done right now, because i know for a fact it couldnt be mine." Moral of the story. bitches be crazy. Protect yourself.

Thanks Boris.
 
Catsmaninamerica said:
lol no once i called her bluff she messaged me a week later telling me "dont panic. Im not pregnant"
Click to expand...
there is nothing in this world more terrifying than using a caravan toilet on a sunday night with a girlfriend awaiting the result of a pregnancy test

trust me, i know..
 
I am all of you combined and then some ...

I was in a bar in Madrid on new year's Eve.
I went to the gents'.
A hot girl came in and said,"Tienes un fuego?" whilst holding a cigarette. (Do you have a light)
I told her to wait - rushed outside (I did not smoke) and got some matches. This took a while.
Went back to the toilet and there were moaning sounds coming from a cubicle.
Realised what I had done and spent the evening smashing my head against a wall.
I have many stories like this.
I make george Costanza look like the Fonz.
 
Catsmaninamerica said:
A random chick has blown me in a toilet in between the prawn cocktail and the surf and turf" Little does he know that she didnt swallow. She spits. Into a test tube. Boris then loses the court case and is on the hook for child support for the next 18 years.

Thanks Boris.
Click to expand...

While I advocate the use of rubbers

The blow job part of that story is false - They did it the conventional way
 
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