Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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christ, get me out of here!
 

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blackshadow said:
Details!

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You love my epic stupidity!
If you're coming to drinks tomorrow I'll tell you. But for the moment, I need to find the moisturiser.
 
Nate7 said:
You love my epic stupidity!
If you're coming to drinks tomorrow I'll tell you. But for the moment, I need to find the moisturiser.
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Not in Melbourne tomorrow night.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk
 
Nallad said:
Not necessarily a flirting story but one for the grandchildren. A few years back I met this campaigner of a thing out one night (g'day Sarah if you're reading), ended up plowing her back at her joint in Bayswater later on. Decent root but she was a rubbish looker. Shaved head and underarm hairs, bloody nasty stuff. She sucked my balls, fingered my ass and we did the works. Anyway, a few weeks later I gave her a ring to tee up another root but she wasn't answering my calls. I was working in her area so I decided to cruise past her house to see if she was home, maybe knock on the door and say g'day. I went past her house and saw a car in the driveway so I decided to knock on the front door. No one answered so I walked round back and broke her side gate (one of those ones with the dodgy bolts) to gain entry to the backyard. Got in her backyard and saw this feral mutt with one f***ing eye limping round in her dump of a backyard. It looked like an overgrown f***ing sewer rat. It saw me and bailed through this doggy door and entered the house. I knocked on the back door to let her know I wasn't f***ing around but still no answer so I decided to crawl through the doggy door and follow the sandbox monster inside. My head and arms got through with ease but my ribcage got caught on the sharp butchered metal frame and I ended up getting stuck. I was able to drag myself through this f***ed doggy door as the metal scratched the s**t out of my ribs. Eventually I got through but there was blood going everywhere. I was literally leaking from my ribcage. I made my way through her house (smelt like piss by the way) and headed up stairs. I couldn't find her and was starting to feel dizzy from the amount of blood I was losing. I went to her room and opened her drawers and found a G banger. Ended up having a crank in it and left it on her pillow. Smashed the front window to get out of her cesspool and that was that. Bloody horrible experience I'll tell ya what.
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Say that again...
 
Nallad said:
Not necessarily a flirting story but one for the grandchildren. A few years back I met this campaigner of a thing out one night (g'day Sarah if you're reading), ended up plowing her back at her joint in Bayswater later on. Decent root but she was a rubbish looker. Shaved head and underarm hairs, bloody nasty stuff. She sucked my balls, fingered my ass and we did the works. Anyway, a few weeks later I gave her a ring to tee up another root but she wasn't answering my calls. I was working in her area so I decided to cruise past her house to see if she was home, maybe knock on the door and say g'day. I went past her house and saw a car in the driveway so I decided to knock on the front door. No one answered so I walked round back and broke her side gate (one of those ones with the dodgy bolts) to gain entry to the backyard. Got in her backyard and saw this feral mutt with one f***ing eye limping round in her dump of a backyard. It looked like an overgrown f***ing sewer rat. It saw me and bailed through this doggy door and entered the house. I knocked on the back door to let her know I wasn't f***ing around but still no answer so I decided to crawl through the doggy door and follow the sandbox monster inside. My head and arms got through with ease but my ribcage got caught on the sharp butchered metal frame and I ended up getting stuck. I was able to drag myself through this f***ed doggy door as the metal scratched the s**t out of my ribs. Eventually I got through but there was blood going everywhere. I was literally leaking from my ribcage. I made my way through her house (smelt like piss by the way) and headed up stairs. I couldn't find her and was starting to feel dizzy from the amount of blood I was losing. I went to her room and opened her drawers and found a G banger. Ended up having a crank in it and left it on her pillow. Smashed the front window to get out of her cesspool and that was that. Bloody horrible experience I'll tell ya what.
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Reading that in conjunction with looking at your avatar seems appropriate.
 
Doss said:
Reading that in conjunction with looking at your avatar seems appropriate.
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There's a guy on the NM board who has/had that avatar and you've met him. Good pubic speaker/MC type, huge drinker and all round lout. :sternlook
 
Silent Alarm said:
Still more believable than half the stories in here
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Cynical view, I honestly reckon 95% of the stories in here are legit (obviously the latest yarn being an amusing, but pretty clear exception). Why the * would you write a fabricated story about you failing on the pull? If anything wouldn't you want to fabricate you getting it done, making yourself look like a legend instead of a timid failure?
 
Gibbsy said:
Cynical view, I honestly reckon 95% of the stories in here are legit (obviously the latest yarn being an amusing, but pretty clear exception). Why the **** would you write a fabricated story about you failing on the pull? If anything wouldn't you want to fabricate you getting it done, making yourself look like a legend instead of a timid failure?
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No idea, fishing for likes and internet big-ups? Some of them just sound so made up. And most of those ones are about pulling but managing to ruin it – both the illusion of Brad Pitt enchantment and topical like-pulling.

Nothing wrong with cynicism either.
 
Nallad said:
Not necessarily a flirting story but one for the grandchildren. A few years back I met this campaigner of a thing out one night (g'day Sarah if you're reading), ended up plowing her back at her joint in Bayswater later on. Decent root but she was a rubbish looker. Shaved head and underarm hairs, bloody nasty stuff. She sucked my balls, fingered my ass and we did the works. Anyway, a few weeks later I gave her a ring to tee up another root but she wasn't answering my calls. I was working in her area so I decided to cruise past her house to see if she was home, maybe knock on the door and say g'day. I went past her house and saw a car in the driveway so I decided to knock on the front door. No one answered so I walked round back and broke her side gate (one of those ones with the dodgy bolts) to gain entry to the backyard. Got in her backyard and saw this feral mutt with one f***ing eye limping round in her dump of a backyard. It looked like an overgrown f***ing sewer rat. It saw me and bailed through this doggy door and entered the house. I knocked on the back door to let her know I wasn't f***ing around but still no answer so I decided to crawl through the doggy door and follow the sandbox monster inside. My head and arms got through with ease but my ribcage got caught on the sharp butchered metal frame and I ended up getting stuck. I was able to drag myself through this f***ed doggy door as the metal scratched the s**t out of my ribs. Eventually I got through but there was blood going everywhere. I was literally leaking from my ribcage. I made my way through her house (smelt like piss by the way) and headed up stairs. I couldn't find her and was starting to feel dizzy from the amount of blood I was losing. I went to her room and opened her drawers and found a G banger. Ended up having a crank in it and left it on her pillow. Smashed the front window to get out of her cesspool and that was that. Bloody horrible experience I'll tell ya what.
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The fact it was in Bayswater makes it less surprising.

But shaved head and body hair?

No thanks Jeff
 
Silent Alarm said:
No idea, fishing for likes and internet big-ups? Some of them just sound so made up. And most of those ones are about pulling but managing to ruin it – both the illusion of Brad Pitt enchantment and topical like-pulling.

Nothing wrong with cynicism either.
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I might not have much of an imagination but I couldn't make up half the s**t in here
 

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Nate7 said:
There's a guy on the NM board who has/had that avatar and you've met him. Good pubic speaker/MC type, huge drinker and all round lout. :sternlook
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Are you having a lend mate? This is me when I was a rooster. I look a lot different now that I'm 46 but what a campaigner for stealing it
 
Nallad said:
Not necessarily a flirting story but one for the grandchildren. A few years back I met this campaigner of a thing out one night (g'day Sarah if you're reading), ended up plowing her back at her joint in Bayswater later on. Decent root but she was a rubbish looker. Shaved head and underarm hairs, bloody nasty stuff. She sucked my balls, fingered my ass and we did the works. Anyway, a few weeks later I gave her a ring to tee up another root but she wasn't answering my calls. I was working in her area so I decided to cruise past her house to see if she was home, maybe knock on the door and say g'day. I went past her house and saw a car in the driveway so I decided to knock on the front door. No one answered so I walked round back and broke her side gate (one of those ones with the dodgy bolts) to gain entry to the backyard. Got in her backyard and saw this feral mutt with one f***ing eye limping round in her dump of a backyard. It looked like an overgrown f***ing sewer rat. It saw me and bailed through this doggy door and entered the house. I knocked on the back door to let her know I wasn't f***ing around but still no answer so I decided to crawl through the doggy door and follow the sandbox monster inside. My head and arms got through with ease but my ribcage got caught on the sharp butchered metal frame and I ended up getting stuck. I was able to drag myself through this f***ed doggy door as the metal scratched the s**t out of my ribs. Eventually I got through but there was blood going everywhere. I was literally leaking from my ribcage. I made my way through her house (smelt like piss by the way) and headed up stairs. I couldn't find her and was starting to feel dizzy from the amount of blood I was losing. I went to her room and opened her drawers and found a G banger. Ended up having a crank in it and left it on her pillow. Smashed the front window to get out of her cesspool and that was that. Bloody horrible experience I'll tell ya what.
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tom-delonge.jpg
 
*! Over the pants gobby by one of that bridal party. Easy group sex here.
 
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