Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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A lot of people at the supermarket have been buying flowers lately, being Christmas and all. Anyway, I was serving quite an attractive young lass, we made small talk, what she was doing over the holiday period etc etc, when she ducked over to the flower section, came back and handed them to me. I saw my moment and took it.

'Ohh, for me? You didn't have to!'

She kinda just looked at me with a 'uhh what?' look on her face. I dropped my head in shame, scanned it and asked for her money.

:straining:
 

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Spitta2Azza said:
A lot of people at the supermarket have been buying flowers lately, being Christmas and all. Anyway, I was serving quite an attractive young lass, we made small talk, what she was doing over the holiday period etc etc, when she ducked over to the flower section, came back and handed them to me. I saw my moment and took it.

'Ohh, for me? You didn't have to!'

She kinda just looked at me with a 'uhh what?' look on her face. I dropped my head in shame, scanned it and asked for her money.

:straining:
Click to expand...
That one's on her, that's something you'd see in everyday conversation I'd have thought
 
LicoriceAllsorts said:
That one's on her, that's something you'd see in everyday conversation I'd have thought
Click to expand...
Yep, either she isn't real versed in social parlance, or she isn't 100% about what she is going to do with those flowers.

Or they were for a loved ones grave and she couldn't bare to speak about it, now that woulda been awkward.
 
Spitta2Azza said:
A lot of people at the supermarket have been buying flowers lately, being Christmas and all. Anyway, I was serving quite an attractive young lass, we made small talk, what she was doing over the holiday period etc etc, when she ducked over to the flower section, came back and handed them to me. I saw my moment and took it.

'Ohh, for me? You didn't have to!'

She kinda just looked at me with a 'uhh what?' look on her face. I dropped my head in shame, scanned it and asked for her money.

:straining:
Click to expand...

By definition, that's one of the top stories in this thread. Pure awkwardness. There was some flirting. Brilliant.
 
Working in the north east of Melbourne, closest beach is probably 90 minutes away, walk in to a shop dressed in shorts/t-shirt.

Girl: "You off to the beach?"
Me: "Umm, no, just to work. How about you?"
Girl: "Ahhh, no. I'm working"
Me: "Awkward laugh"
Silence
More silence

Girl: "What would you like?"

My dignity back, that's what I would like.
 
craigos said:
Working in the north east of Melbourne, closest beach is probably 90 minutes away, walk in to a shop dressed in shorts/t-shirt.
Girl: "You off to the beach?"
Me: "Umm, no, just to work. How about you?"
Girl: "Ahhh, no. I'm working"
Me:
ohAKuNW.gif



Silence
More silence

Girl: "What would you like?"

My dignity back, that's what I would like.
Click to expand...
Reads better like this imo.
 
Gibbsy said:
Okay, so my memory is sort of hazy from this night but I can piece most of it together. It was New Years’ Eve 2013 and just the most perfect of afternoons. Drinking in the sun with mates, relaxing in the spa, girls around... every time I finished a drink (which were, unashamedly, UDLs so that I could drink quicker) I’d open another one. Usually I’m fairly tipsy after 6 or so beers – which can be a positive in a way – and on this day I was aiming to break my own personal drinking records.

At this point I was 18 years old and still on the V-plates, sadly. I’m not an ugly guy and I’m not an a-hole but it was probably due to a combination of lacking confidence in myself and that whole ‘nice guys finish last’ mantra. And my poor ability to read the signs. On this day my mates made a bit of a pact to try to get me a Joe Root by the end of the night. There was definitely one or two girls in this group that I thought I had a genuine chance with and it was going quite well throughout the evening.

By about 9:30pm we all had to leave my place but with nowhere on the agenda to go to, we reluctantly went down to the local beach where literally about 5,000 people congregate to bring in the new year. At this point I was 14 cans down and continuing, with another can in each back pocket for the road. When we made it to the beach I accidentally dropped the cans from my pockets. Frantically looking around to find them, I locate the cans but not my friends – alas, we had lost each other (and it turns out that my mates lost the girls later in the night too!)

Rather than spend my night lonely and searching, I somehow got talking to a group of people from somewhere remote... Ballarat maybe? Haha. I could just about talk underwater on this night, I was as smooth as the skin of a newborn child and surprisingly forthright. So after a bit of chatter I found myself hooking up with this blonde girl on the path near the sand dunes. A few minutes later and my hands worked their way around (and in) her body and it sort of surprises me in hindsight that I was able to do this so casually. The waves of the ocean were crashing in the distance and I was in deep (great segue, that). I felt like Ricky Ponting circa 2006, fighting his way to 196 runs and with the coveted double ton in sight. It was just a matter of getting home and I didn’t think there would be too many obstacles. She had grabbed my phone and added herself on my Facebook so I knew there would be some recollection of her the next day.

For some reason I voluntarily paused for a bit (maybe I had another drink, I can’t remember) and for the life of me could not find this girl. I spot the bloke I was talking to earlier – “hey, have you seen X?” “nah, sorry man.” I was stranded at the non-striker’s end and facing the prospect of missing the finish I so deserved. My perception of time was pretty far off but I estimate it to be around 11:00pm when I found the girl again. My line of “so what are you doing after this?” is floated and gets a big nibble. The girl has a holiday house in a nearby town, but logistically it would be hard to get to. I suggest going back to my place, despite not knowing if any of my family would be back at home (which would spoil everything and create an everlasting awkward bond).

So I take her by the hand and off we walk. My place is about a 15 minute walk from the beach but I reckon this took about a half-hour. It was a cold walk home, not physically but mentally. It was strange. We didn’t say a word on the entire walk, apart from her asking at every couple of crossroads whether this was my street (clearly getting impatient). We got home and thankfully no one else was there. It all felt very regimented in that there was no speaking, as we walked inside we both knew exactly what was about to happen. No sense of urgency but more anticipation.

As a smart person, I packed two johnnies in the wallet because no man should ever put himself in the situation where he may be caught without a safeguard. Almost on cue, the first one broke. As soon as I lied down I honestly felt like passing out and I was feeling pretty terrible from all the beer. I suggest going sans-johnny but she would not have a bar of it. “You’re not getting me f***ing pregnant” she said and with a laugh I reply “that won’t be happening”. I knew all the beer and vodka had rendered me pretty useless. My own downfall! So I obliged with the second johnny. It was a half-hearted few minutes with her doing all the work while I lay there akin to a corpse. And then – “s**t” I warble and then suddenly turn my head and throw up.... everywhere. Probably two or three times.

It was horrible. I reckon there was probably some on me, plenty on the floor but thankfully none on the girl. She started rubbing my back asking if I was okay and I admired her patience for a few seconds. Then I remember her getting up and putting her clothes on and leaving – this was about 11:45pm, I didn’t even make it to the countdown. The next couple of hours I had passed out as I have been told.

Approximately 2:30am I get a knock at my bedroom door. My own mother comes into my room, sees the munt all over the floor, her son stark naked on a strewn bed and barely covered. I wake up in a stupor and get out of bed. “Oh god,” says mum, her tone of voice frightening. The johnny, still on me, falls off seconds after I stand up. There were no words. My mum, being the great caring mother she is, sets up a mattress for me out in the front room as my bedroom was, at that point, hell’s cousin.

The sleep was a horrible one and I woke up at about 1:00 in the afternoon. I check Facebook and my texts to make sure I didn’t say or do anything stupid. I see that I had added someone last night, a girl. The name of the girl being the same one I hooked up with. I click on her profile picture... surely not. It couldn’t be. That wasn’t the girl I just had sex with.

I was so drunk that I accidentally took home the wrong girl. On New Year’s Eve when I got back to my place, I never asked the girl’s name, got her number, nothing. I didn’t think I had to – I thought it was the same girl. It wasn’t. This other girl is essentially Jane Doe. An unidentified citizen. A fleeting memory. I have no idea who I lost my virginity to.
Click to expand...
Still my favourite story, sorry Gibbsy.

But hey, can you please do this again this year?
 
Tigerland55 said:
Still my favourite story, sorry Gibbsy.

But hey, can you please do this again this year?
Click to expand...

Haha it is a pearler and the more time goes on, the more I can look back on it and just laugh. Definitely hoping the same thing won't happen this year, I'll be at Falls this time around so who knows what NYE has in store for me

P.S. 91 likes wow!
 

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Gibbsy said:
Haha it is a pearler and the more time goes on, the more I can look back on it and just laugh. Definitely hoping the same thing won't happen this year, I'll be at Falls this time around so who knows what NYE has in store for me

P.S. 91 likes wow!
Click to expand...
What the hell is Falls that everyone seems to be going on about?

And if you can't laugh, what can you do!
I'd love to have been a fly on the wall that next morning though.
 
Gibbsy said:
Haha it is a pearler and the more time goes on, the more I can look back on it and just laugh. Definitely hoping the same thing won't happen this year, I'll be at Falls this time around so who knows what NYE has in store for me

P.S. 91 likes wow!
Click to expand...


Did you go?





Sent from my Lumia 800 using Tapatalk
 
Most recently, I went to Ritz in Toorak a couple of weeks ago. A girl at the bar said "how are you?" to me. We began talking and she mentioned that she goes for Richmond, and I said I go for the team that did quite the job on hers in the Elimination Final. She wasn't too happy about me supporting that specific team, and yeah basically nothing happened between us that night despite my efforts. However for a second I was thinking I should maybe say to her "How about I do to you what Port did to Richmond in the Elimination Final?"

Yeeeaaahhhh nah lucky I didn't say that ;)
 
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