Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

Remove this Banner Ad

Status
Not open for further replies.
Wasn't sure whether this is the right place to post it but there's no other thread on here that could bear it...

At a mates engagement last Saturday night and one of my mates who I played footy with was there (this bloke is a dirtbag, I'm talking a grade A no standards dirtbag) anyway we get talking and I notice he is on his phone browsing the tinder app... I ask how he has been going and he tells me he had a messed up experience during the week.

Few more beers and a couple of us are egging him on to tell us what happened so here it goes, virtually word for word...

"Ok boys I was horny as all fu** and hadn't had a root in 3 weeks. I was just clicking yes on every chick on tinder and I matched with a chick that was a 1 out of 10... (Yes a 1 out of 10) we started chatting and she came and picked me up we went for a drive to the closest paddock and next thing I'm licking her out on her bonnet. She starts moaning and asks me to lick her arsehole so I did, at this stage she starts pissing all over my clothes (which were on the floor at his feet) and that's not the worst part... While she's doing this she farts ... In my mouth and doesn't even apologise for it. I started dry reaching and got her to drive me home. I sat in her car naked for the whole trip home because my clothes were covered in her urine and womanly juices... Man that was a ****ed up night, if she had of apologised for farting in my mouth I would of kept going"

I kid you not, that is the story he told us, he never lies and even if he was to lie, no one in the world would repeat that story if it wasn't true... 98% of us wouldn't repeat it even if it was true, but like I said, this bloke is a grade A dirtbag!
 

Log in to remove this ad.

Nate7 said:
Bit harsh! Although the f*cked up story and being on tinder (in the past) are the only similarities to me.
Click to expand...
Not in reference to the low grade bloke part, but something about a fat chick and a paddock is familiar isn't it? ;)
 
Joker91 said:
... (this bloke is a dirtbag, I'm talking a grade A no standards...

"Man that was a stuffed up night, if she had of apologised for farting in my mouth I would of kept going"
Click to expand...
First of all, it sounds like the man does have standards & is indeed a man of principle. A fart in the mouth does cross the line but he's willing to excuse such behaviour if an apology is forthcoming. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I cannot stand people without manners.

Secondly, I am horrified at the last sentence above. It's "would have" and not "would of". It's disgusting to see such a thing on a public forum. Pull your head in.
 
jasonwilde said:
Secondly, I am horrified at the last sentence above. It's "would have" and not "would of". It's disgusting to see such a thing on a public forum. Pull your head in.
Click to expand...
Don't worry, this irks me as well. Someone should invent an app or some programming code which changes the word 'of' to 'have' after it follows would/could/should/had/etc. Or maybe I'm just a pedantic bastard.

Anyhoo, back to the AFS...
 
Joker91 said:
"Ok boys I was horny as all fu** and hadn't had a root in 3 weeks. I was just clicking yes on every chick on tinder and I matched with a chick that was a 1 out of 10... (Yes a 1 out of 10) we started chatting and she came and picked me up we went for a drive to the closest paddock and next thing I'm licking her out on her bonnet. She starts moaning and asks me to lick her arsehole so I did, at this stage she starts pissing all over my clothes (which were on the floor at his feet) and that's not the worst part... While she's doing this she farts ... In my mouth and doesn't even apologise for it. I started dry reaching and got her to drive me home. I sat in her car naked for the whole trip home because my clothes were covered in her urine and womanly juices... Man that was a stuffed up night, if she had of apologised for farting in my mouth I would of kept going"

I kid you not, that is the story he told us, he never lies and even if he was to lie, no one in the world would repeat that story if it wasn't true... 98% of us wouldn't repeat it even if it was true, but like I said, this bloke is a grade A dirtbag!
Click to expand...

Amateur. :eek:

In Edinburgh many years ago and after drinking with the locals through two bars, my travelling companion and I ended up at a prestigious nightclub.
I had no sooner walked in and my eye trained straight onto what I may have called the woman of my dreams. She was..............................stunning.

I'm pretty sure I broke into a sweat straight away and just told myself that I must connect with her tonight.
I recall leaning against one of the clubs' pillars and just watched her, completely oblivious to my surrounds.
I watched guy after guy walking up to her and asking her for a dance but she could do whatever she wanted and whoever she wanted to.........she just had an aura about her and the most gorgeous face I had ever seen (I'm serious)

I couldn't for the life of me raise the courage to go over and talk to her, even though we had been exchanging glances (she probably thought I was a creep)
The night went on and before I knew it, the venue was closing. I had my one last chance to do something as she and her friends got up and proceeded to walk out past me. She was at the front of her group and as she neared, I froze and nothing came out of my mouth..............she smiled at me though.
The last of her girlfriends in the chain stopped, smiled at me and said, "You really should have come up to her. She was waiting for you all night".......I died.

I still vividly recall walking home in a state of depression and walking down the red carpeted hallway with the noisy wallpaper, like something from a David Lynch movie. I didn't quite cry myself to sleep but I wish I had have. It hurt like hell.
 
I don't remember the weekend New Years but apparently the older sister threw the much hotter younger sister at me who was keen and I knocked her back because I became fixated on the older sister who showed zero interest.

Drunk me is a w***er.
 
boncer34 said:
I don't remember the weekend New Years but apparently the older sister threw the much hotter younger sister at me who was keen and I knocked her back because I became fixated on the older sister who showed zero interest.

Drunk me is a ******.
Click to expand...
Speaking of younger sisters..
Has anyone here dated their best mate's hot sister? Is it good, or not?

Just curious.. :cool:
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

Not sure if awkward flirting story or female interaction disaster...here goes.

Just recently I had gotten home from work and was sitting eating my dinner at about 9pm on a Saturday. I was flicking through Instagram and Facebook when I received an inbox message. It was from a girl who I have known for a few years but never had a lot of social interaction with. She invited me to a house party and, having no other plans, I obliged. I drove over shortly after and met her out the front. After going in to the party, I spent an hour or so chatting with a few people, before the girl asked if I wanted to leave. I thought why not and we got in my car and drove to my place.

It was already bizarre that we had got to this point, but this girl is a solid 7.5 with a nice set of fake cans..so onwards and upwards I thought. We got home, she used the bathroom and off to my room we went, making no hesitations in getting down to business. After a while the job was done and she passed out. I went to sleep.

About an hour later, I woke up to the strangest sound to hear at 2am...trickling liquid. I flicked my lamp on and turned to the other side of my bed to see the girl squatting on my carpeted floor, pissing. My instant reaction was "WHAT THE F*CK!?" as I fetched a towel and some detergent to mop up the mess. I honestly could not believe this bitch. I demanded she got dressed so I could take her home, but she refused. I threatened to take a video/Snapchat of the situation before me and spread it via social media. She slowly began to dress herself when she dropped to her knees on the carpet once again. Fearing another outpouring, it was not what I expected. She vomited all over herself and got some on the carpet. What the actual f*ck.

With this, I threw her a towel, pointed to the door and told her to get the f*ck out.

I have been all sorts of drunk and messed up in my life but never have I been in a state where I would piss on someone's floor without even attempting to find a bathroom.


Cliffs: picked up girl, did the deed, she pissed and vomited on my floor, kicked her out.
 
Jack Package said:
Have been reliably informed that I made a complete moose of myself on about 4 occasions on saturday night, however I was only lucid enough to recall one.

Was at a party and somehow managed to hook up with a girl from high school who I always considered was completely out of my league but at the same time absolutely despised because she was just such a holier than thou bitch (she had had her teeth fixed since then too, so bonus for me).

Started with some small talk about what we had been up to since then and we had done the same course at different uni's so we had some common ground there, then after the shots came out it very quickly escalated to a couple of body shots and a lot of macking on.

Then I all of a sudden decided to blurt out 'You know I f***ing hated you in high school?'... Which in retrospect is probably not the best thing I could have said, but not really a deal breaker I would have thought, we were having a great time and I don't think I said it with a malicious tone or anything. Still silly, but I thought I could salvage it.

Anyway, she got really offended and attempted to push me into the pool, failed and ended up going in herself, completely wrecked herself and hasn't talked to me since.

Left high and dry, quite literally.
Click to expand...

I think you can redeem yourself on this one. All the best.
 
I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news guys, Nate7 one of our main men has just committed himself... to a girlfriend.

Goodbye Nate, it was nice getting your calls and texts after a big Tinder night out. :'(
 
Tigerland55 said:
I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news guys, Nate7 one of our main men has just committed himself... to a girlfriend.

Goodbye Nate, it was nice getting your calls and texts after a big Tinder night out. :cry:
Click to expand...
Your constant replies and in jokes to each other ITT are not fun to read for the rest of us, ftr.
 
Tigerland55 said:
I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news guys, Nate7 one of our main men has just committed himself... to a girlfriend.

Goodbye Nate, it was nice getting your calls and texts after a big Tinder night out. :cry:
Click to expand...

Indeed I am now taken, but, I do have a few stories to contribute, just need the time to sit down and type it without laughing my guts out.
Tigerland55 - yes the horse master story is one of them.

In the meantime, can someone link me to the story about the guy who met a girl just after her relatives funeral and he climbed on her back on the way to the bedroom and said something like, "oh I bet I feel like a dead corpse!".
 
Cruyff14 said:
Your constant replies and in jokes to each other ITT are not fun to read for the rest of us, ftr.
Click to expand...
Should have come to the meet up, then you would have understood
 
Long story short, was at a house party in Sarajevo and a girl had a bottle of hand cream and I told her that it looked like shampoo and she jokingly said it was and I laughed and took it and put some in my hair. She didn't find it funny and neither did anyone else and I had to endure the rest of the party with a glob of hand cream in my hair like a twat. People told me to just wash it out but I thought if I stuck with the joke it would eventually become funny. It didn't.
 
tuckylives said:
Not sure if awkward flirting story or female interaction disaster...here goes.

Just recently I had gotten home from work and was sitting eating my dinner at about 9pm on a Saturday. I was flicking through Instagram and Facebook when I received an inbox message. It was from a girl who I have known for a few years but never had a lot of social interaction with. She invited me to a house party and, having no other plans, I obliged. I drove over shortly after and met her out the front. After going in to the party, I spent an hour or so chatting with a few people, before the girl asked if I wanted to leave. I thought why not and we got in my car and drove to my place.

It was already bizarre that we had got to this point, but this girl is a solid 7.5 with a nice set of fake cans..so onwards and upwards I thought. We got home, she used the bathroom and off to my room we went, making no hesitations in getting down to business. After a while the job was done and she passed out. I went to sleep.

About an hour later, I woke up to the strangest sound to hear at 2am...trickling liquid. I flicked my lamp on and turned to the other side of my bed to see the girl squatting on my carpeted floor, pissing. My instant reaction was "WHAT THE ****!?" as I fetched a towel and some detergent to mop up the mess. I honestly could not believe this bitch. I demanded she got dressed so I could take her home, but she refused. I threatened to take a video/Snapchat of the situation before me and spread it via social media. She slowly began to dress herself when she dropped to her knees on the carpet once again. Fearing another outpouring, it was not what I expected. She vomited all over herself and got some on the carpet. What the actual ****.

With this, I threw her a towel, pointed to the door and told her to get the **** out.

I have been all sorts of drunk and messed up in my life but never have I been in a state where I would piss on someone's floor without even attempting to find a bathroom.


Cliffs: picked up girl, did the deed, she pissed and vomited on my floor, kicked her out.
Click to expand...

She'd do heaps of crazy stuff. Just put some plastic down.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Frederico_WA
Games & Recreation One ... word ... story ... #1
77 78 79 80 81
Replies
2K
Views
22K
Frederico_WA
Frederico_WA
Gameova_
Funny childhood/school stories
Replies
8
Views
494
Gameova_
Gameova_

Remove this Banner Ad

Back
Top