Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

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The plot twist in this is all time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3p3pac/tifu_when_i_tried_to_be_whimsical_on_a_date_with/

I'd been in college for a few months and had met this girl whom I had got to know and began 'dating'. We had a mutual appreciation for playing practical jokes and would constantly try to one-up each other. The relationship had become physical but we had yet to have sex.

Anyway, one night we go to the cinema. We grab tickets to see King Kong - not her choice but I'm paying. So, tough luck. We head to the snack bar thing and I ask her what she wants. She turns to the chap serving and begins to ask questions about the popcorn - does it have this ingredient, that ingredient, was it allowed to roam free-range, etc. I only remember that she had asked if it contained this 'n that but at the time I wasn't really paying attention.

Part way through the movie I needed the loo. Every time I go to the cinema I drink the massive, oversized pepsi and my tiny bladder can't handle it. I nip out and head to the toilet, having to walk past the snack stand on my way. The hot dogs caught my eye, probably because they're kept on that heating lamp stand behind the counter. I go for a pee and an idea begins to formulate in my head.

I finish up, wash my hands and go to the snack stand and grab a hot dog: No sauce, no onions, no bun. I then head back into the cinema and return to my seat without letting her see the hot dog. I grab the popcorn box, put it on my lap and spend the next few minutes casually sharing it with her. All the while I'm poking a hole in the bottom.

Eventually I make a hole big enough to push the hot dog through, and I do. Really slowly and casually so as not to arouse suspicion. I'm sure you can imagine, ladies and gentlemen of the jury that I could hardly contain my mirth as she grabbed a few pieces of popcorn. This goes on for a good ten minutes. Somehow she manages to miss the bulging hot dog protruding from within the mass of popcorn and I eventually got bored, removed the hot dog and ate it - don't judge me, I was a student without a job and those things are expensive.

Some time later she begins to get really fidgety, her breathing starts getting heavy and she tells me that something is wrong and she needs to go home. So we head off and I notice immediately as we leave the dark theatre that her face has become swollen, especially around her lips.

She was allergic to something in the hot dog that managed to get onto the popcorn that she ate. Her dad was really pissed and went down to the cinema to kick up a storm because she had asked whether the popcorn had contained the ingredients she was allergic too and was assured that they did not. I wasn't really wanting to explain to him that I had put a hot dog in the popcorn as a joke utensil, add that to the fact that I hospitalized her and I'm sure you can understand why I didn't say a thing. I've still never told her to this day.

tl;dr I put a hot dog in a popcorn box to impress(?) a girl I was on a date with. She was allergic to said hot dog and she started turning into michelin man. Had to get her to hospital, dad went to cinema place we got hot dog from and kicked off. Got free cinema tickets for 3 movies.

If your name is Sam and you're from the Greater Manchester area and something like this happened to you when you were 16. Sorry!!
 
craigos said:
The plot twist in this is all time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3p3pac/tifu_when_i_tried_to_be_whimsical_on_a_date_with/

I'd been in college for a few months and had met this girl whom I had got to know and began 'dating'. We had a mutual appreciation for playing practical jokes and would constantly try to one-up each other. The relationship had become physical but we had yet to have sex.

Anyway, one night we go to the cinema. We grab tickets to see King Kong - not her choice but I'm paying. So, tough luck. We head to the snack bar thing and I ask her what she wants. She turns to the chap serving and begins to ask questions about the popcorn - does it have this ingredient, that ingredient, was it allowed to roam free-range, etc. I only remember that she had asked if it contained this 'n that but at the time I wasn't really paying attention.

Part way through the movie I needed the loo. Every time I go to the cinema I drink the massive, oversized pepsi and my tiny bladder can't handle it. I nip out and head to the toilet, having to walk past the snack stand on my way. The hot dogs caught my eye, probably because they're kept on that heating lamp stand behind the counter. I go for a pee and an idea begins to formulate in my head.

I finish up, wash my hands and go to the snack stand and grab a hot dog: No sauce, no onions, no bun. I then head back into the cinema and return to my seat without letting her see the hot dog. I grab the popcorn box, put it on my lap and spend the next few minutes casually sharing it with her. All the while I'm poking a hole in the bottom.

Eventually I make a hole big enough to push the hot dog through, and I do. Really slowly and casually so as not to arouse suspicion. I'm sure you can imagine, ladies and gentlemen of the jury that I could hardly contain my mirth as she grabbed a few pieces of popcorn. This goes on for a good ten minutes. Somehow she manages to miss the bulging hot dog protruding from within the mass of popcorn and I eventually got bored, removed the hot dog and ate it - don't judge me, I was a student without a job and those things are expensive.

Some time later she begins to get really fidgety, her breathing starts getting heavy and she tells me that something is wrong and she needs to go home. So we head off and I notice immediately as we leave the dark theatre that her face has become swollen, especially around her lips.

She was allergic to something in the hot dog that managed to get onto the popcorn that she ate. Her dad was really pissed and went down to the cinema to kick up a storm because she had asked whether the popcorn had contained the ingredients she was allergic too and was assured that they did not. I wasn't really wanting to explain to him that I had put a hot dog in the popcorn as a joke utensil, add that to the fact that I hospitalized her and I'm sure you can understand why I didn't say a thing. I've still never told her to this day.

tl;dr I put a hot dog in a popcorn box to impress(?) a girl I was on a date with. She was allergic to said hot dog and she started turning into michelin man. Had to get her to hospital, dad went to cinema place we got hot dog from and kicked off. Got free cinema tickets for 3 movies.

If your name is Sam and you're from the Greater Manchester area and something like this happened to you when you were 16. Sorry!!
Click to expand...
Hahahahahahaha, all class.
 

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IschenkoUBeauty said:
So I went on a bender from late last week til the end of the weekend. Got in with a few sheilas. Get a message from a sheila on Monday with her remarking how drunk I was and if I remembered her name from our rendezvous. IUB no remember her name. :cry: #awkward
Click to expand...
Mulva?
 
IschenkoUBeauty said:
So I went on a bender from late last week til the end of the weekend. Got in with a few sheilas. Get a message from a sheila on Monday with her remarking how drunk I was and if I remembered her name from our rendezvous. IUB no remember her name. :cry: #awkward
Click to expand...

So thinks are looking up for you mate? ;)
 
IschenkoUBeauty said:
So I went on a bender from late last week til the end of the weekend. Got in with a few sheilas. Get a message from a sheila on Monday with her remarking how drunk I was and if I remembered her name from our rendezvous. IUB no remember her name. :cry: #awkward
Click to expand...

Gipple?
 
JoseMourinho said:
Got one!

Girl at law camp flashed her boobs at me and was all over me. I was in a drunken haze and in that haze where i wanted to go to bed rather than hang out with her. She was an 8/10.

I went to bed over getting some fun times.

The end.*

Or is it? I can go write a long version if you want!
Click to expand...

This one time at law camp...

Tayl0r said:
I thought about it. I hadn't been with a guy for a long while due to the GF and we were putting plans in place for a baby, there was a guy offering me a solution.

Money involved makes it very unsavoury though.
Click to expand...

So you like girls and were looking to get knocked up? You don't know Mofra by any chance?

Catgirl said:
I swear on my life that my picture is me o_O Semi offended you mentioned Kat Dennings ouch
Click to expand...

If that really is you, it's not really wise to use it as an avatar, that's Sooz and MrAaron territory there.
 
BALKAN said:
I think we should all have photos of ourselves as our avy
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Too many people would ask me, "Hey Jose, why are you white and not portuguese?"
 

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BALKAN said:
I think we should all have photos of ourselves as our avy
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Actually, that doesn't sound too bad as I took a nice selfie recently that Catgirl would be proud of, so..?
I'm joking CG, promise!

(..you don't stand a chance anyway :cool: )
 
JoseMourinho said:
Too many people would ask me, "Hey Jose, why are you white and not portuguese?"
Click to expand...
58671947.jpg
 
Reading this thread makes me feel slightly better about myself but not really- makes me feel less alone. Seems a reoccurring trend for us blokes is alcohol being our confidence booster than the downfall of our night. Luckily for me- I don't vomit when drunk just the morning after.

Not all that long ago was going traveling, organized a mini get together before I left based on the idea of I like X girl from my work and I should have a crack before I leave. Organized exceptionally poorly on my behalf mentioned it to a few people than organised it by text, girl from work got my number from work and texted me asking what the plan was for tonight- good sign. Bit of banter- agreed to meet up at later club, she's with a few friends... cool. Few friends and I start early- lots of drinks all going well, watch my football team lose- drink more... we all know where this goes....

Meet up with her and a few others later on, my mates pick up on my vibe instantly and somehow we are isolated on a table. Things are seemingly going great- I'm almost worried about how smoothly the conversation is flowing. Bit of touching, laughing... Geez how good am I?

Suddenly my body decides it's going to play up- I feel my stomach acting up... I thought we had a deal? I thought we were on the same page? And then sure enough mid conversation while sitting down I turn and vomit.

"Smooth"

"You're telling me."

And with that I went to the bathroom, puked a bit more than went home. Mates had a good laugh, that's got to count for something.
 
Theprofessional said:
Reading this thread makes me feel slightly better about myself but not really- makes me feel less alone. Seems a reoccurring trend for us blokes is alcohol being our confidence booster than the downfall of our night. Luckily for me- I don't vomit when drunk just the morning after.

Not all that long ago was going traveling, organized a mini get together before I left based on the idea of I like X girl from my work and I should have a crack before I leave. Organized exceptionally poorly on my behalf mentioned it to a few people than organised it by text, girl from work got my number from work and texted me asking what the plan was for tonight- good sign. Bit of banter- agreed to meet up at later club, she's with a few friends... cool. Few friends and I start early- lots of drinks all going well, watch my football team lose- drink more... we all know where this goes....

Meet up with her and a few others later on, my mates pick up on my vibe instantly and somehow we are isolated on a table. Things are seemingly going great- I'm almost worried about how smoothly the conversation is flowing. Bit of touching, laughing... Geez how good am I?

Suddenly my body decides it's going to play up- I feel my stomach acting up... I thought we had a deal? I thought we were on the same page? And then sure enough mid conversation while sitting down I turn and vomit.

"Smooth"

"You're telling me."

And with that I went to the bathroom, puked a bit more than went home. Mates had a good laugh, that's got to count for something.
Click to expand...

Tell her you're like the kid in South Park, you only ever spew around a girl you really like.
 
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