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- #9,326
She swears she doesn't have crabs though.
Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories
- Thread starter CakeEater
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She swears she doesn't have crabs though.
stew42
Club Legend
- Feb 4, 2015
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"planked right on top of me plonker"
Sammymoite planking was soooo 2009
But nah, that's rough as. Did you let her know about it?
Also, this thread will now be my no. 1 guilty pleasure. That is all.
Sammymoite planking was soooo 2009
But nah, that's rough as. Did you let her know about it?Also, this thread will now be my no. 1 guilty pleasure. That is all.
Sammymoite
Team Captain
- Jun 7, 2015
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- #9,328
"planked right on top of me plonker"
Sammymoite planking was soooo 2009
Also, this thread will now be my no. 1 guilty pleasure. That is all.
Haha yeah I did, she felt pretty bad and all. Unfortunately I had to suspend my forgiving nature as I felt like I was swallowing shards of glass at the time
Spud Patrol
Team Captain
- Jan 6, 2013
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Got a root, worth it!
Spud Patrol
Team Captain
- Jan 6, 2013
- 486
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- AFL Club
- Essendon
One of my highlights from last night, this chick got introduced to me by her friend that i didnt know, nor has seen. It was the old, "hey this is **** you guys should chat" yeah like thats not making it awkward for us anyway. Luckily enough i was with my good friend alcohol, so we bantered away for a bit, and the banter was good, normal chat avoiding all things "where you from what do you do". So anyway, we grabbed a seat after getting a drink and shes got the shakes, like her leg wont stop moving. I obviously ask the question, "so are you alright there? you seem to be shaking a lot?". Now i thought you know shes nervous just a bit of a fidgety reflex while talking to gransmaster spud patrol but then she comes out with this belter...
"ohhhhhh im a recovering ice addict".
Still hit it.
"ohhhhhh im a recovering ice addict".
Still hit it.
Shupe
Brownlow Medallist
- Jun 21, 2011
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The pipe?
Did foreplay involve helping her scratch the spiders from under her eyelids?
Spud Patrol
Team Captain
- Jan 6, 2013
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Nah but she did feed me a couple of valiums. Bless her.
stew42
Club Legend
- Feb 4, 2015
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Nawwwwwwwwwwwww so romantic!
- Banned
- #9,336
You should've responded, "Phew, for a minute I thought you were epileptic."
Plugger35
The umpires are always right!
- Sep 27, 2008
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Should have rolled with this
Spud Patrol: You want a drink?
Shakey: Yes please, rum and coke.
Spud Patrol: Want ice with that? Aha!
Or gone with this old line from McBain.
Let's hope that's the only thing she gave you.
- Nov 26, 2015
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Not quite a flirting story of mine but worth sharing.
From the Guardian Football "Said and Done" column referencing Diego Maradona.
Diego’s previous best review: 2009 – Uruguayan model Natalia Rosas, reminiscing while posing for a photoshoot with the letter “M” sprayed on a buttock.
“He said he was nervous, so I clasped his hands to my chest and we embraced. This time he stole a kiss.
It left me with a taste of onions, but no matter.
This continued, then suddenly I heard a loud noise.
I thought it was the chair creaking.
But no.
Diego had broken wind.
He became yet more nervous, but never begged my pardon… It didn’t matter though.
He is a romantic, a deep thinker. Oh, what a night!”
From the Guardian Football "Said and Done" column referencing Diego Maradona.
Diego’s previous best review: 2009 – Uruguayan model Natalia Rosas, reminiscing while posing for a photoshoot with the letter “M” sprayed on a buttock.
“He said he was nervous, so I clasped his hands to my chest and we embraced. This time he stole a kiss.
It left me with a taste of onions, but no matter.
This continued, then suddenly I heard a loud noise.
I thought it was the chair creaking.
But no.
Diego had broken wind.
He became yet more nervous, but never begged my pardon… It didn’t matter though.
He is a romantic, a deep thinker. Oh, what a night!”
counterfire
Cancelled
- Dec 1, 2015
- 9
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OK... another non-flirting story. I wondered if this story sits in this thread or somewhere else, but oh well.
This is a few years ago when I used to travel out to the sticks for work on a v line train. As it happened, on an outbound v line, the boxes were pretty empty and there was a tom boyish chick who used to come on same box 2-3 days a week. Eventually, we got talking and found out that she was a uni student.
Anyways, we got on friendly terms. One day though, she came in her usual jeans and sat in front of me and we got talking as per usual.
I then said to her, "Listen, I need to tell you something. But I can't tell it openly, so I have to whisper it to you."
She said, "OK" and leaned forward.
I said into her ear, as quietly as I can, "Listen, I am going to tell you something so secret, that no other guy would tell you, but it's really important that you know."
She said, "OK, what is it?", nodding.
I said....
"Your fly is open"
Her reaction was... priceless.
This is a few years ago when I used to travel out to the sticks for work on a v line train. As it happened, on an outbound v line, the boxes were pretty empty and there was a tom boyish chick who used to come on same box 2-3 days a week. Eventually, we got talking and found out that she was a uni student.
Anyways, we got on friendly terms. One day though, she came in her usual jeans and sat in front of me and we got talking as per usual.
I then said to her, "Listen, I need to tell you something. But I can't tell it openly, so I have to whisper it to you."
She said, "OK" and leaned forward.
I said into her ear, as quietly as I can, "Listen, I am going to tell you something so secret, that no other guy would tell you, but it's really important that you know."
She said, "OK, what is it?", nodding.
I said....
"Your fly is open"
Her reaction was... priceless.
It was on purpose. Fail.
Sam_Malone
Norm Smith Medallist
- Banned
- #9,342
This happened many moons ago but I thought I would share and you could enjoy.
This happened at the Planet Nightclub in Adelaide - so close to 20 years ago. I will never forget this story or the deceitful behaviour of the female gender.
I met this incredibly good looking girl one night and as the night went on, we started talking, dancing, kissing and some groping but the more this went on and the more I drank, trying to remember her name became near on impossible and the longer it went, the more of a dick I was going to be by simply asking her what her name was.
Then I came up with a plan, yes, it was a cleshe and yes I was an idiot.
I asked her to introduce me to her friends and her sister and I would try and remember her name that way. Not a great plan I know. After asking a few questions and trying toi get them to tell some funny stories, I wasn't getting anywhere. By this point, I was very intoxicated and my questions were just becoming stupid and I feel I must have looked very suspicious. At the time, I thought I was a genius. Only problem was, her sister caught on to my plan and started calling her different names - bitch I know. June, Jane, Julie, Jasmine and I was totally confused as I only had one thing on my mine - her very perky breasts and how they would taste. I was infatuated. I was 22. Of course I was.
At about 1 am, her friend starts feeling ill and needs to be taken home and they suggest they walk to the bus stop. Oh Well, I thought, even doh I am not getting any tonight but I wasn't giving up. So as we are on our way to the bus-station and I stupidly/naively suggest I pay for a taxi and we go back to her house. She liked the idea; of course she did - she was getting a free ride home and then she said, what's my name? I had no idea and just blurted out some name with a J. She said no but understood how I could forget her name. I still didn't catch on.
She suggested we all jump in the taxi and head to her house before dropping her friend off. As it was a very hot February night, we could jump in the spa and cool off as her parents would be out. I was cheering and said yep, happy to do that. Why wouldn't I, I was going to core. Handed over $20 for the taxi and she gave her address to the driver. In the back of the taxi, she was rubbing my dick and getting me very excited to say the least.
Dropped her friend off and drove around the corner. She lived 2 streets over. We jump out, walk up the path and before I knew it the front door opens. Her old man turns the front porch light on and says - not tonight champ, you two inside and you should be on your way.
Her sister was laughing and ran inside.
I never caught her name and didn't get her number. Even if I did, I doubt I would have rang her as her I old man was one scary mother *er and gave me the impression he would rip my head off if I tried to touch his precious daughter. But she did have some very delicious melons and they were very ripe.
This happened at the Planet Nightclub in Adelaide - so close to 20 years ago. I will never forget this story or the deceitful behaviour of the female gender.
I met this incredibly good looking girl one night and as the night went on, we started talking, dancing, kissing and some groping but the more this went on and the more I drank, trying to remember her name became near on impossible and the longer it went, the more of a dick I was going to be by simply asking her what her name was.
Then I came up with a plan, yes, it was a cleshe and yes I was an idiot.
I asked her to introduce me to her friends and her sister and I would try and remember her name that way. Not a great plan I know. After asking a few questions and trying toi get them to tell some funny stories, I wasn't getting anywhere. By this point, I was very intoxicated and my questions were just becoming stupid and I feel I must have looked very suspicious. At the time, I thought I was a genius. Only problem was, her sister caught on to my plan and started calling her different names - bitch I know. June, Jane, Julie, Jasmine and I was totally confused as I only had one thing on my mine - her very perky breasts and how they would taste. I was infatuated. I was 22. Of course I was.
At about 1 am, her friend starts feeling ill and needs to be taken home and they suggest they walk to the bus stop. Oh Well, I thought, even doh I am not getting any tonight but I wasn't giving up. So as we are on our way to the bus-station and I stupidly/naively suggest I pay for a taxi and we go back to her house. She liked the idea; of course she did - she was getting a free ride home and then she said, what's my name? I had no idea and just blurted out some name with a J. She said no but understood how I could forget her name. I still didn't catch on.
She suggested we all jump in the taxi and head to her house before dropping her friend off. As it was a very hot February night, we could jump in the spa and cool off as her parents would be out. I was cheering and said yep, happy to do that. Why wouldn't I, I was going to core. Handed over $20 for the taxi and she gave her address to the driver. In the back of the taxi, she was rubbing my dick and getting me very excited to say the least.
Dropped her friend off and drove around the corner. She lived 2 streets over. We jump out, walk up the path and before I knew it the front door opens. Her old man turns the front porch light on and says - not tonight champ, you two inside and you should be on your way.
Her sister was laughing and ran inside.
I never caught her name and didn't get her number. Even if I did, I doubt I would have rang her as her I old man was one scary mother *er and gave me the impression he would rip my head off if I tried to touch his precious daughter. But she did have some very delicious melons and they were very ripe.
TheLoungeLizard
The world's most handsome man
Should have gone back and done the drop in.
- Banned
- #9,344
Could've said to the old man, "I think I left my boxers in your daughters bed, be a champ and go check for me?"
Sam_Malone
Norm Smith Medallist
- Banned
- #9,345
Drop my wick in her honey pot.
Shupe
Brownlow Medallist
- Jun 21, 2011
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This is on the 3rd page of GD. Lift ya game fellas.
Or, you know, the opposite.
Or, you know, the opposite.
manureid
Laziest Poster on Figbooty
It can help in some instances. But would not open with it.
- Feb 25, 2013
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Unless your name is Brett Favre
JoseMourinho
Not A Manager
He always liked going for those long and risky passes.
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