RedmanWasHere
Rarely in kitchens at parties.
- Aug 23, 2010
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Best and Worst jokes ever heard...
- Thread starter Marc Shmurf 3
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BlueBelle
Chief Bluebagger
That's DoC's specialty, not mine 
RedmanWasHere
Rarely in kitchens at parties.
- Aug 23, 2010
- 26,864
- 29,583
- AFL Club
- Essendon
- Other Teams
- Exers, Gryffindor, Rich+Ess AFLW, Tassie
Ever realised how Maddie is an Anagram of I'm dead?
RedmanWasHere
Rarely in kitchens at parties.
- Aug 23, 2010
- 26,864
- 29,583
- AFL Club
- Essendon
- Other Teams
- Exers, Gryffindor, Rich+Ess AFLW, Tassie
Wham, NTTAWWT, flush.
That's George Michaels' career in a nutshell.
That's George Michaels' career in a nutshell.
Not allowed to show my dark humour in this thread.
Gotta keep it clean in here Red. I know it all too well.
Gotta keep it clean in here Red. I know it all too well.
RedmanWasHere
Rarely in kitchens at parties.
- Aug 23, 2010
- 26,864
- 29,583
- AFL Club
- Essendon
- Other Teams
- Exers, Gryffindor, Rich+Ess AFLW, Tassie
Not allowed to show my dark humour in this thread.
Gotta keep it clean in here Red. I know it all too well.
Easily understood.
Back to the jokes.
4 Mexicans in quick sand.
Quatro cinco.*
Mexican and Black jokes are overdone.
Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
* = not created by me.
I just sat my girlfriend down on the sofa and said, "There's something I need to do."
"What is it?" she asked, "You're scaring me."
I said, "I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore."
She immediately jumped up, punched me in the face and ran out of the house screaming, "Never talk to me again you bastard!!"
******* great.
$1500 this engagement ring cost me.
"What is it?" she asked, "You're scaring me."
I said, "I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore."
She immediately jumped up, punched me in the face and ran out of the house screaming, "Never talk to me again you bastard!!"
******* great.
$1500 this engagement ring cost me.
My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist.
"What can I do for you?" He asked.
"Our son has got an imaginary friend," said my wife.
"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop, and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." Said the psychiatrist.
"We haven't got a son." I replied.
"What can I do for you?" He asked.
"Our son has got an imaginary friend," said my wife.
"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop, and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." Said the psychiatrist.
"We haven't got a son." I replied.
The office Christmas party. A great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...
The Bank of England is to introduce plastic banknotes that can survive a spin in a washing machine by 2016.
Surely that will just encourage money laundering?
Surely that will just encourage money laundering?
RedmanWasHere
Rarely in kitchens at parties.
- Aug 23, 2010
- 26,864
- 29,583
- AFL Club
- Essendon
- Other Teams
- Exers, Gryffindor, Rich+Ess AFLW, Tassie
RedmanWasHere
Rarely in kitchens at parties.
- Aug 23, 2010
- 26,864
- 29,583
- AFL Club
- Essendon
- Other Teams
- Exers, Gryffindor, Rich+Ess AFLW, Tassie
Not allowed to show my dark humour in this thread.
Gotta keep it clean in here Red. I know it all too well.
Did you post some jokes that were considered a bit too heavy for this thread DOC?
Posted plenty of such jokes. The gods of our board, keep making them disappear.
You missed the asterix on the second joke too!
Christmas means Christmas Crackers. In addition to the snazzy hat and the wildly expensive gift, yes, the worst jokes you've ever heard. I'll start the ball rolling.
What do you get if you cross a fish and two elephants?
SWIMMING TRUNKS!
What do you get if you cross a fish and two elephants?
SWIMMING TRUNKS!
I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6663629."
She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"
I said, "Wow!"
Then her friend said, "She means 6663629."
I took a taxi to my court appearance the other day.
"What are you here for?" asked the driver.
"My bankruptcy hearing. You might as well come too."
"What are you here for?" asked the driver.
"My bankruptcy hearing. You might as well come too."
Here's my Christmas joke for the day.
I was in the process of preparing the Christmas turkey but it was getting a bit stressful.
I took a deep breath and asked myself what would Nigella do?
So I smoked a joint and had two lines of cocaine.
I was in the process of preparing the Christmas turkey but it was getting a bit stressful.
I took a deep breath and asked myself what would Nigella do?
So I smoked a joint and had two lines of cocaine.
I've just been sacked from my job on hospital radio.
Apparently, playing "Do They Know it's Christmas" on repeat, is not appropriate behaviour for the Alzheimer's ward.
Apparently, playing "Do They Know it's Christmas" on repeat, is not appropriate behaviour for the Alzheimer's ward.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
IN CASE HE GOT A HOLE IN ONE!
IN CASE HE GOT A HOLE IN ONE!
My girlfriend said, "If one day, you want to run away, just let me know."
Turns out she meant together.
Turns out she meant together.
I've just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.......I will keep you posted.
RedmanWasHere
Rarely in kitchens at parties.
- Aug 23, 2010
- 26,864
- 29,583
- AFL Club
- Essendon
- Other Teams
- Exers, Gryffindor, Rich+Ess AFLW, Tassie
When Steve Jobs founded Apple, did he outline the company's core values?
If a man says you're ugly, he's a mean bastard.
If a woman says you're ugly, she's a jealous bitch.
If a child says you're ugly, you're ******* ugly.
If a woman says you're ugly, she's a jealous bitch.
If a child says you're ugly, you're ******* ugly.
I was sat watching the TV with my dad when I asked him who Sherlock's assistant was.
"Watson."
"Who's Sherlock's assistant?"
"Watson."
"Who's Sherlock's assistant?"
