Best and Worst jokes ever heard...

[King of Ruin]

A girl I know posted on Facebook; "My toddler crawled under the garden fence! Lol, nails and wood will be out tomorrow!"

I replied, "I think crucifixion's a bit harsh."

 

[King of Ruin]

A news report says that paedophiles are to be educated to control their urges.

What a brilliant idea, send paedophiles to school.

 

[King of Ruin]

With the new Apple Watch, you only have to pull your hand out of your pocket to let everyone know that you're a campaigner.

 

[King of Ruin]

How to fall downstairs.

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8,9,10,11

 

[King of Ruin]

Oscar Pistorius.

Showing the Scottish people you can be free, even though you're usually legless and assaulting women.

 

[King of Ruin]

A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous

"It's ok" says the Doctor "They're benign"

"Count 'em again Doc" says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten"

 

[King of Ruin]

I've got 69 problems.

My girlfriend is a midget.

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

What do you call a really fat guy named Carl?

Carlton.

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

How did the women die in church?

A St Kilda.

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

What do you get when you cross dogs named ernie and bulls in the wild west?

Western Bulldogs.

 

[happydude]

What do you get when you cross dogs named ernie and bulls in the wild west?

Western Bulldogs.

That one was just weak

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

That one was just weak

i know it was lame.

 

[happydude]

i know it was lame.

Lame isn't the word I was thinking

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

What do you say to a guy named Syd when someones going to knee him in the face?

Sydney

 

[happydude]

Wouldn't that be knee syd?

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

A girl named Mag opened a pie shop.

It was called Magpies.

 

[happydude]

I out my grandma on speed dial. Called it instagram

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A Megasaurus.

 

[happydude]

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A Megasaurus.

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesaurus

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Doyouthinkhesaurus

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A noidea

 

[MC_Doggy_Frog18]

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Stillnoidea

 

[Sublime]

Alright. Literally the worst jokes i have ever seen. No contest.

 

[King of Ruin]

A wife is like a hand grenade.

Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

 

[King of Ruin]

The first rule of Innuendo Club is you can only enter via the back door.