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- Jul 9, 2010
- 24,163
- 26,535
- AFL Club
- Fremantle
My stories are better than anyones.
The time an ex-WAFL/VFA teacher who was such a hard arse, you heard him and the subsequent quiet from six classes away when someone didn't bring a pencil taking a massive speccy then never saying anything again.
The time this mate of mine purposely knocked out another mate, doing that chest compression thing, then the dumb prick complaining about a headache while ragdolling himself ala Hayden Ballantyne during king of the pack...
The time we made about 6 fights occur through intentional chinese whispers, rallying everyone in the school to surround a group, and then kids chiming in with "you will look pathetic if you just walk off mate..."
Or the time the never-but-should've convicted 16-year old pedophile in my year, who was literally about 4'8" and had child size feet and a head bigger than anyone else (and greasy hair resembling a toilet brush) left his USB, full of... well you know... ****ed up images, at school for a few good mates to accidentally find in a media class...
The time this said kid hit a girl in the arm, this incredibly pretty and skinny thing, when she told him to get ****ed after he mocked her for her dog dying...
When this kid, again, had his bag thrown in a bin because he was mouthing off. He discovered it, tipped it out, and all the half-eaten sandwiches and Mocha Chills poured onto his bag, he went absolutely insane and threw the bin around, beat his chest like an ape, threatened rape and murder... when I go back home and get pissed in town, I always try and rally my school mates to go past the old joint – the bin is still there, still dented...
The time the teacher jumped out a window of a demountable classroom, pens flying everywhere, to break up a fight between ex-pupils and throwing two absolute beauties simultaneously at the punks...
When a kid born 10-weeks premature or something insane told us about this, and because he had this long oblong head, we all came to the conclusion his head was so long his skull wasn't fully formed and thus, during birth, moulded to the shape of his mother's vagina. This man ended up becoming one of my favourite mates in high school. Impenetrable to all and anything hurled his way. He had a tough life, being a North fan and relocating a bunch of times, so words were nothing to him. He had a silver tongue and threw heinous insults to those who insulted him. It was beautifully entertaining. But why he told us that story and gave everyone ammunition... beyond me...
When this gay dude, who was closeted and an a-hole to easy targets (ala the guy above), had sex with some older dude at our afterball. I don't care how many vodka Cruisers he had, getting thrown and rogered up against the hood of a Volvo in public view is not smart. Dumb in fact. The rumour the next week was that he still had the grill and Volvo logo pressed into his hips. Grouse...
School was so good. I reckon I laughed until my sides hurt and my lips felt they'd split at the creases every single day. Don't miss it, though.
The time an ex-WAFL/VFA teacher who was such a hard arse, you heard him and the subsequent quiet from six classes away when someone didn't bring a pencil taking a massive speccy then never saying anything again.
The time this mate of mine purposely knocked out another mate, doing that chest compression thing, then the dumb prick complaining about a headache while ragdolling himself ala Hayden Ballantyne during king of the pack...
The time we made about 6 fights occur through intentional chinese whispers, rallying everyone in the school to surround a group, and then kids chiming in with "you will look pathetic if you just walk off mate..."
Or the time the never-but-should've convicted 16-year old pedophile in my year, who was literally about 4'8" and had child size feet and a head bigger than anyone else (and greasy hair resembling a toilet brush) left his USB, full of... well you know... ****ed up images, at school for a few good mates to accidentally find in a media class...
The time this said kid hit a girl in the arm, this incredibly pretty and skinny thing, when she told him to get ****ed after he mocked her for her dog dying...
When this kid, again, had his bag thrown in a bin because he was mouthing off. He discovered it, tipped it out, and all the half-eaten sandwiches and Mocha Chills poured onto his bag, he went absolutely insane and threw the bin around, beat his chest like an ape, threatened rape and murder... when I go back home and get pissed in town, I always try and rally my school mates to go past the old joint – the bin is still there, still dented...
The time the teacher jumped out a window of a demountable classroom, pens flying everywhere, to break up a fight between ex-pupils and throwing two absolute beauties simultaneously at the punks...
When a kid born 10-weeks premature or something insane told us about this, and because he had this long oblong head, we all came to the conclusion his head was so long his skull wasn't fully formed and thus, during birth, moulded to the shape of his mother's vagina. This man ended up becoming one of my favourite mates in high school. Impenetrable to all and anything hurled his way. He had a tough life, being a North fan and relocating a bunch of times, so words were nothing to him. He had a silver tongue and threw heinous insults to those who insulted him. It was beautifully entertaining. But why he told us that story and gave everyone ammunition... beyond me...
When this gay dude, who was closeted and an a-hole to easy targets (ala the guy above), had sex with some older dude at our afterball. I don't care how many vodka Cruisers he had, getting thrown and rogered up against the hood of a Volvo in public view is not smart. Dumb in fact. The rumour the next week was that he still had the grill and Volvo logo pressed into his hips. Grouse...
School was so good. I reckon I laughed until my sides hurt and my lips felt they'd split at the creases every single day. Don't miss it, though.