Help a journo out

[Dylan8]

Writing skill isn't all there still.

'I think... ' don't do this for one. The by line is enough to let the reader know that it's your opinion, it doesn't need to be reiterated.

Don't use exclamation marks, it just gives the impression that you're shouting. Not what you want.

As previously, you've told us a lot which could be simply observed by the average punter. Give us a solution to North's problems, or analysis on where they've gone wrong, supplemented by evidence such as statistics.


To reiterate past points from this thread, get feedback from your teachers and read, a lot. You will pick up vocabulary and writing skills passively through reading good writing.

 

[Severe]

How's the journalism going?

 

[bradrowe#32]

I suggest you write original content. Everyone does a preview and they're all boring. Track down an old player for an interview or find an old guy that's watched footy over a 60-year period and write an article about how the game has changed. Or research a football club or have a look on Trove for a strange/funny/serious incident from decades ago and write about it. Interview Mrs Selwood about her four boys. Interview a TAC Cup coach or a VFL coach. Websites like Footy Almanac are interested in these sorts of things.

Use your imagination and do something original and interesting.

 

[thetradesman]

How's the journalism going?

Not bad mate, I'll post some articles I've done recently in the coming days.

Think I've really improved my writing skills over the last 3-4 months.

 

[thetradesman]

http://www.theroar.com.au/2016/02/03/richmond-finally-crack-top-four-2016/

Advice/critiques would be nice.

 

[Dylan8]

critiques would be nice.

It says here you think Richmond will make the top four

 

[thetradesman]

It says here you think Richmond will make the top four

It does haha

 

[Dylan8]

It does haha

Oh, sorry, I assumed it was a typo

 

[Broar]

No I'm currently at school, secondary.

No harm in asking your English teacher for some help.

 

[Severe]

Just a little thing I didn't like was "Shaun Hampson is not a good footballer". Granted he is not star in the AFL, but to call someone "not good" when they have made it to the highest level I found a bit offensive.

 

[TheJanuaryMan]

Just a little thing I didn't like was "Shaun Hampson is not a good footballer". Granted he is not star in the AFL, but to call someone "not good" when they have made it to the highest level I found a bit offensive.

This one stood out like a beacon to me also. someone like brereton may be able to get away with that, but not someone who's never played at that level.
a few too many sweeping, general statements still. Agreed, Nathan Gordon also won't be part of a Richmond flag unless they relist him. Alex rance is a great player but not certain he's the best defender in the league.
Keep grafting, and as someone mentioned, ask your English teacher for feedback also..and don't give up, keep asking others like you are here.

 

[ManOfClay]

Just keep studying and go to uni. Writing experience is ok but when the writing isn't quite good enough and you don't have the tools to improve it it's kind of pointless.

It's like you're kicking the footy with a Michael Talia technique at the moment.

You're kicking the ball/writing the words and you are getting your thoughts out reasonably coherently but your best bet is to study under trained professionals and get the correct technique first instead of repeatedly practicing with the wrong one

 

[Severe]

There are adult education courses that could be good, if you feel like getting back into studying. But if it's just a hobbie, enjoy it.

 

[ManOfClay]

There are adult education courses that could be good, if you feel like getting back into studying. But if it's just a hobbie, enjoy it.

He's a high school kid. That's what I thought anyway

 

[Severe]

He's a high school kid. That's what I thought anyway

Oh, fair enough. I was just going by the age on the profile.

 

[ManOfClay]

Oh, fair enough. I was just going by the age on the profile.

From earlier in the thread, March 2015:

No I'm currently at school, secondary.

 

[simba_]

yeah get your english teacher to fix up the basics so you have the fundamentals, not saying you don't but they will correct little things - "Two-time Coleman medallist Jack Reiwoldt had a career-best season last year, and is in his prime." they hate seeing 'and' after a comma, they would make you change the wording. read lots so you absorb different writing styles and think about your own but not too much!!

 

[thetradesman]

http://www.theroar.com.au/2016/04/27/can-ross-lyon-rebuild-list/

Latest article, Probably didn't go into as much detail as I could have in some parts.

 

[Wayne Dwop]

could HAVE

 

[TheJanuaryMan]

not sure how clancee pearce feels about being termed an "old guy" at 25.

minor point - your sentence, referring to Ross Lyon, starting "When He left the Saints", implies Lyon is God, by capitalising the H in he. That's something Lyon would probably be happy to read, but not many others (it may just be a typo).

overall though, a pretty good effort, you're certainly improving.

 

[thetradesman]

I'll have another one up soonish, probably tomorrow. Will post it here for the feedback.

Will likely be about the Swannies.

 

[JDC!]

Like most things, the more you practice something the better at it you will become. Do not be afraid of criticism or people trashing your opinion. You will learn from your mistakes in the long run and it will make you a better writer in the future. Keep producing as much content as possible for websites like The Footy Almanac and The Roar. It's a pretty good community there and you can find a lot of helpful people. As mentioned previously, make sure your grammar is 100% as unfortunately there's no faster way to lose credibility than a simple spelling or punctuation error.

As for making it a full-time profession, it is largely about who you know, not what you know. And while this normally has negative connotations, I don't believe this to be the case. Use it to your advantage by networking with as many people as possible, especially while you're young. You never know what other people are thinking in terms of developing new projects and worst case scenario, people in these higher positions will respect the initiative and work ethic that you are showing.

There are tons of people out there writing about generic football articles such as previews, reviews and obvious opinion pieces. To get noticed you may need to find a niche. I can't think of the perfect example for you at the moment but looks at the some of the social media experts out there that have created pages dedicated to the AFL Draft, Indigenous footballers, etc. Find an aspect of the game you are interested in and write about that. It may become successful for you, it may not, but in my opinion it will get you noticed more quickly than writing the same old boring articles that more credentialed people are writing.

Good luck with it all, if you're passionate enough you will succeed. I am in a similar position to yourself.

 

[The Dr]

Being a journo myself, I’ll offer a couple of words of advice.

In an opinion piece like this, you’re far too general. You haven’t really informed the reader beyond what most would know.

Are there any stats that can shed light on why the Dockers have slipped so badly this year?

This par really needs specifics: With David Mundy being injured for most part of the season so far, Nat Fyfe seemingly missing the year and a bunch of old guys like Clancee Pearce, Matthew Pavlich, Tendai Mzungu, Danyle Pearce, Hayden Ballantyne and Michael Barlow seemingly nearing the end of their footy, the Dockers need to rebuild.

Why are Pearce, Pav, Mzungu, Ballantyne and Barlow nearing the end of their careers? Pav got talked out of retirement to play on, but what of the rest? Are they playing WAFL? Different roles? Injured? How old are they (lumping them all into ‘a bunch of old guys’ doesn’t offer enough insight).

Also, avoid repetition. Your pars re McPharlin: The Dockers are missing Luke McPharlin’s dependability in the back six that has been the best for so long. He held the back six together …

Substitute the word ‘defence’ or ‘backline’ instead of back six. It’s jarring having to read the same words too often.

There is also some sloppy grammar: It’s hard to argue that the list he inherited wasn’t pushing it’s way too a top four spot and possibly grand finals without him. When He left the Saints, he left them in all sorts of trouble.

Always, always, always re-read your pieces before publication. A good tip can be to print it out and read a hard copy, as mistakes for some reason are easier to spot on the printed page rather than on the screen.

I agree with everyone above who says it's about putting in the time and effort and improving as you go along. But always think 'how can I inform, engage and entertain a reader?' Give them something they won't be able to find elsewhere.

Good luck with it all.

 

[thetradesman]

Hey guys, latest article!

http://www.theroar.com.au/2016/05/18/can-bulldogs-win-2016/

Would appreciate feedback!

 

[Dylan8]

I think I might have said it earlier in this thread but instead of raising a question, try answering one. Instead of "Can the Bulldogs go all the way?" try making the premise of your article "The Bulldogs can go all the way - this is why." Give an opinion, back it up and most importantly entertain the reader. Tell me why the Bulldogs' midfield is "scarily good" with examples and statistics, don't just reel off names. I know their names, tell me more.

I don't want to be harsh but your writing hasn't changed so much from my occasional observations in this thread. Try putting some of the advice into practice before writing articles and posting them here.