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Shai said:
Teri - check about 4.5 mins in, think I asked a question about what causes this that you never answered! After that it becomes very Americanised but the last clip around 10 mins is sorta :rolleyes:

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Lolling.
Duh... I just watched that the whole way through- took particular note of 4.3mins- the bloke cacking himself over the weather- then check back to see you'd written 4.5 (which I'd taken to mean 4 and a half).
Totally not with you re the question you asked me- can you please repeat? I repeat- can you please repeat? ;)
 

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Teriyakicat said:
She never actually touched her toes- she might look fit but possibly an airhead :)
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It was the Cliffy Young shuffle from Hoges that got me in..

Teriyakicat said:
Lolling.
Duh... I just watched that the whole way through- took particular note of 4.3mins- the bloke cacking himself over the weather- then check back to see you'd written 4.5 (which I'd taken to mean 4 and a half).
Totally not with you re the question you asked me- can you please repeat? I repeat- can you please repeat? ;)
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Never mind, it was something about smurfs.. :D
 
Shai .... Now I get it ;)
The answer is lack of blood flow to the brain :D
The brain switches off but everything else works fine for a while ;)
Gee, you were much too subtle for me then- of course it would've helped if I'd looked at the right part of the video in the first time but, by the time you told me what to look for, I'd forgotten the question :)
 
Teriyakicat said:
Shai .... Now I get it ;)
The answer is lack of blood flow to the brain :D
The brain switches off but everything else works fine for a while ;)
Gee, you were much too subtle for me then- of course it would've helped if I'd looked at the right part of the video in the first time but, by the time you told me what to look for, I'd forgotten the question :)
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I like subtle, very flattering :D more likely just my warped mind jumping from 1 thing to another and expecting others to make the connection :)
 
It's very difficult to be dumb these days. The competition is simply too big.

Alcohol does not solve problems. But neither does milk.

Jesus has changed your life. Do you want to save changes (Yes/No)?

Do you want to speak or did you cough accidentally?

There are only two types of pedestrians - fast ones and dead ones.

If someone hates you for no reason, give that sucker a reason.

I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

I tried looking at the bright side of life. It hurt my eyes.

Don't condemn nudists - they were born like this.

Very often the phrase “Ooops, sorry, I have forgotten“ really means “Geez, this a*hole remembers it”.

Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.

If someone is spitting behind you, it means you’re in front.

Nothing spoils the target more than a hit.

Our conscience is clear- we don’t use it.

I’m not sad. I’m sober…

Remember the good times… when phones were stupid and people were smart.

Considering our readers’ requests, our newspaper will be published in rolls and without text.

For your actions not to differ from your words: keep quiet and don’t do anything

I enjoy long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Life would be much easier if I could mark people as spam.

Everybody wishes to find that one special person to annoy for the rest of life.

If you wish to lose an annoying visitor - lend him money.
 
You can only dream Osher.. :p

eric_bana_hair.jpg
 

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Three Indians walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of Sikh joke?"

*****************************

There appear to be scratch marks on my glasses.

I never realised I had such sharp vision.

*****************************

I've been the proud head of the Ladder Appreciation Society for years, but I've finally had enough.

I'm stepping down.

*****************************

My girlfriend tells me I've got trust issues.

Well she didn't exactly tell me that, I read it in her diary.

*****************************

I saw a guy stacking shelves at Tesco complaining because the top shelf was broken, and he couldn't keep it up.

I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction.

*****************************

I see that doctor with Ebola has been released from hospital and is well again.

Didn't take them long to find a cure once a white guy got it.
 
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a place of great balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America, which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"

"Yes," said the Archangel, impressed by God's work. Then he pointed to a large land mass and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Australia, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous, and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, invincible cricket, rugby, tennis and golf players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them".

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed "But you said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the ugly, whingeing, sheep-loving Kiwis I'm putting next to them."
 
Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to get acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see President Clinton had a sold gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think" he said, "when I am president, I could have a gold urinal, too. But I couldn't do something that self-indulgent"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hilary at her tour of the White House, she told Hilary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hilary were getting ready for bed, Hilary smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who pissed in your saxophone".
 
Strangled Cat said:
Hey! I'm a diamond in the rough and you're not used to digging up anything more precious than gold... you wouldn't know what to do with what you find!:p
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Thought I'd drag this in here so we don't get into trouble for being OT ;)

Don't be so precious, SC- your brilliance is underwhelming. Let's facet, if you were a diamond, a jeweller probably wouldn't bother cutting you- he'd just throw you back on the beach like a grain of quartz ;)
Have I ever told you that I don't carat all about superficial appearances?
 
The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.

Engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the
raincoat he didn't say a word but he started to tremble- and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

(you are going to love this..)

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" What's for dinner, Zorro?"
 
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