Lame Jokes Part 2

[RedmanWasHere]

Why can't you hear a Psychiatrist use the toilet?


Because the P is silent

Why was the constipated person not listening?

They couldn't give a s**t.

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Did you hear about the Butcher that backed in to a meat grinder?


He got behind on his work!!

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Police called for backup after a 3 year old was resisting a rest

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What advantage does a golfer have over a fisherman?
He doesn't have to produce anything to prove his story.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What is black, white, black, white?

A nun falling down stairs

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

It reminds me of why there is no money in there.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

My wife accused me of ruining her birthday yesterday.

"Bollocks!" I said. "I didn't even know it was your birthday

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I admit to loving lawyer jokes, lawyers no objection intended!

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

It reminds me of why there is no money in there.

Bit harsh I like it.

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Why was the blonde who'd just had twins a bit confused ?


She couldn't work out who the mother of the second baby was

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What's the difference between a good politician and a bad politician ?


A Headstone

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

A termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bartender here?

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two, I just can't figure out how the get into the bulb.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

How many phsychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

 

[WAFLfan1969]

Can a male nudist with no arms hitchhike ?


Yes, but only if he's excited about where he is going

 

[WAFLfan1969]

The cute young female teacher was having trouble with little Johnny in Grade 3.
A word game was played each morning and here's how it went day 1 little Johnny's turn the letter A, little Johnny says arsehole, day 2 the letter B little Johnny says Bitch, so the teacher thinks she will skip the letter C just in case.... The next day she chooses the letter U and little Johnny says Urinate, the teacher says well done Johnny..... But then Little Johnny pipes up and says "Yeah Dad says urinate but if you had bigger t_ts you'd be a 10 !!!!

 

[Freofalcon]

Why do woman fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

 

[pebblestone]

Why do woman fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

Well if we're doing these ones...

Why do women wear make up and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

 

[worbod]

Did you hear about the man who lost his left side in a car accident?

He's all right now.

 

[worbod]

Why are fish so bad at tennis?

There's something about getting close to the net that freaks them out.

 

[WAFLfan1969]

What's the difference between blondes and road signs ?



Some road signs say stop!!!!

 

[TassieEagle]

Why are fish so bad at tennis?

There's something about getting close to the net that freaks them out.

Describes more and more actual tennis players with each passing day

 

[Double the Fist]

Why are fish so bad at tennis?

There's something about getting close to the net that freaks them out.

**** thats bad!

 

[pebblestone]

Why are fish so bad at tennis?

There's something about getting close to the net that freaks them out.

Abysmal.