HoneyBadger35
The Big Kahuna
- Aug 11, 2011
- 26,515
- 72,098
- AFL Club
- West Coast
- Moderator
- #1
The Good Guys
Let’s start at the beginning.
Round 1, 2015 – the final siren had just sounded at Etihad and, disgraced and defeated, the West Coast Eagles’ 2015 season was over before it had begun. The midfield was single paced and couldn’t hit a target, the forwards were a directionless mess and the defence carried with it lower expectations than a weekly video highlights thread on BigFooty. Mitch Brown hadn’t read the paper that morning and had missed the manufacturer’s recall of his newly installed RoboKnee3000, Tom Lamb had somehow hurt himself on debut and we’d drafted an undersized vanilla midfielder with our first pick, so there weren’t even any young guns to pin our hopes on. The boys must have wondered if Daniel Kerr was back at the club, because our season was threatening to go up in flames.
Flash forward to Round 14, and the Eagles sit second with a surprising 9-3 record. Despite a poor performance in the derby, the team has seemingly figured out how to football in recent weeks, and has picked up the nasty habit of hammering bad teams senseless. A backline that seemed doomed to fail has shown an astounding level of composure and resilience, the Coleman favourite is kicking bags with three potential 40 goal players alongside him and the team has gotten some much needed rest during the harrowing bye week that no one enjoys. Sure our midfield goes on and off the boil more often than a pot in the Masterchef kitchen, and the backline is one injury away from collapsing like a house of cards at Blundstone Arena, but for now things are looking good. Can the team continue the good work during the back half of the season, and dare we entertain the thought of a Top 2 finish?
The Opponent
At 4-8, Melbourne are having one of their best seasons of the decade.
The Teams
TBA
The Match
Having already been forced to play at the arse end of the country, the Eagles continue their Tin Rattlers Grand Prix in their first ever trip to the Northern Territory, where the once proud and mighty Demons have set up a home away from home in an effort to make budget this week. Melbourne’s last visit to the Northern Territory saw them lose by 61 points in front of just 4866 people, or what’s otherwise known as a quiet week at Ricky Petterd’s mum’s place.
Key Matchups
Demons Backline vs Josh Kennedy
It’s been an interesting year for Josh Kennedy; despite having been accused of flat track bullying by a Herald Sun reporter whose mathematical knowledge consists of knowing how to spell ‘boobies’ on a calculator, JK continues to kick bag after bag and leads the Coleman tally by 10 goals. What’s even more remarkable is that he’s managed to do it all despite having lost an entire arm, following the Tonya Harding-esque attack by Kim Hagdorn in his continued but, as of yet unsuccessful, search for legitimacy and truthful reporting. Meanwhile, the Demons backline has had some good individual performances despite the team having coneded the fifth most points in the league. Tom McDonald is playing the best football of his career, and has Melbourne fans rightfully excited for the future. Lynden Dunn, having shaved his shrivelled and patchy moustache after realising he’d have to witness JK’s shimmering beard in person, is quietly putting together a solid season, and Jack Grimes has strung together some good footy following his unfortunate diagnosis and subsequent battle with co-captaincy of a shithouse football club. He is expected to make a full recovery. If Kennedy can get off the leash against a surprisingly talented Melbourne backline, the game could fall under control very quickly. The forward line depth has been a real key to our early success, and I couldn’t think of a better player to lead the charge this week.
Jesse Hogan and Jeff Garlett vs ? and ?
For a truly directionless team, Jesse Hogan has been the saviour in waiting for several years for Melbourne. Drafted in 2012, Hogan’s eventual debut in 2015 was the occasion Demon fans had longed for, like the light at the end of the tunnel or that moment when your missus goes out for a bit and you know it’s safe to watch pr0n. Meanwhile, Jeff Garlett’s transition from Carlton to Melbourne has gone surprisingly well, in that he’s on a slightly better team with a slightly brighter future and he’s playing slightly better. However, like the sewerage worker who became a proctologist, whilst Garlett’s move away from the Blues was technically an upgrade, he still spends most of his days surrounded by s**t. Hogan and Garlett provide a good mix of size and speed, and will force the Eagles to seriously consider their matchups.
Will Schofield is revelling in his role as a key defender, and has the pace and frame to go with Hogan, yet Adam Simpson has shown an interest in letting Schoey take the biggest, baddest forward the opposition has to offer. After a rough week against Tom Hawkins, Schoey seems to have sorted things out against bigger forwards, and a Chris Dawes vs Jeremy McGovern matchup isn’t particularly enticing. Expect the matchup at the opening bounce to be the matchup all day, as Simmo seems happy to let Schoey get outmuscled if it means allowing McGovern or Hurn roam free.
Meanwhile, there are a few candidates for the Garlett role. Garlett’s speed creates a bit of an issue for Sam Butler or Xavier Ellis, and Jackson Nelson is still learning the ropes as a first year player. Brad Sheppard has been dominant playing well above his weight division, and might enjoy some time on a smaller opponent. I could see Sam Butler or Jackson Nelson getting into the team for a shot at Garlett, but whoever gets the job is in for a tough day, as this matchup will go a long way to keeping Melbourne at bay.
Jack Watts vs Nic Naitanui
Thanks again Melbourne.
The Final Word
As they say in Game of Thrones, the North remembers. Unfortunately for Melbourne, the North might remember their 10 goal flogging earlier in the year and decide not to turn up, which could lead to the interesting situation of having more people on the field than in the stands. That said, I quite like that the Demons have adopted the Top End as their own and going forward I predict nothing but good things for these Northerners. Just like in Game of Thrones. Eagles by 64.
Let’s start at the beginning.
Round 1, 2015 – the final siren had just sounded at Etihad and, disgraced and defeated, the West Coast Eagles’ 2015 season was over before it had begun. The midfield was single paced and couldn’t hit a target, the forwards were a directionless mess and the defence carried with it lower expectations than a weekly video highlights thread on BigFooty. Mitch Brown hadn’t read the paper that morning and had missed the manufacturer’s recall of his newly installed RoboKnee3000, Tom Lamb had somehow hurt himself on debut and we’d drafted an undersized vanilla midfielder with our first pick, so there weren’t even any young guns to pin our hopes on. The boys must have wondered if Daniel Kerr was back at the club, because our season was threatening to go up in flames.
Flash forward to Round 14, and the Eagles sit second with a surprising 9-3 record. Despite a poor performance in the derby, the team has seemingly figured out how to football in recent weeks, and has picked up the nasty habit of hammering bad teams senseless. A backline that seemed doomed to fail has shown an astounding level of composure and resilience, the Coleman favourite is kicking bags with three potential 40 goal players alongside him and the team has gotten some much needed rest during the harrowing bye week that no one enjoys. Sure our midfield goes on and off the boil more often than a pot in the Masterchef kitchen, and the backline is one injury away from collapsing like a house of cards at Blundstone Arena, but for now things are looking good. Can the team continue the good work during the back half of the season, and dare we entertain the thought of a Top 2 finish?
The Opponent
At 4-8, Melbourne are having one of their best seasons of the decade.
The Teams
TBA
The Match
Having already been forced to play at the arse end of the country, the Eagles continue their Tin Rattlers Grand Prix in their first ever trip to the Northern Territory, where the once proud and mighty Demons have set up a home away from home in an effort to make budget this week. Melbourne’s last visit to the Northern Territory saw them lose by 61 points in front of just 4866 people, or what’s otherwise known as a quiet week at Ricky Petterd’s mum’s place.
Key Matchups
Demons Backline vs Josh Kennedy
It’s been an interesting year for Josh Kennedy; despite having been accused of flat track bullying by a Herald Sun reporter whose mathematical knowledge consists of knowing how to spell ‘boobies’ on a calculator, JK continues to kick bag after bag and leads the Coleman tally by 10 goals. What’s even more remarkable is that he’s managed to do it all despite having lost an entire arm, following the Tonya Harding-esque attack by Kim Hagdorn in his continued but, as of yet unsuccessful, search for legitimacy and truthful reporting. Meanwhile, the Demons backline has had some good individual performances despite the team having coneded the fifth most points in the league. Tom McDonald is playing the best football of his career, and has Melbourne fans rightfully excited for the future. Lynden Dunn, having shaved his shrivelled and patchy moustache after realising he’d have to witness JK’s shimmering beard in person, is quietly putting together a solid season, and Jack Grimes has strung together some good footy following his unfortunate diagnosis and subsequent battle with co-captaincy of a shithouse football club. He is expected to make a full recovery. If Kennedy can get off the leash against a surprisingly talented Melbourne backline, the game could fall under control very quickly. The forward line depth has been a real key to our early success, and I couldn’t think of a better player to lead the charge this week.
Jesse Hogan and Jeff Garlett vs ? and ?
For a truly directionless team, Jesse Hogan has been the saviour in waiting for several years for Melbourne. Drafted in 2012, Hogan’s eventual debut in 2015 was the occasion Demon fans had longed for, like the light at the end of the tunnel or that moment when your missus goes out for a bit and you know it’s safe to watch pr0n. Meanwhile, Jeff Garlett’s transition from Carlton to Melbourne has gone surprisingly well, in that he’s on a slightly better team with a slightly brighter future and he’s playing slightly better. However, like the sewerage worker who became a proctologist, whilst Garlett’s move away from the Blues was technically an upgrade, he still spends most of his days surrounded by s**t. Hogan and Garlett provide a good mix of size and speed, and will force the Eagles to seriously consider their matchups.
Will Schofield is revelling in his role as a key defender, and has the pace and frame to go with Hogan, yet Adam Simpson has shown an interest in letting Schoey take the biggest, baddest forward the opposition has to offer. After a rough week against Tom Hawkins, Schoey seems to have sorted things out against bigger forwards, and a Chris Dawes vs Jeremy McGovern matchup isn’t particularly enticing. Expect the matchup at the opening bounce to be the matchup all day, as Simmo seems happy to let Schoey get outmuscled if it means allowing McGovern or Hurn roam free.
Meanwhile, there are a few candidates for the Garlett role. Garlett’s speed creates a bit of an issue for Sam Butler or Xavier Ellis, and Jackson Nelson is still learning the ropes as a first year player. Brad Sheppard has been dominant playing well above his weight division, and might enjoy some time on a smaller opponent. I could see Sam Butler or Jackson Nelson getting into the team for a shot at Garlett, but whoever gets the job is in for a tough day, as this matchup will go a long way to keeping Melbourne at bay.
Jack Watts vs Nic Naitanui
Thanks again Melbourne.
The Final Word
As they say in Game of Thrones, the North remembers. Unfortunately for Melbourne, the North might remember their 10 goal flogging earlier in the year and decide not to turn up, which could lead to the interesting situation of having more people on the field than in the stands. That said, I quite like that the Demons have adopted the Top End as their own and going forward I predict nothing but good things for these Northerners. Just like in Game of Thrones. Eagles by 64.
