Certified Legendary Thread The Cut

[00Stinger]

Mark Neeld and Leigh Brown walk into a meeting with Don McLardy, Chris Connolly & Neil Craig

Craig so what have you two come up with in regards to a game plan?
Brown well we have thought about this in a few ways, but mainly we will..
Neeld may I?
Brown your the senior coach, go ahead
Neeld I think I can sum up our game plan in one word, NOTHING
McLardy nothing?
Neeld Nothing
McLardy what does that mean?
Neeld the game plan is about nothing
Brown well it's not about nothing
Neeld No Leigh, it is about nothing
Brown well maybe in philosophy, but even nothing is about something
Connolly what's the premise?
Brown well as I was saying Rodan would start in the guts, Gillies down back and Pederson up forward
Neeld Yeah, but the players do nothing on the field, it's just like training, the players run around, avoid contact and try not to pass the ball to each other
McLardy so what is the idea?
Neeld no idea
McLardy no ideas, how does that work?
Neeld what do you do when you kick the footy around with your kids?
McLardy Not much, I really just watch them
Neeld well there you go, that's a game plan
McLardy how is that a game plan?
Brown well maybe you get ideas from the players/kids
Neeld No, no, no, we do nothing
McLardy well, what's the point of that?
Neeld because that is how we win games
McLardy well not yet its not

 

[Dory_77]

Neeld and the other coaches and board members are sitting in the boardroom of the MFC. Neeld sits with a computer open, his finger hovering over the the delete key for a file named 'MFC Rebuild'
McLardy: Here we go again...
Craig: Okay, Mark, before we do anything drastic, lets put this all in perspective okay? Look; (turns on a TV)
TV Reporter: Melbourne have spent a reported $500 million dollars in their 'rebuild' so far - (Channel changes) - Fan suicide rate is up due to the team's woeful performances - (Channel changes) - Sources report that the club has undergone 16 individual rebuilds recently; all failed - (Channel changes) - Sources say the AFL's fall in revenue is directly related to Melbourne coach Mark Neeld's constant mishandling of potential rebuilds.
Neeld moves his finger closer to the delete key.
Board/Coaching staff: No, no, no Mark!
Neeld hits delete.
Computer: Rebuild deleted.
Craig: Mother douchebags! He did it again!
Todd Viney: Dudes, what's wrong with Melbourne?
Craig: Let me guess: not competitive enough, not experienced enough, not hard enough to play against, not recycling enough players?
Viney: We can't recycle anymore players.
Royal: Well maybe it'd be better if I just kill myself, huh? Why don't you rebuild that, huh?
Craig: So what, now we're all the way back to square effing one?
Neeld: Yeah that's right. But here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna re-re-re-re-rebuild it; right there (points to a globe). Right. There.
Jackson: Okay, so you want to re-re-re-re-rebuild the club in the ocean. I see, no problem.
Neeld: No, not in the ocean. Inside the ocean.
Jackson: Okay
Neeld: In the darkest, deepest, most pressurised part.
Jackson: Alright.
Neeld: The Mariana Trench!
Jackson: Well let me make some calls.
Later.
Jackson: Well the good news is the AFL will give us more money to rebuild the club; the bad news is they're going to send an actual coach down to work with you.
Neeld: NOOOO!
Neeld loses his s**t and starts smashing up the boardroom.

(Also for those not getting the reference: )
(Also, I'm not 100% on the sack Neeld immediately bandwagon, but his performances have me very disappointed and if he did go, I'd not be too fussed either way)

 

[Dory_77]

After waking up this morning with a rubbish hangover
Me: Why do I always drink so much before gameday?
My brain: I believe you drink because it's gameday.

 

[tasmanlvr]

Royal: 'I believe Mark Neeld should walk out of this board meeting a free hotel.'

 

[RandB]

Neeld Thank you for keeping me on Mr. President.

McLardy No, thank you, Mark. For teaching the board a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, its more convenient to keep the coach so we don't have to take any of the flack.

Jackson That's a pretty lousy lesson.

McLardy Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.

 

[LeverPuller]

Striker: Mmm, beer....

 

[tasmanlvr]

From the meeting today...

Don McLardy: Welcome to our predicament, my friend, how can I help you?
Andrew Demetriou: We want to upgrade your club from one that is at the bottom of the ladder to one that can compete near the top. Will you be able to step aside and provide another president that's compatible to your CEO that we hired?
Don McLardy: [stares blankly for a few seconds] Can I have some money now?

 

[Dory_77]

James Frawley on the phone to SEN
Frawley: It would be terribly myopic of me to blame all of my current woes on an angry, bespectacled simpleton
SEN Host: Mhmm myopic, or to say the least intransigent. Now you mentioned some woes there.
Frawley: Well you see, I'm presently incarcerated. Contracted to a team that is total s**t! Hah, attempted tackles they say! Now honestly what is that? Do they give out a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?
SEN Host: Now my friends, isn't this just typical; another talented football player here railroaded by our 'equitable' draft and salary cap system; just like Nathan Jones, Colin Garland and 17 year old selection Jesse Hogan.



An anti-Neeld TV ad; with a deep menacing voice over.
Narrator: Mark Neeld supports revolving door team selections. Mark Neeld even gave Cam Pedersen a three year deal; a player who'd done almost nothing at North Melbourne in two seasons. Can you trust a man like Mark Neeld?

 

[Cannon82]

Just stumbled on Mark Neeld's interview for the coaching role.

 

[Bluelegs]

Inspired by Robbo
http://www.news.com.au/sport/afl/pe...culating-mr-wolf/story-fndv8pdq-1226665242294

Jackson: Neil, lead the way. Boys, get to work.

Aaron Davey: A please would be nice.

Jackson: Come again?

Aaron Davey: I said a please would be nice.

Jackson: Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if self-preservation is an instinct you possess you'd better ******* do it and do it quick. I'm here to help - if my help's not appreciated then lotsa luck, gentlemen.

Nathan Jones: No, Mr. Jackson it aint like that, your help is definitely appreciated.

Aaron Davey: I don't mean any disrespect, I just don't like people barking orders at me.

Jackson: If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the ******* coaches office.

 

[Bluelegs]

Can't take credit for this but had to post:

 

[tasmanlvr]

Trengove: Craigy, we got to tell you something, hope you won't be too mad.
Craig: What is it, Jack?
Trengove: We're not good footballers, Craigy.
Craig: What?
Trengove: We cheated during the first few games of your tenure. We're sorry! But you then made the past few weeks great. We were doing stuff together, you've helped us out with things, we're closer to winning than we've ever been. We love you, Craigy, and I think if something can bring us that close, it can't possibly be bad.

[Long pause.]

Craig: Why you little...! [chases Trengove]
Trengove: Uh-oh! [runs]
Jackson: What's going on out there?
Random supporter: I think Melbourne's playing s**t again, PJ.
Jackson: Oh, well.

[Trengove runs into the changeroom and closes the door. Craig pounds on it.]

Craig: You can't stay in there forever!
Trengove: I can try!
Craig: March your butt right out here, now!
Trengove: No way, man!

[Craig is about to continue pounding on the door, but stops with a crafty smile.]

Craig: [with false concern] Jack, if you don't come out, I can't give you and Wattsy and Sylvia new deals and make you feel all better.
Trengove: You think I'm dumb enough to fall for that!? I'm insulted!

[Craig howls in rage and continues pounding at the door.]

 

[tasmanlvr]

Craig: Jack, why did we lose to GWS?
Grimes: Oh, come on.
Craig: Is it because you hate me or is it because you're bad?
Grimes: I don't know! I don't know why we did it; I don't know why we enjoyed it; and I don't know why we'll do it again!
Craig: Just tell me you're sorry!
Grimes: Why should I?!
Craig: Jack, the only reason to apologize is if you look deep down inside yourself and you find a spot, something you wish wasn't there, because you feel bad you hurt your supporters' feelings.
Grimes: Leave me alone.
Craig: Just look!
Grimes: Ok, ok. Mmmhhuummmhmmmm. Lookin' for the spot. Nananana, still checking. This is so stupid, I'm not gonna find anything. Just cause we wrecked something the coaching staff worked really hard on for years and we made the supporters cr....uh oh. [puts hand on Craig's shoulder] I'm sorry, Neil.
Craig: Apology accepted. [Hugging Grimes]
[Camera pans down at Brian Royal and Jade Rawlings who's in the clubrooms listening]
Royal: You know Jade, we're great coaches.

 

[Demon JP]

More effort in this thread than the team has had in years

 

[Dory_77]

Not my work, but thought it was pretty funny regardless and fits this thread well.

 

[tasmanlvr]

Paul Roos' arrival at Melbourne...

*finishes at Swans Academy

'YABBA DABBA DOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Roosy, Paul Roosy
He's the greatest coach in history
From the town of Sydney
He's about to coach the Melbourne Dees...'

 

[Dory_77]

https://www.facebook.com/AFLSimpsons?fref=ts

Saw a few posts on the above page that reminded me of this thread. A few topical ones re Viney on there which are good for a few laughs.

 

[PureFooty]

Just because we're improving doesn't mean this thread stops, right?

 

[Topkent]

Just because we're improving doesn't mean this thread stops, right?
View attachment 57481

Looks like he should have some Deep southern american name in that photo

Jimmy Jones Jnr

Earl McWinkle

Jerry Pumpernuts

 

[Tulip]

Leave Terlich alone

 

[PureFooty]

Leave Terlich alone

Oh, that's his name

 

[Topkent]

Leave Terlich alone

Hey im one of his only supporters on here

 

[Gysberts2Bate]

Roosy: Hey Nathan! Hey Dom! Come on in, there's plenty of room.

Sorry, not you Daniel.

Nicholson: Why not?

[Roosy points to sign saying 'No Daniels Club']

Nicholson: But you allowed Daniel Cross in?

Roosy: It says no Daniels. We're allowed to have one.

Nicholson: Oh.

 

[Dory_77]

Roos (to Blease): Don't let Strauss' delisting get you down boy. People get delisted all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up delisted tomorrow.
Well, good night!

 

[Topkent]

Roos (to Blease): Don't let Strauss' delisting get you down boy. People get delisted all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up delisted tomorrow.
Well, good night!

Then a kiss on the head by Dean Terlich