Roast The dreaded break up

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jonbe54 said:
A pretty sordid tale really speedy, not much to relate - just a tangle of arms, legs and private parts and wrecked bed linen. You can read between the lines and fill in the spaces, not the place here to be venting - this is about Wicksy and his trauma.
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To be honest i'm happy for this thread to be about anyone who is having issues with the opposite sex... Don't wish for it to be "all about me".
Someone else will be in my shoes one day and i'm hoping that the advice in this thread can stay true.

Another day today of keeping busy and working out like a man obsessed.
Episode of Archer coming up and a night of xbox and i'll be tuckered out and ready to go again tomorrow :)
 
wicksy said:
To be honest i'm happy for this thread to be about anyone who is having issues with the opposite sex... Don't wish for it to be "all about me".
Someone else will be in my shoes one day and i'm hoping that the advice in this thread can stay true.

Another day today of keeping busy and working out like a man obsessed.
Episode of Archer coming up and a night of xbox and i'll be tuckered out and ready to go again tomorrow :)
Click to expand...
Yep Wicksy fill those days and nights with work and other intrests to fill your mind until the shock and pain wear off :thumbsu:
 
wicksy said:
To be honest i'm happy for this thread to be about anyone who is having issues with the opposite sex... Don't wish for it to be "all about me".
Someone else will be in my shoes one day and i'm hoping that the advice in this thread can stay true.

Another day today of keeping busy and working out like a man obsessed.
Episode of Archer coming up and a night of xbox and i'll be tuckered out and ready to go again tomorrow :)
Click to expand...

The main thing to remember your not Robinson Crusoe brother

Women are a funny breed of cattle....
 

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Interesting reading all these posts.
I've been through a break up of a longterm relationship and I can tell you it's no easier for a woman.
In fact I think in some ways it's much harder.
Men have more freedom in going out, be it to bars, clubs etc to meet people (or drown their sorrows) but a woman often has to manage on her own, and this can be a very lonely place.

I know everyone's story if different, and it's easy to be bitter in some circumstances, but relationships are where we do our learning and growing as human beings. Some people come into our lives for a short time, others for longer, but there is a gift in every relationship.

wicksy it takes courage to say 'this isn't working for me any more and I no longer love you' so please honour your former partner for this. It's dishonest, and ultimately very damaging to stay in a relationship which is not serving you anymore - no matter how much pain that inflicts on the other person.
She did have the courage to say this, rather than cheat on you etc

The stories related by jerry springer and jonbe54 are terrible and shameful, and probably more common on here, given there are far more males than females, but there is a woman out there for every one of these stories with an equally painful one.

jerry springer you despair about the women of today, and I despair about the men
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But ultimately it's about being in relationship with ourselves and being happy and content and fulfilled with who we are :hearts::rainbow:

So enjoy being with yourself for a while wicksy and discovering the new you.
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Magpie Girl said:
Interesting reading all these posts.
I've been through a break up of a longterm relationship and I can tell you it's no easier for a woman.
In fact I think in some ways it's much harder.
Men have more freedom in going out, be it to bars, clubs etc to meet people (or drown their sorrows) but a woman often has to manage on her own, and this can be a very lonely place.

I know everyone's story if different, and it's easy to be bitter in some circumstances, but relationships are where we do our learning and growing as human beings. Some people come into our lives for a short time, others for longer, but there is a gift in every relationship.

wicksy it takes courage to say 'this isn't working for me any more and I no longer love you' so please honour your former partner for this. It's dishonest, and ultimately very damaging to stay in a relationship which is not serving you anymore - no matter how much pain that inflicts on the other person.
She did have the courage to say this, rather than cheat on you etc

The stories related by jerry springer and jonbe54 are terrible and shameful, and probably more common on here, given there are far more males than females, but there is a woman out there for every one of these stories with an equally painful one.

jerry springer you despair about the women of today, and I despair about the men
clear.png


But ultimately it's about being in relationship with ourselves and being happy and content and fulfilled with who we are :hearts::rainbow:

So enjoy being with yourself for a while wicksy and discovering the new you.
clear.png
Click to expand...

I agree with your earlier post MG about feeling it. I'd recommend watching shows that make you cry and release that sadness. Not to excess but often you feel better after, albeit temporarily, but it is acknowledgment of a loss. I remember when Shannon Robinson broke up with me in grade 6, I tried to keep it together but a friend called Troy told me a real man (boy in this case) can cry. Sage words from an 11 year old who had a bikie dad and a mum he addressed as Shandy - and I duly let it all out. An afternoon of blubbering was sufficient for that 5 week romance.

I broke up with the mother of my children 2 years ago and it's still hard. That's not to say I have been maudlin that whole time, but in a long-term relationship, it can linger.

On your 2nd post MG about no longer loving someone, I'm not 100% sure. On the one hand if your values etc and especially respect is gone, it's kind of broken. But any relationship takes work when the romantic period flushes out.

Ultimately someone has to judge if there is something to salvage.

Now on remedies. Years ago I was in a relationship for 4 years with a woman who was unfaithful to me on a couple of occasions as I subsequently found out. I went on the biggest purple patch shagfest since the Scralet Pimpernell. I was still incredibly sad, but also had some great highs. Get yourself a running man. My friends are all hooked up deadshits now and too lazy to do me the solids I STILL require.

Whoever suggested try something new that you've wanted to do for a while is a prince. Walk a different way home, go to new places, do a heavily chickified course so you can meet new people. Also concentrate on non-relationship type activities that interest just you.
 
Old Spice said:
I broke up with the mother of my children 2 years ago and it's still hard. That's not to say I have been maudlin that whole time, but in a long-term relationship, it can linger.
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When there are children involved I don't think the sadness every goes away entirely.
You're always confronted with the loss of not sharing and experiencing the events (no matter how big or small) in their lives.
You can only hope that you get to a point of acceptance, forgiveness and ultimately peace.

On your 2nd post MG about no longer loving someone, I'm not 100% sure. On the one hand if your values etc and especially respect is gone, it's kind of broken. But any relationship takes work when the romantic period flushes out.
Click to expand...
I agree that no relationship can survive without respect, and yes it does take work, whether it's a friendship, a marriage or partnership.
People get complacent, and distracted by the busyness of life, and take each other for granted, and just assume that everyone is happy -
big mistake!
Ultimately someone has to judge if there is something to salvage.
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Which, sadly, brings one to this point
 
Maybe love is for old people. Familiarity and fear.

I've had this discussion with a friend about more open sexual relations and he seems to think Australian girls are uptight compared to certain northern Europeans who can see sex for what it is, fun.
 
Old Spice said:
Maybe love is for old people. Familiarity and fear.

I've had this discussion with a friend about more open sexual relations and he seems to think Australian girls are uptight compared to certain northern Europeans who can see sex for what it is, fun.
Click to expand...
I don't know about the old bit spice but love certainly isn't for everyone, especially for the male of the species - choose the wrong girl and you're life is totally scr@wed - the family law court will see to that :mad:
 
I often wonder whether modern society is at the core of a lot of relationship issues and breakups, and by that I mean the instant gratification and disposable mindset. Successful relationships take work and commitment and unfortunately, some people just don't seem to want to put effort into it. Yes, it can be hard and not life isn't always hearts and flowers - life isn't a Hollywood movie or romance novel and unrealistic expectations abound.

I'm not for minute advocating someone should stay in a bad or abusive relationship or if one partner feels genuinely and irretrievably unhappy that a breakup shouldn't occur, but the "i don't love you anymore" line smacks of immaturity and shallowness. All relationships go through phases and whilst the rush/thrill of a new love is awesome, mature adults need to be capable of moving onto the longterm phase of contentment and deeper love, be accepting of the natural ebbs and flows.
 

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Someone always suffers more.

The problem for men is that we generally let chicks take care of the social calendar while we're in a relationship. My ex has commandeered friends that were originally mine. I was pissed off with some of them for a time, but ultimately I guess she wedged me out.

Don't know if that's an issue for you Wicksy.
 
Old Spice said:
Someone always suffers more.

The problem for men is that we generally let chicks take care of the social calendar while we're in a relationship. My ex has commandeered friends that were originally mine. I was pissed off with some of them for a time, but ultimately I guess she wedged me out.

Don't know if that's an issue for you Wicksy.
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Luckily, she didn't really have a lot of friends and all of my friends, are firmly in my corner.
Not that there really needs to be a corner. For the most part, it was as amicable as you could get but if push came to shove, my friends would remain my friends.
 
Old Spice said:
Maybe love is for old people. Familiarity and fear.

I've had this discussion with a friend about more open sexual relations and he seems to think Australian girls are uptight compared to certain northern Europeans who can see sex for what it is, fun.
Click to expand...
Blame our mothers!!!!

and secondly, it seems to me that women just can't win.
They're "damned if they do and damned if they don't"
 
Magpie Girl said:
Blame our mothers!!!!

and secondly, it seems to me that women just can't win.
They're "damned if they do and damned if they don't"
Click to expand...

A fair point.
 
Magpie Girl said:
Blame our mothers!!!!

and secondly, it seems to me that women just can't win.
They're "damned if they do and damned if they don't"
Click to expand...

Some men like classy girls some like "easy" girls

Same thing for women.. I don't think you can really win or lose it's just about finding the right partner for you.
 
wicksy said:
Well.... Most of us have been there once or twice before.
I am unfortunately there now.

2 and a half year relationship broken down about a week ago in what was, at the time, a mutual decision due to differences in dreams and aspirations and goals in life.

Only tonight has it really hit me. I tried to reconcile and was told that she didn't love me anymore. I'm absolutely gutted and just feel completely lost and without purpose.

I was hoping that maybe someone who has experienced a break up recently could offer me their tips to getting through this as pain free as possible. I know the old adage "time heals all" but there must be things we can do to make it bearable while waiting for the time to trundle on by.

Books, movies, tv shows?

Appreciate the ear guys.... I hate going through this s**t by myself.
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Wicksy, you could always try revenge! Just joking of course!

More seriously, its your inner strength and sense of self that you need to draw on. You know you are a good, strong person. You know you can survive, even thrive, without your ex. If the relationship was never going to last, then you have to move on. Don't dwell and mull over it. Look forward. Your life is in front of you. Embrace it and enjoy it. I wish you all the best.
 
Rough deal man, it happens to the best of us.

Most of the advice i have to give is fairly generic. After me and my ex broke up a couple of years ago, i was in a pretty similar position. Started hitting the gym fairly hard whilst learning how to be single for the first time in my adult life. Working out and losing weight helped a lot.. more than i can express actually. It gave me a lot more confidence to meet new people and be comfortable in my skin.. which eventually turned into a healthy streak f over confidence when it all started paying off. I just found that when i was in the gym, the only person i had to think about or rely on was myself which is kinda empowering as well as cathartic. Not to mention the days when i was exceptionally pissed off i hit personal bests that i havent been able to match since!

Just try and see every situation from now on as a positive step and a new experience and youll be fine.

Oh and beer.. and tequila, abc shots, some american honey, a truck tire and a life sized standee of Freddy Mercury.. Thats all you really need for a good night
 
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