Drugs Are Bad Mackay?
Moderator
- May 24, 2006
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- Moderator
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Present: Stephen Trigg (CEO) and Phil Harper (Football Operations)
<Stephen Trigg is seated, Phil Harper enters and sits down>
Stephen Trigg: Hi Phil. Neil coming?
Phil Harper: Yeah, on his way.
Stephen Trigg: You guys got team selection tonight? How’s the squad looking?
Phil Harper. Not too bad… there are two negatives though. First, Davis is still not quite right. And second I think Vince’s ankle is still giving him grief.
Stephen Trigg: Burton’s almost fit again though isn’t he?
Phil Harper: Sorry, you’re right… three negatives.
Stephen Trigg: (chuckles) Very droll, Phil.
Phil Harper: What’s on the agenda today?
Stephen Trigg: Oh… everything. The current position… how to fix it… it’s not going away.
Phil Harper: There no doubt that the current situation is the biggest disaster the club’s had since Neil was appointed as coach.
Stephen Trigg: (chuckles) Did you mean to say that?
Phil Harper: Huh?... Oh, whoops! Freudian slip perhaps!
Stephen Trigg: Quiet. I think Neil’s coming.
<Neil enters and sits down>
Neil Craig: G’day guys. Is David coming too?
Stephen Trigg: No, not today.
Neil Craig: Thank goodness. I’ve been getting pretty sick of him and all his media tips. Smile more? What does that mean? I’d look a right fool sitting there grinning after we’d just been wiped off the park. And I don’t use the word “consistency” in every sentence do I?
Phil Harper: No… not as often as you say “we’ll learn from that” anyway.
Stephen Trigg: Guys thanks for coming again. We’ll get started. The second half of the season is here and we’ve got to be proactive and clear in our thinking. Obviously there are lots of dramas around the place at the moment so we need to keep our heads and really concentrate on what is most important.
Neil Craig: The football club?
Stephen Trigg: No, keeping our jobs.
Neil Craig: Is it really that serious?
Stephen Trigg: I’m afraid it is. At the moment we’re staring down the barrel of a catastrophe.
Neil Craig: What do you mean by catastrophe?
Stephen Trigg: Well, it’s a scale. A ‘calamity’ is when there is a comprehensive review but everyone keeps their jobs. A bit worse than that is a ‘disaster,’ when the senior coach gets sacked but everyone else is unchanged.
Phil Harper: That sounds ok.
Neil Craig: Not from where I’m sitting it doesn’t.
Stephen Trigg: And then the worst is a ‘catastrophe’ when there is a top-to-bottom clean out. No one’s safe.
Phil Harper: So we’re aiming for a calamity then?
Stephen Trigg: It’s optimistic but I think it’s the best we can hope for. At worst I hope we can keep it to a disaster... sorry Neil.
Phil Harper: Where does a crisis fit in to the scale?
Stephen Trigg: A crisis is much lower down. The general rule of thumb is that if it makes the back page of the paper, it’s an issue. If it makes the front page, it’s a crisis. We can deal with a crisis no worries. In fact I’d love a crisis right about now… would be a welcome relief.
Neil Craig: What’s the big deal? We’re going to miss the finals for their first time in six seasons? So sue me. Check out how many teams have made the last six finals series in a row and get back to me.
Stephen Trigg: Neil, we can’t just hang our hat on previous campaigns and ask people to ignore the present. Remember, this is the “now” generation we’re dealing with.
Neil Craig: I’ve got a 60% win-loss record you know. How many coaches can boast that?
Stephen Trigg: It’s not all about win-loss, Neil.
Neil Craig: That’s ridiculous, of course it is. Winning matches is everything.
Stephen Trigg: No, Neil. It’s also about achievement. What have we had… two preliminary finals in 05/06? Since then we’ve gone backwards.
Neil Craig: But those two years showed what I can do. We won a minor premiership for the first time in the club’s history.
Stephen Trigg: That’s in the past though, Neil. People don’t want to look backwards. Right now all they can see is 3-9.
Neil Craig: It’s not all about win-loss, Stephen.
Stephen Trigg: Neil, we really need to face this head on. Despite all you’ve done for the club, as things stand there is a very real chance that you’re going to be sacked at the end of the year.
Neil Craig: So what are we going to do about it?
Phil Harper: Well, we arrange to pay out a portion next year’s contr-
Neil Craig: Phil… I’m not going anywhere. How are we going to stop me being sacked is what I’m asking.
Phil Harper: But I thought you said that you’d walk if you ever thought you’d lost the players?
Neil Craig: I haven’t lost the players, Phil. I know exactly where they are.
Phil Harper: Not literally lost, Neil.
Stephen Trigg: Not respected, not listening to your messages… that’s what I thought you meant.
Neil Craig: What sort of message would it send though? As soon as things get a bit tough you give up? No, I’m not walking away. That would be the worst thing I could do. It would be terrible for the culture of the club.
Phil Harper: How about a sacking then?
Neil Craig: That would be even worse! It would send a message to the players that if things go badly you should just cast the blame outward and pick a scapegoat, rather than focus on improving your own performances.
Stephen Trigg: So you can’t walk away and the club can’t sack you? What do we do then?
Neil Craig: You just answered your own question.
Phil Harper: Neil, you can’t be serious.
Neil Craig: Contract extension, Phil. It’s the only solution.
Stephen Trigg: We can’t extend your contract when you’re 3-9 and the players are on the verge of a mutiny.
Phil Harper: You’re safe aren’t you, Stephen? The off-field stuff is going great guns.
Stephen Trigg: Probably, but the truth is that I’m not doing anything special. Two thirds of a football-mad state love us. You couldn’t f___ up this job if you tried.
Phil Harper: Am I safe?
Stephen Trigg: Probably. No one really knows who you are or what you do. And it would probably be good to keep it that way.
Phil Harper: Hmm, good thinking. I might get Doc Clarke to fill in for me on 5AA from now on.
Stephen Trigg: Might be prudent. Neil, I’m afraid you’re the one under the pump the most. Sacking the senior coach would be the biggest statement, so let’s concentrate on dealing with that. There are seven different phases clubs go through that lead up to a coach being sacked. The first phase is the setting of grandiose goals or really high expectations.
Phil Harper: Check.
Stephen Trigg: Phase two is to fall short of those expectations.
Phil Harper: Check.
Stephen Trigg. Yep. Well short. The third phase is rumblings of player discontent.
Neil Craig: No check there.
Phil Harper: Yes there is! They’ve been deafening.
Neil Craig: Ok tell me. What are these supposed “rumblings” then? I haven’t seen anything first hand.
Phil Harper: Well for starters, the older players and the younger players don’t like each other. The oldies are worried the kids are going to take their spot, the youngsters think the oldies are trying to hang on too long.
Neil Craig: Well, that probably happens at most clubs.
Phil Harper: On top of that, the older players don’t trust you anymore because of how you treated Edwards. And the younger players don’t like you because you and the leadership group were so harsh on Vince and Jaensch. You came down like a ton of bricks on them but with Goodwin’s gambling it was all hugs and kisses, you’re our best captain ever, I love you… they think you favour the older players.
Neil Craig: I never said I love you.
Phil Harper: Also, they see you dropping Walker and Armstrong every five minutes. The kids only seem to get a game when there are a string of injuries.
Neil Craig: So both groups hate me then?
Phil Harper: Yes. It’s actually been very unifying for them. Now they have a common goal.
Neil Craig: What’s that?
Phil Harper: To get you sacked.
Neil Craig: Well, it’s nice to have everyone pulling in one direction... And it would certainly explain some of the bits of play we’ve been seeing. Kurt Tippett against Hawthorn… no one could have missed from there. And certainly not twice. Maybe we should have sent him packing to the Gold Coast after all?
Stephen Trigg: Neil-
Neil Craig: The players are really getting on my nerves at the moment. Losing a couple of trouble makers interstate might be the best thing for us. There are always one or two ringleaders who cause all the issues. Who are the main ones who have got it in for me anyway?
Phil Harper: I don’t know if I can actually single anyone out. They’re all pretty much of the opinion that you should go.
Neil Craig: I bet I can pick them out. Walker. He’d be one for sure. The golden child, everyone’s favourite. Do you know what I saw halfway through last year? There were kids walking around in Crows guernseys with No. 13 on the back. At first I thought they were Scott Lee fans but these kids were 8 or 9, they wouldn’t have even seen Scotty play.
Stephen Trigg: You can’t hold it against him just because he’s popular. We’ve sold more No. 13 guernseys this year than any other.
Neil Craig: Do you know how many kids had my number on their back when I played? I never saw one. 300 games, represented my state and I didn’t rate a mention. Walker breezes in, kicks a few goals for Norwood and it’s like the Second Coming. At Sturt in the 80’s they couldn’t even sell the Neil Craig duffel coat badges. It became the running joke at the club… to try and shift the stock they decided that under the warranty if your Neil Craig badge broke you got three new ones. I had to buy about a hundred of them myself. It was getting embarrassing.
Stephen Trigg: Neil, I think-
Neil Craig: Who else? Hmmm… oh, I bet Bernie Vince is one. Thinks just because he won a B&F that he can prance around and do what he wants.
Stephen Trigg: Neil! You can’t turn on your players like this. The irony is that they’re the ones who can get you out of this. Alright… let’s get back on track. Phase four is when the term “mathematically possible” is first used.
Phil Harper: Check again. That’s been out there for a few weeks now.
Stephen Trigg: You’re right, we’ve moved on from that already. Phase five is when the coach denies there are any problems. That’s the phase that we’re in now.
Neil Craig: We are not!
Stephen Trigg: So are you admitting there are problems?
Neil Craig: … (pauses - doesn’t want to answer)
Stephen Trigg: See - you’re in denial.
Phil Harper: Checkmate.
Neil Craig: Shut up Phil. I’m not in denial.
Phil Harper: No, you’re in de amazon!
Neil Craig: …leave the funny stuff to me Phil. I’m not in denial, there are no problems to be in denial about. One bad year. That’s it.
Stephen Trigg: That’s exactly what Ayers said in 2004.
Phil Harper: (shakes head, chuckling) Classic phase five.
Stephen Trigg: Phase six is when someone from the club administration is spotted chatting with a prominent, big name coach.
Phil Harper: That hasn’t happened has it?
Stephen Trigg: No.
Neil Craig: Good. And it’s not going to, is it?
Stephen Trigg: No… certainly not in the short term anyway. Roosy is really hard to pin down… And finally phase seven is when we announce that you have the full support of the board.
Phil Harper: The sacking follows that?
Stephen Trigg: Yeah. Usually within a couple of days.
Neil Craig: Well, how do we get out of this? How do we get all these bloody phases to stop?
Stephen Trigg: Well, the best way is simply to start winning matches. Winning cures everything.
Neil Craig: (frantic) What if we don’t start winning?! What’s Plan B??!!
Phil Harper: Oh, so now you want a Plan B?
Stephen Trigg: Well, the other way out of it is to pin the blame on someone else. We need to identify a scapegoat… a fall guy. Someone we can point at and say “it’s all their fault.” And we need the public to buy it.
Neil Craig: Can’t we blame injuries?
Stephen Trigg: No, that won’t fly. People need a person to hold accountable, so that they can direct their anger at them.
Phil Harper: You’re right. If we go with injuries then who do people vent their frustration at… God? They want someone real.
Neil Craig: Well… how about Matt Rendell? We’ve had an ageing midfield for years. Is there any chance he could draft a player under 6’’ 6’?
Stephen Trigg: I don’t think that would work either. Matty’s got pretty good cred at the moment.
Phil Harper: People will remember Dangerfield over Ebert forever.
Stephen Trigg: In fact Matt’s probably the only one who’ll escape this season with his reputation intact.
Neil Craig: Well who then?
Phil Harper: I’ve got an idea. I remember hearing a story once about Richmond coaches. Apparently they have a traditional ceremony that gets passed down from generation to generation of senior coaches.
When Terry Wallace first got the Richmond job, Danny Frawley rang him up and asked if he could meet him for a coffee. Said it was a Richmond tradition - the old coach passing the baton on to a new coach and that Gieschen had done the same thing when he started.
So they met for coffee and Frawley gave Wallace two envelopes. He said: “If things ever get really bad, I want you to open the first envelope and follow the instructions. It will help you. If things ever get really bad again, I want you to open the second envelope and follow the instructions.” After that Frawley got up and left.
Neil Craig: So what happened?
Phil Harper: Well, Wallace started off ok but a couple of years later the Tigers were really struggling. So Plough opened the first envelope. It had a piece of paper inside that said “blame your predecessor.” And that’s what Plough did… said he inherited a list that was in poor shape, that Frawley hadn’t developed enough good players and had made bad recruitment decisions… it bought him some time. A couple of years later they were at rock bottom again so he opened up the second envelope and took out the piece of paper.
Neil Craig: What did it say?
Phil Harper: “Buy two envelopes.”
Stephen Trigg: Phil, what’s the point of that story?
Phil Harper: Well, can’t we blame it on Ayers? We’ve hardly got any decent players over the age of 24. Angwin, Meesen, Watts, Pfeiffer, Wayne Carey instead of Pavlich… we can pin the whole thing on him can’t we?
Stephen Trigg: That’s brilliant! It was Ayers all along!
Neil Craig: The fans will love it. They hated Ayers! I always got the impression the fans were secretly disappointed when we made the finals under him because it meant he would be there longer. The hair… making Shaun Rehn wash his car… his monotone voice…
Phil Harper: (droning) the Shirleys, the Johncocks, the Skipworths, the Gallaghers…
Stephen Trigg: Phil, you genius! You’ve saved Neil!
Neil Craig: I want to have your babies, Phil.
<Stephen Trigg is seated, Phil Harper enters and sits down>
Stephen Trigg: Hi Phil. Neil coming?
Phil Harper: Yeah, on his way.
Stephen Trigg: You guys got team selection tonight? How’s the squad looking?
Phil Harper. Not too bad… there are two negatives though. First, Davis is still not quite right. And second I think Vince’s ankle is still giving him grief.
Stephen Trigg: Burton’s almost fit again though isn’t he?
Phil Harper: Sorry, you’re right… three negatives.
Stephen Trigg: (chuckles) Very droll, Phil.
Phil Harper: What’s on the agenda today?
Stephen Trigg: Oh… everything. The current position… how to fix it… it’s not going away.
Phil Harper: There no doubt that the current situation is the biggest disaster the club’s had since Neil was appointed as coach.
Stephen Trigg: (chuckles) Did you mean to say that?
Phil Harper: Huh?... Oh, whoops! Freudian slip perhaps!
Stephen Trigg: Quiet. I think Neil’s coming.
<Neil enters and sits down>
Neil Craig: G’day guys. Is David coming too?
Stephen Trigg: No, not today.
Neil Craig: Thank goodness. I’ve been getting pretty sick of him and all his media tips. Smile more? What does that mean? I’d look a right fool sitting there grinning after we’d just been wiped off the park. And I don’t use the word “consistency” in every sentence do I?
Phil Harper: No… not as often as you say “we’ll learn from that” anyway.
Stephen Trigg: Guys thanks for coming again. We’ll get started. The second half of the season is here and we’ve got to be proactive and clear in our thinking. Obviously there are lots of dramas around the place at the moment so we need to keep our heads and really concentrate on what is most important.
Neil Craig: The football club?
Stephen Trigg: No, keeping our jobs.
Neil Craig: Is it really that serious?
Stephen Trigg: I’m afraid it is. At the moment we’re staring down the barrel of a catastrophe.
Neil Craig: What do you mean by catastrophe?
Stephen Trigg: Well, it’s a scale. A ‘calamity’ is when there is a comprehensive review but everyone keeps their jobs. A bit worse than that is a ‘disaster,’ when the senior coach gets sacked but everyone else is unchanged.
Phil Harper: That sounds ok.
Neil Craig: Not from where I’m sitting it doesn’t.
Stephen Trigg: And then the worst is a ‘catastrophe’ when there is a top-to-bottom clean out. No one’s safe.
Phil Harper: So we’re aiming for a calamity then?
Stephen Trigg: It’s optimistic but I think it’s the best we can hope for. At worst I hope we can keep it to a disaster... sorry Neil.
Phil Harper: Where does a crisis fit in to the scale?
Stephen Trigg: A crisis is much lower down. The general rule of thumb is that if it makes the back page of the paper, it’s an issue. If it makes the front page, it’s a crisis. We can deal with a crisis no worries. In fact I’d love a crisis right about now… would be a welcome relief.
Neil Craig: What’s the big deal? We’re going to miss the finals for their first time in six seasons? So sue me. Check out how many teams have made the last six finals series in a row and get back to me.
Stephen Trigg: Neil, we can’t just hang our hat on previous campaigns and ask people to ignore the present. Remember, this is the “now” generation we’re dealing with.
Neil Craig: I’ve got a 60% win-loss record you know. How many coaches can boast that?
Stephen Trigg: It’s not all about win-loss, Neil.
Neil Craig: That’s ridiculous, of course it is. Winning matches is everything.
Stephen Trigg: No, Neil. It’s also about achievement. What have we had… two preliminary finals in 05/06? Since then we’ve gone backwards.
Neil Craig: But those two years showed what I can do. We won a minor premiership for the first time in the club’s history.
Stephen Trigg: That’s in the past though, Neil. People don’t want to look backwards. Right now all they can see is 3-9.
Neil Craig: It’s not all about win-loss, Stephen.
Stephen Trigg: Neil, we really need to face this head on. Despite all you’ve done for the club, as things stand there is a very real chance that you’re going to be sacked at the end of the year.
Neil Craig: So what are we going to do about it?
Phil Harper: Well, we arrange to pay out a portion next year’s contr-
Neil Craig: Phil… I’m not going anywhere. How are we going to stop me being sacked is what I’m asking.
Phil Harper: But I thought you said that you’d walk if you ever thought you’d lost the players?
Neil Craig: I haven’t lost the players, Phil. I know exactly where they are.
Phil Harper: Not literally lost, Neil.
Stephen Trigg: Not respected, not listening to your messages… that’s what I thought you meant.
Neil Craig: What sort of message would it send though? As soon as things get a bit tough you give up? No, I’m not walking away. That would be the worst thing I could do. It would be terrible for the culture of the club.
Phil Harper: How about a sacking then?
Neil Craig: That would be even worse! It would send a message to the players that if things go badly you should just cast the blame outward and pick a scapegoat, rather than focus on improving your own performances.
Stephen Trigg: So you can’t walk away and the club can’t sack you? What do we do then?
Neil Craig: You just answered your own question.
Phil Harper: Neil, you can’t be serious.
Neil Craig: Contract extension, Phil. It’s the only solution.
Stephen Trigg: We can’t extend your contract when you’re 3-9 and the players are on the verge of a mutiny.
Phil Harper: You’re safe aren’t you, Stephen? The off-field stuff is going great guns.
Stephen Trigg: Probably, but the truth is that I’m not doing anything special. Two thirds of a football-mad state love us. You couldn’t f___ up this job if you tried.
Phil Harper: Am I safe?
Stephen Trigg: Probably. No one really knows who you are or what you do. And it would probably be good to keep it that way.
Phil Harper: Hmm, good thinking. I might get Doc Clarke to fill in for me on 5AA from now on.
Stephen Trigg: Might be prudent. Neil, I’m afraid you’re the one under the pump the most. Sacking the senior coach would be the biggest statement, so let’s concentrate on dealing with that. There are seven different phases clubs go through that lead up to a coach being sacked. The first phase is the setting of grandiose goals or really high expectations.
Phil Harper: Check.
Stephen Trigg: Phase two is to fall short of those expectations.
Phil Harper: Check.
Stephen Trigg. Yep. Well short. The third phase is rumblings of player discontent.
Neil Craig: No check there.
Phil Harper: Yes there is! They’ve been deafening.
Neil Craig: Ok tell me. What are these supposed “rumblings” then? I haven’t seen anything first hand.
Phil Harper: Well for starters, the older players and the younger players don’t like each other. The oldies are worried the kids are going to take their spot, the youngsters think the oldies are trying to hang on too long.
Neil Craig: Well, that probably happens at most clubs.
Phil Harper: On top of that, the older players don’t trust you anymore because of how you treated Edwards. And the younger players don’t like you because you and the leadership group were so harsh on Vince and Jaensch. You came down like a ton of bricks on them but with Goodwin’s gambling it was all hugs and kisses, you’re our best captain ever, I love you… they think you favour the older players.
Neil Craig: I never said I love you.
Phil Harper: Also, they see you dropping Walker and Armstrong every five minutes. The kids only seem to get a game when there are a string of injuries.
Neil Craig: So both groups hate me then?
Phil Harper: Yes. It’s actually been very unifying for them. Now they have a common goal.
Neil Craig: What’s that?
Phil Harper: To get you sacked.
Neil Craig: Well, it’s nice to have everyone pulling in one direction... And it would certainly explain some of the bits of play we’ve been seeing. Kurt Tippett against Hawthorn… no one could have missed from there. And certainly not twice. Maybe we should have sent him packing to the Gold Coast after all?
Stephen Trigg: Neil-
Neil Craig: The players are really getting on my nerves at the moment. Losing a couple of trouble makers interstate might be the best thing for us. There are always one or two ringleaders who cause all the issues. Who are the main ones who have got it in for me anyway?
Phil Harper: I don’t know if I can actually single anyone out. They’re all pretty much of the opinion that you should go.
Neil Craig: I bet I can pick them out. Walker. He’d be one for sure. The golden child, everyone’s favourite. Do you know what I saw halfway through last year? There were kids walking around in Crows guernseys with No. 13 on the back. At first I thought they were Scott Lee fans but these kids were 8 or 9, they wouldn’t have even seen Scotty play.
Stephen Trigg: You can’t hold it against him just because he’s popular. We’ve sold more No. 13 guernseys this year than any other.
Neil Craig: Do you know how many kids had my number on their back when I played? I never saw one. 300 games, represented my state and I didn’t rate a mention. Walker breezes in, kicks a few goals for Norwood and it’s like the Second Coming. At Sturt in the 80’s they couldn’t even sell the Neil Craig duffel coat badges. It became the running joke at the club… to try and shift the stock they decided that under the warranty if your Neil Craig badge broke you got three new ones. I had to buy about a hundred of them myself. It was getting embarrassing.
Stephen Trigg: Neil, I think-
Neil Craig: Who else? Hmmm… oh, I bet Bernie Vince is one. Thinks just because he won a B&F that he can prance around and do what he wants.
Stephen Trigg: Neil! You can’t turn on your players like this. The irony is that they’re the ones who can get you out of this. Alright… let’s get back on track. Phase four is when the term “mathematically possible” is first used.
Phil Harper: Check again. That’s been out there for a few weeks now.
Stephen Trigg: You’re right, we’ve moved on from that already. Phase five is when the coach denies there are any problems. That’s the phase that we’re in now.
Neil Craig: We are not!
Stephen Trigg: So are you admitting there are problems?
Neil Craig: … (pauses - doesn’t want to answer)
Stephen Trigg: See - you’re in denial.
Phil Harper: Checkmate.
Neil Craig: Shut up Phil. I’m not in denial.
Phil Harper: No, you’re in de amazon!
Neil Craig: …leave the funny stuff to me Phil. I’m not in denial, there are no problems to be in denial about. One bad year. That’s it.
Stephen Trigg: That’s exactly what Ayers said in 2004.
Phil Harper: (shakes head, chuckling) Classic phase five.
Stephen Trigg: Phase six is when someone from the club administration is spotted chatting with a prominent, big name coach.
Phil Harper: That hasn’t happened has it?
Stephen Trigg: No.
Neil Craig: Good. And it’s not going to, is it?
Stephen Trigg: No… certainly not in the short term anyway. Roosy is really hard to pin down… And finally phase seven is when we announce that you have the full support of the board.
Phil Harper: The sacking follows that?
Stephen Trigg: Yeah. Usually within a couple of days.
Neil Craig: Well, how do we get out of this? How do we get all these bloody phases to stop?
Stephen Trigg: Well, the best way is simply to start winning matches. Winning cures everything.
Neil Craig: (frantic) What if we don’t start winning?! What’s Plan B??!!
Phil Harper: Oh, so now you want a Plan B?
Stephen Trigg: Well, the other way out of it is to pin the blame on someone else. We need to identify a scapegoat… a fall guy. Someone we can point at and say “it’s all their fault.” And we need the public to buy it.
Neil Craig: Can’t we blame injuries?
Stephen Trigg: No, that won’t fly. People need a person to hold accountable, so that they can direct their anger at them.
Phil Harper: You’re right. If we go with injuries then who do people vent their frustration at… God? They want someone real.
Neil Craig: Well… how about Matt Rendell? We’ve had an ageing midfield for years. Is there any chance he could draft a player under 6’’ 6’?
Stephen Trigg: I don’t think that would work either. Matty’s got pretty good cred at the moment.
Phil Harper: People will remember Dangerfield over Ebert forever.
Stephen Trigg: In fact Matt’s probably the only one who’ll escape this season with his reputation intact.
Neil Craig: Well who then?
Phil Harper: I’ve got an idea. I remember hearing a story once about Richmond coaches. Apparently they have a traditional ceremony that gets passed down from generation to generation of senior coaches.
When Terry Wallace first got the Richmond job, Danny Frawley rang him up and asked if he could meet him for a coffee. Said it was a Richmond tradition - the old coach passing the baton on to a new coach and that Gieschen had done the same thing when he started.
So they met for coffee and Frawley gave Wallace two envelopes. He said: “If things ever get really bad, I want you to open the first envelope and follow the instructions. It will help you. If things ever get really bad again, I want you to open the second envelope and follow the instructions.” After that Frawley got up and left.
Neil Craig: So what happened?
Phil Harper: Well, Wallace started off ok but a couple of years later the Tigers were really struggling. So Plough opened the first envelope. It had a piece of paper inside that said “blame your predecessor.” And that’s what Plough did… said he inherited a list that was in poor shape, that Frawley hadn’t developed enough good players and had made bad recruitment decisions… it bought him some time. A couple of years later they were at rock bottom again so he opened up the second envelope and took out the piece of paper.
Neil Craig: What did it say?
Phil Harper: “Buy two envelopes.”
Stephen Trigg: Phil, what’s the point of that story?
Phil Harper: Well, can’t we blame it on Ayers? We’ve hardly got any decent players over the age of 24. Angwin, Meesen, Watts, Pfeiffer, Wayne Carey instead of Pavlich… we can pin the whole thing on him can’t we?
Stephen Trigg: That’s brilliant! It was Ayers all along!
Neil Craig: The fans will love it. They hated Ayers! I always got the impression the fans were secretly disappointed when we made the finals under him because it meant he would be there longer. The hair… making Shaun Rehn wash his car… his monotone voice…
Phil Harper: (droning) the Shirleys, the Johncocks, the Skipworths, the Gallaghers…
Stephen Trigg: Phil, you genius! You’ve saved Neil!
Neil Craig: I want to have your babies, Phil.
