Funny sayings!

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Double the Fist

Double the Fist

i wull eet yur fayce karnt
Veteran 10k Posts
Dec 16, 2008
25,444
20,562
On the edge....
AFL Club
West Coast
Hello all, I am a big fan of old and funny sayings.
As I am always in the market for new material, I thought I'd share some of my favourites including a very funny one I hard yesterday. I hope you will share some too.
eg.....
- As rough as hession undies!
- As strong as an acre of Garlic!
- As useful and a wheel on a walking stick!

and my favourite so far...
- As useful as Anne Frank's drum kit!

:thumbsu:
 
Double the Fist said:
Hello all, I am a big fan of old and funny sayings.
As I am always in the market for new material, I thought I'd share some of my favourites including a very funny one I hard yesterday. I hope you will share some too.
eg.....
- As rough as hession undies!
- As strong as an acre of Garlic!
- As useful and a wheel on a walking stick!

and my favourite so far...
- As useful as Anne Frank's drum kit!

:thumbsu:
Click to expand...

> Flat as a s**t carters hat
> Straight as a dogs hind leg.....................
 

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Double the Fist said:
Camp as a row of tents
Bent as a fiddlers arm :cool:
Click to expand...

> More chins than a Chinese Phonebook
> Can't put brains in a monument
> Thick as two short planks
> Chop short of a BBQ
> One kangaroo short in the top paddock
> Uglier than a hat full of arseholes
> Don't go into a battle of wits with someone who is 1/2 armed

.......think I'm all out !!
 

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One of my first part time jobs was picking spring onions for a Scottish lady, I cant remember what I did but she turned around one day and told me "Dont piss on my back and tell me it's raining." Honestly didnt know what to say to that, so I told her I"d try not to piss on her back in future which seemed to give her a laugh.

Also been told by my wife that she "Has a crow to pluck with me" which may or may not be an Irish equivilant of bone to pick.
 
As pissed as a fiddler's bitch.
As rare as rocking-horse s**t.
You can put a cat in the oven, but that doesn't make it a biscuit.
As sharp as a 20 cent piece (or bowling ball).
He couldn't punch a hole through the skin on his custard.
As full as a State School.
Smoking like a bushfire.
Run like you stole something.
A face like he's been chasing parked cars all day.
 
Silly Signs / Funny Sayings
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
On a Church Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tyre Store
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary.. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**********************
Sign on the back of yet another
Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"
 
During my high school days it was common if I was sitting around with some friends trying to do some group work, or trying to come up with an idea for a project, or just trying to recall certain info, whenever someone exclaimed, "I've got it!" the usual response was, "Well don't give it to me."

When I played Under 16 cricket, there was a guy in our team who would often say, whenever one of our bowlers bowled a couple of deliveries which preplexed the opposition batsman, "You've got him in all sorts of licorice now."
 
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