Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 of 2017 - the "finals were better last year" Edition

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TedDougChris said:
The ultimate Bay troll. Your players are so s**t and anonymous, they don't even qualify for a worst of listing for the year.
Click to expand...

Im waiting for him to cheapen out and just put our entire team as Number 1 since we finished last.
 

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Mofra said:
Player 7 - Josh Jenkins


Pictured: The worst footballer quote since Bill Peterson asked his players to "line up alphabetically by height"

Josh Jenkins won the Leon Davis Medal for 2017 with a whopping 80.2% of the vote. It's fair to say that after September 2017 Mr Jenkins was all lead, no rubber.

Josh is the tallest small forward in the competition whose forte is Joe the Goose goals while taking on the 6th best defender. It's a very specific niche that only a player in a top side being carried by others can maintain. When pressured and forced to actually compete he turns to custard. Not the band, or the good kind, but lumpy No Frills out of date custard that hasn't been stirred properly.
Pro-Tip: "Can I stir your custard" works about as well as a pick up line as "you don't sweat much for a fat chick" ie only about 2% of the time.

Josh has an interesting journey into the world of AFL football. He grew up in Swan Hill, was on the development list for the Townsville Crocs (that's a basketball team, not a footwear company) then after one year at Tullamarine moved to Adelaide. Long story short, he's never lived in a city. He's big, tall, fast,

Anyway during the year he did manage to get off the chain a few times - a couple of 4-goal hauls and a game against Carlton where he managed 13 tackles to get his average for the year up to "adequate". The coaching staff at Adelaide (in a rare moment of clarity when they're not forcing young talent out of the club) did drop Josh to the SANFL at one point but he was brought back after one week.
He did manage to get food poisoning in Darwin during the year after eating some dodgy ham - which he backed up by eating all weekend then calling out Dangerfield by calling him "Dangerflop". The irony will become apparent shortly.

Josh does chop out in the ruck too, which means Wallsy's standard line of "stick him in the ruck" when he's having no impact falls by the wayside, although Josh was mentioned by Wallsy for a completely different reason this year:



It is a pretty spot on assessment. There are downhill skiiers, then there is Josh Jenkins who is more of a 'downhill motorskiier' which is far less fun than being a 'downstairs motorboater' which really is a mouthful.

Josh fired back at premiership winning champions Walls (and Carey too, who was also a critic):



Does that sound like overconfidence? Cause that's how you get overconfident.

He backed up his blabbing with a second dig at Patrick Dangerfield, who is a little bit like Josh Jenkins except he's good at football and a better mark and does the hard things and has a Brownlow medal and if advertising is anything to go by his suits are far more water resistant.



Let's be honest - the only way Paddy would have been a Premiership player is if he stayed at the Crows and demanded a contract clause that includes "drop Josh Jenkins" and the Richmond team bus broke down on the way to the MCG (flat tyre) and their incognito mechanic, one Mr Ty Reboyz took far too long to admit he couldn't help and then the Tigers missed the start of the game and because TV rights are more important than a fair contest the umpire bounces the ball anyway causing the Tiger army to explode in rage, Plugger to throw his Hahn Light Ice can at his Aldi flatscreen in frustration at "the rigged AFL" and Port Adelaide supporters en masse to cancel their BigFooty accounts.

But we know that didn't happen. The only thing we can really speculate on is that Josh Jenkins came up with the idea to book a spare seat next to Tex Walker on the flight home for the premiership cup they didn't end up winning in a football act of overconfidence not seen since Fremantle ordered a trophy cabinet.

Anyway Josh, Jenko, JJ. Stay away from dodgy northern Australian ham, good luck for a solid pre-season of repeatedly running into an open goal square and screaming for a handball. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2017.
Click to expand...
Aldi flatscreen. Lol.
 
A Cut Above said:
First time a player's even made the bottom 50 after kicking 45 goals (from the square) for the year?
Click to expand...
Tommy B. kicks goals from the square..
But he only bothers during Grand Finals.
:cool:
 
Mofra said:
Let's be honest - the only way Paddy would have been a Premiership player is if he stayed at the Crows and demanded a contract clause that includes "drop Josh Jenkins" and the Richmond team bus broke down on the way to the MCG (flat tyre) and their incognito mechanic, one Mr Ty Reboyz took far too long to admit he couldn't help and then the Tigers missed the start of the game and because TV rights are more important than a fair contest the umpire bounces the ball anyway causing the Tiger army to explode in rage, Plugger to throw his Hahn Light Ice can at his Aldi flatscreen in frustration at "the rigged AFL" and Port Adelaide supporters en masse to cancel their BigFooty accounts.
Click to expand...

Excellent write-up but I have to object to this bit. Jenkins would have been an absolute lock for the Norm Smith if the entire Richmond team hadn’t shown up for the Grand Final. That would suit his style of play perfectly.
 
Schulzenfest said:
Excellent write-up but I have to object to this bit. Jenkins would have been an absolute lock for the Norm Smith if the entire Richmond team hadn’t shown up for the Grand Final. That would suit his style of play perfectly.
Click to expand...
If the AFL increased the size of the goalsquare by 500% he’d be the GOAT
 
A Cut Above said:
If the AFL increased the size of the goalsquare by 500% he’d be the GOAT
Click to expand...

They'd also have to outlaw other people being in said increased goal square too...
 
Mofra said:
Player 7 - Josh Jenkins


Pictured: The worst footballer quote since Bill Peterson asked his players to "line up alphabetically by height"

Josh Jenkins won the Leon Davis Medal for 2017 with a whopping 80.2% of the vote. It's fair to say that after September 2017 Mr Jenkins was all lead, no rubber.

Josh is the tallest small forward in the competition whose forte is Joe the Goose goals while taking on the 6th best defender. It's a very specific niche that only a player in a top side being carried by others can maintain. When pressured and forced to actually compete he turns to custard. Not the band, or the good kind, but lumpy No Frills out of date custard that hasn't been stirred properly.
Pro-Tip: "Can I stir your custard" works about as well as a pick up line as "you don't sweat much for a fat chick" ie only about 2% of the time.

Josh has an interesting journey into the world of AFL football. He grew up in Swan Hill, was on the development list for the Townsville Crocs (that's a basketball team, not a footwear company) then after one year at Tullamarine moved to Adelaide. Long story short, he's never lived in a city. He's big, tall, fast,

Anyway during the year he did manage to get off the chain a few times - a couple of 4-goal hauls and a game against Carlton where he managed 13 tackles to get his average for the year up to "adequate". The coaching staff at Adelaide (in a rare moment of clarity when they're not forcing young talent out of the club) did drop Josh to the SANFL at one point but he was brought back after one week.
He did manage to get food poisoning in Darwin during the year after eating some dodgy ham - which he backed up by eating all weekend then calling out Dangerfield by calling him "Dangerflop". The irony will become apparent shortly.

Josh does chop out in the ruck too, which means Wallsy's standard line of "stick him in the ruck" when he's having no impact falls by the wayside, although Josh was mentioned by Wallsy for a completely different reason this year:



It is a pretty spot on assessment. There are downhill skiiers, then there is Josh Jenkins who is more of a 'downhill motorskiier' which is far less fun than being a 'downstairs motorboater' which really is a mouthful.

Josh fired back at premiership winning champions Walls (and Carey too, who was also a critic):



Does that sound like overconfidence? Cause that's how you get overconfident.

He backed up his blabbing with a second dig at Patrick Dangerfield, who is a little bit like Josh Jenkins except he's good at football and a better mark and does the hard things and has a Brownlow medal and if advertising is anything to go by his suits are far more water resistant.



Let's be honest - the only way Paddy would have been a Premiership player is if he stayed at the Crows and demanded a contract clause that includes "drop Josh Jenkins" and the Richmond team bus broke down on the way to the MCG (flat tyre) and their incognito mechanic, one Mr Ty Reboyz took far too long to admit he couldn't help and then the Tigers missed the start of the game and because TV rights are more important than a fair contest the umpire bounces the ball anyway causing the Tiger army to explode in rage, Plugger to throw his Hahn Light Ice can at his Aldi flatscreen in frustration at "the rigged AFL" and Port Adelaide supporters en masse to cancel their BigFooty accounts.

But we know that didn't happen. The only thing we can really speculate on is that Josh Jenkins came up with the idea to book a spare seat next to Tex Walker on the flight home for the premiership cup they didn't end up winning in a football act of overconfidence not seen since Fremantle ordered a trophy cabinet.

Anyway Josh, Jenko, JJ. Stay away from dodgy northern Australian ham, good luck for a solid pre-season of repeatedly running into an open goal square and screaming for a handball. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2017.
Click to expand...

If you include his shithouse Trots tips he could have cracked the Top 5
 
Mofra said:
Player 7 - Josh Jenkins


Pictured: The worst footballer quote since Bill Peterson asked his players to "line up alphabetically by height"

Josh Jenkins won the Leon Davis Medal for 2017 with a whopping 80.2% of the vote. It's fair to say that after September 2017 Mr Jenkins was all lead, no rubber.

Josh is the tallest small forward in the competition whose forte is Joe the Goose goals while taking on the 6th best defender. It's a very specific niche that only a player in a top side being carried by others can maintain. When pressured and forced to actually compete he turns to custard. Not the band, or the good kind, but lumpy No Frills out of date custard that hasn't been stirred properly.
Pro-Tip: "Can I stir your custard" works about as well as a pick up line as "you don't sweat much for a fat chick" ie only about 2% of the time.

Josh has an interesting journey into the world of AFL football. He grew up in Swan Hill, was on the development list for the Townsville Crocs (that's a basketball team, not a footwear company) then after one year at Tullamarine moved to Adelaide. Long story short, he's never lived in a city. He's big, tall, fast,

Anyway during the year he did manage to get off the chain a few times - a couple of 4-goal hauls and a game against Carlton where he managed 13 tackles to get his average for the year up to "adequate". The coaching staff at Adelaide (in a rare moment of clarity when they're not forcing young talent out of the club) did drop Josh to the SANFL at one point but he was brought back after one week.
He did manage to get food poisoning in Darwin during the year after eating some dodgy ham - which he backed up by eating all weekend then calling out Dangerfield by calling him "Dangerflop". The irony will become apparent shortly.

Josh does chop out in the ruck too, which means Wallsy's standard line of "stick him in the ruck" when he's having no impact falls by the wayside, although Josh was mentioned by Wallsy for a completely different reason this year:



It is a pretty spot on assessment. There are downhill skiiers, then there is Josh Jenkins who is more of a 'downhill motorskiier' which is far less fun than being a 'downstairs motorboater' which really is a mouthful.

Josh fired back at premiership winning champions Walls (and Carey too, who was also a critic):



Does that sound like overconfidence? Cause that's how you get overconfident.

He backed up his blabbing with a second dig at Patrick Dangerfield, who is a little bit like Josh Jenkins except he's good at football and a better mark and does the hard things and has a Brownlow medal and if advertising is anything to go by his suits are far more water resistant.



Let's be honest - the only way Paddy would have been a Premiership player is if he stayed at the Crows and demanded a contract clause that includes "drop Josh Jenkins" and the Richmond team bus broke down on the way to the MCG (flat tyre) and their incognito mechanic, one Mr Ty Reboyz took far too long to admit he couldn't help and then the Tigers missed the start of the game and because TV rights are more important than a fair contest the umpire bounces the ball anyway causing the Tiger army to explode in rage, Plugger to throw his Hahn Light Ice can at his Aldi flatscreen in frustration at "the rigged AFL" and Port Adelaide supporters en masse to cancel their BigFooty accounts.

But we know that didn't happen. The only thing we can really speculate on is that Josh Jenkins came up with the idea to book a spare seat next to Tex Walker on the flight home for the premiership cup they didn't end up winning in a football act of overconfidence not seen since Fremantle ordered a trophy cabinet.

Anyway Josh, Jenko, JJ. Stay away from dodgy northern Australian ham, good luck for a solid pre-season of repeatedly running into an open goal square and screaming for a handball. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2017.
Click to expand...

Joe really can't compete with this true champion level of play, so the saying needs to change in Josh's favour:
"Josh the Goose"
 
BOYD%20Tom.png

Tom Boyd said:
Looks like I'm going top 5 this year guys!
Click to expand...
 

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Mofra said:
Player 7 - Josh Jenkins


Pictured: The worst footballer quote since Bill Peterson asked his players to "line up alphabetically by height"

Josh Jenkins won the Leon Davis Medal for 2017 with a whopping 80.2% of the vote. It's fair to say that after September 2017 Mr Jenkins was all lead, no rubber.

Josh is the tallest small forward in the competition whose forte is Joe the Goose goals while taking on the 6th best defender. It's a very specific niche that only a player in a top side being carried by others can maintain. When pressured and forced to actually compete he turns to custard. Not the band, or the good kind, but lumpy No Frills out of date custard that hasn't been stirred properly.
Pro-Tip: "Can I stir your custard" works about as well as a pick up line as "you don't sweat much for a fat chick" ie only about 2% of the time.

Josh has an interesting journey into the world of AFL football. He grew up in Swan Hill, was on the development list for the Townsville Crocs (that's a basketball team, not a footwear company) then after one year at Tullamarine moved to Adelaide. Long story short, he's never lived in a city. He's big, tall, fast,

Anyway during the year he did manage to get off the chain a few times - a couple of 4-goal hauls and a game against Carlton where he managed 13 tackles to get his average for the year up to "adequate". The coaching staff at Adelaide (in a rare moment of clarity when they're not forcing young talent out of the club) did drop Josh to the SANFL at one point but he was brought back after one week.
He did manage to get food poisoning in Darwin during the year after eating some dodgy ham - which he backed up by eating all weekend then calling out Dangerfield by calling him "Dangerflop". The irony will become apparent shortly.

Josh does chop out in the ruck too, which means Wallsy's standard line of "stick him in the ruck" when he's having no impact falls by the wayside, although Josh was mentioned by Wallsy for a completely different reason this year:



It is a pretty spot on assessment. There are downhill skiiers, then there is Josh Jenkins who is more of a 'downhill motorskiier' which is far less fun than being a 'downstairs motorboater' which really is a mouthful.

Josh fired back at premiership winning champions Walls (and Carey too, who was also a critic):



Does that sound like overconfidence? Cause that's how you get overconfident.

He backed up his blabbing with a second dig at Patrick Dangerfield, who is a little bit like Josh Jenkins except he's good at football and a better mark and does the hard things and has a Brownlow medal and if advertising is anything to go by his suits are far more water resistant.



Let's be honest - the only way Paddy would have been a Premiership player is if he stayed at the Crows and demanded a contract clause that includes "drop Josh Jenkins" and the Richmond team bus broke down on the way to the MCG (flat tyre) and their incognito mechanic, one Mr Ty Reboyz took far too long to admit he couldn't help and then the Tigers missed the start of the game and because TV rights are more important than a fair contest the umpire bounces the ball anyway causing the Tiger army to explode in rage, Plugger to throw his Hahn Light Ice can at his Aldi flatscreen in frustration at "the rigged AFL" and Port Adelaide supporters en masse to cancel their BigFooty accounts.

But we know that didn't happen. The only thing we can really speculate on is that Josh Jenkins came up with the idea to book a spare seat next to Tex Walker on the flight home for the premiership cup they didn't end up winning in a football act of overconfidence not seen since Fremantle ordered a trophy cabinet.

Anyway Josh, Jenko, JJ. Stay away from dodgy northern Australian ham, good luck for a solid pre-season of repeatedly running into an open goal square and screaming for a handball. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2017.
Click to expand...


Bravo Maestro! Bravo
 
craffles said:
No disrespect intended but can we please kill this exercise next year if it's going to run for 70+ days.

For ****s sake, it's two paragraphs about some spud. Hurry the **** up and finish it
Click to expand...
 
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