Mod. Notice Depressed? Anxious? Call Beyond Blue (1300 224636), Lifeline (131114), resources in OP

[John Who]

Life is just a s**t show sometimes.

The way I see it is that life is full of colors. There are rainbow colors and then there are the black, grey and brown, and all these shades in between.
Life can be s**t (literally the brown color). And when things start to spiral out of control it becomes the blackness, and mental illness starts to kick in.

The trick for me is that in life:
1. beautiful colors can turn into dark ones.
2. dark colors can one day turn into beautiful ones

Life is a roller coaster ride of the colors.

 

[John Who]

I’m feeling a bit down. I’m over feeling that for most of my life, people just take from me what they need and want. When they have done taking, they discard me, telling me I’m a worthless piece of s**t. Even when I was at school, I had teachers telling me I was worthless, it didn’t matter to them, that I worked my arse off to prove them wrong, as I got credits in them classes, as they took the credit for my hard work. I always wanted to go to uni, but my parents needed me to make money to support them, so I took on a full time job. After that Work took over. In order to be appreciated, I worked over 80 hours a week, trying to impress. Resorting to alcohol to suppress my depression(even though I kept denying I was depressed). Gambling to overcome my anxiety.
I keep looking back, at my life, I see the potential I have wasted, through my need to be accepted by others. I know that I need to accept myself, with my upbringing of being dumped on others to raise me. You constantly ask what you did so wrong that your own parents reject you. I miss my nan. The last conversation I had with her, she was in a induced coma. The time before that, she somehow found my number, and begged me to take her home, and out of the nursing home she was in. I couldn’t do it, despite wanting to. I still feel guilty. I even feel that I wasn’t able to mourn her death, as I had to be stoic for others. I feel guilty, that I couldn’t save her from that place. I feel guilty about my sisters sexual abuse, and I couldn’t do anything. I feel guilty that I called some one that I loved a using campaigner, despite the fact I knew they were using me. I feel guilty that I have wasted the potential I once had, in being a great human being, instead becoming a mediocre piece of s**t.
I need to toughen up and shut my mind down. Hello alcohol.

My nan passed away last year also, and was one of the main reason I took on a new hobby and joined BF to get my mind off of the grieving. The trick for me is to remember my nan for the good times I've had with her. I always feel sad when I see her photos, but it always bring an accompanying smile as I think of the good times.
"You can't control your past", no point asking "why me?" Live the present mate, it doesn't seem too late for you at all. You're already helping a lot on here with your major participation on this thread!

 

[mightymouse75]

I like this thread, for me it enables me to know that I’m not alone, that I’m not a freak. It also enables me to be self critical at times, knowing that some one(s) either been in a similar situation or can impart advice and wisdom without the feeling of being prejudiced. Thank you to all of you who frequent this board and help. It’s greatly appreciated. To those that are feeling a bit down, your not alone

I joined an Improv group to try and overcome my anxiety. It helped. Made me realise that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody gets nervous at some time. Also joined a camera club. Love feeling like I am part of something. It's not about me so much. Its about the group. It gets me out of my own head. Find people. People are good. You are good.

 

[Lemma]

My nan passed away last year also, and was one of the main reason I took on a new hobby and joined BF to get my mind off of the grieving. The trick for me is to remember my nan for the good times I've had with her. I always feel sad when I see her photos, but it always bring an accompanying smile as I think of the good times.

Love this sentiment. My grandfather passed away earlier this year, and sure it's sad- but there's a nice photo of him on our fridge and everytime I look at it I smile because it reminds me of him.

 

[Nugett]

I joined an Improv group to try and overcome my anxiety. It helped. Made me realise that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody gets nervous at some time. Also joined a camera club. Love feeling like I am part of something. It's not about me so much. Its about the group. It gets me out of my own head. Find people. People are good. You are good.

I’m thank you

 

[Mootsy]

A really good discussion as to why gen y/millenials might be depressed as a symptom of modern society.

 

[Glacier]

Hi all
I’ve got mediation coming up with the ex in a few weeks to put together a parental plan for the kids
I know she’s going to carry on, like she did with the ex before me who doesn’t see his daughter due to her influence and behaviour
I’m scared
I love my kids to bits but hopefully the mediator doesn’t allow the bullying and finger pointing that has become virtually synonymous with my life
Narcissistic people are so dangerous and there has been times when I’ve just felt I can’t take anymore
Particularly when they bully and abuse for a week then send you a message about some holiday deal the kids might enjoy
That’s the sort of stuff I deal with on a daily basis from her

 

[Nugett]

Hi all
I’ve got mediation coming up with the ex in a few weeks to put together a parental plan for the kids
I know she’s going to carry on, like she did with the ex before me who doesn’t see his daughter due to her influence and behaviour
I’m scared
I love my kids to bits but hopefully the mediator doesn’t allow the bullying and finger pointing that has become virtually synonymous with my life
Narcissistic people are so dangerous and there has been times when I’ve just felt I can’t take anymore
Particularly when they bully and abuse for a week then send you a message about some holiday deal the kids might enjoy
That’s the sort of stuff I deal with on a daily basis from her

Hang in there mate. Just be open and honest, sooner or later your ex will slip, just be mindful of her games, as I said be truthful, even if you think that it puts you in a bad light, remain truthful open and honest, if the consellor is any good, they will soon tell the difference between fact and fiction.

 

[mxett]

Hi all
I’ve got mediation coming up with the ex in a few weeks to put together a parental plan for the kids
I know she’s going to carry on, like she did with the ex before me who doesn’t see his daughter due to her influence and behaviour
I’m scared
I love my kids to bits but hopefully the mediator doesn’t allow the bullying and finger pointing that has become virtually synonymous with my life
Narcissistic people are so dangerous and there has been times when I’ve just felt I can’t take anymore
Particularly when they bully and abuse for a week then send you a message about some holiday deal the kids might enjoy
That’s the sort of stuff I deal with on a daily basis from her

we are here for you mate. If you want to unload feel free to tell us as much as you want. Here's hoping the mediator can see the truth and understand you're a great Dad who's making an effort for the kid's sake. All the best

 

[damochandler]

In the last 4 years 4 friends of mine, 2 I was pretty close with took their own life. Every time I think about it’s like running into a brick wall. Lately I’ve had thoughts creep in to my head. Like jumping in front of a train and what not. I don’t know what it means or anything. It’s tough

 

[mxett]

In the last 4 years 4 friends of mine, 2 I was pretty close with took their own life. Every time I think about it’s like running into a brick wall. Lately I’ve had thoughts creep in to my head. Like jumping in front of a train and what not. I don’t know what it means or anything. It’s tough

IMO you may be having intrusive thoughts, but you don't need to pay them too much attention or respect. You cannot control your thoughts, no one can. We believe all our thoughts are important, or that they mean something about us, but the majority are just random noise. Where you have a distressing memory, situation, or past event, such as the suicide of someone close, you can get intrusive thoughts about them. I've also had suicide touch those in my life and I know it can cause such thoughts which can be very worrying.

Further on intrusive thoughts, an example can be a new mum who may be vulnerable due to chronic tiredness. Her mind identifies a threat which can present as an intrusive thought about harming her child. "What if I became so tired, couldn't cope, and lost control and smothered my baby"?. This causes immense guilt and distress. "I must be a horrible person. How could I think such a thing? I'm a monster". It can add to the feelings of depression and self loathing.

The reality is our minds are engineered to identify any possible threats to us, and thoughts like this are our mind identifying a threat or a possible scenario that could cause us, or someone we love, harm. Thoughts like yours are common. Your mind says "look at these tragic, distressing events, what if this was to happen to me? I need to remain aware of this threat". You think about it, you worry about it. You worry that you thought about it. It becomes a recurring thought, an intrusive thought. But it doesn't deserve your worry. It is your normal primitive protective mechanism at work.

I had thoughts along that line when my anxiety was at its worse. It was about harming someone very close to me. "What if I lost control and harmed ......"? Fair to say it scared the absolute bejeezus out of me until I learnt it was an intrusive thought, nothing more. Mindfulness and thought diffusion helped me identify these thoughts as nothing more than thoughts, and freed me from them.

I hope this makes sense and is relevant to your situation. If these thoughts keep distressing you speak to your doctor.

 

[Lemma]

That intrusive thoughts thing is so interesting, I think everyone has them but the issue is when you feel guilt about it. I never knew it was a thing until I heard a podcast about it a little while ago.

 

[Nugett]

Hi all
I’ve got mediation coming up with the ex in a few weeks to put together a parental plan for the kids
I know she’s going to carry on, like she did with the ex before me who doesn’t see his daughter due to her influence and behaviour
I’m scared
I love my kids to bits but hopefully the mediator doesn’t allow the bullying and finger pointing that has become virtually synonymous with my life
Narcissistic people are so dangerous and there has been times when I’ve just felt I can’t take anymore
Particularly when they bully and abuse for a week then send you a message about some holiday deal the kids might enjoy
That’s the sort of stuff I deal with on a daily basis from her

Hey mate how did it go?

 

[Nugett]

Just done a course about emotional intelligence. Interesting stuff. As soon as I saw it was part of the course, I was like, I’m stuffed, I have no emotion!

I thought it would be about exploiting other people’s emotions, but it’s more about accepting your own, and then being able to empathise with others on an emotional scale

 

[Glacier]

Hey mate how did it go?

August 10 th mate

 

[Nugett]

August 10 th mate

Still a couple of weeks to go then. Keep us posted! So how you going now?

 

[Glacier]

Still a couple of weeks to go then. Keep us posted! So how you going now?

I worry about it a lot
But I know twisting myself in knots won’t do me any good though so just need to keep focused on the end goal which is my beautiful kids and her not being able to own me any longer

 

[Aeglos]

Lucky enough to have the Yarra Valley footy league (I think) pay for SALT to come to our club and do a presentation on mental health.
It was interesting that out of all the attendees about 45% knew someone affected by mental health, 45% had previously had mental health isssues and the remaining 5% had a current mental health issue; not a single person hadn’t been affected directly or indirectly by a mental illness in some manner.
We did an anonymous survey pre and post presentation (via a live online quiz) and initially about half the guys there said they wouldn’t seek help if they thought they had a problem and by the end everyone said they’d either reach out to a friend or professional which I thought was great.
Well worth the two hours if you’re at a sporting club
http://www.sportandlifetraining.com.au/

 

[radiojake]

Hi guys

I just needed a bit of an outlet and this thread seems the most appropriate - just read the last couple of pages and it's good to see people reaching out and seeking help/advice and just generally willing to open up and admit that they are struggling

the following is a bit graphic so apologies to anyone that finds it unsettling - I just felt the need to 'get it out', as such

I'm ok myself, but just on the weekend a really close friend jumped infront of a train. Thankfully for us all he was really drunk and picked the 'wrong' train as it wasn't going fast enough so he is somehow still with us, albeit in the ICU. Spent all day yesterday with my brother who was on the phone with him on his way to try to stop him but got there too late and found him on the tracks and has had to deal with all that and I'm pretty certain he is still in shock. I had a quick visit at the hospital yesterday and went in and said a few words to him and the drs say he'll be ok and should wake in a day or two but obviously he has a massive recovery ahead of him. We're all feeling really shocked and a little dombfounded - my brother is his best mate and hangs out/talks with him constantly and he said that he honestly didn't think that his depression was this bad or at this point. I guess it's just a reminder of how insidious it can be and how vigilant we need to be to check in with our mates, and on the other coin to let our mates know if we are struggling. There is always someone there to help and we all have loved ones that care about us.

Thank you all for the outlet and thanks for this thread, Wookie

Stay safe everyone

 

[mightymouse75]

Just done a course about emotional intelligence. Interesting stuff. As soon as I saw it was part of the course, I was like, I’m stuffed, I have no emotion!

I thought it would be about exploiting other people’s emotions, but it’s more about accepting your own, and then being able to empathise with others on an emotional scale

That sounds really interesting. If you fight your emotions and thought they seem to get stronger. Look up eckarte tolle. And you aren't stuffed. You have just set up walls to protect yourself. Some of us have more walls than others. Every time you drop a wall you become free. You lose fear and gain love.

 

[mightymouse75]

IMO you may be having intrusive thoughts, but you don't need to pay them too much attention or respect. You cannot control your thoughts, no one can. We believe all our thoughts are important, or that they mean something about us, but the majority are just random noise. Where you have a distressing memory, situation, or past event, such as the suicide of someone close, you can get intrusive thoughts about them. I've also had suicide touch those in my life and I know it can cause such thoughts which can be very worrying.

Further on intrusive thoughts, an example can be a new mum who may be vulnerable due to chronic tiredness. Her mind identifies a threat which can present as an intrusive thought about harming her child. "What if I became so tired, couldn't cope, and lost control and smothered my baby"?. This causes immense guilt and distress. "I must be a horrible person. How could I think such a thing? I'm a monster". It can add to the feelings of depression and self loathing.

The reality is our minds are engineered to identify any possible threats to us, and thoughts like this are our mind identifying a threat or a possible scenario that could cause us, or someone we love, harm. Thoughts like yours are common. Your mind says "look at these tragic, distressing events, what if this was to happen to me? I need to remain aware of this threat". You think about it, you worry about it. You worry that you thought about it. It becomes a recurring thought, an intrusive thought. But it doesn't deserve your worry. It is your normal primitive protective mechanism at work.

I had thoughts along that line when my anxiety was at its worse. It was about harming someone very close to me. "What if I lost control and harmed ......"? Fair to say it scared the absolute bejeezus out of me until I learnt it was an intrusive thought, nothing more. Mindfulness and thought diffusion helped me identify these thoughts as nothing more than thoughts, and freed me from them.

I hope this makes sense and is relevant to your situation. If these thoughts keep distressing you speak to your doctor.

Thoughts are funny little fellows. I find I attach these long winded narratives to anything negative in my life. E.g..didn't get a job - They know I'm useless, they don't like me. If I continue on for a few days it becomes- You useless dumb peice of s**t, no body likes you. And if I allow it to continue it can lead to suicidal thoughts. I never realised that thoughts are just thoughts. You don't have to believe them. You don't even have to fight them. Both options feed the little buggers. All you need to do is observe them without any story, without any emotion, any judgement, don't engage just watch. And as you watch them they lose there power. Its quite liberating.

 

[mightymouse75]

Hi all
I’ve got mediation coming up with the ex in a few weeks to put together a parental plan for the kids
I know she’s going to carry on, like she did with the ex before me who doesn’t see his daughter due to her influence and behaviour
I’m scared
I love my kids to bits but hopefully the mediator doesn’t allow the bullying and finger pointing that has become virtually synonymous with my life
Narcissistic people are so dangerous and there has been times when I’ve just felt I can’t take anymore
Particularly when they bully and abuse for a week then send you a message about some holiday deal the kids might enjoy
That’s the sort of stuff I deal with on a daily basis from her

Hang in there mate. I have been in a similar position. Just don't react. Remember her actions come from a very messed up place. From deep unhappiness. Do not tolerate poor behavior but if you can see her as a human being it will make you 10 times stronger. Believe me, I was the reaction king. (And still can be) It is so much fun (not) when kids are involved. But it sounds like you have got to be their rock. I remember my old boy telling me that 20 years ago. And that stuck.

 

[mightymouse75]

Another thing to. Kids are so resilient. I didn't believe it until mine had grown up and moved out. I was so worried that my ex and her lifestyle was going to negatively influence my child. They did the opposite. Its given her a drive to succeed, to be kind, to stay away from dead shits. So be the rock that they need to anchor themselves to. There isn't a much more important job you can do. Love and peace

 

[smasha]

This bloke gives me alot of positive energy.

 

[mxett]

Thoughts are funny little fellows. I find I attach these long winded narratives to anything negative in my life. E.g..didn't get a job - They know I'm useless, they don't like me. If I continue on for a few days it becomes- You useless dumb peice of s**t, no body likes you. And if I allow it to continue it can lead to suicidal thoughts. I never realised that thoughts are just thoughts. You don't have to believe them. You don't even have to fight them. Both options feed the little buggers. All you need to do is observe them without any story, without any emotion, any judgement, don't engage just watch. And as you watch them they lose there power. Its quite liberating.

exactly! Well said. I smile at some of my really stupid thoughts now because I know they are simply tainted by my protective self and it's negative bias. Sometimes I even laugh at them. You're right, observing them without judgement or emotion, then letting them dissolve away, is very liberating.

Obtrusive thoughts can be little more sinister though because they can cause quite an emotional reaction. For that reason they can keep coming again and again, and they can take a little more effort to dismiss. However the same technique you mentioned still applies. For me I just needed to be more persistent with it.