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Lame Jokes about the AFL
- Thread starter laugha07
- Start date
- Tagged users None
- Oct 16, 2011
- 15,357
- 38,175
- AFL Club
- Adelaide
I'm not saying Power supporters in my area have bad teeth, but one female Power fan just smiled in the supermarket, and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans.
A bus containing some of a team's most ardent supporters (sorry, can't remember which club) went over a cliff - sadly all died.
Anyway, they all rock up together at the Pearly Gates, and St Peter says, 'Well, fancy seeing you all here at once! Bit of bad luck, eh? Anyway, as a special treat, God has decided that you will get one question about the Operation of the Universe answered! So what would you like to now?'.
The fans all get together, argue a bit, and then the leader steps forward.
'We want to know, why does our team always get picked on by the umps? Why are our games fixed? Why does our Full-Forward never get a free? Why do our opponents always get soft tiggy-touchwood frees?'
St Peter replied 'Hmmmmm. Look, I'm going to have to check that with God - I mean, that's pretty big stuff, and I'm not sure he will have the answer'.
St Peter disappears. He's gone for hours. Eventually, he returns.
He motions the fan Leader to him and says - 'Look - I spoke to God. He says there is no plot against you, no conspiracy and no imbalance in umpiring. You're just the usual paranoid supporters looking at the game through one biased eye'.
The leader goes back to the other fans and says 'We were right - and this goes even higher than we first thought'.
Anyway, they all rock up together at the Pearly Gates, and St Peter says, 'Well, fancy seeing you all here at once! Bit of bad luck, eh? Anyway, as a special treat, God has decided that you will get one question about the Operation of the Universe answered! So what would you like to now?'.
The fans all get together, argue a bit, and then the leader steps forward.
'We want to know, why does our team always get picked on by the umps? Why are our games fixed? Why does our Full-Forward never get a free? Why do our opponents always get soft tiggy-touchwood frees?'
St Peter replied 'Hmmmmm. Look, I'm going to have to check that with God - I mean, that's pretty big stuff, and I'm not sure he will have the answer'.
St Peter disappears. He's gone for hours. Eventually, he returns.
He motions the fan Leader to him and says - 'Look - I spoke to God. He says there is no plot against you, no conspiracy and no imbalance in umpiring. You're just the usual paranoid supporters looking at the game through one biased eye'.
The leader goes back to the other fans and says 'We were right - and this goes even higher than we first thought'.
- Banned
- #79
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're...erm between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude I reckon".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man "how did you know..?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk..."
The man below responded, "You must be in management..." " Well yes...I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know that..?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my far ken fault!"
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're...erm between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude I reckon".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man "how did you know..?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk..."
The man below responded, "You must be in management..." " Well yes...I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know that..?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my far ken fault!"
- Dec 17, 2006
- 4,394
- 4,663
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
- Other Teams
- South Fremantle, Sturt
A St. Kilda fan is walking along the beach one day, and finds an old bottle washed up on the shore. He opens it and out pops a genie who says, 'As your reward for freeing me, I will grant you one wish.'
Without hesitation, the St. Kilda fan says, 'I wish that there was peace in the Middle East.'
The genie looks concerned and said, 'Well that's kind of a tough ask for a guy who's been trapped in a bottle for thousands of years. There's many complicated social, religious and political issues in the Middle East that date back many years. How about wishing for something smaller, something you want personally?'
The St. Kilda fan says, 'Okay, I wish that St. Kilda would win a premiership.'
In response the genie asks, 'You wouldn't happen to have an up to date map of the Middle East, would you?'
Without hesitation, the St. Kilda fan says, 'I wish that there was peace in the Middle East.'
The genie looks concerned and said, 'Well that's kind of a tough ask for a guy who's been trapped in a bottle for thousands of years. There's many complicated social, religious and political issues in the Middle East that date back many years. How about wishing for something smaller, something you want personally?'
The St. Kilda fan says, 'Okay, I wish that St. Kilda would win a premiership.'
In response the genie asks, 'You wouldn't happen to have an up to date map of the Middle East, would you?'
- Oct 16, 2011
- 15,357
- 38,175
- AFL Club
- Adelaide
That is probably the best football joke I have heard. Maybe everyone else on planet has heard it ages ago but yeah funny stuff
Yesterday I was watching the EPL soccer highlights on SBS. I noticed that before they showed each game's highlights, they put the names of the two teams on the screen, and then put three significant letters from both teams' names together to form a hybrid word. Most of these hybrid words did not mean anything as such, but, for example, when the highlights from the Newcastle and Fulham game were about to be shown, the hybrid word they created was NEWFUL. This word makes you think it could be used to describe something which has a new quality about it, but of course Newful is not a proper word. The game between Cardiff City and Manchester United produced the word CARMAN while the game between Arsenal and Burnley produced the word ARSBUR. If they had used the first four letters from both team's names they could have created ARSEBURN.
This got me thinking whether any such words were possible using AFL team names. In some cases I have used four letters from a team's name.
Carlton vs Essendon = CARESS
North Melbourne vs Melbourne = NORMEL (I know normal is spelled with an A)
Carlton vs Melbourne = CARMEL
Carlton vs Port Adelaide = CARPORT
Gold Coast vs Carlton = GOLD CAR
Richmond vs Hawthorn = RICH HAW
If you consider using only two letters from some team names, you can create these words:
Carlton vs Gold Coast = CARGO
North Melbourne vs Sydney = NOSY
Carlton vs St. Kilda = CAST
Carlton vs Geelong = CAGE
Collingwood vs Essendon = COLES
Greater Western Sydney vs Collingwood = GRECO
Port Adelaide vs North Melbourne = PORNO
This got me thinking whether any such words were possible using AFL team names. In some cases I have used four letters from a team's name.
Carlton vs Essendon = CARESS
North Melbourne vs Melbourne = NORMEL (I know normal is spelled with an A)
Carlton vs Melbourne = CARMEL
Carlton vs Port Adelaide = CARPORT
Gold Coast vs Carlton = GOLD CAR
Richmond vs Hawthorn = RICH HAW
If you consider using only two letters from some team names, you can create these words:
Carlton vs Gold Coast = CARGO
North Melbourne vs Sydney = NOSY
Carlton vs St. Kilda = CAST
Carlton vs Geelong = CAGE
Collingwood vs Essendon = COLES
Greater Western Sydney vs Collingwood = GRECO
Port Adelaide vs North Melbourne = PORNO
- Dec 17, 2006
- 4,394
- 4,663
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
- Other Teams
- South Fremantle, Sturt
Two girls are walking through a park in Fremantle on a wet day, when a frog hops into their path and says, "If you pick me up and kiss me, I'll turn into a Fremantle Dockers player."
One of the girls reaches out and picks up the frog, but rather than kiss him places him in her shoulder bag and continues walking.
"Aren't you going to kiss him?" her friend asks.
The first girl shakes her head. "No way, a talking frog is worth millions, a Dockers player not much at all."
One of the girls reaches out and picks up the frog, but rather than kiss him places him in her shoulder bag and continues walking.
"Aren't you going to kiss him?" her friend asks.
The first girl shakes her head. "No way, a talking frog is worth millions, a Dockers player not much at all."
