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[Ando727]

Here's something that might be useful information to some of you here:



A lot of people are unaware that their addiction to social media, internet, pr0n etc is having a very detrimental affect on their level of life satisfaction. This video explains why it is so dangerous. I think it's incredibly common and a lot more common than people want to admit. Use technology wisely and not more than you need to - it may very well escalate into a mood disorder.

 

[CWaffles]

If anyone here needs someone to chat to please feel free to PM, sometimes a chat to someone/anyone can make a big difference.

And remember standing up and saying 'I am not ok" is ok.

 

[John Who]

Hi all, just venting so don't feel you have to reply.

My wife of 23yrs asked to seperate in March and I moved out in April. We have had issues but never believed it was at that stage.

We are amicable and talking often. I see our sons 21/16 any time I want to. We still have a lot of respect and care for each other but not sure if we will find a way back. I love my wife very deeply as I always have.

It has hit me extremely hard and in a very dark place at the moment. I am in a state of disbelief and consumed with severe grief and melancholy. I feel I have lost my identity as a husband, friend, lover, care giver, earner, confidant, etc. feels like I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't have anything that I look forward to these days and nothing gives me any joy. It feels like the world has nothing to offer me and I have nothing to offer to the world.

My feelings of complete displacement makes me wonder if I belong here anymore. The only thing keeping me going is that I do not want my boys to go through the pain of losing me.

I hate feeling like this. But survive I must.

The best part of this thread on this forum is that you can vent away and noone will judge you. Because essentially everyone who regularly participates vents too! Essentially, what you're going through is a mid-life crisis. It's a very real phenomena, and it hits couples in the 40s-50s. Main reasons being social changes with their financial/job situations, and changes with their children going through different stages of life. The other main reason is hormonal decline in estrogen and testosterone, leading to mood changes, reduced energy, less sex drive etc.

 

[John Who]

Here's something that might be useful information to some of you here:



A lot of people are unaware that their addiction to social media, internet, pr0n etc is having a very detrimental affect on their level of life satisfaction. This video explains why it is so dangerous. I think it's incredibly common and a lot more common than people want to admit. Use technology wisely and not more than you need to - it may very well escalate into a mood disorder.

The video is basically the essence of an addictive behavioral pattern. Online/gaming addiction might just become the most commonest cause of depression/anxiety in the modern era (if it isn't already). I guess the moral here is to enjoy what nature has to offer and do things in moderation. You can do whatever, but always have enough money to pay the bills and still feed yourself and loved ones!

 

[LiquidCrow]

A mate got a script for lovan, an antidepressant. just wondering if anyone has had good or bad experience with this medication.

They are an ex ambo who worked remote areas they have finally gotten help with anxiety & depression after years dealing with it at work and not telling anyone.

As far as efficacy goes, it's comparable to other SSRI antidepressants. It's a first line treatment for adolescents, but for adults it has fallen out of favour due to the emergence of other drugs in the same class that have a much lower potential for drug interactions. One benefit is that it has a long half-life, so people who aren't consistent in taking it won't get severe withdrawal effects.

 

[Ando727]

The video is basically the essence of an addictive behavioral pattern. Online/gaming addiction might just become the most commonest cause of depression/anxiety in the modern era (if it isn't already). I guess the moral here is to enjoy what nature has to offer and do things in moderation. You can do whatever, but always have enough money to pay the bills and still feed yourself and loved ones!

I agree to a point, John. But I actually think compulsive pr0n watching is just as big of a threat as online gambling/gaming (if not more) - especially because it is something so secret and isolated. It will never be mentioned in mainstream media as something to watch out for. You won't have warnings equivalent to "gamble responsibly" or community service advertisements which encourage people to ask for help. It is shrouded in shame and secrecy and that's why people get in very deep before they realise their life is a mess. A lot of people will be reading this very post and know that they have some issue with excessive pr0n, but they won't be posting about it. People think too shameful and embarrassing to admit.

A huge number of people who are depressed/anxious are using pr0n to give themselves some measure of satisfaction and excitement (dopamine hit) in a life which is very low on both. It's a form of self-medicating for mood. The problem is that it's an escalating behaviour that becomes like a drug addiction. Eventually these people exhaust their brains and become less/non responsive to both sex with a real person/their own partner, and also other aspects of their lives. pr0n addicted people typically lack drive and ambition to pursue their goals because they perceive other pursuits as less rewarding than the super-stimulis that is pr0n. There are a lot of people who can't give it up - just like a drug. They might struggle to even go more than a day or two because their brain starts screaming at them "I need my dopamine fix!" and pr0n is how they get it. It's also been studied that pr0n addiction also leads to escalating content in which people end up watching some very messed up s**t because their brain also becomes less responsive to the "normal" material they used to watch. This can lead to watching very degrading and sick material like child-pornography, rape fantasy, humiliation etc. It can send people down some very bad paths because they are being lead by their desire to get a hit of excitement to get through the day. This habit stops people forming normal connections and participating in normal social events - nothing can compare to the dopamine hit they get from pr0n. A lot of men end up impotent due to their addiction.

As the video says: The brain down-regulates its response in the face of constant stimulation (not just pr0n, but pr0n is most exciting to the human brain because it's sex and humans are wired to be excited about sex more than anything). The end result of down-regulation is feeling that life is not exciting anymore - depression and anxiety is the end result. It's a hard road from there. Depressed/anxious people use pr0n to feel better, pr0n makes them more depressed/anxious. It's a vicious cycle. There's a whole movement dedicated to "rebooting" from pr0n. Anyone who thinks they have a problem: look it up on google/youtube. Start educating yourself. If pr0n is the best part of your day, you need to act before it affects/wrecks your life.

It's a bigger problem than society cares to admit to. It's shocking that schools are not mentioning it heavily in sex-education classes - especially in a world where most kids have pretty much unfiltered access to everything online now and I've read articles that describe how much pr0n shapes young peoples ideas around sex. To the point where I read a study that a majority of early teens are now shaving off their pubic hair because pr0n teaches them that their natural state is disgusting. Women are getting surgery on their genitals to resemble pr0n stars. Boys are learning to treat girls like pr0n-stars treat women in pr0n videos - without respect or care for them as people. Girls are learning to behave like pr0n stars for their boyfriends because that's what you do to please them. It's very messed up - and it sets people up for poor mental health outcomes.

I didn't use to be anti-pr0n, pro-censorship in the past. I have always been very liberal in my thinking, but after I did some research on the affects of pr0n on society and on individuals' mental health... I dunno.. this is an emergency for society. I'm wondering if China, for example, isn't better off than we are by blocking pr0n. We're going into a tailspin and very few people are aware of it, or acknowledging it - much less tackling the problem. It's just too embarrassing to talk about - especially when so many people are addicted to it.

 

[John Who]

I agree to a point, John. But I actually think compulsive pr0n watching is just as big of a threat as online gambling/gaming (if not more) - especially because it is something so secret and isolated. It will never be mentioned in mainstream media as something to watch out for. You won't have warnings equivalent to "gamble responsibly" or community service advertisements which encourage people to ask for help. It is shrouded in shame and secrecy and that's why people get in very deep before they realise their life is a mess. A lot of people will be reading this very post and know that they have some issue with excessive pr0n, but they won't be posting about it. People think too shameful and embarrassing to admit.

A huge number of people who are depressed/anxious are using pr0n to give themselves some measure of satisfaction and excitement (dopamine hit) in a life which is very low on both. It's a form of self-medicating for mood. The problem is that it's an escalating behaviour that becomes like a drug addiction. Eventually these people exhaust their brains and become less/non responsive to both sex with a real person/their own partner, and also other aspects of their lives. pr0n addicted people typically lack drive and ambition to pursue their goals because they perceive other pursuits as less rewarding than the super-stimulis that is pr0n. There are a lot of people who can't give it up - just like a drug. They might struggle to even go more than a day or two because their brain starts screaming at them "I need my dopamine fix!" and pr0n is how they get it. It's also been studied that pr0n addiction also leads to escalating content in which people end up watching some very messed up s**t because their brain also becomes less responsive to the "normal" material they used to watch. This can lead to watching very degrading and sick material like child-pornography, rape fantasy, humiliation etc. It can send people down some very bad paths because they are being lead by their desire to get a hit of excitement to get through the day. This habit stops people forming normal connections and participating in normal social events - nothing can compare to the dopamine hit they get from pr0n. A lot of men end up impotent due to their addiction.

As the video says: The brain down-regulates its response in the face of constant stimulation (not just pr0n, but pr0n is most exciting to the human brain because it's sex and humans are wired to be excited about sex more than anything). The end result of down-regulation is feeling that life is not exciting anymore - depression and anxiety is the end result. It's a hard road from there. Depressed/anxious people use pr0n to feel better, pr0n makes them more depressed/anxious. It's a vicious cycle. There's a whole movement dedicated to "rebooting" from pr0n. Anyone who thinks they have a problem: look it up on google/youtube. Start educating yourself. If pr0n is the best part of your day, you need to act before it affects/wrecks your life.

It's a bigger problem than society cares to admit to. It's shocking that schools are not mentioning it heavily in sex-education classes - especially in a world where most kids have pretty much unfiltered access to everything online now and I've read articles that describe how much pr0n shapes young peoples ideas around sex. To the point where I read a study that a majority of early teens are now shaving off their pubic hair because pr0n teaches them that their natural state is disgusting. Women are getting surgery on their genitals to resemble pr0n stars. Boys are learning to treat girls like pr0n-stars treat women in pr0n videos - without respect or care for them as people. Girls are learning to behave like pr0n stars for their boyfriends because that's what you do to please them. It's very messed up - and it sets people up for poor mental health outcomes.

I didn't use to be anti-pr0n, pro-censorship in the past. I have always been very liberal in my thinking, but after I did some research on the affects of pr0n on society and on individuals' mental health... I dunno.. this is an emergency for society. I'm wondering if China, for example, isn't better off than we are by blocking pr0n. We're going into a tailspin and very few people are aware of it, or acknowledging it - much less tackling the problem. It's just too embarrassing to talk about - especially when so many people are addicted to it.

Great point you have made! I’m very impressed! Will be sure to give you some more response to this when I have some available time. Cheers!

 

[Kavliaris69]

The best part of this thread on this forum is that you can vent away and noone will judge you. Because essentially everyone who regularly participates vents too! Essentially, what you're going through is a mid-life crisis. It's a very real phenomena, and it hits couples in the 40s-50s. Main reasons being social changes with their financial/job situations, and changes with their children going through different stages of life. The other main reason is hormonal decline in estrogen and testosterone, leading to mood changes, reduced energy, less sex drive etc.

Don't think it is a mid life crisis JW. I know what you are trying to say though.

With regards to hormones and sex drive, we both had a very active and satisfying sex life for last several years.

It's other issues that have caused this and am trying to work out how we can maybe repair the damage.

Appreciate your reply mate.

 

[Feraligatr]

Haven't been sleeping well lately. Lost my passion for my job, lost interest in the finals campaign, not sure if I have the energy to even go Thursday night now. Don't really want to leave the house. Just wanna lay in bed and do nothing forever. Just in a horrible place.

Why does it feel like no matter what you do it's 1 step forward, 2 steps back?

 

[Thought for Pause]

I just want to say a quick thank you to everyone who has been so honest and open in sharing challenges you’ve been going through, and the success that some have had in overcoming them. Reading these anecdotes has given me strength to know that I am not alone and has helped to motivate me to rebound from a dark place.

I had a stressful time in a new job. Taking on higher responsibilities exposed underlying demons: a deep insecurity with myself and a fear of failure. This culminated in acute anxiety that put me in a state in which I was failing and couldn’t perform. My physical health also deteriorated and my entire life became encapsulated by the anxiety.

A step away to reflect and having open dialogue with a psychologist has me in a much better place. But like a drug addict, this will be a challenge that I will never completely overcome. It is something that I need to actively manage. And there will challenging times and some dark days ahead. But after seeing how close I came to losing a career that I had worked so hard to build and love, and my general well-being deteriorate, it became clear that life is too short and too precious to not bite the bullet and take responsibility for improving my mental health.

For what it is worth, I have found that even a small step in the right direction to make a situation ever so slightly better, can go a long way. The biggest hurdle hurdle for me is to recognise the signs early for when I need to summon the courage and take those small steps.

 

[sammm]

My Partner is having triple bypass surgery next Monday. I am under so much stress from it. Even though i the odds are excellent.

 

[mxett]

My Partner is having triple bypass surgery next Monday. I am under so much stress from it. Even though i the odds are excellent.

anticipation anxiety is a bastard of a thing. "What if......, what if......, what if..........."

Yet the number of times those "what if's" actually happen is very small.

“I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

― Mark Twain

 

[John Who]

Haven't been sleeping well lately. Lost my passion for my job, lost interest in the finals campaign, not sure if I have the energy to even go Thursday night now. Don't really want to leave the house. Just wanna lay in bed and do nothing forever. Just in a horrible place.

Why does it feel like no matter what you do it's 1 step forward, 2 steps back?

You must be in a very dark place if you can't find joy in where your team is at the moment. Maybe watch the game in the comfort of your home, and see how it goes? Please seek help if the Tigers advance in the Finals and you feel worse.

Regarding the "1 step forward, 2 steps back", it's a sign that you might be needing help from outside sources. Life is always about the forward and backward steps. Nothing wrong with admitting that we're moving backwards more than forwards, and seeking comfort of friends or professional help when these situations arise.

 

[John Who]

My Partner is having triple bypass surgery next Monday. I am under so much stress from it. Even though i the odds are excellent.

Nothing can be said that would guarantee you from feeling more at ease. Perhaps to help ease your mind somewhat, you might want to think about what has been happening to your partner in recent times prior to the suggestion of the bypass surgery. Chances are, your partner would have felt fatigue, short of breath easily or recurrent chest pains. His quality of life would likely have been poor for the heart surgeon to suggest this surgical option. For your partner to agree to proceed with surgery, he's acknowledging that he has had enough with the poor quality of life he currently has regarding his health.

Another thing for you to try and remain calm is if you genuinely appear more relax in front of your partner, it would help him to remain more calm, which would be in his best interest (to remain as calm as possible). Good luck!

 

[John Who]

I agree to a point, John. But I actually think compulsive pr0n watching is just as big of a threat as online gambling/gaming (if not more) - especially because it is something so secret and isolated. It will never be mentioned in mainstream media as something to watch out for. You won't have warnings equivalent to "gamble responsibly" or community service advertisements which encourage people to ask for help. It is shrouded in shame and secrecy and that's why people get in very deep before they realise their life is a mess. A lot of people will be reading this very post and know that they have some issue with excessive pr0n, but they won't be posting about it. People think too shameful and embarrassing to admit.

A huge number of people who are depressed/anxious are using pr0n to give themselves some measure of satisfaction and excitement (dopamine hit) in a life which is very low on both. It's a form of self-medicating for mood. The problem is that it's an escalating behaviour that becomes like a drug addiction. Eventually these people exhaust their brains and become less/non responsive to both sex with a real person/their own partner, and also other aspects of their lives. pr0n addicted people typically lack drive and ambition to pursue their goals because they perceive other pursuits as less rewarding than the super-stimulis that is pr0n. There are a lot of people who can't give it up - just like a drug. They might struggle to even go more than a day or two because their brain starts screaming at them "I need my dopamine fix!" and pr0n is how they get it. It's also been studied that pr0n addiction also leads to escalating content in which people end up watching some very messed up s**t because their brain also becomes less responsive to the "normal" material they used to watch. This can lead to watching very degrading and sick material like child-pornography, rape fantasy, humiliation etc. It can send people down some very bad paths because they are being lead by their desire to get a hit of excitement to get through the day. This habit stops people forming normal connections and participating in normal social events - nothing can compare to the dopamine hit they get from pr0n. A lot of men end up impotent due to their addiction.

As the video says: The brain down-regulates its response in the face of constant stimulation (not just pr0n, but pr0n is most exciting to the human brain because it's sex and humans are wired to be excited about sex more than anything). The end result of down-regulation is feeling that life is not exciting anymore - depression and anxiety is the end result. It's a hard road from there. Depressed/anxious people use pr0n to feel better, pr0n makes them more depressed/anxious. It's a vicious cycle. There's a whole movement dedicated to "rebooting" from pr0n. Anyone who thinks they have a problem: look it up on google/youtube. Start educating yourself. If pr0n is the best part of your day, you need to act before it affects/wrecks your life.

It's a bigger problem than society cares to admit to. It's shocking that schools are not mentioning it heavily in sex-education classes - especially in a world where most kids have pretty much unfiltered access to everything online now and I've read articles that describe how much pr0n shapes young peoples ideas around sex. To the point where I read a study that a majority of early teens are now shaving off their pubic hair because pr0n teaches them that their natural state is disgusting. Women are getting surgery on their genitals to resemble pr0n stars. Boys are learning to treat girls like pr0n-stars treat women in pr0n videos - without respect or care for them as people. Girls are learning to behave like pr0n stars for their boyfriends because that's what you do to please them. It's very messed up - and it sets people up for poor mental health outcomes.

I didn't use to be anti-pr0n, pro-censorship in the past. I have always been very liberal in my thinking, but after I did some research on the affects of pr0n on society and on individuals' mental health... I dunno.. this is an emergency for society. I'm wondering if China, for example, isn't better off than we are by blocking pr0n. We're going into a tailspin and very few people are aware of it, or acknowledging it - much less tackling the problem. It's just too embarrassing to talk about - especially when so many people are addicted to it.

I guess I don't have much more to add here, but can see it being a growing problem in any country where internet is fast expanding. I honestly think online addiction is actually the main issue, and pr0n, gaming, facebooking, twittering addiction are all a subset of this online theme. I see kids 3-4 year olds glued to their iPads without looking anywhere else for hours on end playing games, teenagers constantly texting and tweeting everywhere I go. Restaurants people are constantly looking at their phones, without looking at the person on the other end of the table...

I've always been intrigued by how much society have improved over the 25 years or so since the internet. And then sometimes I also think at what costs in terms of bad habits and addiction side of things? It probably doesn't matter now, since the internet is only going to be moving forwards and not back, but we certainly need to be more aware of online addiction (for ourselves and as a public agenda).

 

[mxett]

I guess I don't have much more to add here, but can see it being a growing problem in any country where internet is fast expanding. I honestly think online addiction is actually the main issue, and pr0n, gaming, facebooking, twittering addiction are all a subset of this online theme. I see kids 3-4 year olds glued to their iPads without looking anywhere else for hours on end playing games, teenagers constantly texting and tweeting everywhere I go. Restaurants people are constantly looking at their phones, without looking at the person on the other end of the table...

I've always been intrigued by how much society have improved over the 25 years or so since the internet. And then sometimes I also think at what costs in terms of bad habits and addiction side of things? It probably doesn't matter now, since the internet is only going to be moving forwards and not back, but we certainly need to be more aware of online addiction (for ourselves and as a public agenda).

Yes the internet and technology are definitely a double edge sword. They have made many aspects of life easier, more convenient, and more available, which gives us more spare time. Yet to afford technology people work more, and the extra spare time they fill with meaningless or even insidious instant gratification such as pr0n, gaming or social media.

I wonder when will things balance out? When will mankind begin to realise that too much stimuli can end up making us physically and mentally unhealthy, just like too much processed food can make us physically and mentally unhealthy?

 

[TheLoris]

Had a really bad yesterday, ended up sitting in my car with a bottle of red wine, pool hose hooked up to the exhaust and motor running. Thankfully didn't go through with it and still here to fight another day.

The thing is, I've already reached out to friends/family with previous down swings. How many times can you go back to the well? They've all got around me before and I promised them I would get better, but I haven't, and now does it get to a point where you just have to do it by yourself?

 

[Glacier]

Had a really bad yesterday, ended up sitting in my car with a bottle of red wine, pool hose hooked up to the exhaust and motor running. Thankfully didn't go through with it and still here to fight another day.

The thing is, I've already reached out to friends/family with previous down swings. How many times can you go back to the well? They've all got around me before and I promised them I would get better, but I haven't, and now does it get to a point where you just have to do it by yourself?

Jesus mate
Reach out please
Even to those on here
Trust me, it’s well worth it

 

[TheLoris]

Jesus mate
Reach out please
Even to those on here
Trust me, it’s well worth it

Cheers mate, yeah you always have to reach out, but sometimes you don't know where to reach. A thread like this is great because it lets you know there's other people going through pretty much the same thing. Thanks heaps to everyone on here that has been so honest and opened themselves up, it's not easy. But it really is helpful!

 

[Glacier]

Cheers mate, yeah you always have to reach out, but sometimes you don't know where to reach. A thread like this is great because it lets you know there's other people going through pretty much the same thing. Thanks heaps to everyone on here that has been so honest and opened themselves up, it's not easy. But it really is helpful!

You can pm just about anybody on here mate

 

[mxett]

Had a really bad yesterday, ended up sitting in my car with a bottle of red wine, pool hose hooked up to the exhaust and motor running. Thankfully didn't go through with it and still here to fight another day.

The thing is, I've already reached out to friends/family with previous down swings. How many times can you go back to the well? They've all got around me before and I promised them I would get better, but I haven't, and now does it get to a point where you just have to do it by yourself?

the road to recovery is rarely straight sailing. You're going to have good periods where you think you may be able to see the clouds lifting, but then you'll suffer some more bad times again. With the right help your good times come more often, your bad times less often, and you will learn to ride the wave of those bad times 'til they pass. As they say, whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Try not to get down on yourself about yesterday. Notch it up to a difficult experience you've managed to get through, and you're still here with us, which is great.

If you want to go into more detail feel free to pm one of us. If all you want to do is offload some emotion that's cool too. That's what we are here for.

 

[Matt Stevic]

You can pm just about anybody on here mate

I’m happy to receive any PM...I mean, I’m severely depressed myself, but I’m always happy to listen and support in any way I can.

 

[Mootsy]

TheLoris, sorry to read that, if it makes you feel any better, there's lots of us going through similar pains.
Had a shocking day on Monday, just came home exhausted of all the nonsense.
Called in sick yesterday. Job is ruining me.

See your doctor, allow others to help you. There are a lot of good people with the resources to help.

 

[TheLoris]

TheLoris, sorry to read that, if it makes you feel any better, there's lots of us going through similar pains.
Had a shocking day on Monday, just came home exhausted of all the nonsense.
Called in sick yesterday. Job is ruining me.

See your doctor, allow others to help you. There are a lot of good people with the resources to help.

Thanks everyone, feeling a fair bit better now, but still a bit rattled that I got that bad. There is so much worth hanging around for, but its just making sure you get through the downswings I guess. Work was totally the cause this time, but at the end of the day its just a job and there'll always be others, where you might get paid a bit less, but be far happier in life.

Going to cut the booze out completely for a while, as that's a big part of the problem. Did Dry July and was feeling great without it.

 

[The_Wookie]