Elton Johns Wig
Premiership Ruckman
- Moderator
- #1
At the heart of the SFA is banter. We love it, we really do. It is the foundation, the bedrock, the very heart of what this whole shebang is all about.
But sometimes, people redline. Sometimes, the tone of words are misinterpreted. Sometimes you just keep poking people with a stick until they lose the plot.
This is what is known far and wide, as a melt.
Last year, the inaugral Meltin' with Elton Melt of the year winner was the one and only BRAB. I sat down with him to discuss the finer points of melting.
Hi mate, thanks for sitting down for a chat. After the announcement of the inaugural Meltin' with Elton thread, and the initial nomination of sportsmaniac89 for a quality melt, what chance did you give yourself of "winning" the award?
Honestly, sportsy is such a little bitch that it's hard to know with certainty that he won't break down emotionally in even more spectacular ways.
There are real melts, and fake melts. You, sir, are very good at both. How do you come about with your fake melts? Are they planned, or do you see a social injustice etc and just run with it?
I am honestly ******* outraged that you even imply that my fight for social justice is in anyway fabricated. Maybe if you didn't look at the world through your white, testosterone fuelled privilege you could understand why I'd be UPSET that people still use gendered pronouns in the sim!
For the fake melts, do you have a sort of template that you use?
My entire life is a disorganised mess, so no.
Are you surprised the initial winner was not SM?
I am a tad to be honest. He can melt it up as much as anyone.
Will you be actively seeking out the Golden Fondue Pot again?
No
You are also very good at getting people to melt. Any tips or strategies, especially for the rookies out there, on how to induce a melt?
Find a sore spot. Push. Ask open questions and continue to ask until they either crack the shits or squib. For example, Ant Bear exploits dead posters. Ask questions to him about this until he breaks.
I used to get coach to melt by taking a small part of his post out of context, blowing it up, and prying until he cracked. Really got my socks off.
I'm a good person.
Finally, and this does not absolve you from going back to back, would you like to be a judge on this years Meltin' with Elton Award?
Sure
Thanks BRAB, I can think of no one more qualified to help me find a true and worthy winner. Looking forward to it.
Now, good people of the SFA, I am relying on YOU to help with this award. We can't be in every match thread at once, and nor do we want to be.
We need you, when we get a live one on the hook, to let us know. Nominate your fellow players. Goad them into exploding. Fish with the best bait you can afford. WE WANT MELTS GODDAMMIT!!
Melt rules.
1. If you are nominated, stiff s**t, you're in.
2. EJW and BRAB are the judges for the award. You can sway us, bribe us, abuse us. All or none of these may work. But at the end of the day, the nominations are ours to judge.
3. The yearly winner will be decided by poll
4. As the creator of the award, I am ineligible. It's not fair, but them's the rules. BRAB is still eligible, because he is a campaigner.
5. If you successfully nominate a round, and I like it, you may be also deemed ineligible, getting protection and a free pass. But you may not either.
Once again, thanks to BRAB for being on the panel for this years award. Expert help is always appreciated.
Wig Out.
Noms:
rfctiger74
NaturalDisaster
okeydoke7
But sometimes, people redline. Sometimes, the tone of words are misinterpreted. Sometimes you just keep poking people with a stick until they lose the plot.
This is what is known far and wide, as a melt.
Last year, the inaugral Meltin' with Elton Melt of the year winner was the one and only BRAB. I sat down with him to discuss the finer points of melting.
Hi mate, thanks for sitting down for a chat. After the announcement of the inaugural Meltin' with Elton thread, and the initial nomination of sportsmaniac89 for a quality melt, what chance did you give yourself of "winning" the award?
Honestly, sportsy is such a little bitch that it's hard to know with certainty that he won't break down emotionally in even more spectacular ways.
There are real melts, and fake melts. You, sir, are very good at both. How do you come about with your fake melts? Are they planned, or do you see a social injustice etc and just run with it?
I am honestly ******* outraged that you even imply that my fight for social justice is in anyway fabricated. Maybe if you didn't look at the world through your white, testosterone fuelled privilege you could understand why I'd be UPSET that people still use gendered pronouns in the sim!
For the fake melts, do you have a sort of template that you use?
My entire life is a disorganised mess, so no.
Are you surprised the initial winner was not SM?
I am a tad to be honest. He can melt it up as much as anyone.
Will you be actively seeking out the Golden Fondue Pot again?
No
You are also very good at getting people to melt. Any tips or strategies, especially for the rookies out there, on how to induce a melt?
Find a sore spot. Push. Ask open questions and continue to ask until they either crack the shits or squib. For example, Ant Bear exploits dead posters. Ask questions to him about this until he breaks.
I used to get coach to melt by taking a small part of his post out of context, blowing it up, and prying until he cracked. Really got my socks off.
I'm a good person.
Finally, and this does not absolve you from going back to back, would you like to be a judge on this years Meltin' with Elton Award?
Sure
Thanks BRAB, I can think of no one more qualified to help me find a true and worthy winner. Looking forward to it.
Now, good people of the SFA, I am relying on YOU to help with this award. We can't be in every match thread at once, and nor do we want to be.
We need you, when we get a live one on the hook, to let us know. Nominate your fellow players. Goad them into exploding. Fish with the best bait you can afford. WE WANT MELTS GODDAMMIT!!
Melt rules.
1. If you are nominated, stiff s**t, you're in.
2. EJW and BRAB are the judges for the award. You can sway us, bribe us, abuse us. All or none of these may work. But at the end of the day, the nominations are ours to judge.
3. The yearly winner will be decided by poll
4. As the creator of the award, I am ineligible. It's not fair, but them's the rules. BRAB is still eligible, because he is a campaigner.
5. If you successfully nominate a round, and I like it, you may be also deemed ineligible, getting protection and a free pass. But you may not either.
Once again, thanks to BRAB for being on the panel for this years award. Expert help is always appreciated.
Wig Out.
Noms:
rfctiger74
NaturalDisaster
okeydoke7
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