Media Rookie Hunger Games: The Thrilling Conclusion

Who will win The Rookie Hunger Games?

  • Beutbrute

  • grumbleguts

  • Finbar19

  • Jivlain

Results are only viewable after voting.

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Matty411

Matty411

Norm Smith Medallist
Veteran
Sep 21, 2012
8,177
22,421
AFL Club
Carlton
upload_2018-11-30_14-48-47.png

Round 3 is anything but simple and is a challenge that in itself would test the most experienced and creative posters. It will see the Best 4 rookies from the S26 class go head to head – trying to charm and impress, using every tool at their disposal to come out on top of their contemporaries and be crowned the Inaugural Rookie Hunger Games Champion.

tenor.gif


They will have to combine their knowledge of Qooty, Media and the Sweet FA as they dazzle us with the same wit, intellect and humour that has been on show in the ‘Games’ experience to date.

So the time has come. The Colosseum is opening. Four will enter, but only One will walk out alive.

SHnz.gif


It’s come down to Jivlain (Gumbies), grumbleguts (Royals), Beutbrute (Wonders) and FinBar19 (Demons).

Tributes: I implore you to take aim at your fellow rookies; use whatever tools at your disposal; and hold nothing back in your quest for glory.

Your Challenge Is This:

Come up with and demonstrate a fresh, new, original Sweet FA Media Concept that will drive a high level of engagement across the league.

Even-Hunger-Games.gif


Participants will have 7 days to submit via this thread for all to see.

​
 

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Move it along please
 
Matty411 said:
Sab got a handy shot off in the direction of Grumble, but it missed and killed a nearby BRAB lurking in the bushes. Pretty sure that's now dead.

Happy?
Click to expand...

Why does that flog get to kill brab and not me?!?!?
 
The Jesus said:
Where was this game last season?

I would have slaughtered you soft utensils
Click to expand...
It's an original concept, Jesus. I cant be held responsible for the lack of creativity and genius that is the pre-S25 posting contingent. I mean, if you really like, I can write you in as a vindictive Chancellor or something...

You still joining the Bombers in S27 as well?
 
Matty411 said:
Oh your time will come, dont you worry. I'm feeling a FinBar19 headlock and body slam to the ground so hard your face explodes.
Click to expand...
Yeah we don’t mess around in the final four. I’ve already got too much blood on my hands to care about who cops the next Fatal Finbar Slam.
 
As we get down to the business end of things, and the action's really heating up (make sure to watch with sound)
 
Who will be the first to fire a shot? The tension isnt quite palpable rather lukewarm. Entertain us.
 
In a bid to overthrow the SweetFA dictatorship, the Final Four make an unprecedented move and band together to uncover the dark side of the league. These are the results of months of intense investigative journalism. We the three survivors, carrying a potentially dead Beutbrute with us, stand as one refusing to acknowledge any announced winner and have poisoned one of the water supplies leading to the veteran's compound. Should we not all survive we will not reveal which one.

The Sting
The view from spectacular floor-to-ceiling windows on the 43rd floor of Sweet's tallest building, the Quereka Tower, makes your head spin. You can barely make out the people walking on the streets below, and you get a sense of the indifference that the regular occupants of rooms such as this one feel for others. But today's occupants aren't here for the view, or for the indifference. They're here to figure out the methods and mentalities of those whose quest for gold would drive them to murder.

The phone rings at 2:56pm, four minutes before the meeting is scheduled. "They're here". The two men look at each other and smile. "Gavin" and "Roger", supposedly bankers, are actually both journalists at Der Sqiegel. It's on.

A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door. Two men stand outside. They are Matty411 and KohPhi, and they're here with an opportunity. "Roger" opens the door and offers them drinks. After they're settled in "Gavin" enters the meeting room and introduces himself. Matty411 hands over the document they've been chasing for months. "Financing Presentation - Private and Confidential". Gavin takes the document, skims it, and places it on the table.

"Describe your professional backgrounds to us," Roger asks.

"A pleasure to meet you both. I originally started out at the Qide Qorld of Sports," Matty411 starts.

Qide Qorld of Sports, one of the main players in the sports merchandising trade.

Matty411 recounts how he entered the trade. He recalls recording presentations about the limited-run signed qicket bats, just 200,000 made, and sold for $600 or more. "Then there was a dip for various reasons, as I'm sure you are both aware."

"Dip", referring to the banking royal commission looking into the usurious rates charged on qicket merchandise financing. The commission found profits of $45 million from lending at rates that would shame a payday lender.

"And then QQoS kind of stepped back from that".

That means: they merged with Qairfax and then went bankrupt.

The litany of merchandising outfits goes on.

"We invested in the Smith Fund of your former employer," Roger says.

"I know this fund."

The fund had collapsed after some of the "match-worn" balls had simply been sandpapered down to give them the look of a match-worn ball, but it confirms to Matty that Roger and Gavin have prior experience in the merchandising game. He can speak openly now.

"The trouble for merchandising traditionally was the lack of return to the people who bought into it. You make too many large runs, of too many achievements, and the prices stop rising."

"You should not be too greedy," Roger says.
"Exactly!" KohPhi agrees.

"Our new game, of course, is the Hunger Games. We sell merchandise throughout the year, especially as rookies start to put together strong performances, rising star nominations.

"But for the top talent we identify, the merchandise only goes to our... partners. Then those players are selected, 'at random' for the Hunger Games. Whether they are killed, you advertise them as in-memorium products. Make a killing."

"And where does your cut come from?"

"Seeing the prices for the tribute products going up, everyone else buys in, hoping that they get a future tribute."

"And we already own all of the merchandise for which the price rises."

KohPhi grins. "Yay."

Matty leans in. What we have here is a very exciting opportunity. There's a young rookie at the Wonders, a Sab22. Kid looks like he's going to be a gun. Well, perhaps he would be if not for his future selection as a tribute."

KohPhi and Gavin share a chuckle.

"We have an extensive range of products. Signed guernseys, worn guernseys, the ball he earnt a Rising Star with," Matty explains.

"Quite a few of those balls, in fact," KohPhi adds.

"And we also have connections over a Qothebey's, when you go to market with them after he drops out of the Hunger Games... there's a cut on the financing as well."

It's difficult for Gavin and Roger to maintain their cover at this point. The law was changed in 2016 to cut down on the usury. Roger raises an eyebrow.

"Yes, it's not a principle source of the profits any more, but still. Some people are even more aggressive still, but it's good to give it time, I think. Take it slow and measured," Matty explains.

"But within a few years, I think, it should be possible to go full-bore on that as well."

Jivlain
Staff Writer, Der Sqiegel

Reporter for Der Sqiegel, and contributor to Die Zeit. Jivlain won the Wächterpreis der Tagespresse for his exposé on the extensive use of modern slavery in the qalamari industry. Jivlain's favourite part of journalism is the opportunity to kick behinds in yet another context.
 

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In a bid to overthrow the SweetFA dictatorship, the Final Four make an unprecedented move and band together to uncover the dark side of the league. These are the results of months of intense investigative journalism. We the three survivors, carrying a potentially dead Beutbrute with us, stand as one refusing to acknowledge any announced winner and have poisoned one of the water supplies leading to the veteran's compound. Should we not all survive we will not reveal which one.

Arguably the greatest controversy of Season 26 is Cadaver 's eligibility as a rookie. On the surface, it seems fairly straightforward: one party believes Cadaver is a JDC! alias, whilst the other believes he's an innocent rookie in the wrong place at the wrong time (Darwin is the wrong place, all the time). But is there a more sinister side to the story? What's really going on here? Will a little investigation uncover a terrible plot?

Mt Buller, December 29 2007: JDCya later

It's early on the morning of the 29th. Dinosaur Tarks captains a prehistoric Demons side in a barren 2007 SweetFA. But there are stirrings at Mt Buller which, unbeknownst to anyone at the time, would have huge consequences over a decade later.

At 12:51am, JDC! enters the clubhouse from the snowstorm outside. It's dark, and he's alone. Something is amiss. His eyes dart around the room, and his brow is creased. The usually jovial and enthusiastic JDC! seems to know something, and it's troubling him. There would be no other reason to be here at this hour of the night. He makes his way to the whiteboard, finds some space next to the dicks which someone had accidentally drawn in permanent marker, and hastily scrawls:

jdc.PNG

He looks over his shoulder, feeling like he's being watched. Extremely troubled, he heads for the door, steps out into the storm, and disappears.

It would be more than ten years before JDC! is seen again.

May 23 2018: Kdavva floats down the river

Far away in time and place, an innocent young kdavva74 is about to have his dream of playing for a SweetFA team realised. He is signed by the Royals before moving on to the Bears, and makes an instant name for himself with countless contributions to the league. Really beginning to catch the eye of league veterans, there is even talk of him being 'the greatest rookie of all time'. At first, it's no big deal – just another tall poppy EKA winner who can slowly but surely be cut down to size. But heads begin to turn as kdavva74 goes from strength to strength, challenging league vets who are starting to get nervous after being comfortable for so long. More and more rookies spring up, full of life, ideas, banter and qooty. It won't do. The winds of change are beginning to blow, and those old, tall trees don't like it one bit. Something needs to be done before the veterans are pushed off their perch.

In the dead of night, Cloud_ summons his followers: the biggest names in the league, unofficially referred to as the Qilluminati, the top dogs of the SweetFA.

giphy.gif


Many answer the call – team captains, league personalities, former and current stars. JDC! is brought out of hiding, for they need to use him now. It's time to implement the plan they hatched all those years ago, the reason they took JDC! away. What they feared is coming to pass.

Unbeknownst to them, there is a spy within the group. An unnamed poster who wishes to see the next generation of players thrive, and the Qilluminati's power diminished. This unnamed poster leaves a message out the front of the Qashington Post, my place of work, providing invaluable information on this elaborate plan which I now present to you, the public. You deserve to know. It's time to expose those at the top of the SweetFA.

September 6 2018: Will the real Slim JDC stand up?

Cameras flash and the room of journalists rise as one with a flurry of questions. The SweetFA world has just been rocked by BRAB 's claims against kdavva74. Is it true he's not who he says he is? the journalists ask. Is it true he's not EKA eligible? Is it true that kdavva is JDC!? This is stage one of the plan – turning everyone against the league's brightest young star. BRAB is convincing, his 'evidence' holds up. His bullish presentation pushes those on the fence to side with him. All is going to plan.

November 19 2018: The odds are never in our favour

With kdavva's reputation diminished, it's time for phase two. Lackeys Matty411 , Dingster and KohPhi are tasked with creating a competition between the rookies and acting as judges. On the surface it's meant to reveal the brightest rookie of Season 26; its real aim is to set the rookies upon each other, force them to tear each other to pieces while the rest of league sits back and watches.

And it works, at least for a while. Rookies are murdered left and right, every man for themselves. Only eight of us make it to Round 2, where a further four more die. This includes kdavva, to the extreme delight of the judges. Phase two could not have gone any better. Kdavva is gone. Cloud's team move fast to cover their tracks, and force JDC! into his new role. He returns to the league for the first time in eleven years, but this time under a new name:

Cadaver.

It's over, they think. They've won. The rookies have been defeated. Now to dispose of the last four rookies in Round 3 of the Hunger Games. 'Go and make a media thread which the whole league can engage with,' Matty411 tells us. 'Only one can win!'

But he's careless, giddy on his assumed victory. We have been underestimated, and now it's the end of this dark portion in SweetFA history. Together, putting club allegiances and publication affiliations aside, the final four have exposed the SweetFA for all to see.

Game over, judges.

#freeJDC!


Finbar, Qashington Post

A man of impeccable taste, extreme intelligence, extraordinary wit and, most of all, immaculate humility, Finbar is the perfect journalist to join the investigative team. His ability to write and his prowess on the qooty field is a pairing that the average person could only dream of. Now author of fifty-four bestsellers, including 'Philosophy, reinvented by Finbar', 'Calculus, reinvented by Finbar' and 'Philosophy, reinvented by Finbar, reinvented by Finbar', and leading goal kicker for Season 26 at Mt Buller despite only having played half a season, Finbar's long list of accolades are continuing to grow, much like this sentence. He joins the Qooty Files team of four ready to apply every ounce of his vast knowledge to expose the SweetFA for what it really is. Finally, he wants to let you know that he obviously didn't write this blurb himself.
 
In a bid to overthrow the SweetFA dictatorship, the Final Four make an unprecedented move and band together to uncover the dark side of the league. These are the results of months of intense investigative journalism. We the three survivors, carrying a potentially dead Beutbrute with us, stand as one refusing to acknowledge any announced winner and have poisoned one of the water supplies leading to the veteran's compound. Should we not all survive we will not reveal which one.



Our people at Le Qonde have intercepted a plot to rid the league of some of its most promising rookies through a hunger-games-like process. Emails from some of the people involved have surfaced which suggest the powers concerned even rated the “competitors” prior to the event unfolding in a homage to the hunger-games trilogy. This development seems to have occurred prior to the putative competitors even being aware they were involved in a competition. Reporter Gutson De Grumblé had this to say.



Sacré Bleu! Chocolate mousse! Eau de toilet! Savoir faire! Je ne sais quoi! Which roughly translates as:

I broke into the admin compound and installed cameras in prime locations in order to capture passwords. Our cameras picked up some interesting footage. Snipets from computer screens as staffers read their emails were both enthralling and daming.


The following portions of emails were captured on camera. Sadly emails in their entirety were impossible to capture as huge heads tended to obscure large portions of screens.

----


Geeze! Look at the size of him! He looks as though he could hold a cow with one hand and milk it with the other. I’m saying 9.
– November 13 excerpt from an email from KohPhi, with the listed recipients being Dingster, Matty411 and Cloud_ apparently the subject of the email was Qooty rookie, Jivlain



Either he’s had terrible acne, or some time in his childhood his face suffered a direct hit from an incoming ballistic echidna. I’ll give him a 4.
– November 13 excerpt from an email from KohPhi, with the listed recipients being Dingster, Matty411 and Cloud_ apparently the subject of the email was Qooty rookie, grumbleguts



How big are his hands? I reckon he could juice carrots with those buggers just by squeezing them. He’s got to last a fair while. 8.
– November 13 excerpt from an email from KohPhi, with the listed recipients being Dingster, Matty411 and Cloud_ apparently the subject of the email was Qooty rookie, beutbrute



Have you ever seen anyone twist themselves up like that? How flexible is he? He could have a heart attack and die in his own arms. I’m saying 7.
– November 13 excerpt from an email from KohPhi, with the listed recipients being Dingster, Matty411 and Cloud_ apparently the subject of the email was Qooty rookie, Finbar19



We haven’t seen these guys handle themselves yet. How about we wait until they do before rating them. I mean once we feed them to the wolves – and each other of course – then we’ll see the real talent rise to the top.
– November 14 excerpt from an email from Matty411, with the listed recipients being Dingster, KohPhi and Cloud_



No I think it’s more fun to try and guess what they will be like from their physical appearance.
– November 14 excerpt from an email from Dingster, with the listed recipients being matty411, KohPhi and Cloud_



Look I don’t care how you guys sort them, as long as there’s carnage. Our people want embarrasingly real violence. Pit them against each other. We want nothing left but empty accounts of them when they are done. – November 14 excerpt from an email from cloud_, with the listed recipients being matty411, KohPhi and Dingster



What about the winner, Lord Sno… er... Cloud_? Won’t they remain?

– November 14 excerpt from an email from Dingster, with the listed recipients being matty411, KohPhi and Cloud_



Not after we reveal “how they won”. I have my people working ‘round the clock on a fake account for all four, so whoever the eventual winner is, we can supplant them with our people and post embarrassing posts from them and then just suddenly quit, people will cheer them leaving by the time we are finished. Think sarahsmiles. How do you think we managed to supplant Kdavva with cadaver? After we got rid of the account, we created a new one, which was so similar, it was so well done, I had to get them to change the name slightly so I could tell it was our guy.
– November 15 excerpt from an email from cloud_, with the listed recipients being matty411, KohPhi and Dingster


Hey is that a camera behind your head?
– November 15 excerpt from an email from matty411, with the listed recipients being, Cloud_, KohPhi and Dingster.
 
Matty turned to KohPhi, then to Dingster then back to the screens.

The rookies had turned the game on its head. Their sweeping declaration live from the dome had just gone live to the entire Sweet FA.

Matty eyed Cloud_, looking a little nervous for the first time: "Do it. Switch the broadcast to emergency."

All four looked out the window towards the dome as they heard an explosion in the distance.
hqdefault.jpg
 
FinBar19 said:
In a bid to overthrow the SweetFA dictatorship, the Final Four make an unprecedented move and band together to uncover the dark side of the league. These are the results of months of intense investigative journalism. We the three survivors, carrying a potentially dead Beutbrute with us, stand as one refusing to acknowledge any announced winner and have poisoned one of the water supplies leading to the veteran's compound. Should we not all survive we will not reveal which one.

Arguably the greatest controversy of Season 26 is Cadaver 's eligibility as a rookie. On the surface, it seems fairly straightforward: one party believes Cadaver is a JDC! alias, whilst the other believes he's an innocent rookie in the wrong place at the wrong time (Darwin is the wrong place, all the time). But is there a more sinister side to the story? What's really going on here? Will a little investigation uncover a terrible plot?

Mt Buller, December 29 2007: JDCya later

It's early on the morning of the 29th. Dinosaur Tarks captains a prehistoric Demons side in a barren 2007 SweetFA. But there are stirrings at Mt Buller which, unbeknownst to anyone at the time, would have huge consequences over a decade later.

At 12:51am, JDC! enters the clubhouse from the snowstorm outside. It's dark, and he's alone. Something is amiss. His eyes dart around the room, and his brow is creased. The usually jovial and enthusiastic JDC! seems to know something, and it's troubling him. There would be no other reason to be here at this hour of the night. He makes his way to the whiteboard, finds some space next to the dicks which someone had accidentally drawn in permanent marker, and hastily scrawls:

View attachment 593091

He looks over his shoulder, feeling like he's being watched. Extremely troubled, he heads for the door, steps out into the storm, and disappears.

It would be more than ten years before JDC! is seen again.

May 23 2018: Kdavva floats down the river

Far away in time and place, an innocent young kdavva74 is about to have his dream of playing for a SweetFA team realised. He is signed by the Royals before moving on to the Bears, and makes an instant name for himself with countless contributions to the league. Really beginning to catch the eye of league veterans, there is even talk of him being 'the greatest rookie of all time'. At first, it's no big deal – just another tall poppy EKA winner who can slowly but surely be cut down to size. But heads begin to turn as kdavva74 goes from strength to strength, challenging league vets who are starting to get nervous after being comfortable for so long. More and more rookies spring up, full of life, ideas, banter and qooty. It won't do. The winds of change are beginning to blow, and those old, tall trees don't like it one bit. Something needs to be done before the veterans are pushed off their perch.

In the dead of night, Cloud_ summons his followers: the biggest names in the league, unofficially referred to as the Qilluminati, the top dogs of the SweetFA.

giphy.gif


Many answer the call – team captains, league personalities, former and current stars. JDC! is brought out of hiding, for they need to use him now. It's time to implement the plan they hatched all those years ago, the reason they took JDC! away. What they feared is coming to pass.

Unbeknownst to them, there is a spy within the group. An unnamed poster who wishes to see the next generation of players thrive, and the Qilluminati's power diminished. This unnamed poster leaves a message out the front of the Qashington Post, my place of work, providing invaluable information on this elaborate plan which I now present to you, the public. You deserve to know. It's time to expose those at the top of the SweetFA.

September 6 2018: Will the real Slim JDC stand up?

Cameras flash and the room of journalists rise as one with a flurry of questions. The SweetFA world has just been rocked by BRAB 's claims against kdavva74. Is it true he's not who he says he is? the journalists ask. Is it true he's not EKA eligible? Is it true that kdavva is JDC!? This is stage one of the plan – turning everyone against the league's brightest young star. BRAB is convincing, his 'evidence' holds up. His bullish presentation pushes those on the fence to side with him. All is going to plan.

November 19 2018: The odds are never in our favour

With kdavva's reputation diminished, it's time for phase two. Lackeys Matty411 , Dingster and KohPhi are tasked with creating a competition between the rookies and acting as judges. On the surface it's meant to reveal the brightest rookie of Season 26; its real aim is to set the rookies upon each other, force them to tear each other to pieces while the rest of league sits back and watches.

And it works, at least for a while. Rookies are murdered left and right, every man for themselves. Only eight of us make it to Round 2, where a further four more die. This includes kdavva, to the extreme delight of the judges. Phase two could not have gone any better. Kdavva is gone. Cloud's team move fast to cover their tracks, and force JDC! into his new role. He returns to the league for the first time in eleven years, but this time under a new name:

Cadaver.

It's over, they think. They've won. The rookies have been defeated. Now to dispose of the last four rookies in Round 3 of the Hunger Games. 'Go and make a media thread which the whole league can engage with,' Matty411 tells us. 'Only one can win!'

But he's careless, giddy on his assumed victory. We have been underestimated, and now it's the end of this dark portion in SweetFA history. Together, putting club allegiances and publication affiliations aside, the final four have exposed the SweetFA for all to see.

Game over, judges.

#freeJDC!


Finbar, Qashington Post

A man of impeccable taste, extreme intelligence, extraordinary wit and, most of all, immaculate humility, Finbar is the perfect journalist to join the investigative team. His ability to write and his prowess on the qooty field is a pairing that the average person could only dream of. Now author of fifty-four bestsellers, including 'Philosophy, reinvented by Finbar', 'Calculus, reinvented by Finbar' and 'Philosophy, reinvented by Finbar, reinvented by Finbar', and leading goal kicker for Season 26 at Mt Buller despite only having played half a season, Finbar's long list of accolades are continuing to grow, much like this sentence. He joins the Qooty Files team of four ready to apply every ounce of his vast knowledge to expose the SweetFA for what it really is. Finally, he wants to let you know that he obviously didn't write this blurb himself.
Click to expand...
Wow all I took from this was the nearly eleven year old screenshot telling me
I’m a campaigner lol
 
FinBar19 said:
In a bid to overthrow the SweetFA dictatorship, the Final Four make an unprecedented move and band together to uncover the dark side of the league. These are the results of months of intense investigative journalism. We the three survivors, carrying a potentially dead Beutbrute with us, stand as one refusing to acknowledge any announced winner and have poisoned one of the water supplies leading to the veteran's compound. Should we not all survive we will not reveal which one.

Arguably the greatest controversy of Season 26 is Cadaver 's eligibility as a rookie. On the surface, it seems fairly straightforward: one party believes Cadaver is a JDC! alias, whilst the other believes he's an innocent rookie in the wrong place at the wrong time (Darwin is the wrong place, all the time). But is there a more sinister side to the story? What's really going on here? Will a little investigation uncover a terrible plot?

Mt Buller, December 29 2007: JDCya later

It's early on the morning of the 29th. Dinosaur Tarks captains a prehistoric Demons side in a barren 2007 SweetFA. But there are stirrings at Mt Buller which, unbeknownst to anyone at the time, would have huge consequences over a decade later.

At 12:51am, JDC! enters the clubhouse from the snowstorm outside. It's dark, and he's alone. Something is amiss. His eyes dart around the room, and his brow is creased. The usually jovial and enthusiastic JDC! seems to know something, and it's troubling him. There would be no other reason to be here at this hour of the night. He makes his way to the whiteboard, finds some space next to the dicks which someone had accidentally drawn in permanent marker, and hastily scrawls:

View attachment 593091

He looks over his shoulder, feeling like he's being watched. Extremely troubled, he heads for the door, steps out into the storm, and disappears.

It would be more than ten years before JDC! is seen again.

May 23 2018: Kdavva floats down the river

Far away in time and place, an innocent young kdavva74 is about to have his dream of playing for a SweetFA team realised. He is signed by the Royals before moving on to the Bears, and makes an instant name for himself with countless contributions to the league. Really beginning to catch the eye of league veterans, there is even talk of him being 'the greatest rookie of all time'. At first, it's no big deal – just another tall poppy EKA winner who can slowly but surely be cut down to size. But heads begin to turn as kdavva74 goes from strength to strength, challenging league vets who are starting to get nervous after being comfortable for so long. More and more rookies spring up, full of life, ideas, banter and qooty. It won't do. The winds of change are beginning to blow, and those old, tall trees don't like it one bit. Something needs to be done before the veterans are pushed off their perch.

In the dead of night, Cloud_ summons his followers: the biggest names in the league, unofficially referred to as the Qilluminati, the top dogs of the SweetFA.

giphy.gif


Many answer the call – team captains, league personalities, former and current stars. JDC! is brought out of hiding, for they need to use him now. It's time to implement the plan they hatched all those years ago, the reason they took JDC! away. What they feared is coming to pass.

Unbeknownst to them, there is a spy within the group. An unnamed poster who wishes to see the next generation of players thrive, and the Qilluminati's power diminished. This unnamed poster leaves a message out the front of the Qashington Post, my place of work, providing invaluable information on this elaborate plan which I now present to you, the public. You deserve to know. It's time to expose those at the top of the SweetFA.

September 6 2018: Will the real Slim JDC stand up?

Cameras flash and the room of journalists rise as one with a flurry of questions. The SweetFA world has just been rocked by BRAB 's claims against kdavva74. Is it true he's not who he says he is? the journalists ask. Is it true he's not EKA eligible? Is it true that kdavva is JDC!? This is stage one of the plan – turning everyone against the league's brightest young star. BRAB is convincing, his 'evidence' holds up. His bullish presentation pushes those on the fence to side with him. All is going to plan.

November 19 2018: The odds are never in our favour

With kdavva's reputation diminished, it's time for phase two. Lackeys Matty411 , Dingster and KohPhi are tasked with creating a competition between the rookies and acting as judges. On the surface it's meant to reveal the brightest rookie of Season 26; its real aim is to set the rookies upon each other, force them to tear each other to pieces while the rest of league sits back and watches.

And it works, at least for a while. Rookies are murdered left and right, every man for themselves. Only eight of us make it to Round 2, where a further four more die. This includes kdavva, to the extreme delight of the judges. Phase two could not have gone any better. Kdavva is gone. Cloud's team move fast to cover their tracks, and force JDC! into his new role. He returns to the league for the first time in eleven years, but this time under a new name:

Cadaver.

It's over, they think. They've won. The rookies have been defeated. Now to dispose of the last four rookies in Round 3 of the Hunger Games. 'Go and make a media thread which the whole league can engage with,' Matty411 tells us. 'Only one can win!'

But he's careless, giddy on his assumed victory. We have been underestimated, and now it's the end of this dark portion in SweetFA history. Together, putting club allegiances and publication affiliations aside, the final four have exposed the SweetFA for all to see.

Game over, judges.

#freeJDC!


Finbar, Qashington Post

A man of impeccable taste, extreme intelligence, extraordinary wit and, most of all, immaculate humility, Finbar is the perfect journalist to join the investigative team. His ability to write and his prowess on the qooty field is a pairing that the average person could only dream of. Now author of fifty-four bestsellers, including 'Philosophy, reinvented by Finbar', 'Calculus, reinvented by Finbar' and 'Philosophy, reinvented by Finbar, reinvented by Finbar', and leading goal kicker for Season 26 at Mt Buller despite only having played half a season, Finbar's long list of accolades are continuing to grow, much like this sentence. He joins the Qooty Files team of four ready to apply every ounce of his vast knowledge to expose the SweetFA for what it really is. Finally, he wants to let you know that he obviously didn't write this blurb himself.
Click to expand...
Brilliant!!!!
 
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