Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

All right, a lot of you are in close quarters and your families are sick of your dad humour...but you gotta get it out!! Or be at risk of social distance within your own home...

Relax. Here's a place where you can drop your chortleworthy remarks instead, and then go back to your family to act like a normal human being.

I'll start you off:

Hi, I'm starting a thread.
 
Man and wife are checking out of a hotel. The man notices the bill includes a $50 fee for use of the swimming pool. He tells the hotel clerk they didn't use the pool. The clerk replies, That's not the issue sir, it was there all the time for you to use.

OK says the guy and proceeds to pay the clerk $100 less than the bill. The clerk says, Wait a minute sir, this amount is $100 short. No it's not said the guy, I'm charging you $100 for having sex with my wife.

The clerk is shocked and says, Sir I can assure you I did not have sex with your wife.

The man replies, That's not the issue, she was there all the time.

Boom tish.
 
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.



DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-da...oogle&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
 

PowerBaz

Brownlow Medallist
Jun 13, 2014
19,678
26,653
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Had symptoms for 5 days and got tested 3 days ago
Thankfully all good

IMG_1165.jpeg
 
My best dad joke was wasted in the other thread......

There was a busker playing ABBA songs really loud in the mall the other night



You could hear the drums from nandos
 
you're only as old as the woman you feel

idk if this is a dad joke but i did the old "did you hear that actress got stabbed... reese.." "witherspoon?" "no with a knife" to my mum like 10 years ago and it still haunts her
 
True story, I once asked my Dad what "pasteurised" meant on the milk carton, and he must've been waiting for this moment since I was born.

He said "They put all the milk on a conveyor belt and a guy just stands there and looks at it as it goes past"
 
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