Dad jokes - add yours

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Just read a survey that says people in Dubai do not watch the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
 
Could be argued it’s not a dad joke but it did make me smile:
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I took a poll, 100% of the people in the tent weren’t happy.
 

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A skeleton walks into a bar and goes “ give me a pint and a mop”
 
Jan: Didn’t Jog
Feb: Didn’t Jog
Mar: Didn’t Jog
April: Didn’t Jog
May: Didn’t Jog
It’s become a bit of a running joke
 
Walked into the Apple store today just as a bloke did a runner with an imac. I saw it all - I was the only iWitness.
 
What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.
 
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."
 
A gorilla who has had a tough day getting discriminated against walks into a bar, the bar tender say “Sorry we don’t serve your kind in here”. In a fit of rage the gorilla bites a chunk out of the bar, gives the barman a death stare and says “what do you mean you won’t serve a gorilla?”. The barman replies “No, we don’t serve drug users!” The gorilla, confounded replies ”but I don’t take drugs” and the barman says “what about that bar bit you ate?”
 

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Vic Police have announced another public protest on Friday - the march is to ban fairy bread. Police are expecting hundreds and thousands.
 
Did you hear about the Actor who fell through the floor boards?
He was just going through a stage.

I really love gravity it keeps me in touch with the earth......


I was in the park wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger....
...
...
... and then it hit me.

The local dogs home was broken into last night . Police have over 100 leads ..

Thanks to ABC Perth
 
Did you hear about the man who went to hospital with six toy horses lodged in his bottom? He’s in a stable condition.
 
A bloke just attacked me throwing milk, cheese and butter at me. How dairy.
 
I just went online and ordered a chicken and an egg. I'll let you know.
 
Just heard that 26 Victorians in an old fishing boat have been intercepted off the coast of Indonesia.
 
Q: What is the difference between a gun with a bent barrel and a constipated owl?
A: One can shoot but not hit...




I went to the doctor about my hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?". I replied, "Homer's a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair".




Two redneck live on adjacent farms. One say, "Jake, when your horse had the colic, what did you do?" Jake replied, "I gave him turpentine." A few days later the farmer with the sick horse met Jake and said, "I gave my horse turpentine, and he died." Jake replied, "So did mine."




A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred metres, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.”
“Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
“I Didn't know how fast you could walk".





All of the above stolen of course.
 
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