Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[philreich]

What does Covid-19 have in common with the Spice Girls? We believe we're on the right track, but Victoria keeps ****ing it up for everyone else.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[wannabejack]

I'm reading a book called "There's a hole in my bucket."
It's by Lee King.

 

[bomberclifford]

Technically not a dad joke, but still funny enough to share.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[philreich]

Did you hear that they've increased the minimum drinking age for Collingwood supporters to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

 

[Grave Danger]

A woman was taking her late husband to the undertakers. He was wearing his best suit, a charcoal grey suit. The woman knew it was her husbands dying wish to be buried in a blue suit, something that they had never been able to afford when he was alive. So, she told the undertaker about her husband's wish, acknowledging that she couldn't afford a new suit, and she asked him if there was anything he could do. The undertaker told the widow that he would do what he could and to come back in three days.

When the widow returned three days later, she found her husband in his coffin, wearing a stunning blue suit. She was overcome with gratitude and asked the undertaker how he'd managed this. The undertaker replied, not half an hour after you left, a lady brought in her late husband, who was wearing a blue suit. She told me how he'd always wanted to buried in a grey suit, but she couldn't afford a new one, so I told her I'd see what I could do and to return in three days. After she'd left, I checked and he was about the same height and build as your husband so I swapped the heads.

 

[Portology]

They got about as much chance of winning the flag as I have of winning lotto and I don’t buy tickets.

Betty goes to church every Sunday, praying fervently, desperately to her God that she might win the lottery.

“Oh God, please, God... let me win the lottery”

After ... some months of this, one Sunday morning Betty is down on her knees at prayer yet again... “Oh God, please, God...” when suddenly she hears a distant roll of thunder and a deep voice booms out...

“Help me out here... BUY A F**KING TICKET!!”




On iPhone using recycled electrons, via BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[direct hit]

my dad tells these all the time..

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[philreich]

View attachment 918062

What's the difference between the Crows and a pyromaniac? A pyromaniac wouldn't waste his last 17 matches so easily.

 

[Duck Farmer]

not bad but went one line too long


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[Cuzz09]

not bad but went one line too long


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haha he should have said just let me finish

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[bomberclifford]

I’ll definitely be using this.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[bomberclifford]

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

He kneaded a poo.

 

[Frank Hansen II]

A friend rented a limo for $1000 as it was his daughter's year 12 social but it turns out that didn't include a driver.

Imagine paying that much money and getting nothing to chauffeur it.

 

[wannabejack]

"Dad, what's a forklift?"
"Food, usually."

 

[Cuzz09]

A friend rented a limo for $1000 as it was his daughter's year 12 social but it turns out that didn't include a driver.

Imagine paying that much money and getting nothing to chauffeur it.

can soneone explain this? is it a joke or a comment

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[EskimoPAFC]

can soneone explain this? is it a joke or a comment

On SM-G925I using BigFooty.com mobile app

chauffeur = "show for"