Dad jokes - add yours

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[D23D]

View attachment 1308293

The bottom camera the same model as the ones used to snap ghosts, ufos, yetis etc

 

[gokangas]

Deja Poo - the feeling of having heard this crap before.

 

[kool kangas]

 

[KiwiRoo]

It took my eldest daughter a few minutes to work this out and now she is still spinning out about it. LOL

Took me a while to figure it out too !

 

[kool kangas]

 

[Orange Peanut]

I told the Genie "I just want to be happy".
Now I work in a *in mine with 6 other dwarves

 

[kool kangas]

 

[Val Keating]

What’s the difference between a Rolls Royce and a dead prostitute?


I don’t have a Rolls Royce in my garage.

 

[Orange Peanut]

What’s the difference between a Rolls Royce and a dead prostitute?


I don’t have a Rolls Royce in my garage.

RIP Stan!

 

[Val Keating]

RIP Stan!

Yep I stole it off a dead man.

 

[gokangas]

I'm in a band called Dyslexia. We've just released our Greatest s**t album.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

A man looks out of his window one morning to find a gorilla in the tree outside.

He looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious looking dog.

"What are you going to do?", the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put up this ladder against the tree and climb to the top, then I'm going to shake the tree so the gorilla falls down. When the gorilla is on the ground, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze until the gorilla passes out. Then I lock him in the cage in the back of the van.", says the gorilla remover and hands the man the shotgun.

"What's the shotgun for?", asks the homeowner.

"If I fall out of the tree first, I need you to shoot the dog."

 

[krakouers]

 

[gokangas]

 

[Marstermind]

I just swallowed a whole bunch of Scrabble tiles. The next time I go to the toilet could spell trouble.

 

[gokangas]

 

[Marstermind]

BREAKING NEWS:

Will Smith has been found after being lost in the snow. Rescuers just looked for the fresh prints.

 

[gokangas]

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

Bored with being stuck at home, I just cross-bred a crocodile and a homing pigeon. \




I expect that'll come back to bite me.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

Have you heard of conjunctivitis dot com?








It's a site for sore eyes.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

 

[krakouers]

When the horse name indicates his performance

 

[Nate7]

What do you call a bigot in a wig?

Your honour!

 

[gokangas]