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[mxett]

Hey, yes I’m still here. I did try lifeline three years ago at the start of this sorry saga. They tried, but I didn’t get a lot from it. Struggle goes on I guess.

anything we can do to help? Can you explain some of your story? Even typing it out can help see it with a bit more objectivity. As others have said, feel free to message and chat. All the best

 

[mr bagcroft]

anything we can do to help? Can you explain some of your story? Even typing it out can help see it with a bit more objectivity. As others have said, feel free to message and chat. All the best

Thanks for your concern. I dont think there is anything anyone can do, all channels exhausted. For now, just existing. I appreciate your concern though, and others that have reached out.

 

[Proper Gander]

Thanks for your concern. I dont think there is anything anyone can do, all channels exhausted. For now, just existing. I appreciate your concern though, and others that have reached out.

Hang in mate. You’re valued here

 

[Citrus22]

Really struggling today, have had the roughest year of my life. Feel the need to reach out and people seem friendly here.

My ex-partner and I had a child last year, and while we were having some issues with our relationship and a few personal issues, I thought we were doing okay and just adjusting to a new phase of life. This was all during the VIC Covid lockdowns of 2021 as well so we had very limited social support.

I was asked to leave as she needed to 'take a break', and of course this turned into not being allowed to return to our home at all, so I was forced to move out (suggested everything from individual counselling, couple counselling, committing to work on specific issues etc. none of this was accepted). I had to leave my 6 month old son and start seeing him only 2-3 times a week. This was and has been absolutely crushing.

Flash forward through to now and in some ways I'm incredibly proud of myself for maintaining my job (thankfully I have one I enjoy for the most part) and my sanity and generally not turning into a complete basket case (could have easily happened). But the loss of identity at the moment I am really struggling with. I had built myself up for this next phase of life as a father, and now, living on my own and only seeing my son a couple of times week, a lot of the time I don't really know who I am or where this is all going. Its just rough.

Not sure if anyone here has a similar experience but I'm all ears for anything that comes to mind that might help. Thanks.

 

[Ando727]

Really struggling today, have had the roughest year of my life. Feel the need to reach out and people seem friendly here.

My ex-partner and I had a child last year, and while we were having some issues with our relationship and a few personal issues, I thought we were doing okay and just adjusting to a new phase of life. This was all during the VIC Covid lockdowns of 2021 as well so we had very limited social support.

I was asked to leave as she needed to 'take a break', and of course this turned into not being allowed to return to our home at all, so I was forced to move out (suggested everything from individual counselling, couple counselling, committing to work on specific issues etc. none of this was accepted). I had to leave my 6 month old son and start seeing him only 2-3 times a week. This was and has been absolutely crushing.

Flash forward through to now and in some ways I'm incredibly proud of myself for maintaining my job (thankfully I have one I enjoy for the most part) and my sanity and generally not turning into a complete basket case (could have easily happened). But the loss of identity at the moment I am really struggling with. I had built myself up for this next phase of life as a father, and now, living on my own and only seeing my son a couple of times week, a lot of the time I don't really know who I am or where this is all going. Its just rough.

Not sure if anyone here has a similar experience but I'm all ears for anything that comes to mind that might help. Thanks.

Mate, that's really tough. Sorry to hear that. You have every right to enjoy your role as a father and immerse yourself in it. It sounds to me like your ex is taking some sort of hardline stance which is unnecessary. Was the 2-3 times a week her decision? How long is the access? You might have to have a court decided custody agreement if she is going to restrict access. Get as much access as you can, legally, and make sure you aren't short-changed just because she's become adversarial. She can't be the boss just because she's the mother and told you to leave. You have rights, and you are just as important as a parent. For what it's worth, you're doing really well to keep yourself going with your job and not completely drop your bundle. This sort of thing can really shake a person's foundations. It's very hard to end a relationship, but in time you will move on from that and find somebody new. The main thing at the moment is to get everything in order with respect to the custody agreement. You shouldn't have to feel you lost your child along with your relationship. Get that sorted, and your life and prospects will steadily improve.

 

[Citrus22]

Mate, that's really tough. Sorry to hear that. You have every right to enjoy your role as a father and immerse yourself in it. It sounds to me like your ex is taking some sort of hardline stance which is unnecessary. Was the 2-3 times a week her decision? How long is the access? You might have to have a court decided custody agreement if she is going to restrict access. Get as much access as you can, legally, and make sure you aren't short-changed just because she's become adversarial. She can't be the boss just because she's the mother and told you to leave. You have rights, and you are just as important as a parent. For what it's worth, you're doing really well to keep yourself going with your job and not completely drop your bundle. This sort of thing can really shake a person's foundations. It's very hard to end a relationship, but in time you will move on from that and find somebody new. The main thing at the moment is to get everything in order with respect to the custody agreement. You shouldn't have to feel you lost your child along with your relationship. Get that sorted, and your life and prospects will steadily improve.

Thankyou for the thoughtful response, I really appreciate it.

In regards to access at the moment it's not ideal but at the same time he's still very young (only 14 months) and at my current place it's not big enough to have him overnight at all. I've basically told my ex that I'm happy with the current arrangement for this year but when my current lease expires in Jan I'll be looking for a bigger place and for things to change from there. If mediation or further is required from there so be it.

Throughout the whole thing I've tried to keep my own personal values and morals in check which has helped more than anything.

Again its more my own personal sense of feeling like your life is going one way and then being thrown in a complete different direction that plagues my thoughts currently.

 

[mxett]

Really struggling today, have had the roughest year of my life. Feel the need to reach out and people seem friendly here.

My ex-partner and I had a child last year, and while we were having some issues with our relationship and a few personal issues, I thought we were doing okay and just adjusting to a new phase of life. This was all during the VIC Covid lockdowns of 2021 as well so we had very limited social support.

I was asked to leave as she needed to 'take a break', and of course this turned into not being allowed to return to our home at all, so I was forced to move out (suggested everything from individual counselling, couple counselling, committing to work on specific issues etc. none of this was accepted). I had to leave my 6 month old son and start seeing him only 2-3 times a week. This was and has been absolutely crushing.

Flash forward through to now and in some ways I'm incredibly proud of myself for maintaining my job (thankfully I have one I enjoy for the most part) and my sanity and generally not turning into a complete basket case (could have easily happened). But the loss of identity at the moment I am really struggling with. I had built myself up for this next phase of life as a father, and now, living on my own and only seeing my son a couple of times week, a lot of the time I don't really know who I am or where this is all going. Its just rough.

Not sure if anyone here has a similar experience but I'm all ears for anything that comes to mind that might help. Thanks.

Wow, that does sound tough. You have done an amazing job getting to where you are now. I know it's cliche but keep in the front of your mind that no suffering or celebration lasts forever. When you're going through tough times there are always some better times ahead. The trick ive found is managing the best you can through the dips without adding to your own misery by getting down on yourself. It's ok to struggle or to have things not go your way. When things turn around you enjoy the ups knowing you can get through the lows and be ok.

I wish you happiness and peace. Thanks for sharing

 

[Remboy]

Thankyou for the thoughtful response, I really appreciate it.

In regards to access at the moment it's not ideal but at the same time he's still very young (only 14 months) and at my current place it's not big enough to have him overnight at all. I've basically told my ex that I'm happy with the current arrangement for this year but when my current lease expires in Jan I'll be looking for a bigger place and for things to change from there. If mediation or further is required from there so be it.

Throughout the whole thing I've tried to keep my own personal values and morals in check which has helped more than anything.

Again its more my own personal sense of feeling like your life is going one way and then being thrown in a complete different direction that plagues my thoughts currently.

The sense of not being in control of your own life must be incredibly difficult and frustrating.
From what you've shared I think you are handling it really well. As hard as it must be at the moment you should be proud of yourself.
Holding true to your values is important so that you can be proud of yourself and your son will be proud of who you are too. One day you'll share this with him and you will be closer for it.

 

[Citrus22]

The sense of not being in control of your own life must be incredibly difficult and frustrating.
From what you've shared I think you are handling it really well. As hard as it must be at the moment you should be proud of yourself.
Holding true to your values is important so that you can be proud of yourself and your son will be proud of who you are too. One day you'll share this with him and you will be closer for it.

Thanks

 

[RichmondEshays]

Hey all.
I battled severe depression and a few years. The turning point for me was me making some stark dietary changes inspired by Jordan Peterson in his depression battle. I’m my case, diet and healthy lifestyle saved my life. If anyone here is struggling dearly on their last strays of hope please dm me. Although mental illness has no clear cut cure I am willing to provide some people with dietary expertise in mental health. Life at its core is a beautiful and remarkable thing, which is obscured by the asphyxiation of depression and anxiety.

 

[King Huskii]

Hey all.
I battled severe depression and a few years. The turning point for me was me making some stark dietary changes inspired by Jordan Peterson in his depression battle. I’m my case, diet and healthy lifestyle saved my life. If anyone here is struggling dearly on their last strays of hope please dm me. Although mental illness has no clear cut cure I am willing to provide some people with dietary expertise in mental health. Life at its core is a beautiful and remarkable thing, which is obscured by the asphyxiation of depression and anxiety.

I am testament to this

I stopped over eating. I got into the habit of over eat because I was burning it off from footy til I stopped. I'm back to healthier options and I have reduced the amount of alcohol and stay away from smoking weed etc

My mind still tries convincing me I'm worthless but I feel better equipped to deal with the negative thoughts.

I also think im lucky with my life which makes me smile.

 

[Remboy]

Hey all.
I battled severe depression and a few years. The turning point for me was me making some stark dietary changes inspired by Jordan Peterson in his depression battle. I’m my case, diet and healthy lifestyle saved my life. If anyone here is struggling dearly on their last strays of hope please dm me. Although mental illness has no clear cut cure I am willing to provide some people with dietary expertise in mental health. Life at its core is a beautiful and remarkable thing, which is obscured by the asphyxiation of depression and anxiety.

When I came off anti depressants I looked into people‘s experiences of treating depression naturally. The three common themes were diet, exercise and being aware of your thoughts.
I‘m fortunate that my experience was on the more mild side. I wouldn’t say my diet is perfect but I make the effort to eat fresh food every day. I’m not a fitness fanatic but I did play cricket and since giving that up I make sure I walk and exercise every day. For me, even just going outside is helpful.
The last part about your thoughts is probably the hardest but most important. I had to teach myself not to engage with thoughts that I knew were unhealthy and unhelpful. It was incredibly hard at first, having to consciously be aware of what I was thinking, but gradually changed the way I thought and felt about things.
The thing I have learned is that life is a different experience for everyone. Do your best and keep pusing onward and upward. There is a good life out there for each us.
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread and all the best to those who are finding it hard at the moment.

 

[The_Wookie]

Threads been going nearly 7 years now and I want to thank everyone thats been a part of this thread. The discussion has been and continues to be an important one to have for every participant, and I appreciate each and every person that has contributed their stories and advice over the journey so far.

Keep it going! Someone is always here to chat if you need it.

 

[King Huskii]

Threads been going nearly 7 years now and I want to thank everyone thats been a part of this thread. The discussion has been and continues to be an important one to have for every participant, and I appreciate each and every person that has contributed their stories and advice over the journey so far.

Keep it going! Someone is always here to chat if you need it.

Ive actually needed someone to chat with lately. At night I get some thoughts into my mind which really frustrates me and I lose a lot of sleep.

It's impacting my mental health.

I'm going to be out enjoying the footy today but I definitely would like someone to listen to me at some stage soon.

 

[mxett]

Ive actually needed someone to chat with lately. At night I get some thoughts into my mind which really frustrates me and I lose a lot of sleep.

It's impacting my mental health.

I'm going to be out enjoying the footy today but I definitely would like someone to listen to me at some stage soon.

feel free to DM. Would be more than happy to chat, as Im sure many others on here would be.

 

[King Huskii]

feel free to DM. Would be more than happy to chat, as Im sure many others on here would be.

Thank you

Ive just arrived home from watching the afl at a mates house. I might message you after I put the kids to bed if it's not to late

 

[raymond35]

Really struggling today, have had the roughest year of my life. Feel the need to reach out and people seem friendly here.

My ex-partner and I had a child last year, and while we were having some issues with our relationship and a few personal issues, I thought we were doing okay and just adjusting to a new phase of life. This was all during the VIC Covid lockdowns of 2021 as well so we had very limited social support.

I was asked to leave as she needed to 'take a break', and of course this turned into not being allowed to return to our home at all, so I was forced to move out (suggested everything from individual counselling, couple counselling, committing to work on specific issues etc. none of this was accepted). I had to leave my 6 month old son and start seeing him only 2-3 times a week. This was and has been absolutely crushing.

Flash forward through to now and in some ways I'm incredibly proud of myself for maintaining my job (thankfully I have one I enjoy for the most part) and my sanity and generally not turning into a complete basket case (could have easily happened). But the loss of identity at the moment I am really struggling with. I had built myself up for this next phase of life as a father, and now, living on my own and only seeing my son a couple of times week, a lot of the time I don't really know who I am or where this is all going. Its just rough.

Not sure if anyone here has a similar experience but I'm all ears for anything that comes to mind that might help. Thanks.

Citrus, I went through a virtually identical experience to you 18 years ago.
Sounds like you have done really well coping with the most difficult period. A doctor told me it would take 5 years to recover from, which shocked me, but it was a pretty accurate prediction.
Just keep doing everything you can for the boy and you'll stay on the right track.

 

[raymond35]

Hey everyone, hope you're going OK.
I know it's a long shot, but has anyone taken pills with Ashwaganda in them for anxiety?
I am currently experiencing severe anxiety over an issue that may drag on for months, and have started on these pills from the
chemist.
Some websites say they start helping after a few days, others say it takes over a month.
Thanks.

 

[Ando727]

Hey everyone, hope you're going OK.
I know it's a long shot, but has anyone taken pills with Ashwaganda in them for anxiety?
I am currently experiencing severe anxiety over an issue that may drag on for months, and have started on these pills from the
chemist.
Some websites say they start helping after a few days, others say it takes over a month.
Thanks.

Never tried Ashwaganda, but I did quite well with a combination of St John's Wort and Valerian years ago. But everybody is different on these things.

 

[raymond35]

Never tried Ashwaganda, but I did quite well with a combination of St John's Wort and Valerian years ago. But everybody is different on these things.

Thanks Ando. It's hard to know until you try them, but it's good to know the herbal/hippy ones can help.

 

[Mufc1975]

hi guys, can i ask if any of you have had to watch a parent go thru dementia. I've been watching my father decline with dementia in his aged care centre for the last couple of years. Today was the first time he didn't even know who I was, he was aggresive with the staff that work there and saying ridiculous things.

I thought i had prepared myself for this day but i am starting to struggle with it and also starting to worry if it's hereditary. I do have someone to lean on and she has probably saved me from a heart attack or at least a complete breakdown and i don't want it to get to the stage where it drives us apart with my mood swings.

even just posting this has made me feel better, thanks for letting me unload

 

[raymond35]

hi guys, can i ask if any of you have had to watch a parent go thru dementia. I've been watching my father decline with dementia in his aged care centre for the last couple of years. Today was the first time he didn't even know who I was, he was aggresive with the staff that work there and saying ridiculous things.

I thought i had prepared myself for this day but i am starting to struggle with it and also starting to worry if it's hereditary. I do have someone to lean on and she has probably saved me from a heart attack or at least a complete breakdown and i don't want it to get to the stage where it drives us apart with my mood swings.

even just posting this has made me feel better, thanks for letting me unload

Very personal experience and hard to give advice on Mufc.
Hopefully he'll have better days where you can talk and you'll both feel better. I remember my last meaningful conversations with my father and grandmother ( both about footy strangely enough), they were both near the end, but it was great to hear them making sense and got their minds ticking over again.
All the best.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

hi guys, can i ask if any of you have had to watch a parent go thru dementia. I've been watching my father decline with dementia in his aged care centre for the last couple of years. Today was the first time he didn't even know who I was, he was aggresive with the staff that work there and saying ridiculous things.

I thought i had prepared myself for this day but i am starting to struggle with it and also starting to worry if it's hereditary. I do have someone to lean on and she has probably saved me from a heart attack or at least a complete breakdown and i don't want it to get to the stage where it drives us apart with my mood swings.

even just posting this has made me feel better, thanks for letting me unload

Both of my partner’s parents - MIL developed dementia at around 80 years old. FIL (partner’s stepfather) tried to look after her himself, but eventually she had to go into care due to increasingly bizarre behaviour. She lived two years in care before her death. One good thing was she always knew us and her husband whenever we visited.

FIL was different, his Alzheimers affected his behaviour - odd obsessions plus not eating ** - but he was always very cheerful and articulate and most people wouldn’t have known there was anything wrong. But there came a time when residential care had to happen. He was very unhappy about it, thought he could cope at home (he couldn’t), so the blessedly short time there before his death (11 months, a month short of his 90th birthday) was particularly stressful.
** there was a LOT more

you are fortunate that your dad is already in care. When you are with him it’s important to stay calm, don’t argue with him or pressure him to remember people or events. Just accept what he says, he is no longer himself . He will probably have brief flashes of realisation of what’s happening to him, which would be terrifying. In spite of their behaviour they are actually very frightened so they need reassurance, not rejection. Speak lovingly and show him photos that may bring happy memories.

There is a lot of information online, read up about it. I don’t know about heredity, it’s possible I suppose. None of us knows what lies ahead for us in old age. All we can do is keep healthy, active and socially engaged and make the most of our lives while we can. Also there are advances being made all the time in research into these diseases.

Try not to dwell on the future, be kind to yourself. Talk to your GP, that would be the most important thing to do right now.

Take care.

 

[Citrus22]

Citrus, I went through a virtually identical experience to you 18 years ago.
Sounds like you have done really well coping with the most difficult period. A doctor told me it would take 5 years to recover from, which shocked me, but it was a pretty accurate prediction.
Just keep doing everything you can for the boy and you'll stay on the right track.

Thanks Raymond, I really appreciate that.

 

[Shinboner1]

Really not doing that well.
Life feels really up and down atm.