What sort of rules and regulations would you have for your employees?
Business & Finance If you were an Employer...
- Thread starter BotsMaster
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Wojcinski
Brownlow Medallist
1. No pay, you work for free
2. I am in full control of you at all times
3. You must wear chains
2. I am in full control of you at all times
3. You must wear chains
This is boring
GreyCrow
TheBrownDog
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Sack all people who complained about boredom, you are obviously slacking off
PoppedCorn
Saints
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First safety breach.....First and final written warning
Second.....bye bye
Second.....bye bye
Don't piss me off
Reynolds Number
Cancelled
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We will get to see all the w***ers on here as this thread goes on.
turning up would be a good start.
- May 5, 2006
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Depending on the size/type of the business I'd try and gauge what the business needs and what the employees (prospective or existing) want.
Say you have a cafe with half a dozen staff chances are you are going to be busy 7am-9am and then 11am-1pm and quiet at other times. The best thing for the business is to have a few staff on during peak times then minimal staff during others, but you can't force people to work 3 hours at a time twice a day 7 days a week. I'd want to know who wants to work weekends, who doesn't, who wants to work early vs late, whether people would rather open up early then go home at lunch time or open and close and have free time during the day or whatever.
For a business that isn't customer facing (and isn't that a horrible phrase) I wouldn't be a clock watcher and allow people flexibility to work from home, juggle their hours around tasks etc.
Have heard of heaps of small business owners who just have no idea about their employees. Not even jerks who are trying to screw them over with low wages and s**t hours, just off in their own world. How hard is it to talk to people?
Say you have a cafe with half a dozen staff chances are you are going to be busy 7am-9am and then 11am-1pm and quiet at other times. The best thing for the business is to have a few staff on during peak times then minimal staff during others, but you can't force people to work 3 hours at a time twice a day 7 days a week. I'd want to know who wants to work weekends, who doesn't, who wants to work early vs late, whether people would rather open up early then go home at lunch time or open and close and have free time during the day or whatever.
For a business that isn't customer facing (and isn't that a horrible phrase) I wouldn't be a clock watcher and allow people flexibility to work from home, juggle their hours around tasks etc.
Have heard of heaps of small business owners who just have no idea about their employees. Not even jerks who are trying to screw them over with low wages and s**t hours, just off in their own world. How hard is it to talk to people?
Plugger35
The umpires are always right!
- Sep 27, 2008
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I'd make ugly employees wear bags over their heads, they would be allowed to have eye holes and a mouth hole though as I'm not a complete a-hole.
Power Raid
We Exist To Win Premierships
Sack anyone who turns up to work sick. There are sick days......use them and don't put the whole team at risk
Mental health policy - if you feel your day is better off running around the river enjoying the sun than coming to work..........then send a text that you're not coming in and keep your phone handy.
Mental health policy - if you feel your day is better off running around the river enjoying the sun than coming to work..........then send a text that you're not coming in and keep your phone handy.
Mouth hole still risky, what if they also have bad breath?
Plugger35
The umpires are always right!
- Sep 27, 2008
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- Chelsea, Black Caps, Subiaco
I'd fire them.
- Apr 2, 2013
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Can you do the job?
From there a non compete clause and..........
Depending on your seniority a share of profits.
From there just do your job. Choose your hours (within reason) you have all the resources you need but just get it done.
Need time off. Take it.
But be committed and loyal and we can all share in the spoils.
From there a non compete clause and..........
Depending on your seniority a share of profits.
From there just do your job. Choose your hours (within reason) you have all the resources you need but just get it done.
Need time off. Take it.
But be committed and loyal and we can all share in the spoils.
- Thread starter
- #15
I'd deduct pay for each bathroom break.
The first paragraph, if only that were a thing...I absolutely loathe it when people come in sick and * it up for everyone else
Well, as it would be a topless drive thru toasted sandwich and coffee shop, I would insist on hiring both men and women.
Bless you my son.
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Lol.
If I had a business I would only hire beautiful people in customer facing roles. This is especially important if it was a food business, because I wouldn't want the customers losing their appetites from looking at the staff.
GreyCrow
TheBrownDog
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what the hell are you employing them in the 1st place
GreyCrow
TheBrownDog
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Smokers need not apply
Plugger35
The umpires are always right!
- Sep 27, 2008
- 136,088
- 156,629
- AFL Club
- St Kilda
- Other Teams
- Chelsea, Black Caps, Subiaco
To humiliate them.
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If you can't assemble a Nike runner from sole to shoelace in under 43 seconds than GTFO back to the shitty little village I purchased you from.
Good luck explaining your incompetent work ethic to your 25 brothers and sisters you slack-arse little fuzzy wuzzy!
Good luck explaining your incompetent work ethic to your 25 brothers and sisters you slack-arse little fuzzy wuzzy!
- Jun 11, 2015
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Also I would have a smoking hot secretary around early-mid 30's, a red head or brunette, she would wear glasses, and wear tight professional (buttons done all the way up) business attire which would accentuate her perfect body. She would have a sultry, ever so slightly flirtatious voice when addressing me, but when talking to others she would be professional but blunt, just to let them know they have no chance in hell of getting any. This, understandably, drives all the other employees crazy.
Over the years her and I would get into our share of risque situations, due to the sexual tension that has been brewing for a long time. Once such incident would be one year at the office Christmas party where we find ourselves alone in a room after a few too many beverages, one thing leads to another and she's got her hands all over my bulge. But alas I must stop her, I am a good family man. The end.
Over the years her and I would get into our share of risque situations, due to the sexual tension that has been brewing for a long time. Once such incident would be one year at the office Christmas party where we find ourselves alone in a room after a few too many beverages, one thing leads to another and she's got her hands all over my bulge. But alas I must stop her, I am a good family man. The end.
