Media Qox Sports Insider

[Noobz0r]

Hello and welcome to Qox Sports Insider, where we will be bringing you all of the back office stories and tribulations that Qooty Clubs and League Administrators are trying desperately to keep behind closed doors. Think of it as #scandal, but with substance and journalistic integrity.

Our insiders, those who are secreted away in positions within each of the SFA clubs and the committee room, have been building up a cache of information that is going to be released in this thread. I can absolutely guarantee you that this information is accurate, and oftentimes volatile.

 

[Noobz0r]

DapperDon at Center of Alleged Ball-Tampering Row

DapperDon, the Las Vegas Bears rookie, was spoken to by SFA Admin and Key Stakeholders in the competition when cameras captured him producing a foreign object from his sock when handling the qooty against the Gold City Royals two weeks ago.

A small, stick-like object was seen in DapperDon’s hand as he collected the qootball following a goal. He was also captured inserting the object into the qootball’s air valve. The footage showed DapperDon seeming to deflate the qootball, in an attempt to halt the fast finishing Royals.


Pictured: The Blacky goal that preceded the incident

He appeared to drop the object behind one of the goalposts after being spoken to by the club runner, at the apparent urging of Bears captain JoshWoodenSpoon. When he was spoken to by the field umpires and made to take off his boots and socks, the object was unsighted and the game therefore allowed to continue unabated.

Commentators on the host broadcaster said DapperDon’s actions looked very suspicious. “It is very suspicious, there is no doubt about that” special comments man and qootball purist beez said. “If you’re caught doing the wrong thing, then you’ve got to pay the penalty.”

Gold City Royals captain Thatsapaddlin said he was surprised that the field umpires had not changed the ball. “In my opinion I think he’s tampered with the ball and used an object to do that,” paddles said. “It does look like he deflated it. The footage doesn’t look good. I’m quite amazed the umpires haven’t done anything with the ball. The footage is quite damning.”

“If it is proved that what has gone on in the footage is correct then some tough questions have to be asked of DapperDon and JoshWoodenSpoon. I think there is a lot of questions that need to be answered and the Bears need to answer them. For me it’s quite obvious that he’s doing something with the ball and the administrator needs to do something about it.”

Champion player and former administrator The Filth Wizard, meanwhile, has said it is unlikely that DapperDon acted alone without the knowledge of JoshWoodenSpoon and Doctor Gero. “You’ve got to own up and say what it was that you hid,” TFW said. “You can’t have that in the game. We’ve got to get to the bottom of it. The Bears have to be honest and say ‘this is how it happened’. “And it’s not fair to nail DapperDon on it either. I don’t think he would have made that decision by himself. We’ve got to get to the bottom of it. You know when you get caught you’ve got to own up and be honest. The Bears have to be honest and say this is how it happened.”

A Press Conference with DapperDon and JoshWoodenSpoon is scheduled for 2pm AEDST.

 

[The Filth Wizard]

And you know I’m disturbed by this scandal as I’m usually much more concise than that.

 

[haydo]

Boring media

 

[Noobz0r]

Boring media

Can't please everyone

 

[miggs]

KohPhi please don’t tell anyone I’m at east side to take the BC down from the inside

 

[haydo]

Can't please everyone

Have you ever pleased anyone?

 

[Noobz0r]

Have you ever pleased anyone?

Multiple top 5 MVP finishes says yes.

 

[miggs]

Have you ever pleased anyone?

Initially they are. With puppies and lollies and new Pokémon toys. Then the pleasure turns to pain pretty quickly.

So technically you could say Yes

 

[Noobz0r]

As an aside haydo, the Bears are caught cheating and you have a cheap dig at me? Shocking.

 

[Tony Lynn 15]

KohPhi please don’t tell anyone I’m at east side to take the BC down from the inside

Mate as long as we still get to have hot man sex in the car park at Golf Box I could not give a * who you play for!

 

[haydo]

As an aside haydo, the Bears are caught cheating and you have a cheap dig at me? Shocking.

Pretty sure there's a lot more cheating going on in the SFA that is a bigger story than the Bears

 

[Noobz0r]

Pretty sure there's a lot more cheating going on in the SFA that is a bigger story than the Bears

Would you like to write an article for Qox Sports Insider?

 

[Tony Lynn 15]

Pretty sure there's a lot more cheating going on in the SFA that is a bigger story than the Bears

I know right, the Bombers cheated their way to back to back premierships! Where is the justice???? KohPhi should be held to account!

 

[miggs]

Mate as long as we still get to have hot man sex in the car park at Golf Box I could not give a **** who you play for!

Golf box hates me.

The chat know all about it

 

[Tony Lynn 15]

Golf box hates me.

The chat know all about it

It still holds some very special and intimate memories for me.

 

[Noobz0r]

Golf box hates me.

The chat know all about it

You're too busy stuffing your face at the Red Rooster opposite the Midland Golf Box these days

 

[DapperDon]

Dapperdon Statement

Dapperdon undeniably refutes any ball tampering allegations at any stage during his latest qootyball match. He says during the footage shown around the qooty world he was simply injecting himself to give him a boost for the last few hectic minutes. At no stage did his needle come into contact with the ball. He'd like to thank his sponsors Pro Bike Tools and close friend Tom Brady for their support during these last few stressful hours. He says he is in a good place and ready for this upcoming match.

End Statement

 

[Tony Lynn 15]

You're too busy stuffing your face at the Red Rooster opposite the Midland Golf Box these days

It was KFC all the way when he was with me....clearly his standards have slipped.

 

[KohPhi]

I know right, the Bombers cheated their way to back to back premierships! Where is the justice???? KohPhi should be held to account!

What cheating??

 

[Tony Lynn 15]

What cheating??

View attachment 475904

You should be sanctioned!

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Boring media

You've got two weeks of Sliding Doors to catch up on.

 

[Noobz0r]

DapperDon, JoshWoodenSpoon Admit to Ball Tampering

Las Vegas Bears rookie DapperDon has admitted to trying to change the condition of the ball using a foreign object in the final quarter of the Round 6 clash against the Gold City Royals.

“We had a discussion at three quarter-time” DapperDon said at this afternoons press conference. “I saw an opportunity to let some air out of the qooty and deflate it, it didn’t work and the umpires didn’t change the ball. I was sighted on the screen and hid the object behind a goal post.”


DapperDon and JoshWoodenSpoon front the media

A contrite JoshWoodenSpoon fronted the media at a press conference this afternoon. “ Doctor Gero and I knew about it. We spoke about it at three quarter-time,” he said. “I am not proud of what’s happened. It’s not within the spirit of the game. My integrity, the team’s integrity and Gero’s integrity has come into question. It won’t happen again.

“It was myself and Gero’s idea. Poor choice and we deeply regret our actions. The coaches weren’t involved. It was purely Gero and I who came up with this. This is the first time that it has happened under my leadership. We saw this game as such an important game. It’s such poor actions. Deeply regrettable and it won’t happen again. I can promise you. I can promise you this is the first time it has happened.

“I am embarrassed. I know the boys in the shed are embarrassed as well. Being the leader, I am incredibly sorry. If we weren’t caught, I would still regret it.

“I won’t consider stepping down [from captaincy]. I still think I am the right person for the job. Today was a big mistake on my part and Gero’s as well. I have to take control of the ship. This is something I am not proud of. It’s something that I hope I can learn from and come back from. I am embarrassed. It is a big error in judgement.”

 

[Noobz0r]

You've got two weeks of Sliding Doors to catch up on.

He certainly won't spend it fact checking.

 

[JoshWoodenSpoon]

Sorry I'm late, we were having a huge and entirely unrelated fire at Bears HQ.

Look, frankly I'm astounded at these allegations. I've been very rigorous on this and I think my history in charge speaks for itself, but I'll re-iterate.
No one on the Bears could possibly exhibit the adequate coordination to pull this off. Not even close. Let's look deeper.
The Bears are second in the comp for handballs in S25. SECOND. We're two off top place. To where have those handballs gone?!?! * knows! Clearly not to any recognised channel or metric of success that's for sure. Tackles? Dead last. The only time I've seen our players get their hands around a jumper is when those that don't sleep in them put them on for the game, or when Gero And ArgusTuft skip training to canoodle. If anyone on our list had the wherewithal or adept machinations to pull off a scheme like this you wouldn't see 'em behind no bloody point post, catch them fiddling with some Qangaroo Brand nipple- they'd be in the guts steamrolling to a landslide BnF!! Look I subscribe to a lot of what this outlet stands for, but this is phenomenally off the mark, and has to leave you questioning the research sensibilities and integrity of everyone involved. That you've just found some cobb who happens to look like Josh Wooden and stuck 'em in front of a mic only adds to that. I await your swift redaction.