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Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I've been working on a novel lately, and i thought i'd give you a look at the first page and see what you think. The main character is similar to myself in many ways, and i have drawn on some of my own life experiences. I haven't thought of a title for the book yet...

Hi Cats fans, Menschy here. I was watching the video "My Own Private Idaho" last night, when i fell asleep and had a strange dream. It started with Anna Kournikova hand feeding me grapes, whilst Jennifer Love Hewitt tickled the bottoms of my feet with a small rodent named Chippy. There was a...

Sir Archibald wonders how turtles have sex as well?

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. It was a great win by the boys over the Demons on Saturday. I was sitting in the stands with Gary Ablett Snr, but unfortunately he missed most of the 3rd quarter excitement. He excused himself to go to the snack bar, mumbling something about a 'bad case of the...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Sadly, i have not been included in the senior line up yet again. Given my age and the match committee's reluctance to pick me, it is a clear sign that i should retire in 4-5 years time. So once again i have put my artistic genius to good use and written another...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Shockwaves last night as Lance Picioane's Brownlow hopes were shattered by the tribunal. Good news for me though, found innocent on a striking charge. I was lucky because if i was charged with being striking i would have pleaded guilty on all counts your honor...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Alas, i find myself in the seconds again this week. I found some solace today however, when i sat under a tree with pen and paper in hand, and poured out all my anguish through poetry. I think you'll find this poignant little piece will touch your hearts. This...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Another emotional ANZAC Day has passed us by. It is an important day for my family because my grandfather, who was a tough old bugger, single handedly killed 2 Germans. Unfortunately he did that in a bar fight in Fitzroy and hence served 15 years of hard time. I...

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I'm a bit upset at the moment because I just heard about this Kids 4 Life charity that collects money to spend on fun activities for terminally ill children. I'm fuming about this because when i was 10 years old i started the Kids 4 Skin charity. It didn't really...

I think Osama took out the wrong building.

Hey IIII Life, are you any relation to IIII Skin?

If this betting system is anything like the handful of 'magical' beans i bought last week then i don't want a bar of it!

Go back to sleep.

I believe Sheedy was basing his comment on Teasdale's brown velvet suit on Brownlow night. I agree with him that bad fashion sense should exclude you from the award. I have my leather pants and silk shirt all ready for when i win the medal.

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I've been a little bewildered over my omission from the senior side last week, and i decided to express my emotions through music. Here is a song i wrote to the tune of the classic 80s hit What About Me? by Moving Pictures: What About Mensch? Well there's a...

Bring back the Blakeny twins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was once charged with being striking. I was found guilty on all charges and sentenced to a legion of female admirers, with no possibility of parole.

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. It looks like Essendon may well lose Dean Rioli for good. He went up to the Northern Territory for the opening of a new Burger King and he hasn't been seen since. Word around the club is that they didn't know the hypnosis therapy that Rioli received to get him...

HEY!!!!:mad:

Come on, take a look at my photo below and try and tell me you're not more than a little turned on!

He was with him in spirit.

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Like the topic suggests, i am not happy with the way we are currently living our lives in this day and age. As a kid i looked forward to the year 2000 and onwards as an era in which the awkward, mundane tasks of everyday life would be eliminated by wonderful...

The voting is currently 16 to 7 in my favor. Looks like Jennifer Anniston settled for 2nd best eh? It must have broke her heart when i didn't return her calls, poor thing.

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. Okay, let's settle this once and for all. Who is better looking out of Brad Pitt* and myself? Vote now! *Those who choose Brad Pitt are not permitted to vote

I am a very good looking man. I understand that when my photo was shown last night the ratings soared through the roof.

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. You all know I hate to talk about myself, but I want to tell you about another weird dream I had last night. It started off in the gym at Kardinia Park. I had just put my Vanilla Ice cd into the sound system and was about to get on the benchpress to set yet another...

Ahh, June 2001, back when i was young and carefree... Hi cat fans, Menschy here. Just wanted to let you all know that we have bounced back from our loss to the Bulldogs, and are looking to regain 2nd spot on the ladder again! My own game wasn't up to the usual lofty standards, but you have...

Want to play but no get picked! I say to Bomber, must play, must practice otherwise is no good. But he say i go crazy, he say i should see doctor.

Hi Cat fans, Menschy here. I have new housekeeper. Her name is Marika. She say to me, she no like the football. Also say she no like to pick up my dirty socks from floor; is very smelly she say. I tell to her, I am big star, I am celebrity i say, but she still complain. I say to her, when i...

I just want to make it clear to you all that i have never seen any AFL players take any mind altering drugs, and neither has Mr Pickles, the miniature purple monkey that lives in my ear.